CHAPTER XXI

He finally let's me opens the door and I leave the room. Trying to contain the tears, I walk to the lobby, and as I get to the elevator I see myself in the mirror. I'm still all bloody from the explosion but I just shake my head and punch the elevator to the lobby. Everyone in the hotel as probably heard about what happened in Godric's home, by now.

As I walk to the couches where Roman is patiently waiting, I get to see some on the people who were in the party earlier, some of them are shedding tears another as just getting themselves into an alcoholic coma. I don't feel the need for either. If I cry it'll be because I'm about to change the course of my own history, by departing from my nest, not because a couple of humans are dead. I sit down where Roman is drinking his True Blood and wait for vampire to say something.

"Nan is coming here tomorrow at nine..." Roman says slowly, as if testing the waters. His demeanor much different from that he had on Godric's house.

"I know. She called." I answer leaning on the couch, probably staining it with blood but at this point I couldn't care less.

"The queen wants you to know, she's truly appalled by what happened and she's happy that you are alive..." He says, once more with a soothing voice, which is very unusual for him.

"That's arguable...The whole alive business" I smile a little, playing with his words. "Tell her I'll be there tomorrow or the night after tomorrow tops..."

"If you want to stay with the Sheriffs for some time. I can make up an excuse for you..."

I look up at him surprised at his sentence. Roman was known for his tough talk and the way he roughly deals with stuff. Not really the type of guy to go all soft spoken and making excuses for others. Did the explosion really afected him? I'm starting to think the bomb wasn't made of wooden bullets and silver, but full of 'tender, love and care'. I snort at that thought and Roman looks at me. I shake my head at him.

"No there's no need. Thank you...Even if I stay here another night, it's not necessary to tell her."

"I'll be staying here until you tell me you're good to go..." He says getting up from the couch.

I nod at him, and don't get up. My room isn't exactly where I want to go right now, although sooner or later I'll have to go there and face the viking music. I order a Tru Blood and drinking slowly, tasting every small synthetic cell on the drink. It's sweeter than the metallic taste of human blood. After about forty minutes and three bottles of Tru Blood later, I start feeling my eyes close. I'm high from the drink, like humans are buzzed with alcohol, vampire get high on blood, but I get up and walk to the elevator, hoping everyone in the room was already sleeping.

Walking into the room I see a different picture from what I hoped. Godric is sitting silently on the couch and Eric sleeping,half naked, on the bed. People usually think vampires laid very still and in a funeral position: hands crossed on top of his chest, feet straight. But Eric Northman is the undead prove that humans are wrong: he's laying belly down, spread in a diagonal line on the bed, one arm dangling from it.

I shake my head at the messy sleeper my maker was and sit down next to Godric. Placing my head on his shoulder I feel him move as he places his own cheek on top of my head. Knowing that he'll be there after Eric leaves, is really helping me go through with this.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I ask, slowly.

"I think it's time you decide what is best for you by yourself. You have to start thinking with your own head, not Eric's. Forever is a long time to depend on someone." He answers me calmly, like a father to a child.

"Yeah, but you'll be here for me to lean on right?!" I answer with a grin on my face.

"I'm too old to lean on, Lilian. I am too old to do anything."

The way he says it makes the grin on my face disappear in seconds and sends a shiver down my spine. I look up at him to see a smile that doesn't reach his sad and tired eyes. For a moment I'm unusually scared, sad and lonely, like I'm the only one in the world, no else is there that understands me. I keep looking at him and I finally understand it's coming from him. Godric's the one feeling like this, and for me too feel this so intensely, is going on overdrive. Like a time bomb, Godric was now exploding the feelings he was containing since the explosion.

"Why do you feel lonely?" I ask.

"Because I don't have anyone to walk with me. You and Eric in Louisiana and Isabel and Stan aren't exactly the best company..."

"I'm here now." I state frowning at his feeling of abandonment.

"Yes, you are my dear. And I'm glad to have you here with me." He says stroking my face. "Eric is a fool not to know what he has. Maybe once he's alone, he'll understand how precious having someone like you around, is."

I try to smile but I'm feeling such sadness that the energy it takes to smile doesn't reach my mouth. Godric looks at me. There's something awfully wrong with this and I don't know what. I didn't realize how much this whole charade had affected him.

"If I ask you to do something, will you do it?" He asks after a while.

"Of course..." I say, not even knowing what he'd be asking.

"Would you kiss me?"

I stare at him for a while. That's probably the strangest thing Godric could ask me. Looking at Eric laying on the bed, I nod. Oh, what the hell, I've known this vampire all my immortal life, and this is one of the closest, most intimate moment we've share. Sure we never gone as far as kissing and all that, but we've shared far more unattractive things than a my hands on the sides of Godric face and lean in. When his lips touch mine, I feel him relax and place his own hands on my face.

Now, his kiss is soft, but it starts escalating. He grabs my neck a pushes me to him and I'm almost sitting on his lap. Forgetting Eric was in the room, and being high on the three Tru Blood's I've downed down earlier, I do climb on his lap and keep kissing him, with a passion that I usually keep in me for my maker. We kiss for the longest time, our lips never leaving each others, no need to breath helps a lot.

In the back of my minds I try not to compare Godric with Eric, but it's almost impossible. Eric's rough with an underlining of love and softness, always wanting more and more, while Godric's kiss is almost feathery like, demanding but as if asking for permission. But the two thousand year old creature does know what he's doing. When he pulls away, I open my eyes to see him with his own closed, his hand still stroking my face. Still sitting on his lap, I feel a blood tear run down my face, but I can't understand why.

"Thank you..." He whispers.

"Anytime..." I joke, swiping the tear from my cheek.

As I get up to walk to the bed, I lean in and kiss him again briefly without thinking. If I didn't know better I'd say he's glamouring me. Walking to the bed, I look back at Godric starting to lay back on the couch. What the hell is going on?