As Quote dished out the final blow to the Undead Core, the thing suddenly stopped moving and collapsed onto the ground. It was still alive, but just barely.
"Should I shoot him now, or wait till we get home?" Quote asked. "Personally, I prefer the latter."
"No, wait!" Sue responded, waving her hands in front of Quote's face to deliver the important 'no-no' message she was clearly going for. "Let's hear what he has to say. PLEASE? He used to be one of my friends!" she got down on her knees and begged.
"Well, alright, but this better not be like that time when I found Kazuma's cockroach in my gluteus fracture." Quote replied, shrugging and rolling his eyes at his own remark.
Sue shrugged, groaned and rolled her own eyes in return, before turning back around to face what little was left of the Doctor's seemingly heartless soul.
"It's NOT ENOUGH..." the Doctor growled menacingly, despite being basically already dead. "ENSLAVE MORE...HAVE GOT TO ENSLAVE MORE!"
"For fuck's sake, just stop it!" Sue yelled at him, clenching her fists in rage. "This is such utterly senseless and racist violence and hatred towards our Mimiga people, and it must be stopped right this instant!"
The Doctor, chuckling gleefully at that remark, continued his monologue. "Violence isn't SUPPOSED to make sense, you inferior-intelligence buffoon! It's only FUN when it's senseless, my dear!"
"Why continue fighting, when you know deep down inside of your subconscious mind that in the end, it doesn't even matter? Why cling desperately to the last thread of your pathetically worthless excuse of a life, knowing that someday, everyone on this miserable, godforsaken joke of a planet will die?" the Doctor explained with a hint of sadness.
"All you have to do in order to find the true meaning of life is believe in yourself!" Sue yelled at him. "I learned it from reading The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy, no less! Guess a certain number between one and fifty."
"Fourty-two, schmorty-two..." the Doctor replied irritatedly. "The whole world's falling straight into hell, you and me included!"
"Life...Dreams...Hope...where do they come from, and where do they go?" the Doctor familiarly philosophized. "None of that Final Fantasy JUNK is enough to fulfill your kingdom HEARTS!"
"ENSLAVEMENT! ENSLAVEMENT IS WHAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING! ENSLAVE, ENSLAVE, ENSLAVE! LET'S ENSLAVE EVERYONE!" As the poor batshit-insane bastard melodramatically screamed out his famous last words, the Undead Core exploded and burst into flames, leaving the remains of the Doctor's spirit floating in the air, cackling grimly.
"That was...beautiful..." Misery whispered, with tears of joy trickling down her subtly smiling face. "Sue, if you don't mind...can I give you a hug?" she asked.
"What's the magic word?" Sue asked smugly, crossing her arms and shutting her eyes as she said it.
"Sigh...please?" Misery groaned.
"NO!" Sue yelled at her.
"Hey, don't feel so bad!" Quote encouraged Misery, patting her shoulder. "Maybe she'll say yes next time if you ask her more politely!"
"Don't you get it?" Misery sobbed. "There probably won't BE a next time, you fucking lunatic!" she yelled, slapping him for dramatic effect.
"She's right!" Sue realized out loud, pointing at the ceiling. "This whole freaking place is already crumbling from the inside out as we speak. It's about to fall apart for crying out loud! Come on, no more time for chit-chat, LET'S GO FOR GOD'S SAKE! Hurry up already!" she explained frantically, grabbing Quote's arm and dragging him along behind her.
"You know what? Screw you guys. I'm not going home. I'd rather just die here with no friends to speak of." Misery wept. "Me and my shitty, alcoholic, emo self." And then she just laid down on the floor and slept.
"Come on, let's keep going! Pick up the pace, for fuck's sake!" Sue yelled as Quote was struggling to maintain the energy to keep running at full speed. "If you don't sprint like a man, you might get crushed by these giant mysteriously-falling-from-the-sky bricks, like how Jack got crushed underneath Mahin's fatass body when the two of them unwittingly slept together in their jail cell!"
"Wait, WHAT?" Quote asked frantically, shocked out of his mind. "How in the hell did THAT happen?"
"To make a long story short, Mahin weighs approximately two tons and rolls around in bed a lot." Sue explained.
"So Jack basically got ran over by a steamroller?" Quote asked.
"Basically." Sue replied, gasping for breath.
"You just made that up, didn't you?" Quote realized.
"Me? I would NEVER!" Sue blatantly lied.
"Sue, go ahead and jump off the balcony. It's your only choice." Quote instructed her. "There's unfinished business I need to take care of in this prefab house."
"Does it involve Curly?" Sue asked slyly.
"Maybe." Quote replied, shooting her a brief death glare and busting right through the front door to the house just as a giant brick was about to land right on top of him.
For unexplained reasons, there was now a hole in the floor. "Well, what's a soldier without bravery, I suppose..." he thought to himself, saving his progress and jumping straight down the hole
"Welcome to hell." A mysteriously satanic voice greeted Quote.
"Oh god. Oh man. Oh god, oh man, oh god, oh man, oh god, oh man, oh god, oh man!" Quote moaned, trembling and wetting his pants a little. "Well, what can I say? Even though I only have about 21 HP right now, this level shouldn't be too hard!"
TWENTY TRIES LATER...
"Alright, Curly, I've strapped you onto my back, ran directly through a shitstorm of giant falling blocks of doom, defeated hell's innumerable legions of fallen angels, maneuvered around a fuckload of spikes, narrowly avoided several instant death traps, bobbed and weaved through a myriad of arrows, leapt incredibly long distances, gotten a huge motherload of missiles for my launcher, and kept a piece of bacon in my pocket." Quote monologued. "Are you ready for the grand finale, the icing on the cake, the truly ultimate awakening of ultimate justice?"
"I will be once you finally stop talking, my dear!" Curly teased him.
"Alright, here we are, the final battle of ultimate des- Hey, wait a minute, what in the hell is this crap? We went through everything that this godforsaken shit heap of a level threw at us just for THIS!?" Quote groaned irritatedly, looking up and seeing that the boss was actually nothing more than a giant mechanical Thwomp.
A FEW SECONDS OF MISSILE SPAMMING LATER...
"Alright, it's dead!" Curly yelled as Quote stopped firing and just stood there in the center of the room; at that exact moment, Heavy Press's eye opened and it fell down to the ground, landing with so much weight and impact that it...crushed both of them into pancake.
"OH, GOD DAMN IT, YOU FUCKING CUNT!" Quote yelled as he was restarted back at the save point. "Not Curly, the boss..." he clarified.
MEANWHILE, AS QUOTE WAS TRYING OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO GET THROUGH THE LEVEL...
"You know what? I think I need to have a little talk with Jack." Misery realized.
"Alright, with Quote being gone, the bricks stopped falling from the sky for some odd reason. I guess everything just wants him dead now or some shit. Anyway, let's go! The coast is clear!" Sue signaled Jack and Mahin to come out of the Prefab House's closet.
Suddenly, as the two of them stepped out of the house, Misery appeared and teleported out of the area, bringing Jack, who was suddenly back in his normal outfit, with her.
"Where am I?" Jack wondered.
"The fifty-foot-long, twenty-foot wide maintenance platform of the biggest and tallest billboard on the highest point of this island, almost ten thousand feet above the Balcony!" Misery informed him; sure enough, it was a billboard for Cave Story.
"You see, I've had this whole thing planned out all along!" Misery laughed. "While you were busy wasting your time with whores like Chaco...while you were busy having sex with a flower and playing video games like a twelve-year-old faggot, my brilliant scheme was already coming to fruition!"
"You see, the thing is, if I win, you're just another pawn!" Misery began. "If you win, you'll just feel like an asshole because you beat up a woman!"
"Why'd you do this, Misery?" Jack begged to know.
"BECAUSE I CAN!" Misery yelled at him. "Because making pathetic, weak, helpless little rabbits like you- and the fucking morons who run this place- eat out of the palm of my hand just feels so damn SATISFYING!"
"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU!" Jack yelled at her, clenching both his fists and his teeth.
"Well, you certainly WOULD'VE, if I'd given you the chance! FACE IT, JACK: I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! HA HAAAAAA!" Misery laughed like a crow.
"Oh, congratu-fucking-lations, you're SMARTER than me!" Jack sarcastically complimented her, leaning back, throwing his arms out beside him with the palms of his hands facing outward, and rolling his eyes angrily. "You hate everyone and everyone hates you! FUCKING GENIUS!"
"The Doctor likes me!" Misery argued. "I set him up, turned your DUMB little island into a battleground, got numerous innocent little Mimigas brutally executed, UNFAIRLY, put several others, including you, into therapy, AND HE STILL LIKES ME!"
"YOU'RE SUCH A GODDAMNED BITCH!" Jack screamed at her.
"Hey, at least my father didn't dying trying to do some stupid, pointless fucking KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR bullshit!" Misery yelled.
"YOU'RE AS GOOD AS FUCKING DEAD, YOU HEAR ME?!" Jack screamed, lunging straight at her.
"Uh uh uhh!" Misery teased him, teleporting over to the side of him. "You gotta fight by the rules! ROUND 1: Magic Wand VS Metal Baseball Bat! Dude, get out your bat!"
Jack grabbed his treasured metal baseball bat and a trash-can-lid from his storage bank, using the trash-can lid as his shield, and the battle began. "EN GARDE!" Jack yelled as he thrust the tip of the bat into Misery's stomach, then whacked her upside the face with it.
"Hey, no fair, you didn't even give me a chance to ready my weapon!" Misery scolded him, swinging her wand at him as he blocked it with his bat, then knocked her over with a sweep kick and swung his bat straight down at her as she blocked it with her wand held horizontally between her hands, then rolled over to avoid his final smash and got back up onto her feet.
"EAT BRICKS!" Misery yelled, levitating into the air, summoning enormous bricks, swinging them around like a lasso, and hurling them directly at him with her magic power set to maximum. "HOLY SHITBALLS!" Jack screamed as he lunged out of the way of each brick.
"ULTIMATE BRICK!" Misery screamed as she summoned her largest brick yet, larger than any of the others, and was readying herself to slam it down on top of Jack. "ANY REGRETS, JACK?"
"Come on...come on...AH! HERE IT IS! Malco's Ultimate Firework Bomb!" Jack whispered as he pulled it out from his storage bank, throwing it straight up at the Ultimate Brick right as she was slamming it down. The explosion shattered the brick into pieces, and Jack ran around frantically with his shield held up high like an umbrella to avoid being crushed by the falling debris.
"GATLING BARRAGE!" Misery screamed, summoning a storm of bullets; luckily, Jack's trash-can-lid somehow managed to block all of them as he laid face-down on the ground behind a pile of rubble from the Ultimate Brick.
"DEATH BALL!" Misery screamed, hurling a mystical ball of energy at Jack.
"Ha, you think I've never seen THIS in a Zelda game before?" Jack laughed, deflecting the ball with his baseball bat, only for Misery to deflect it back with her wand, and so on, and so forth, until Misery eventually got tired, mistimed her swing, and was electrocuted by the orb's impact as it hit her.
"WHY, YOU LITTLE- LIGHTNING CANNON!" Misery screamed, firing a huge bolt of lightning at Jack, who absorbed it into his fur through his bat as static electricity, then shot it back out at her through his bat, electrocuting the shit out of her!
"GRR..." Misery growled, lowering herself back down onto the platform. "GOD DAMN IT, NO MORE MESSING AROUND! IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS, WE'RE GONNA DO IT FUCKING RIGHT! FROM THIS POINT ONWARD, THIS FIGHT SHALL BE A BAREHANDED FUCKING BRAWL!" she screamed.
"HMPH! YOU WANNA FUCKING GO?! I'LL GLADLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IF THAT'S WHAT IT FREAKING TAKES!" Jack yelled, ripping his shirt off.
"Umm...Jack, you do realize you just stripped yourself NAKED in the middle of our ultimate showdown, right?" Misery asked him, cocking an eyebrow.
"You know what? AT THIS POINT, I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE! LET'S RUMBLE!" Jack yelled.
Misery took two huge swings with her fists, but Jack managed to duck under both of them, then he sprang straight up with his rabbit legs and kicked her right in the vagina with full force.
"OoOOOOOOoOoOOH!" Misery squealed in pain as Jack punched her in the face, knocking her over, then leapt directly onto her boobs and punched her in the face repeatedly with both arms.
"HEY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT! Also, I think my vagina is bleeding now!" Misery scolded him loudly, spitting two of her broken-loose teeth into Jack's face and springing back up onto her feet, throwing Jack off of her chest.
Misery tried to kick Jack in the groin, but Jack grabbed her leg reflexively and swung her backward, right over his head, into the ground.
Misery continued trying to fight back, but it was simply no use; all she could do was merely attempt in vain to defend herself by raising her arms up in front of her face!
Eventually, Misery gave up and stopped fighting. "I surrender..." she moaned, dropping her magic wand onto the ground and kneeling in front of him. Jack grabbed her by the collar, held her up in front of his face, and asked her the most important question of all:
"DO YOU REALLY MEAN IT?"
"OF COURSE NOT- OoOOOOOOoOoOOH!" Misery squealed in pain yet again as Jack kneed her right in the vagina and shoved her off the width-wise edge of the platform; luckily, she did a backflip in midair and grabbed onto the ledge with her hands, but she was just too weak to pull herself up.
"JUST ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM AND STOP FUCKING FIGHTING!" Jack yelled at her, putting his shirt back on.
"NEVER! I'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!" Misery screamed.
"Well, then...goodbye, Misery." Jack concluded, stomping on Misery's hands with his huge rabbit foot and sending her falling who-knows-how-many meters to her death.
"Good fucking riddance..." Jack spat, grabbing Misery's magic wand and calling Balrog. "Alright, look, Balrog, Misery's dead and I am now the new wielder of the wand, so I am your new master now. Heed my instructions, and heed them good- when the time comes, rescue Quote and Curly. Oh, and, also, don't tell them that Misery is dead, okay?" he instructed Balrog.
"Sure thing, pal." Balrog replied. "Great. Bye!" Jack finished, hanging up. Last but not least, Jack teleported back to where Mahin and Sue were standing on the Balcony.
"Hello, Sue and Mahin." Jack greeted them. "I've got Misery's wand now. I killed her, and now I'm going to throw this stupid thing off the fucking cliff!"
"That's cool." Sue replied. "But we can't jump off the cliff until we have proof that my dragon will save us!"
"Damnit!" Jack yelled. "You want proof? I'll give you proof! Here's proof of what'll happen to your fucking sanity if you stay here too long! I'M IN LOVE WITH A FUCKING FLOWER!" At that moment, tortured and tormented by the horrors (and the whores) of society, he suddenly went insane.
"I'm gonna show YOU, Sue!" Jack laughed ominously. "With Rose's information and my preparations, I can continue to kill people whose names are mentioned in this game, while masquerading as a typical nerd-glasses cliché studying for his dorky-ness exams!"
"Just WATCH me, Sue." Jack growled. "I'll allow my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing repressed memories of my pathetically miserable high school years to come flooding back into my tranquil mind once again...while masturbating with my right hand, and writing love letters with my left!" Jack continued.
"I'll take a red flower...AND EAT IT!" he yelled over-dramatically like a ponce as he brought his previously beloved Rose to his lips and ate her, tears streaming down his heart-meltingly adorable face as he did so.
"Oh, shit, it looks like I'ma gonna have to perform the Him-lick!" Mahin realized, tackling Jack over and body-slamming him right on his borderline-malnourished stomach. Mahin screamed at the top of his lungs as Jack suddenly vomited from the immense pressure to his stomach, causing the partially digested flower to fly straight into Mahin's mouth.
"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH?" Jack asked, panicking.
"I think it's your girlfriend." Mahin answered.
"WHAT?! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DON'T SWALLOW MY BELOVED ROSE! SHE WAS LIKE A FLOWER TO ME!" Jack screamed frantically, tackling Mahin onto the ground, leaping onto Mahin's portly belly and sticking his entire leg down Mahin's throat, since, after all, gagging someone with your finger is just too mainstream.
"TASTE THE MAJESTIC, SWEATY FOOT OF...SOME RANDOM, UH, GUY WITH AN ABSURDLY GENERIC NAME!" Jack bellowed both maniacally and egotistically, his insanity reaching its literal climax.
"SEE HOW IT LEAKS BLISSFULLY FOR YOU! SMELL ITS WONDROUS AROMA OF WEEK-OLD LIMBURGER CHEESE! FEEL THE UNBELIEVABLE CUTENESS OF MY PEERLESSLY ADORABLE ANTHROPOMORPHIC TOES WIGGLING INSIDE YOUR BODY WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO SHATTER THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE INTOFOURTY-TWO MILLION AND A HALFSCUM-SUCKING PIECES! GORGE YOURSELF UPON ITS DELICIOUSLY BARE, NAKED, THREE-DIGIT BEAUTY LIKE A FAT KID GORGES HIMSELF ON CHOCOLATE FUCKING CAKE!" Jack ranted and raved over-excitedly.
"Oh, wait, that didn't really help Marshmallow go to sleep, did it?" Jack realized.
"Nice going, mon frére." Sue scolded him, rolling her eyes and face-palming. "Also, what the fuck was that?"
"True art is incomprehensible, young grasshopper." Jack replied. "Tell me, Sue, why do you hate mustard?"
"Why do nerds wear glasses?" Sue asked smugly with a smirk, crossing her arms at him.
"BECAUSE IT'S HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Jack screamed at the top of his lungs as he ran and leaped off the edge of the balcony with Mahin clinging onto him; Mahin ate him and died of nerd cancer as they were falling. "OH MY GOD, HE'S SO FUCKING NERDY I CAN LITERALLY FEEL HIS GOD-DAMNED NERDY-NESS CONSUMING MY ENTIRE FUCKING BRAIN FROM THE INSIDE OUT! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!" Mahin screamed in agony as the disease melted his entire brain into a thick gooey white paste that poured out through his ears.
MEANWHILE, BACK IN HELL...
Having finally defeated Heavy Press, Quote and Curly went through the giant hole that its massive impact left in the floor, which led into a mysterious hallway.
"Okay, so, from what I can gather, since the bottom of this room is where Heavy Press landed, and there's also no bottom-left door, I would assume that the bottom-right door leads to the final boss, whoever that may be." Quote explained.
"Dude, for the millionth freaking time, it's Ballos for God's sake! How many freaking times do I have to tell you?" Curly reminded him.
"Whatever." Quote replied. "Anyway, let's try the upper-left door first. Maybe it leads to a save point."
"THERE'S A TIME AND A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING, QUOTE...BUT NOT NOW." the door told him, auto-locking itself.
"Dammit, let's just try the upper-right door, then." Quote suggested.
Sure enough, the upper-right door led to a statue gallery room. "Dammit, still no save points?" Quote realized. "Alright, no more fucking around, cause it looks like we're gonna have to beat this entire level AND defeat the final boss with no save points in between!"
"Ooh, that type of difficulty spike stings harder than my periods!" Curly cringed.
"Eww, these statues are ugly! Let's fix em up!" Quote suggested, noticing that the statues were all statues of past and present bad guys; the Doctor's previous three ancestors, and the ever-so-infamous Doctor himself. Through some sort of godlike power, he re-chiseled the statues into good-guy statues simply by SHOOTING THEM WITH HIS POLAR STAR.
Using this ridiculously impossible secret talent of his, he decided to re-chisel the statues into statues of King, Toroko, Curly...and himself.
"Hey, what about Jack?" Curly asked him. "Why not him? I guess the poor kid just never gets any proper attention or recognition whatsoever..."
"Meh, he didn't really have much of a role in the story anyway." Quote replied.
"WHAT?! You sick man! That's just downright cruel of you! He was such an innocent, cute and adorable little boy! Show the nerds some respect!" Curly scolded him, lightly smacking him with the back of her hand.
Once he was finished with that tomfoolery, he went into the lower-right doorway of the main hallway, which led into another, much longer, outdoor hallway. For some reason, there was a whimpering ghost dog sitting at the end of the hallway.
"Aww, it's so cute!" Curly moaned. "Let's see what it has to say, shall we? Please please please?"
"Alright, alright, alright for fuck's sake!" Quote groaned exasperatedly, approaching the ghost dog. "Hello, sir, what would your name be?" he asked the dog.
"I don't have one." the dog whimpered. "Please kill my master. He literally tried to rape me and sell me on E-Bay, and his cruelty doesn't even end there! His magic power is so freaking OP! Please, I beg of you, please find some way to at least nerf it for God's sake!" And with that, the dog vanished from existence.
Opening the next door, Quote and Curly fell into the vast Seal Chamber where Ballos was waiting for them. "Wow, right in between two fucking sets of spikes, how fucking convenient!" Quote said sarcastically.
"Skeletons carpeting the entire floor...ominous Roman pillars everywhere...wow, this is some hardcore Gothic shit right here!" Curly complimented the architects who built the place.
Standing in the center of the room, right in front of his throne, was Ballos, with his eyes closed for some stupid reason; he was about three times Quote's height and had a psychotic grin on his face. "Welcome, noobs. I am Ballos, the wicked Level 99 Wizard of the East." he greeted them, with his right palm resting on his chest to emphasize his welcoming attitude toward them.
"A few years ago, back when people actually gave a shit about World Of Warcraft, I was a world-renowned master of the game." Ballos began to monologue. "I would sit alone in my basement every day on my computer, clicking on monsters, casting magic spells, and talking shit on the voice chat. With my simple yet insanely effective strategy and a fair bit of hacking, I was essentially more or less unstoppable."
"But then one day I let my power grow out of control." he continued, with the crazy shit-eating grin still not disappearing from his face. "The admins foolishly decided to ban me from the game for being too much of an obnoxious phallus-head, which made me awfully angry. If there's one thing you should know about Internet trolls, it's the fact that they can never quite stomach the things that they can dish out; in fact, this is actually their primary weakness, believe it or not."
"And so the mighty heroes of Warcraft have fallen, thanks to the perpetual, unyieldingly endless stupidity of mankind." he continued even further. "Upon realizing my fate, I reinvented something that no man in modern times before me had even dared to reinvent...real life magic. Harnessing the true power of this twisted, destructive, maniacal new discovery of mine, I permanently erased World Of Warcraft and all of its creators from existence, and then I murdered my entire family as punishment for calling me a basement dweller."
"And now that I've been eternally grounded for life here in this stinking Hell's chamber, I can no longer distinguish friend from foe. Anyone who is too feeble-minded and stupid to comprehend the nigh-limitless power of true black sorcery must be destroyed! Now, we shall see who's better equipped...IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Ballos screamed, opening his eyes, one of which was glowing red. "You wanted me? Well, NOW YOU'VE GOT ME!"
"So, uhh...were you even listening to all that?" Ballos asked.
"Uhh...well, sorry, but...no, not really." Quote replied, waking from his boredom-induced slumber. "What game were you playing again?"
"WHY, YOU GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKERS! GET THE HELL OVER HERE!" Ballos screamed furiously, using his levitation powers to charge shoulder-first into Quote, sending him flying almost halfway across the room.
"Hmph..." Ballos sneered. "If my strength alone isn't enough to stop you, maybe THIS will!" he yelled, levitating high up above them and casting Vile Voltage. A lightning storm was generated out of thin air, and, somehow, Quote was able to dodge every single bolt, even with the lightning clearly being attracted toward his metallic body.
"WHAT? This makes no fucking sense!" Ballos yelled. "Heroes really can survive anything, can't they?"
Standing directly underneath Ballos, Quote began pumping Polar Star shots into him. "You DARE shoot me in the GROIN?" Ballos yelled angrily, readying himself to summon one last bolt. "YOU MUST DIE!"
However, forgetting that Quote was right above him, he summoned the bolt right above himself. The bolt hit him right in the brain, almost frying him unconscious...but he still had a few more tricks up his sleeve.
"Behold my true form and despair!" Ballos commanded them dramatically as his bizarre new form, an enormous ball of rock with his face on it, landed on the floor.
"What in the flying fuck is that thing?" Quote asked.
"Dunno...looks a lot like the moon from Majora's Mask, except with Ballos' face on it." Curly replied.
"Wait a minute...Mimiga mask...THREE DAYS...MOON FROM MAJORA'S MASK...oh, God damn it, how could I have been ignorant enough to not notice this? THIS GAME IS OBVIOUSLY MAJORA'S FUCKING MASK IN DISGUISE!" Quote realized.
"THIS IS MY TRUE FORM!" Ballos yelled at them. "Behold it and despair!"
And with that, Ballos jumped and landed on the floor three times in a row every few seconds, scattering bones everywhere each time as Quote ran under him. "Wow, what a predictable pattern!" Quote snickered.
"YOU DARE INSULT MY FLAWLESSLY MEMORABLE PATTERN?!" Ballos yelled. "Oh, wait..." Sure enough, Quote was perched right on top of his lower eyelid. Ballos screamed in pain as Quote began spamming Level 2 blades into his eyes.
"THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!" Ballos screamed, shutting his now-blinded eyes and surrounding himself with a rotating octagon-shaped arrangement of eye rocks. "LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN JUST RUN UNDER THIS- oh, wait."
Once Quote had blasted all eight eyes shut, Ballos levitated into the center of the room and began shaking, his eye-rock shield rotating rapidly as a similar, albeit much slower, rotating arrangement of platforms appeared around him.
"NOW...BEHOLD my TRUE form and DESPAIRRRR!" Ballos screamed at the top of his lungs as his eye sockets and mouth burst open, splattering the blood of all the poor souls he had eaten all over the place.
"You got blood on my beautiful red fucking HAT!" Quote scolded him angrily. "Now you're going to fucking PAY!" he yelled, taking out his missile launcher and blasting the shit out of the vulnerable half of Ballos' defense eyes, followed by Ballos himself. But just as he was about to defeat Ballos, he ran out of missiles. And his Polar Star was out of batteries as well, and, worst of all, Curly's Nemesis was even literally firing rubber ducks! "Shit, what am I gonna do now?" he thought to himself. "There's fucking demonic angels shooting me with flying fucking arrows from all fucking directions and I'm running out of fucking health. There's only one fucking thing left to do..."
Suddenly, King's spirit yelled "ZA WARUDO!", stopping time once again. "Use the grenade, Quote..." King's voice echoed through Quote's mind. "Trust us, Quote...we will gladly sacrifice ourselves if it means that the world will be saved from destruction. Rub lotion on our backs and we'll rub lotion on yours, Quote." Jack explained. "And we'll also give you a lollipop with a nice big smiley face on it too! YAY!" Toroko added excessively.
"For fuck's sake, Jack, we're both dead! Not to mention that at least two of us are also straight!" King corrected him. "Oh, yeah, right...my bad." Jack snickered.
"Whee! I love you so much, you're my favorite friend in the whole wide world! Look at me, I'm still just an adorable huggable cuddly-wuddly lil' bunny! Sweeter than a marshmallow! Huggie wuggie wuggie! Let's snuggle! YAY!" Toroko squealed delightfully with more than a slight tinge of sarcasm, deliberately mocking her own irreplaceably intense, albeit try-hard, cuteness.
"The grenade...THAT'S IT!" Quote suddenly realized with delight, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his one and only Holy Hand Grenade. Holding it up into the air, he watched as the grenade absorbed the vengeful spirits of Jack, King and Toroko.
"I HAVE THE POWER!" Quote yelled epically at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing all the way from the Seal Chamber to Tokyo and back. And then, our savior, Quote, reached toward the heavens yet again, with grenade still in hand, saying, "O King, bless this thy hand grenade that, with it, thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."
And with that, Quote threw the grenade with a combination of shockingly weak physical force and devastatingly powerful emotional force; he almost missed, but the spirits contained within the grenade allowed it to change course in midair and fly directly into Ballos' eye socket just as time began to flow again. "Huzzah, motherfucker."
The grenade exploded in an amazingly awesome and nuclear fashion, releasing so much light energy that it caused the entire room to flash pure white for several seconds, shattering Ballos into at least ten thousand bloody pieces and causing both Quote's and Curly's jaws to drop to the floor with sheer, utter amazement. And with that, Quote began to sing. "Now you're dead, we're dead cause we killed you-"
"No time for celebration just yet!" Curly reminded him. "Do you hear someone speaking or is that just me?"
"Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote, Quote...IT HURTS, QUOTE...PLEASE...GO AWAY...OH, GOD...IT BURNS..." Ballos's disembodied voice bone-chillingly moaned through the air as the walls began to close in on the two of them.
"Shit, what're we gonna do now?" they frantically wondered to themselves. Suddenly, they heard a familiar voice. "OH, YEAH!" Balrog yelled as he busted in through the ceiling. "Now that you've gotten rid of the Demon Crown's influence, Misery finally stopped whining about how emo she is and decided to let me help you guys. Thank the almighty Lord...I was so tired of hearing her listen to Linkin Park everywhere she went." Balrog explained.
"Anyway, climb onto my body!" Balrog commanded them, causing Quote to snigger. "JUST CLIMB ONTO MY FREAKING HEAD AND GET THIS STUPID SHIT OVER WITH, WILL YOU!?" Balrog yelled angrily at him.
And so they climbed onto him and he jumped right through the ceiling. "Oh my god, is your head alright?" Curly asked.
"Mimigas taste good with ketchup." Balrog replied. "ERR, I MEAN YES, MY HEAD IS PERFECTLY FINE!"
"I always did wonder about him..." Quote whispered to Curly.
"What was that?" Balrog asked him arrogantly.
"Oh, nothing." Quote replied, whistling innocently. "Let's just find a hotel and stay there for a night while we think about where to live, shall we?"
"That sounds alright!" Curly replied as the island finally stopped falling. "Hey, toaster, you got any money in ya?"
"I'M NOT A FUCKING TOASTER! WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT?!" Balrog screamed in pure pent-up aggravation at the fact that no one understood exactly what he was.