A/N: WOW! I am so thrilled that you guys liked the last chapter as much as you did! It was almost painful for me to write because I was thinking about Angel's poor heart breaking the entire time, but I made it through! Sadly, this left me in a depressed state, so this chapter is completely devoted to Angel's grief. Well, Dawn's in here too, but it's mostly Angel.

I honestly don't know what I would do without you guys. You're the BEST, and I will never be able to thank you enough, but I will sure keep trying!

I think I'm trying to make this longer so I'll postpone going to school. I have two quizzes today, and it's only the first week back! AP Psych and AP Calculus. You'd never think it, but Calculus is hard even for a math person...funny how I didn't think of that when I signed up for it...maybe I'll get lucky and totally guess all the right answers. Nah, it won't be that bad, I studied like a good little nerd.

Okay, I have to go to school now or Mom will be mad at me for making us late...and I typically prefer a mom that is happy with me...

Soooooo...I'll stop rambling now.

But not before I do this. (I know, I'm sorry, but I have to tell you guys this.) I'm usually not one to associate song lyrics to a chapter, but when I was editing this baby you would never believe what song began playing on my ipod.

How Do I Live? by Leann Rimes...Ironic, right? So, here's the first verse...

How do I, Get through one night without you?

If I had to live without you, What kind of life would that be?

Oh, I... I need you in my arms, need you to hold...

You're my world, my heart, my soul...

If you ever leave, Baby you would take away everything good in my life...

And tell me now...

How do I live without you?

I want to know...

How do I breathe without you? If you ever go...

How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Is that just not the freakiest coincidence ever?

Okay, now I'm offically done rambling. :)

Random Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy. BUT if I did...Angel would have punched Xander more, had more lines, and would have never left; Smurfs are really green; Harry Potter trumps Twilight ANY day; One time I dreamed I was being chased by donuts; Seeley Booth = HOTNESS; Severus Snape is awesome; I am Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod...yeah, no I'm not; Jack Sparrow hides in my closet; I refuse to believe that Harry Potter has come to an end; I want a tiger named Brumhilda; "Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!"; "Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!"; I can quote Robin Hood: Men in Tights word for word; Butterflies make the best spies; Timon and Pumbaa will ALWAYS be the best dynamic duo; Mufasa learned how to be a father from Booth; Snorks are really dorks that evolved underwater; "My favorite character from Aladdin was the flying carpet and I wanted to be it."; Those that say nothing's impossible have never tried slamming a revolving door; I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it; Going back and reading this I question my sanity; St. Mungo's is real...I'm there now; I walked into a bank and yelled out "Gringotts Rules!" Only to be chased off by a goblin of a security guard; I am batman!; Anytime someone on the golf course yells "Four!" I yell "Five!"; I think HH has something against everyone's favorite interns (VNM and Zack) on BONES; The sun goes Kikakapia; I'm not dramatic at all, but school is the ultimate place of boredom and despair; Those who say I'm a nerd, don't know half of it; I've always talked to the wall, and yesterday it finally talked back...still think I own Buffy?

The Gift Part Two

Previously…

"Please," Angel begged, a sob escaping him. "Please, don't leave me."

"I could never truly leave you, I love you too much," Buffy said with a soft smile. She glanced at the portal that was slowly growing. "You're the only person I ever loved, Angel, my first and my one and only," she whispered, kissing him softly, wiping away some of his tears. "Never forget that."

And then Buffy turned—ran to the end of the platform—and jumped.

Angel stood there staring at the space in front of him, where she had only just been. The portal closed and the night was quiet. His girl had saved the day, again.

"I'll never forget," he whispered.

Angel stared at the space where she had just been. It was like he couldn't look away. He couldn't turn away. He couldn't. He would be turning his back on her. If he turned his back that meant that it had really happened.

He was in denial.

But Angel knew he had to turn his back. Put this behind him. Move forward. He'd lived long enough to know that life kept going. Except, how could he go on when his light was gone?

Angel knew she was gone. He could feel it inside. The fuzzy warmth that was their bond had been severed. He felt empty.

For the first time since meeting Buffy, he felt cold.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Angel turned away and descended the scaffolding, acting completely on instinct, which was good considering he was hardly paying attention to anything other than the coldness that had swept over him. Emptiness.

Once he was back on the ground, he looked up and saw the Scoobies standing in a loose circle around what he knew was Buffy's body. Wes, Gunn, and Cordy were there too, seeming transfixed and disbelieving.

Angel came up to them, and they all looked up at him. He didn't know what they were expecting. He didn't know what they saw when they looked at him. Did they see the stoic face he was trying to call upon? Or did they see someone that was irreparably broken, trying to keep it together?

"Angel…" Cordelia whispered tearfully as he passed, but he paid her no mind.

Angel stared at her body. Memories flashed through his mind so quick, he could barely understand them all.

"Why are you following me?"

"Don't worry, I won't bite."

"Angel…"

"Buffy…"

"Close your eyes…"

"You still my girl?"

"Always…"

"Just when I thought I couldn't love you more…"

"Happy Birthday Buffy…"

"I could never truly leave you, I love you too much…"

"Buffy," Angel whispered brokenly, dropping to his knees beside her.

Angel pulled her into his arms, holding her. Already, her skin felt cool. He noticed moisture on her face, and for a second he wondered if it was raining. However, when his chest heaved a sob he realized that it wasn't raining—the moisture was his tears.

He cried for her, he cried for himself. What they'd had couldn't be found anywhere. Two halves of a whole. Soulmates. Partners. Best friends. They'd encompassed it all.

And now she was gone.

He felt broken, his heart in pieces. So he continued to cry...what else was there to do?

He didn't know how long he stayed there, but eventually he ran out of tears. Angel held her tightly for another moment, before loosening his hold. He knew it was time, he knew he had to move. Life had to go on...somehow. Angel caressed her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before laying her back down.

Angel looked up, and studied everyone's faces. Willow clung to Oz like her life depended on it, sobbing into his shoulder. Giles stood tall, but pain was seemingly etched into his face as silent tears slid down his cheeks. Anya had her head on Xander's shoulder, who simply stared at Buffy's body in shock. Spike was on his knees, bloody and battered, staring at Buffy looking as close to sorry as he could.

Angel turned to look at Cordelia who was being held by Wesley, her tears staining the former Watcher's shirt. Gunn hadn't looked so sad since his sister had died…Angel hadn't realized just how close they all had become.

Finally, he found her. Dawn had her arms folded across her chest and was shaking with the force of her sobs. Slowly, Angel made his way to her and tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder. Instantly, she threw her arms around him and buried her head in his chest.

In the days that followed, everyone was silent, only speaking when they had to. Giles and Willow planned the funeral, often asking for Angel's opinion, but Angel wouldn't talk to anyone but Dawn. Dawn herself rarely spoke, but she clung to Angel like a barnacle. Wherever Angel was Dawn was and vice versa. After the first day, no one questioned it anymore.

Wes, Gunn, and Cordy offered to stay, but Angel shook his head, wordlessly ordering them to return to L.A. The only words he'd spoken to them were, "Come back for the funeral, if you want."

It was the day before the funeral when the dam broke.

Everyone was in the living room, and for the first time, Dawn and Angel were not sitting together. In fact, they were on opposite ends of the room. Everyone noticed and was immediately on alert.

Willow had turned the television on, just for some background noise to mask the silence that seemed to permeate through the house.

However, it did nothing to overcome the silence between Dawn and Angel as they seemed to stare each other down.

"I trusted you," Dawn said lowly. "I trusted both of you!"

Angel just looked at her with sad, anguished eyes. "I know."

"I was going to jump! I was going to do it!" Dawn cried, her already red eyes beginning to water once again. "I was going to fix it, but Buffy—s-she told me that I didn't have to and then you led me away..."

"I know."

"I thought you were right behind me!" Dawn cried, tears pouring down her face.

"I know."

"Why did she do it, Angel?" Dawn whispered angrily. "Why? She shouldn't have! It was so stupid! She died! She knew she was going to die and she did it anyway!" Dawn screeched. "And you let her!"

"I know," Angel looked at Dawn and everyone flinched at the immeasurable pain in his eyes.

"Why? You could have stopped her! You could convince her to do anything!" Dawn's voice broke as she tried to control her sobs.

"I tried," Angel whispered as he got up off the couch and moved towards her. He bent a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. "But I knew—we both knew what was going to happen. She did what she had to do, not because she was the Slayer, but because she loved us—all of us. That was her true gift."

"I just miss her so much," Dawn sobbed, and Angel pulled her into his arms like he had so many times lately.

"So do I," Angel whispered as he fought back tears. "So do I."

Angel was at the Summers house during the funeral. He'd insisted on having it during the day, and everyone had acquiesced. So now here he was, standing in Buffy's room when everyone else was at her funeral.

Somehow, Angel thought he had the better end of the deal.

He picked up Mr. Gordo and sat down on the bed, staring at the stuffed pig. Buffy had always been the strong one. Always. He took so much strength from her; he doubted she ever knew exactly how much. Her strength, her beauty, her wit…there were so many things he loved about her.

Angel looked around the room, taking in the photos on the walls and on her vanity. He knew the story behind each one of them, and he could probably tell someone exactly why she'd placed them where she had. After all, he knew Buffy better than he knew himself.

So many memories were in this room. He felt his lips twitch in a small smile when he remembered the first time he'd stayed over—the night after the Warrior Vamps had attacked. Wondering what possessed him to do this; Angel got up off the bed and lay down on the floor just as he had that night.

He closed his eyes and he could see the memory unfold in his head. Buffy bringing the blankets before getting tucked into bed herself. Shutting the light off. Angel allowed a faint smile as he remembered her asking if he snored. He'd always meant to ask her after during his day as a human if he did, but he'd never gotten around to it.

Angel lay there for a few more moments before getting up and sitting back on the bed, Mr. Gordo still in hand. His eyes traveled to her window. How many times had he climbed through that window? How many excuses had he invented to give him a reason to climb through that window?

So many memories.

Their first kiss had been in front of that window. Angel shook his head—it had been one hell of a first kiss. He'd been so surprised at the desire that had coursed through him the moment their lips had met. He'd already been in love with her by then, and he knew kissing her would be a bad idea. However, Buffy, like she always did, made him forget about everything but her…and she'd wanted him to kiss her. So he had.

Angel wondered if this was how Buffy had felt after sending him to Hell. Had everything reminded her of him? Had everything seemed to dim? Nothing seemed as bright as it used to be. Had she dreamed of him every night? Relived all their moments? Because Angel did—every second of every minute, every hour of every day…

The door opened then, and Angel looked up to find Willow standing in the frame. "Hi," she said nervously, reminding Angel of the shy, yet loyal redhead he'd first met.

"Hey, Willow," Angel's lips twitched up in a faint smile.

"Uh, we just got back from the funeral," Willow said softly. "It was nice."

Willow seemed to debate something, before moving into the room and sitting beside him on the bed. "You're talking," she observed. "To someone other than Dawn."

"I figured it was about time," Angel said quietly.

"How are you?" Willow asked, but then shook her head. "That's a stupid question…"

"No it's not," Angel argued softly. "It shows you care. Thank you."

"So…" Willow trailed off, hesitantly expecting an answer.

Angel sighed. "I'm just lost right now, Willow. Nothing's the same without her. She's in everything I see or do and I—I'm trying to get a handle on that. I'm trying to be strong, like she asked me to be. God, I'm trying but—"

"It's difficult," Willow finished nodding.

Angel wordlessly agreed. "She made me promise to go back to L.A.," he told her quietly. "To get the Shanshu…but I don't know if I can…"

"Yes you can," Willow said fiercely. "You can and you will. If Buffy wanted you to do it, then you better do it. You know Buffy. If you don't, she'll find a way to haunt you."

"Then maybe I won't, and see what happens," Angel said mostly to himself.

"No, Angel," Willow got up off the bed and crossed her arms over her chest. She waited for Angel to look up at her, and when he finally did, she spoke. "Now, you listen to me. Buffy thought the world of you. She believed in you, always. She didn't care what anyone said or thought about your past. She accepted it and she accepted you. So, if she told you to go to L.A. and get that Shanshu, then you better damn well do it!" Willow said firmly, before adding nervously. "Sorry."

Angel looked towards the window and knew the sun had gone down. He got up and put a hand on Willow's shoulder. "She thought the world of you, too," he said before heading out the door and into the night, leaving Willow with tears in her eyes.

Oz looked into the room then. He'd been looking for her. The moment he walked through the door, Willow immediately went to him and threw her arms around him, her tears spilling once again. "What...am...I going...to do...without...her?" Willow asked between sobs.

Oz only held her tighter.

It was quiet as Angel trekked through the cemetery, one that he and Buffy had patrolled so many times. It seemed odd to come here to see her grave. He half expected her to pop out from behind a headstone and jump into his arms, grinning and saying something about everything being a joke.

But he knew Buffy had a better since of humor than that.

Angel was glad Willow had talked to him. Personally, it was nice to know that someone cared enough to ask about him other than Dawn. Willow's little pep talk had given Angel a purpose. He'd continue his atonement in L.A. For Buffy. From now on, everything he did would be for Buffy.

She was still his light, always.

Angel wound through the graves and noticed that someone was already standing in front of Buffy's headstone. Silently, Angel joined him and they were both quiet for a moment.

"Wondered when you'd show," Spike said as he took a drag from his cigarette.

"I can't believe she's gone," Angel said softly.

"Yeah," Spike sighed. "At least she went out all noble, right?"

"She's gone." Seeing her headstone, standing on her grave…it all seemed to cement the truth that he'd known for days. Buffy, his Buffy, his Slayer, was gone.

"You goin' back to L.A.?" Spike asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Good, Buff would want that," Spike nodded. "I really did have a soft spot for her...I think."

"I know," Angel sighed. "Look, Spike…"

"Yeah, I know," Spike interrupted. "I made my own little promise to Buff…you go back to L.A. I'll stay here and watch the nibblet while you're gone."

"Thanks."

"First time I've heard that in centuries."

"First time you've heard it ever," Angel corrected. "And I'm never saying it again."

It was quiet as Angel walked to the mansion. It would be the first time he'd stayed there since Buffy's death. He'd stayed at the Summers house, in Buffy's room. Both for Dawn and himself. He didn't know if he'd be able to face going into the mansion, particularly their bedroom.

Yes, Angel had decided to return to L.A. Yes, he'd decided to continue his atonement. And he might not be crying anymore when no one was looking…but the raw pain in his chest hadn't begun to fade, and part of him hoped it never would.

Angel was broken. His light, his world, was gone. She was still with him though, in his heart, just as she'd said she'd be. But Angel was selfish. He wanted her. Alive. Happy. In his arms.

Angel was no stranger to time or death. He knew that perhaps, in time, he might be able to think of her and not feel an ache in his heart. He knew that death was part of life—an inevitability that no one could ever really avoid.

The moment he stepped through the door, he was nearly overwhelmed by her scent...realizing it was already so much sweeter than he remembered. His eyes swept the room, seeing her sweater hanging over the back of the couch. Almost reverently, he picked up the garmet and held it for a moment before placing it back over the couch, exactly as it had been.

He moved up the stairs and his hand paused on the door to their room. Taking a deep breath, Angel opened the door and was assaulted by her scent. It was everywhere, floor to ceiling. The room was distinctly Buffy, and just as Angel knew would happen, he felt tears prick in the corners of his eyes.

This was why he'd avoided coming back.

He'd known her scent would be strongest here—almost as if she were still alive.

But, to his surprise, though it did make the raw pain in his chest flare, it also brought him a sense of peace. Like a little part of her was still tangibly with him. He undressed and climbed into the bed, but after a moment he shifted to the opposite side—to Buffy's side.

Angel buried his face in her pillow for a moment, before lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and could practically feel the weight of her head on his shoulder and her arm over his waist. He could almost feel her warm breath against his neck as she slowly fell asleep, at peace.

Angel knew it would take a long time. It would take a very long time to come to grips with her death, to move on. At the moment, the only thing that made him happy was the knowledge that Buffy was in a better place. No more battles. No more death. She was in Heaven, and that was his only sense of peace.

Well, there we go. I had to have Willow do a good deed in this chapter, because I'm still mad at her for pulling Buffy out of Heaven. I guess I was trying to balance it out...yes, I know there's no chance of that happening, but ya know, I couldn't resist. And I thought that of all the Scoobies, Willow would be the first to check on Angel anyway.

Next chapter we begin season six!

Lots of love,

ArthursCamelot