Chapter Twenty One

Negan had seen that glint go from her eyes gradually with no way of stopping it. The one that kept the smallest of sparks ignited within him in his darkest days was gone and he knew it was his fault.

It had been a week since they sent Megan and her Mum on their way in the direction of Alexandria with instruction to not mention himself or Rose. And although he was no psychologist he could take it back to the exact moment that glint started to wither. The moment she sent those two on their way to the safety of Alexandria, to the safety of a group she had thought of as her family which she would never be a part of again.

He couldn't relate but the last thing he wanted was for his Rose to feel pain but he knew he was too brash about things and thought that him approaching the subject would just be like a bull running into a china shop.

"You think they'll have any? Cos I'm gonna freeze to death tonight if we don't get extra." Negan watched the frosty air exiting her mouth with her words, it was turning to winter real quick and they hadn't come across anywhere to get extra clothing so far. Anything they did wasn't wearable.

"You'll never freeze while I'm around, Rosie. I thought I was doing a damn fine job at warming you up." He grinned.

"Spooning isn't gonna cut it anymore, Negan." She scoffed. "For you either!"

"I don't mind being little spoon." He chuckled before sauntering forward. "C'mon let's get my girl whatever she wants."

"Please keep your voice down!" Rose whisper shouted as they entered the small town mall, it only consisted of about eight shops but it looked relatively untouched except for an electric goods store. What kind of idiots went for the apple products in an apocalypse?!

"Is it just me with the music from Pretty Woman in their head?" He asked her before he began to hum the tune and saunter down the centre as though on a cat walk.

Rose couldn't help but laugh and when he noticed his head tilted as a slow smile spread across his lips. "There's that beautiful smile." He said in that soft tone reserved for her outstretching his arms as she got closer. He left a sweet kiss on her lips as he stroked her face, bending his neck to look into her eyes. Before he could say anything else she pulled away and walked over to the clothes store.

"Hey let me go first!" He told her.

"Im a big girl, Negan." She told him smirking as she pushed opened the stiff door and went inside. It smelled of damp but no dead bodies and so she went further inside. "I'll go this side," she pointed to her left, "you go right and grab anything you think we could use." She told the man who grinned back at her, always amused when she took control, something he was not used to sharing in these situations. "If you bring me a leather jacket, I will find a way to castrate you with it." She said as she walked off with her knife gripped in her hand to the sound of Negan's laughter. After making sure her half was clear she set out looking through the clothes that were left.

What Rose needed was thick clothes, especially a winter coat and so after grabbing a few jumpers she began to search through the coats. She spotted one with sheeps wool and pulled it from the rack not expecting her heart to sink into her stomach along with her breath. The brown suede jacket with soft wool around the collar she held up was exactly the same as Ricks. Her shaking hand lifted to stroke the front of the jacket and remember every smile, every hug, every moment with Rick Grimes flashing through her mind and her heart broke, really broke this time. He was gone. The man who had made her a home. Given her a family. One she had betrayed. Her legs gave out and she sobbed, hugging the jacket to herself.

"What the…" As Negan rounded the corner and saw her collapsed and sobbing her heart out on the floor his first thought was that he had been expecting it for a while now.

He knelt in front of her his soft voice making her lift her head to look at him. "I…"

"You ain't gotta say nothin' Rose." He looked down at the jacket and recognised the style. He shook his head slowly dropping on the floor next to her and pulling her into his lap. He didn't say anything, just waited for her to be okay. He didn't know how long it took until her croaky voice spoke.

"He's gone…" She didn't move her head from his chest. "And Michonne…" Another sob wracked from her. "She's lost him and I'm not there to look after her and Judith. To help everyone… and Daryl…" She sobbed again. "He's just…" Negan stroked her head as she heaved in a breath to try and steady her voice. "He trusted me and I…."

"Rose… calm down! Please. I'm so sorry." He placed her to sit next to him and pried the jacket from her hands, putting it back on the rail. "I wish you didn't regret this." He put his head in his hands.

"What?" Rose sniffed as she stood up. "I don't… I don't regret leaving with you. I regret having to leave the people I love behind. Making them hate me. But I made the choice and I don't regret it. I'm grieving, Negan. For Rick and the family I had."

Negan was relieved, he finally understood it. This woman who was too selfless for her own good was yet again thinking about all the people she couldn't help. "I love you." Negan told her. For a long time Rose just stared at him.

"What?" Rose gasped.

"You heard me." His dark eyes were trained on hers, a sign he was deadly serious, she could see it. He had that sincere smile, the one that make the lines by his eyes soft and the tears started to leak from her eyes again. In a few steps he had his arms wrapped around her and his large hand pulled her head to his and their lips met in a clash of moans.

It felt different. They were each trying to tell the other something, something that had been dormant for so long, pushed to the back of their heads, too busy surviving. Negan bent slightly at the knees grabbing onto Rose's thighs and lifting her before walking to an old table nearby and sitting her there, there lips never leaving each others. His hands pushed their way under multiple layers to touch the skin of her waist and hips making a breathy moan escape her as she gripped both sides of his open leather jacket trying to pull him closer.

As one of his hands got higher and slipped under her bra Negan was ashamed to admit he almost came in his pants like a sophomore but was encouraged when Rose broke from the kiss throwing her head back. When her hands started to undo his pants he pulled back from the side of her neck he had been kissing.

"Baby, I ain't gonna last more then a minute." He laughed.

"I don't care!" Rose told him breathlessly. "I need you." She pulled his head down into a passionate kiss, running her tongue over his making him groan before gently biting his lip as she opened up his pants.

"Ya got me. Fuck… ya got me bad, baby." He whispered as he quickly disposed of her pants, his hand rubbing her in the exact right spot to make her moan loudly before he placed his other hand over her mouth.

It was no surprise to her that he was taking the lead, for so long she had been in charge of everything between them. He positioned himself at her warm, wet heat before grabbing her leg and throwing it around him, her other followed and all that could be heard as he entered her was two breathy moans of relief.

For so long there had been barriers between them, even after the bars it took a while to get used to being able to touch each other whenever they wanted but this was beyond anything either had ever thought possible. As Negan set the pace rocking against her nothing else mattered to either except being this close. Rose was moving against him and the glorious ache just built and built and from the small desperate noises escaping her he could tell she was close.

"You're fucking perfect." He rasped out as he held on to her ass and began to increase the speed as he felt her tighten around him. "Fuck."

Rose's release made her whole body shake, she knew there had been a lot of build up to this moment but she never expected to feel the fireworks, the shivers at every touch like people wrote in those novels she used to read. As Negan groaned into her neck finding his release she bit her lip riding the aftershocks of her own.

They stayed that way, breathing heavily in each others arms before he looked at her happy and calm face smiling back at him.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He kissed her gently before he stepped back and passed her her pants because as perfect as that moment had been, it was still dangerous where they were. When they were both back to normal he pulled her into him again.

"Are ya okay?" He asked.

"Perfect." She smiled at him. "Now did you find me a coat?" She asked.

"Nah… I found a new way to keep ya warm though, huh." He wriggled his eyebrows at her with his grin the biggest she'd ever seen.

"Seriously though." She told him shaking her head.

"Yeah I found the women coats on my side. Come on." He took her hand to lead her over but she pulled him back standing in place.

"Hey…" She got his attention. "I love you too." She smiled at him.

"Told ya my dick was the answer to all ya worries." He smirked. "Sad… my dick." He started to walk with Rose trailing along beside him rolling her eyes. "Happy… my dick. Cold… my dick. Hungry…"

"That's enough, thank you!" Rose interrupted him.

"You'll never get enough, princess. I know I won't of you." She gave him a small smile before starting to look through the coats as Negan looked around them both noticing that they were starting to loose light.

"We're loosing light so be quick. I don't wanna get caught here at night. We don't even know where the other exit is." He told her going straight back to serious.

As much as Rose was a little piece of heaven to him Negan knew that they needed to find somewhere soon and it was a constant worry for him. He wasn't loosing his Rose.