Hey guys! It's been a while, and I know I said I'd see you at the end of June, but it's only the first of July so I figured that that was close enough. I hope you've all had a great couple of months! Like I said, it's been a while, so I'm a little rusty, so don't be too hard on me if this chapter isn't up to scratch, it will probably take me a while to get back into the swing of things. That being said, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's kind of dialoguey so I hope you don't mind. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Night World belongs to L.J Smith.
I broke every speed limit trying to get to Mary-Lynette as soon as possible. The nearer I got to her, the more I began to realise just how much of a mistake I'd made. It hadn't been that long since Mare's attack, she might not have fully recovered. Mark had said she hadn't been feeling well, but I had no idea just how unwell. I hoped that if things had been too bad I would have noticed something was off. Still, I couldn't be sure.
"What are you gonna do when we get there?" Quinn asked at last. We'd sat in silence the entire journey, trapped in our own individual bubbles of thought. I shrugged, unable to conjure a proper answer. I hadn't spent too much time thinking about what would come next past the point of pulling Mary-Lynette into the tightest hug I could imagine.
"Come on, Ash. You need have some sort of plan of action. Obviously the safe house is no longer an option, Jez and the others will be long gone by now. Are you going to find another place to send her, are you going to bring her back to the mansion, are you going to set up some kind of security system?"
"I don't know," I snapped, my hands clenching the steering wheel in frustration. "Well you need to," Quinn replied, leaning back into his seat.
"No, what I need to do is find my soul mate and make sure she's okay. And then I need to get down on my knees and beg for her forgiveness, which I most definitely do not deserve after everything I've put her through. I just hope to the goddess that she's a better person than I am."
"Don't worry, we all know that she's a much better person that you are already. You don't need the goddess for that."
"Gee, thanks for your support," I snorted, glancing over at my companion. He only grinned, mischief glittering in his dark eyes.
"Oh, and by the way," he started, turning to face me fully. "You're seriously going to start losing some street cred if you keep saying stuff like that."
"Like what?"
"Like, and I quote you directly on this, 'I need to get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness.' It's not cool," Quinn finished, shaking his head in mock disappointment.
I raised an eyebrow at him, pushing back the smile that was threatening to adorn my face. "Oh, I'll start to try harder. It's not as if I have anything bigger to worry about."
"Hey," he replied, holding his hands up in the air, palms facing me. "That's all I'm asking." I nodded and rolled my eyes, turning my gaze back on the road.
I'd typed the address Quinn had given me into the GPS, and according to the little machine, we were nearly there.
"Turn left in 10 yards," the automated voice spoke. From the corner of my eye I saw Quinn shift uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes settling into a glaring frown.
"What's gotten so many ants in your pants?" I asked, my eyes flicking briefly to his stiff posture before turning back to the road ahead. "Nothing", he replied shortly, although he didn't relax an inch. I only rolled my eyes at his lie, unwilling to fight him on it.
"Turn left in 2 yards", the GPS spoke again, followed by a grunt from Quinn. "Doesn't that thing give you the creeps?" He asked gruffly.
I raised both of my brows in disbelief, holding back laughter. "Really?" I asked, unable to keep the mocking out of my tone. "The big bad John Quinn, scared of a GPS?"
"Hey! I'm not scared of the damn thing. It's just the voice is unnerving."
"Oh my Goddess!" I felt my face split into a huge grin, so big that it could challenge that of the Cheshire cat. I was already picturing the years I could spend taunting Quinn with this precious nugget of information, and whether it would be best to tell the world or to keep it to myself. One thing was for sure; he would never live this down. Ever.
"Stop grinning like that," Quinn snapped, his voice growing more irritable, only making the situation all the more satisfying.
"I can't believe that you were worried about me losing my street cred, when all along you've been cowering in fear over a robot voice. Wow, the hypocrisy is stifling," I continued, shaking head so that my hair tickled my forehead.
I could almost feel the daggers that Quinn was shooting me, piercing every inch of me. "First of all, over exaggeration much? And second, you have to admit that that empty, hollow, soulless, tin voice is completely unnatural. Who in hell thought that it would be a good idea to use it in a product meant for mass production?"
"Well word on the street is that Satan has recently gained interest in the navigation services industry."
"Shut up," Quinn grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest like a moody child. "Oh I would, but this is golden," I replied. "Anyway, how is all of this coming from the King of Soulless himself? Isn't your own kind supposed to call to you or something?"
"Are you suggesting that I'm a robot?" Quinn asked, giving me a sideways glance that screamed distaste. I shrugged by shoulders in response. "I don't know, man. I can't ever remember seeing you swim or go near water. Maybe you're afraid of damaging your circuit."
There was a long pause whilst Quinn just stared at me as if maybe I'd finally lost the plot and gone insane. After a long moment of silence had passed he spoke up with a questioning tone. "When have you ever seen anyone at circle Daybreak, or anyone in the Night World for that matter, swim?"
I rubbed my chin, pretending to be deep in thought. "It must be a conspiracy!" I said at last, my voice bright with faked discovery.
I was shot a disapproving glare that seemed to say: "grow up", causing me to snort another laugh. It had been too long since I'd wound Quinn up like this. I'd missed it, but clearly he hadn't. "You are a child, Ash," He muttered so low that if I didn't have vampiric hearing, I never would have picked it up.
"Everyone's a child next to you, old man," I returned, turning my attention back to the GPS, but not before muting it.
The red dot that marked our final destination popped up on the screen and we both immediately fell into a serious state.
A mixture of excitement and dread stirred in my stomach, making me vaguely nauseous and a little lightheaded. All I wanted was to see Mare, to see that she was okay and in good health. But I also knew that even though I'd been lucky enough to escape the wrath of my sisters, I wouldn't be able to avoid Mary-Lynette's anger. I could only imagine what her emotions towards me would be. I still stood by my decision that sending her away was what was best for her at that particular moment, and if the option to send her to the safe house was still on the table I may have even considered sending her away again. But that offer had rolled away the second Mare had separated from Jez and the others.
The only thing I could hope for was that Mary-Lynette would take it easy on me seeing as I was her soul mate.
My breath caught as the car ground to a halt in a run down parking garage. Fluorescent lights flickered as Quinn and I stepped out of the car, a thick layer of grime letting them provide nothing more that a muddy glow.
"This place is a dump," I muttered, falling into step with Quinn as he noiselessly navigated his way through the parked cars.
I could feel unseen eyes pressing into me, causing the back of my neck to tingle with the knowledge that we were being watched. The constant whir of cameras filled my ears, pounding on my eardrums and making my skin crawl.
Eventually we came to a rusty metal door that looked as if it would be more at home in a dungeon than a parking garage. We both stood there for a second, unsure of how to proceed. I was considering opting for a simple knock when a speaker burst into life right beside me.
"Hey, diddle-diddle," the voice through the speaker said. Even though the voice was warped and full of static, I would recognise it anywhere. "Rashel, I know that's you. Open the goddamn door!" I yelled, resisting the urge to kick the metal door in frustration. My response was only met with silence.
I was roughly pushed aside by Quinn as he shot me a glare with a huff. I held my hands up in surrender, taking another small step back. "The cat did a piddle," he growled into the speaker, again cutting me a sideways glare. I couldn't even tell what I'd done to piss him off this time.
"Chill, man," I said with a smirk, bumping my shoulder into his.
A series of clangs and bashes sounded from the other side of the door, and I could picture the multitude of bolts and locks that would need to be opened before we could gain entrance. Circle Daybreak weren't exactly known for their lack of security measures. At least I knew that Mare would have been safe for the night. That knowledge filled me relief.
"Well look what the cat dragged in," Rashel drawled as she cracked the door open just enough for her emerald eyes to pierce me like daggers. If I hadn't been at the receiving end of that look before I may have flinched, but instead the corners of my mouth lifted into a crooked grin. "Hey, I thought you were the only cat around here," I quipped.
"Don't smart mouth me, Redfern. I don't have the energy." I only lifted an eyebrow at her remark, unable to imagine a scenario where Rashel didn't have any energy. After all, she wasn't the most feared vampire hunter known to man for being lazy.
I slipped through the gap of the doorway without another word, coming to a stop in a dingy hallway. It wasn't as bad as some of the Night World clubs I'd been too, but it was still pretty mank, even by my standards.
The door clanged shut behind me and I paused in my observations to turn and face my companions. "So, it's a nice place you've got here, but personally_", I dropped off mid sentence as I realised that my words were falling on deaf ears.
Quinn and Rashel were wrapped in what looked like a suffocating tight hug, his face buried in her midnight hair. My heart melted slightly at the sight, whilst at the same time tightening in chest so that it was difficult to breath. As much as I wanted to believe it, I didn't think I'd be getting such a warm welcome from Mare.
I averted my gaze elsewhere in an attempt to give them some privacy in their reunion, but it was difficult in such a small space. After a couple of moments, Rashel landed a quick kiss on Quinn's lips before swivelling on her heel, pushing past me and saying, "Follow me."
The look in Quinn's eyes told me that he longed for more than just that one chaste kiss as he gazed after his soul mate. I nudged him forward a notch, spurring him into motion. "Think of your street cred," I whispered in his ear, as I gave him another nudge forward.
We followed Rashel down the length of the corridor until we came to yet another door that required password entrance. With every step I could physically feel myself getting closer to Mary-Lynette, the silvery chord between us getting stronger, the pull becoming harder to ignore. I wondered if she could feel it too, or whether it was just me in my anticipation to see the love of my life.
Rashel tapped out a rhythm of knocks on the door before speaking a password that I couldn't process over the sound of my beating heart. My feet began to itch, trying to steer me in the direction of my soul mate. It had been less than a day since I'd seen her, since I'd looked into her endlessly blue eyes, and felt her soft lips against my own, but so much had changed since then.
The time that had passed since I'd closed the door to the van that had shipped her off felt longer than those original six months of being apart, if that was even possible. Back then I'd known exactly where I stood with her, now I had no clue.
The door opened to reveal two girls that I didn't know, and I was vaguely aware of Rashel introducing them as Daphne and Nyala, which in turn made an image of Scooby Doo appear in the back of my mind. Quinn was all smiles making me think he'd met the two before, and spoke freely with them in a way he didn't do with many. Even at the mansion surrounded by Daybreakers, he always kept an air of wariness around people; myself and Rashel excluded of course.
"Where is she?" I asked. It came out as a whisper as if I was in the presence of a sleeping dragon that I did not want to awaken.
I felt a hand at my shoulder, half comforting and half holding me back. "Maybe you should give her some time, Ash," Rashel said, her voice soft and yet firm at the same time. I gave her a stricken look; unable to comprehend how she could think that I could stay away from Mare a moment longer, knowing she was so close.
Seeing my look, her eyes turned pitiful like she knew the torture I was going through. "Look, she's been through a lot. She was absolutely exhausted when we got here, and even if she's not still sleeping, she probably won't be up for arguing."
"I won't argue with her, I just" I started, but Rashel cut me off. "You may not intend to, but what happened last night was pretty big. You can't expect to just walk in there, all things forgotten."
My heart sank at her words, a heavy weight pulling it right down to the bottom of my stomach where it sat like lead. I'd never thought that things would be sunshine and rainbows straight away, but having Rashel spell things out to me wasn't easy to hear. I just nodded my head, feeling more than a little defeated and more than a little sorry for myself.
"Can you… can you just tell her I'm here?"
Rashel gave me a small, sympathetic smile and nodded her head. "Sure thing," she said, turning and walking down a corridor that I assumed led to Mary-Lynette. For a second I wanted to follow her, regardless of what she'd just told me, but I knew that that would do more harm than good. I wasn't sure where exactly I stood with Rashel either. She'd been pretty mad at me when she'd left, so I could only imagine that I was still walking on very thin ice with her.
I went to the sofa, sitting next to Quinn who was still chatting with the two girls. I didn't have the interest to join in the conversation, so I sat quietly, taking in my surroundings.
From the looks of it, these girls had been watching every move anyone had ever made, judging from the wall of screens that showed a plethora of different locations. Somehow I wasn't surprised that Thierry had set up a place like this to spy on everyone, it was the perfect way to keep an eye on our alliances and enemies both. I also understood why he didn't want word of this place getting out. Not only would it put everyone on edge, knowing that we were always being watched, but if knowledge of this apartment fell into the hands of the Night World they may hunt it down and use it against us. The thought made my skin crawl. It was bad enough being spied on by my own side in this war. I didn't want my enemy to see what I ate for breakfast every morning.
"How long have you guys been stuck in here for?" I found myself asking, unable to help my curiosity. Both girls looked surprised at my sudden decision to join in on the conversation, but they recovered quickly.
"Not long, only a few months," the blonde, Daphne, replied. "Feels like forever," Nyala mumbled after her, slouching in her seat. I didn't blame her for the resentment in her voice; I don't think could've stayed here for that long.
"Do you ever get to leave?" I asked.
"Once a week one of us gets to venture out into the parking garage to pick up the supplies Thierry sends us. But I'm not sure if that counts as going out," Daphne said, and although on the surface, her confinement didn't seem to bother her, I could tell that she hated the arrangement as much as Nyala did.
"But our replacements get here in another 47 days," Nyala added eagerly, the thought of freedom causing her dark eyes to light up.
"Who are the replacements?" Quinn questioned, sweeping a hand through his hair. I noticed that his eyes kept darting to the corridor that Rashel had disappeared down, and knew that I wasn't the only one who wished they could follow her.
Nyala only shrugged. "Hell if I know. We get told jack-shit. You'd think Thierry would keep us in the loop a little bit more considering we see everything he does and could spread a whole lot of dirt on him."
Daphne punched the other girl in the shoulder, shooting Nyala a glare. "We are not going to dish any dirt on Thierry, or on anyone for that matter. We are not here to collect gossip," Daphne hissed.
I had to hold in a laugh as Nyala rolled her eyes, making it clear that the gossip was exactly what she most interested in. I had to admit; my curiosity was peaked at what dirt they actually had on Thierry.
Conversation lulled a little after that, turning to less interesting topics. Before long, Rashel was coming back down the hall, sitting herself down on the sofa and curling into Quinn's side. I wanted to bombard her with questions about Mary-Lynette's reaction to me being here, about how they'd ended up in this apartment, about how Rashel had found my soul mate. But I didn't want to ruin this quiet moment, or stress Rashel out, or receive another withering glare from Quinn, so instead I sat quietly, counting down the minutes till I could see Mare.
Minutes passed, turning into hours. It seemed that having guests didn't mean that Nyala and Daphne got a break, so both of them had claimed a computer and had returned to monitoring the screens, thick headphones transporting them both out of the apartment and into the solitary world of surveillance.
With each second that passed I felt a stronger itch to get up and make by way down the hall. Even when I tried to think of something else, which was near impossible, I found my eyes wandering to where I knew Mary-Lynette was. It was as if my entire being was a piece of elastic that was becoming more and more taut the longer it was stretched away from my soul mate. Any second now I would either snap or bound back to her.
"You okay there?" Rashel asked. My eyes flicked to her, caught red-handed staring at the empty hallway, waiting for a certain someone to make an appearance.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, although it came out kind of strained. Rashel only lifted an eyebrow looking like she didn't believe me for an instant. "Really? Because you look kind of twitchy."
"I'm not twitchy," I scoffed, making a conscious effort to stop my knee from bouncing up and down, which I'd only just become aware of it doing.
"Sure you aren't," she said sarcastically, and I only rolled my eyes
A moment passed where neither of us said anything, and it was like in those seconds of silence everything that had happened between us in the past couple of days came to a head. Like it was a tidal wave gradually gaining momentum and it had now gotten to the point where it was ready to break.
"On a scale of one to ten, how pissed at me are you?" I asked, partly because it was killing me to not know where I stood with her, and partly because there was something freeing about getting things out in the open and I knew it would be beneficial to both of us if we just got this off our chests.
"On a scale of one to ten? I'd say eleven, maybe edging on twelve."
I nodded, expecting her answer even before she opened her mouth. It didn't take a genius to notice that she'd been mad at me when she'd left to find Mare, really mad.
"But," she continued before I could ask any more questions. "I know that this can't be easy for you. And I know that the worst is probably yet to come for you, and you don't need me making things any harder."
"Thank you," I said, so quiet that I wondered if she even heard it. I was too caught on her statement that the worst was yet to come. Of course I had already guessed that things wouldn't be easy, and that I'd have to work to get back in Mare's good graces, but the reminder of that was a splash in the face with ice-cold water.
"Can I ask you another question?"
"Shoot."
I took another breath, closing my eyes for a second debating whether I really wanted to ask this question or not. Maybe it was better to go into this with a little bit of hope. "Answer me honestly, even if you think it's not what I want to hear."
She nodded her head, and I could tell from looking into her eyes that she knew what my question was. "Do you think she'll forgive me?"
Rashel was quiet for a second, turning the question over in her mind. I could see the wheels in her head spinning, fabricating an answer. Although it must have only been a few seconds that I sat there, waiting for her answer, it felt like a lifetime. "Honestly?" She asked, "I don't know. I really don't know."
"But if it were you," I pushed, unable to accept that there was no answer. "If it was Quinn who had sent you away, could you forgive him?"
"Well, first of all, Quinn would never dare to do anything like that to me. He would know that I'm too good at hunting people down to try any funny business."
I rolled my eyes, feeling only slightly frustrated. "But hypothetically," I interrupted, leading her back on course.
"Okay then. Hypothetically, if he packed me up and sent me away, knowing that it was against my will, and knowing that he had heard all of my arguments and that it would mean that I would be separated from everyone I cared about… no I don't think I could forgive him."
I felt like I was going to be sick. The kind of sick where your entire insides are chucked up leaving you empty.
"But I also don't think I could let John go. He's my soul mate, and I don't think I could live without him. So whether I forgave him eventually would be up to him." She paused, looking directly at me, searching deep into my soul. In the intensity of her gaze, I could tell that she wasn't talking about the hypothetical scenario anymore, she was talking to her friend who was lost and needed her help to find his way again.
'What happens from here on out is up to you, Ash. Whether you fight for her or let her go, that's down to you. And I'm not going to say that'll it will be easy, because it won't be. The road to forgiveness is a long one, and unless you give it your all, you're not gonna make it."
"I love her, Rashel. I'll give it everything I have, even if it kills me."
"Even if that means putting her happiness over her safety?"
I frowned at her words. "What do you mean?"
"The life we live, Ash, it isn't a safe one. Are you willing to accept that her life will always be in danger as long as she's with you?"
"How do you expect me to answer that?" I asked with a humourless chuckle, raking my hands harshly through my hair. How could she expect me to choose between Mare's safety and Mare's happiness? What kind of a choice was that? Not that it was really my choice anyway. It was up to Mary-Lynette what she did with her life. I wouldn't make the mistake of taking that choice away again.
"You don't need to answer anything to me, Ash. I'm not the one you need to make things up to." With that, she pushed herself up from the sofa, stretching out her limbs as if she really were a cat.
Although I was grateful to Rashel for speaking her words of wisdom, she'd kind of left me with more questions than answers. I could physically feel my head spinning, the weight of the situation on my shoulders crushing. Why the hell couldn't I have just listened to Mary-Lynette in the first place? Why did I have to go against her wishes and send her away? I knew the answer of course. I'd done those things so that she'd be safe. I'd put her safety before her happiness. The real question was: would I do it again?
"When was the last time you ate?" Rashel called, and I looked up to find her standing in the kitchen with her head in the fridge. Eventually, after what looked like much deliberation, she took out a rosy red apple.
"I'm not hungry," I grumbled, sounding for all the world like a brooding toddler. "Well that's a lie," Rashel answered, taking a bite of the apple and propping herself against a worktop.
"What?" I asked with a frown.
"I said that's a lie. Your eyes are more silver than the spoons at the country club. When's the last time you… you know," she trailed off. Instead she bared her teeth and with her finger tapped her two K-nines, which were impossibly blunt compared to my own.
I shrugged, honestly unable to remember when I'd last had blood. With everything that had happened, it wasn't exactly at the top of my list of priorities.
"Well you'll have to go do your vamp thing before I'll let you in there to see Mary-Lynette," Rashel said around another bite of apple. I looked at her in outrage; unable to believe she had the audacity to say such a thing.
"Come on, Rashel. You can't be serious," I complained, my tone laced with anger. "Oh, I'm dead serious, Redfern. I'm not gonna let you go and reunite with your soul only for you to take a chomp out of her neck."
I crossed my arms over my chest defensively, letting out a huff. Even though I knew from the bottom of my heart that I'd never just take a chomp out of Mary-Lynette, I also knew that this was a battle I wasn't going to win. Besides, now that Rashel had mentioned it, a burning filled the back of my throat as I thought about the taste of blood.
Seeing my defeat Rashel's face transformed into the picture of smugness. "There's a feeder in town. He runs the flower shop just before the traffic lights, if you hit the Dairy Queen you've gone too far. If you hurry, you'll be back in hour, and then you can see Mary-Lynette."
I nodded my head, standing up and reaching for the car keys in my pocket. "Oh, and take Quinn with you," she added, almost as an afterthought.
The feeder was right where Rashel had said he would be, in a dainty little flower shop just before the traffic lights. Quinn looked around in distaste as the guy, Brian his nametag stated, led us into a back room.
Brian plonked himself down on a wooden chair and gestured to the stool next to him. "So who's first then?" He asked, his tone incredibly bright considering he was in the presence of two hungry vampires, one of which had taken a random disliking to him.
"You go," Quinn sneered, leaning in the doorframe, blocking the view of the room if anyone should wander into the little shop.
I took a seat and sank my fangs into Brian's neck, feeling the warmth of his blood run silkily down my throat. I was hungrier than I'd first thought I realised as I drank thirstily, relishing every drop.
Too soon it was time to pull away, and I instantly missed the taste of the sweet liquid as soon as it was gone. Quinn traded places, giving Brian's neck a disdainful glare before biting into it anyway, not unlike how Rashel had bitten into her apple earlier.
After only a minute Quinn pulled away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Thanks, Brian," I said, patting the man on the back, unsure of what to do. I'd never gone to an official feeder before. In the past I'd always preyed on unsuspecting girls in nightclubs, or vulnerable people walking the streets alone. Once I'd found Circle Daybreak I'd always gotten my dosages of blood from blood bags. They weren't as nice as drinking from the vein, mainly because we kept the bags refrigerated and it was kind of like drinking cold hot chocolate: just wrong. So I didn't really know the etiquette of dealing with feeders.
"That's okay, lads. I'm glad to help," Brian replied, standing up, pausing only slightly before returning to the main shop, pulling out a carton of orange juice and guzzling half of it.
I made to leave, Quinn hot on my heels, when I glimpsed a bunch of daisies, their petals whiter than snow. "How much are these?" I asked over my shoulder, picking out the beautiful flowers.
"On the house," Brian called, waving away my question, a knowing smile on his face. "Really?" I asked with a frown. I kind of felt like I was taking advantage of Brian, not only had I taken his blood, but now I was taking his flowers too.
"It's the least I can do, seeing as you guys are trying to stop an apocalypse and all."
"Thanks again," I murmured, flowers in hand as I left the shop. "Any time," Brian said heartily, waving us off through the window as we drove away.
We returned back to the apartment within an hour, just as Rashel said we would, and my heart pumped nervously as we were let through the heavily secured doors. The palm that was holding the flowers felt sweaty although I knew it was probably just my imagination. The whole way home I'd been flipping between dread and anticipation, so I didn't put it past my mind to play tricks on me.
The door opened and I saw her. I hadn't expected her to be there, I thought she would still be in her room. I needed time to prepare myself, and gather my thoughts. But as I saw her standing there in the kitchen, I knew that nothing I did would prepare me for the sight of her.
She was exquisite. Her brown hair was piled on top of her head in a loose bun, and escaped tendrils hung down her neck, curling ever so slightly at the ends. She was dressed in a pair of jogging bottoms she must have borrowed from either Nyala or Daphne, and a purple tank top. Her tanned skin seemed to glow, and she looked like a goddess. It didn't matter that she'd probably just rolled out of bed, she was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen walking the earth.
And for a second, watching her was enough. It didn't matter if she never forgave me, or if she never wanted to talk to me again, just being in the presence of her was enough.
I could tell the exact moment she noticed I was standing there. Her entire body froze for an instant before she turned her bottomless blue eyes on me, those eyes that I could drown in. A mixture of emotions played across her face, changing so fast that I couldn't place my finger on any one. But I knew that not all of those emotions could be negative.
Before I even realised I was moving, I was halfway across the room and I'd captured the love of my life in my arms, holding on as if I was never letting go. Her warmth radiated into me, pumping life through my veins.
My face landed in her silky soft hair, breathing her in. I was so enraptured in her, in the feel of her, in her scent, that it took me a moment before I realised she was hugging me back. Her face was burrowed in my chest, her arms wrapped around me just as tightly as mine were wrapped around her.
Elation filled me at the knowledge that she wasn't shutting me out; she wasn't looking at me like I was some sort of monster. I didn't fool myself into thinking everything would be okay, but it was a start.
The moment didn't last anywhere near long enough. Before long I felt her arms unwind themselves from around me, and every single muscle in my body strained, unable to let her go. Her small hands pressed gently against my chest, pushing me softly away. Despite the unbearable pain it caused me to do so, I instantly withdrew my arms, freeing her. The last thing I wanted to do was make her uncomfortable in any way.
The moment she was no longer pressed against me, it felt as if a part of me had been ripped away. It was worse than when I'd left her in Briar Creek, back then being apart from Mare was like a constant ache, all consuming, but bearable. There had been a part of me that felt like it was empty or missing all together, but no matter what, I knew that eventually I'd be whole again.
This was different. This was like my heart was be clawed out, torn away at the seams so that every last thread had been hacked away. This was the kind of pain that would leave you dying on the floor. The gaping hole in my chest had never felt so empty. I'd never felt so alone.
Mary-Lynette took a step back, and although it was only small, it felt like an entire chasm had opened up between us. I was standing on the edge of it, my toes hanging over it, about to fall at any moment. About to fall into the black nothingness. But I'd take the blackness; I'd choose it without any hesitation if it meant being just an inch closer to her.
"We need to talk," she said quietly, looking down, unable to meet my eye. I swallowed, nodding my head solemnly. Those words never meant anything good. My tongue felt thick in my mouth, my throat turning to sandpaper, so that I couldn't speak even if I wanted to. I followed in silence as Mary-Lynette took a breath and lead us down the hallway I'd been watching constantly since I'd first arrived. She opened the door to a small bedroom, and entered, me following close behind her.
The flowers were still in my hand, so I handed them over to her, hoping she'd appreciate the gesture. She took them soundlessly, bringing them up to her nose and inhaling deeply. I never understood why people sniffed flowers. They all smelt the same didn't they, like plant. A small smile played at the corners of Mary-Lynette's lips as she gazed at the flowers, but it gone before it could manifest into anything more.
I glanced around as she closed the door, shutting us off from any prying ears. The room contained two twin beds, one of them neatly made and the other a tangle of sheets and covers. A pile of clothes was dumped at the end of the messy bed, and I recognised the scent on them as Mary-Lynette's. I also recognised the slight tinge of blood, rusty smelling, like it had been left sitting for a while. Instantly I was filled with concern. What the hell had happened?
"How are you?" I asked quietly, scared that if I spoke too loud I'd scare her away. "Okay, I guess," she replied, her voice monotone as she went over to the bed and sat on it cross-legged, placing the flowers gently next to her. Never once did she lift her eyes, even now they remained glued to her hands, which rested loosely in her lap.
"Good," I breathed for lack of a better word.
A few painful seconds of silence smothered us. I wanted to break that silence with all my heart, but I didn't know for the life of me what I could say. 'Sorry' seemed too weak, 'sorry' didn't make up for what I'd done. There wasn't a word in existence that could portray the remorse, the regret, the guilt I felt at what I had done. But I couldn't just say nothing.
"I never meant to hurt you," I spoke eventually, casting my eyes down towards the wooden floor. I didn't deserve to look at her with such a weak apology. "I only ever wanted you to be safe."
"I know," she replied, again her voice lacking any real emotion. My eyes lifted to look at her, only to find that she still refused to look at me. Her fingers delicately picked at the duvet she was sitting on, almost as if she was trying to give herself something to look at. Anything to avoid my gaze.
I didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to survive it if she turned those beautiful blue eyes on me only for them to be filled with distrust.
"I know that nothing I say can fix what happened, and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me." I wasn't even met with an answer this time. Mare gave no indication that she'd even heard what I'd said even though I knew that she had. She just continued to pluck away at the bedding.
"I was wrong, I can see that now. I never should have gone against you're wishes. I'm sorry." I took a gulp of air, feeling the backs of my eyes beginning to burn. The feeling wasn't one I experienced often, but it seemed that Mary-Lynette pulled out a sensitive side of me.
"I'm sorry for choosing you're safety over you're happiness. I'm sorry that I screwed this up, and that I'm such a shitty soul mate. I'm sorry that you should've had a Prince Charming, who could've given you the perfect life where you could be both safe and happy, but instead you got stuck with me. I'm sorry that I'm not enough, because I know you deserve so much better. But I'm not sorry for loving you, or for wanting to keep you safe, or for caring about you so much that I can't even picture a life without you." My voice had become almost strained as if I was pulling the words from deep inside of me, deep enough that it took all my energy to pull them free.
Still, I was met with silence.
"Please say something," I whispered.
For a long while there was utter noiselessness. Everything was completely still, all my nerves standing on end, as I waited for her to speak.
"What do you want me to say, Ash?" She said finally, still not looking up, but her fingers had stilled, curling gently into fists. "Do you want me to tell you that I forgive you, that everything is going to be okay? I know that you're sorry, but that doesn't change anything. You still ripped me away from my entire family, and I don't know how we go back from that."
"We'll find a way," I said, taking a slow step forward. "I don't know how, but we'll make it work, I'll make it up to you."
"But I don't want you to make it up to me, Ash!" She burst out, finally snapping her head up to stare at me. Her eyes were wild like a storm, swirling with emotions that were too powerful to give a name to you.
For a second I was so fascinated and lost in the depth of that storm raging inside of her that I didn't fully process what she'd just said. But once I did, I stumbled back like she'd just punched me in the gut. That's what it felt like.
"Wh-what?" I stuttered for lack of a more sophisticated response. She just looked at me, a sorrow on her face that aged her beyond her years. I noticed for the first time that a red tinge spread out over her entire eyeballs, like they were bloodshot. I was still too stunned to really register that fact though.
"But I love you," I started, my thoughts coming to me slowly as if they had to wade through thick mud to reach my mouth. "We're soul mates, I have to make it up to you. I love you." It was the only thing I could think to say. Perhaps if I said it enough times, by magic everything would be fixed, or this situation would become clearer.
"I love you too," she said, and I could tell that she meant it. Somehow that only made things worse. "I just don't trust you. How can I?"
"I know," I said, a new wave of regret washing over me. How could I have been so stupid as to wreck everything I'd worked for? For six months I'd travelled the country trying to prove myself to Mary-Lynette, and in a single night I'd ruined it all.
"You have every right to not trust me right now, if I were you I wouldn't trust me either. Please, just let me try to gain that trust back. I promise you, I will never jeopardise that trust again. I promise. Give me another chance and I'll prove it to you."
"That's the thing," she said, a quiet confidence hiding beneath her words, battling against the tears that I could see brimming. "I don't think I have any more chances left to give."
"No," I almost shouted, rushing over to her and falling onto my knees. "You don't mean that. You have to know that through everything I have always protected you. I would never let your life become endangered. Believe that I will do everything in my power to make things right." I pulled her hands into mine, and she let me, looking down at me from her position on the bed.
"I never doubted that I can trust you with my life, Ash," she said, a small, sad smile turning up the corners of her lips. "I just can't trust you with my heart." She gave my hands a gentle squeeze and I wondered how this situation had flipped so dramatically. I should be the one comforting her, not the other way around.
"Sometimes," she began, "life isn't just about surviving. You're a vampire, Ash; you have the luxury of living forever. You can afford to be careful, to take time to make things safe and easy. Some of us don't have that luxury. In the grand scheme of things, humans just don't live that long. We can't afford to hold back. Life should be about living, not hiding."
My heart constricted as she talked of the short time she, as a human, had on this earth. I was all too aware that one day she would die and I would be left to live out eternity alone.
"I do understand that," I pleaded, holding her hands in mine more tightly. "I swear that I will never take the opportunity to live your life as you please away from you again."
She let out a laugh, but the lack of humour in it made me shiver. It was like a full stop at the end of a sentence, and that worried me more than anything in the world right now. "You're just telling me what I want to hear."
"I'm not," I argued. "I mean every word."
"You always mean it though, Ash. You mean it until something comes up and you don't anymore. We've been through this before."
"I followed through last time, didn't I?" I asked, almost begging. "I told you I'd change, that I'd right my wrongs, and I did. I fixed things."
She smiled again, lifting a hand to caress my cheek. Her touch was as light as a feather, gently brushing against my skin. "You did," she said, a single tear leaking out of the corner of her eye. "And I'm so, so proud of you. But this isn't something that can be fixed. You knew how much I rejected the idea of the safe house, you heard my reasons for needing to stay, and yet you sent me anyway. Even after everything I told you, you sent me anyway. I don't think I can forget that. And I don't think I can be with someone who can so blatantly disrespect my wishes."
"I'm sorry. Please, just listen to what you're saying." She ploughed on anyway, as if I'd never interrupted.
"I love you, Ash, but I have to think about what's best for me and my family. I know that you keep saying that you'll never take my choices away again, but I just can't take that risk. There's no guarantee that Circle Daybreak can stop this apocalypse, so I can't waste a single second of the time I have left."
"We'll stop the apocalypse. We already have three of the four wild powers, everything is going to plan."
"That's not the point, Ash," she sighed, her tone laced with frustration. "You betrayed me, and at some point I have to draw a line. So this is it, this my line."
I gulped, leaning back on my heels. All I could think about was how much I wished she'd just shout at me, scream at me till her face goes blue, to kick me in the shin. That I could handle, that I could move past. But this calm, this control she was showing, I couldn't handle it. How could I fight her when she sounded so reasonable?
"So what are you saying?" I asked, regretting the words as soon as they spilled out of my mouth. It was like pulling the anchor from the shore.
"I'm saying that this is the end. The end of us."
Hey guys, I know I don't usually put notes at the end of chapters but I just wanted to say something. When this story first started out, over a year ago (crazy right?) I got a few reviews with suggestions about things I could add in to the story. Please don't think that I have ignored these suggestions, I haven't, and I promise they will all appear later in this story at some point. Thank you for reading!