Chapter Twenty-One
A warm summer breeze welcomed him as he stepped out onto the sandy beach and shut the door behind him. The rich aroma in the air suddenly filled his senses with the natural combination of sea salt and sweet nectar from the forest of blooming flowers just beyond the untouched soil. The sound of waves crashing upon the shoreline brought about a familiar sense of peace and serenity back into his heavy hearts. Shielding his eyes from the light of the sun, he scanned the horizon until he came upon the presence of a familiar life form standing patiently at the shore's wake. As she stood with her back turned to him, her long black cloak flowed with the wind as if it were dancing to the rhythm of a melody only it could hear. Taking a deep breath, he urged himself forward and approached the visitor from behind. His boots left a trail of impressions in the sand from his beloved sanctuary towards his uncertainty. Finally reaching her, he took his place at her side and tucked his hands into his pockets as they looked out unto the brilliant sight ahead of them. The sun's reflection upon the water's surface glistened in a million different places as if the ocean itself were attempting to imitate its impressive light.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he declared as if in mid-conversation, taking the moment of temporary calm to breathe in the fresh air all around them as if it would be his last. "I used to come here whenever I had convinced myself that the vast well of internal hope had finally dried up. Back when nothing seemed to make sense anymore." He paused as the memories of his past began to filter into his thoughts. She remained quiet at his words as if lost somewhere inside of her own turmoil and continued to look ahead of them as if searching for answers within the seemingly endless horizon. "I used to think this place had a way of making you feel a hundred years younger. Sort of like regenerating without all the fuss. You could leave here feeling entirely brand new. Cleansed of a lifetime's worth of hatred and pain from your own reflection. Not this face though, never this face. It's the eyebrows, they're much too cross." In her continued silence, he absent-mindedly dug the tip of his boot into the damp sand and watched intently as the tiny air bubbles trapped underneath popped up to the surface.
"How did you find me?" she finally spoke from behind her shaded mask, unwilling to abandon her outward gaze to glance in his direction.
"Oh, I'm really clever," he replied casually, keeping their conversation to a certain level of "gentlemanly" discretion.
"Whatever you have planned, it won't work," she insisted through the disguise in her voice.
"If you really believe that, then why did you come?"
She hesitated for a moment as if carefully considering her answer, "Curiosity perhaps."
"Ah yes. Of course." He glanced towards her, catching a glimpse of his own reflection upon the side of her face as he attempted to study what little she had to offer beyond her hidden expression. "Why the mask? Are you so ashamed of what you really are?"
She felt herself smirking at his question, reminding herself of his ability to shield his underlying intentions beneath his words. "We all wear masks, Doctor. Even you." She looked to him, finally acknowledging his presence beside her for the first time. "The Raven is not a face. It is but a concept defined and moulded over time. Faces change, as you know, but ideas are everlasting. Rid a world of one evil and another will soon rise in its place. It is an inevitability."
"Oh? And which are you? Evil or inevitable? There's a difference," he retorted, trying to break through her defences and reach out to her in the only way he knew how. "You know what else is inevitable? Life. Like evil, life will always find a way to exist. You can't have one without the other, it doesn't work. It all comes down to how we as passengers in this universe are able to balance the two. No matter the path we have found ourselves on."
Quynn laughed quietly to herself, keeping her mother's words of wisdom fresh within her mind. "We make our own paths, Doctor. When it comes to the natural order of good versus evil, I was always taught that one is better equipped at prevailing over the other."
"Well then, perhaps you haven't found the right teacher yet," he insinuated. "Lesson number one - never mistake kindness for weakness."
"Wise words... for a murderer," she noted, glaring him down. "There's a reason your very name strikes fear in the hearts of those who would rise against you. Perhaps we aren't so different, you and I."
He sighed and hung his head at his daughter's accusations, unable to refute nor ignore the accuracy behind them. He had hoped she would have seen more to him than what she had been led to believe, that he stood for something greater than the terrible things he had done in his past. But how could she? Beyond the hearts she bore that he gave her, apart from the blood they shared that flowed through their veins, they were nothing more than strangers. As far as she was concerned, she had no father. He had never been there for her. She had no reason to believe that he wasn't everything Missy had portrayed him to be. And yet, he still felt there was a chance he could open her eyes to the side of him she had never seen before. As long as there remained hope that he could have a future with her in his life he would never give up trying. "It's true. I've shed more blood than you can even imagine. I've lived long enough to know that in the end, when all others have fallen, there will only ever be one person still standing on the empty battlefield. And I've spent most of my life making sure that person would be me." He lifted his head and attempted to explain the inner demons buried underneath a lifetime's worth of denial and self-hatred so that she would understand his pain. "I never claimed to be a hero. I never asked for that. People like us, we go on too long. Our perspectives are too vast, too far away. When you get around to being as old as I am, you tend to lose track of what's really important. You reach a point where everything starts to look the same. Faces, planets, stars, ...wars. They all blend together. You begin to forget which side you're fighting on. You start to realize that your version of good and evil is not absolute. It's vain and arrogant and sometimes even a little bit sentimental. But you still try. And maybe, just maybe, nothing you do will even matter in the end. The same mistakes will be made, wars will still be fought, hearts will still be broken."
"So why do you do it? Why protect them?" she asked, unsure of what he was trying to accomplish with his confession.
"That's a rather good question, isn't it? The answer, of course, is that life is very fleeting when you're not immortal. For every billion of them you meet, there will be one who truly understands how beautiful and precious life is. They make every moment count. You may not understand this now, but one day, when there are no more worlds left to conquer, no more people left to fall, you'll find yourself all alone in this universe."
A moment of silence passed between them as they returned their attention towards the view ahead. Quynn took advantage of the absence of words to grasp what he was trying to say. His wisdom was far beyond her understanding of the universe, and yet, a part of her envied him. He was free to traverse the stars as he pleased, unburdened by the reins that would try to steer him from his own desires. He was answerable to no one but himself. She longed for the day she would no longer be forced to assume the role of errand "boy" by her mother's command, that she too would be free to make her own choices. Perhaps, buried somewhere underneath all the layers of her training and loathing of him, there was a part of her that desired to be saved. "Why have you brought me here?" she finally addressed that which had yet to be discovered.
"For the same reason that you came. Deep down, we both know there is something much larger than our indifference happening all around us than we have been led to believe." He paused as if waiting for some kind of validation or enlightenment to take its place between them. In her returned silence, he sighed and looked out towards the horizon once more. He took a moment to clear his thoughts, shedding them of everything he knew himself to be. Every witty exchange, every defeated army, every enemy he had ever brought to their knees by his cleverness alone. She was more to him than any of those he had come across. She deserved better. She deserved the truth. "I never wanted to be a father again," he started, trying to bring himself to a level of maturity that she could understand. "I was so sure of it. I lost all of that a long time ago, along with everything else. I had convinced myself that I could never again face the responsibility. The hole they left, the pain that filled it. It was just too much for me." He turned to her and brought a smile to his face despite the woe he felt in his hearts by the memories of his past. "And then you came into existence. The veil suddenly lifted. Before I even knew what was happening to me, the old me had died and a new me had been reborn. I had fallen in love with that feeling all over again. I've watched you grow, I protected you, I offered you my love without ever asking for anything in return. And yet, the more I stood by watching as you thrived within your mother the more I began to regret everything that had been and will be taken from me. The missed experiences, the lessons lost, the wounds I would never heal. I realized how badly I wanted you in my life. And I still do."
Quynn snickered quietly to herself from beneath her mask as if invalidating his returned accusations. "So clever, and yet so set in your own ways. I should commend you for your consistency, it only makes you that much easier to predict. Are you really so desperate for my acceptance?"
"Are you really so desperate to deny the possibility?" he countered.
She turned her head and narrowed her eyes to glare at the man before her, taking advantage of the glass that separated him from her readable expression. "You are my sworn enemy. There's nothing you could say that would make me believe you."
"I don't need you to believe me. I only need you to ask yourself one thing. What if I'm right?"
Quynn felt herself becoming more agitated the longer she endured the unyielding nature of their conversation, yet retained her calm demeanour so as not to offer him a reason to view her as weak. "Say you are. What difference would it make?"
"All the difference in the universe, I'd imagine," he replied sincerely. He inhaled a deep breath and tried to find a way to relate to her on a more personal level. Even if that meant lowering his defences to succumb to a vulnerable state of mind in order for her to listen. "Quynn. I-" he started to say but fell short of words as he sensed something rather disturbing beginning to form inside of him. Something he could not have anticipated. Before he could say anything more, he was suddenly hit with an excruciating amount of pain as if he had just been shot in the stomach. He cried out in agony and folded himself in front of her, his eyes wide with fear. His hands searched frantically for an entry wound yet found nothing to suggest that he had become a target. He lifted his gaze towards his daughter, taking notice of her current unarmed status, and quickly concluded that she was just as perplexed by his sudden malfunction as he. His mind burst into action over what could be happening to him. A part of him feared that his interference in altering the course of their fate had made a turn for the worse. That he had unintentionally doomed himself by the disruption he had caused. As the pain intensified, he found it difficult to think rational thoughts. He had been shot plenty of times before, but not like this. Whatever this was, it was significantly different than anything he had ever experienced. And suddenly, he understood.
"Clara!" he called out in a whisper. He looked to his daughter with a new sense of desperation in his eyes then turned his attention to the TARDIS resting peacefully in the distance. Gathering himself to a standing position as best he could, he abandoned his position beside her and bolted in the direction of the blue doors. The journey back to his companion felt like an eternity as each step in the ship's direction pulled him closer to collapsing in the sand.
Finally reaching the doors, he burst his way back into the time machine. His eyes searched frantically for his companion from the doorway. The first sound he heard upon entering were her screams from the other side of the console. "Clara?!" he called urgently, beginning to panic over what had become of her in his brief absence. Making his way to the other side of the room, he saw her standing against the railing next to one of the outer control panels.
"Doctor!" she shouted, gripping the rail as tightly as she could.
He stopped dead in his tracks as he came to observe the dampness of the floor she stood upon. Her frightened expression was matched only by the look of shock in his eyes at the sight of her. His thoughts raced as he realized exactly what was happening. Their time was finally up whether they were ready for it or not. And right now, there was no one further from ready that he. He quickly rushed to her side and carefully wrapped her in a tender embrace. It took every last ounce of will power he had remaining to hold back his own pain so that he could concentrate on being what he needed to be for her.
"I'm sorry, Doctor. I didn't know," she admitted as fresh tears fell down her terrified face.
"Shhh, don't be sorry," he soothed her, running his hand through her hair in an attempt to comfort her. "I'm here now, you're going to be alright. Everything is going to be fine." Every part of her was shaking in his grasp as she desperately clung to his jacket. She suddenly cried out in agony as another harsh contraction tore through them both. He winced at its severity felt from within him, fearing that the shortened time between her strengthening pains proved things were progressing much faster than he had originally envisioned them. His mind worked quickly to plot out exactly what was going to happen next, taking the time to silently curse himself for not having properly prepared for this moment. He had spent all of his spare time hoping to solve their way out of their paradoxal predicament before it had come to this point. Regaining his mind, he brought a trembling hand to press upon her belly in search of the position of their child. He could feel his companion's muscles tense under his palm as they instinctively urged the baby downward. He couldn't help but feel responsible for her unbearable suffering. He never meant to hurt her this way, if only he had known that his love for her would lead to so much pain.
As he continued to press along the surface of her abdomen, his senses suddenly activated to the presence of another entering the threshold of his domain. He heard Clara gasp at the sight of their new guest now standing in the open doorway of the ship. Following his companion's gaze, his eyes met the silhouette of his daughter as she examined the bigger-on-the-inside space for the first time. He sighed and wondered to himself how their situation could possibly get any worse. "You remember Quynn."
"You brought her with you?!" Clara exclaimed through gritted teeth as her eyes shot back to him angrily.
"Well, I thought now was as good a time as any to learn life's valuable lesson about the birds and the bees. One less thing we have to worry about later," he quipped, hoping his humour might lessen the murderous look in her eyes.
"You do know she wants to kill me, right?"
"Yes, well, that's the trouble with family reunions, isn't it? Someone's bound to still be holding a grudge."
Quynn seized the moment of opportunity during the chaos to cross the threshold of the unusually designed console room, running her gloved hand along the railing as she came around it. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced, and yet, there was something about the way the ship pulsated with energy that felt comforting as if it were welcoming her. Her fingers traced lightly over the buttons on the panel beside her as she curiously proceeded further into the space provided. "Your ship is impressive," she addressed the old man from across the room, "I don't believe I've ever seen anything quite like it."
"Ah, well, I'd offer you a tour but I seem to have my hands full at the moment. But please, do make yourself at home," he replied facetiously. He watched intently as she stopped at the end of the handrail near the stairs and leaned back against it, crossing her arms in front of her.
"Sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but any chance we could continue this conversation in a real hospital, with actual doctors?!" Clara asked urgently.
"About that," he began apologetically. "I didn't want to have to be the one to tell you this, but it would appear as though we're well past that point."
"Seriously?!" she asked, hoping he was being funny. His face proved otherwise. "Great! That's just brilliant! So floor then?" she asked heatedly.
"I'm afraid so," he informed her, trying his hardest to be as understanding as possible to the emotions now encompassing her.
"Well, get on with it then!" she screamed between heavy breaths as another contraction ripped through her body.
He gritted his teeth and exhaled a painful groan at their shared afflictions. Taking a moment to regain himself, he attempted to block the feeling from his mind, even if only a little, knowing that he was no use to her like this. A sudden rush of adrenaline shot through him at his success. "Right! Here we go!" he announced, springing into action. Releasing his grasp on her, he bolted towards the sofa on the upper platform and began to pull the cushions off of it. Turning his attention towards Quynn, he pointed in her direction. "You, mopey one!" he openly addressed her. "Are you just going to stand there like a newel post or are you going to help me?!"
"You can't be serious," she uttered in shock.
"Do you wish to be born or not?!" he replied angrily, tossing a cushion over the railing in her direction on the lower platform. Catching it, she looked to him with a stilled expression he could only assume resembled dumbfoundedness hiding beneath her mask. "Now help me!" he ordered her. Taking up the throw blanket in his grasp, he headed back down the stairs towards his frightened companion and laid it neatly on the grated floor. He worked quickly to remove his jacket and tossed it upon the console then began to roll up his sleeves in preparation. Glancing back to his daughter, he realized that she had yet to abandon her position as if she had been glued to the floor. "Why are you still standing there like an idiot?! C'mon c'mon c'mon!" he yelled, gesturing her forward. She hesitantly began to approach, unsure of how he had managed to persuade her to do so. "And while you're at it, bring that," he pointed next to her at the medical bag he had used not so long ago during his last equally distressing experience. She reluctantly did as she was told as he rushed back to his companion and gently took her by the arm and waist. "You're alright, I've got you," he assured her, slowly leading her towards the space he had prepared for her.
As they came closer, Clara suddenly froze to the floor as a wave of fear drowned all the confidence she had stored within her. "I can't do this," she admitted, her body trembling in his grasp.
"Yes, you can," he encouraged her, attempting to relieve her of her petrified state.
"I'm not ready."
"I don't think we have a choice."
"I'm afraid, Doctor."
"I'll be with you every step of the way."
"That's what I'm afraid of," she managed to tease through her pain. He frowned at her humour. "Are you sure you can do this?"
"We're about to find out," he replied, herding her forward.
Quynn placed the medical bag at one end of the blanket then approached the couple, setting the cushion down at the other. She looked to his companion and extended a gloved hand towards her for her to take. Clara froze in place at the gesture and fearfully clung to the Doctor for protection. Quynn slowly lowered her hand in understanding, realizing that her appearance was far from comforting. Though that had never stopped her in the past, she knew that her real purpose here had yet to be fulfilled. Helping to put the terrified woman's mind at rest was the least she could do. Hesitating for only a moment, she brought her hands to her hood and removed it from its position then started for the clasps that bound the mask securely to her face. Releasing it, she clipped it to her hip and allowed them to gaze upon her newly exposed form.
"Oh, that's just unfair," the Doctor griped childishly, then glanced down at his frightened companion. "Why does she get to be ginger?"
"Doctor, a little focus please!" Clara insisted, trying to find the courage to accept what was happening.
"Right," he replied, shaking the distraction from his mind. Taking hold of her, he urged her forward as Quynn removed her gloves and offered a hand once more. Clara reluctantly accepted, carefully placing her hand in her daughter's, and allowed the Doctor and Quynn to help her down to the floor to kneel beside her. Placing his hand behind her for support, he carefully leaned her back against the cushion and brushed the hair from her face. "Is this alright?" he asked, hoping he had at least managed to aid in her level of comfort.
"Nothing about this is alright," she answered, reminding him of their abnormal situation.
He glanced towards his daughter, inhaling a deep breath in preparation of what was to come, then manoeuvred himself to the other end of his companion. He hesitantly reached beneath her dress and carefully removed her undergarment, tossing it aside. He rolled the bottom part of her dress up to her waist to better understand what he was dealing with and concentrated on keeping his expression from revealing to anyone that he had no idea what he was doing. When it came to his efforts in studying human anatomy, he was not aware that grazing over the female reproductive system would later come with its own set of consequences. "Maybe there's still time to locate River to assist with all this," he admitted his defeat prematurely.
"Your pregnant girlfriend is giving birth to your child and you want to invite your wife along, have I got that right?" she bit back angrily.
"Well, when you put it like that-"
"Doctor!" she screamed, trying to hold back her pain.
"Right right! Sorry!"
"Can you do this or not?!"
He inhaled a deep breath and tried his hardest to locate his confidence. "I can do this. I'm fairly certain I can do this. You wouldn't happen to be part octopus, would you?" he asked, teetering between whether or not he was teasing or just being hopeful.
"When this is all over, remind me to slap you!" she cried out as she was suddenly hit with a contraction more painful than anything she had experienced yet.
He winced severely and clutched his stomach, grunting heavily from the unexpected assault of their bond. "Fair enough," he agreed from under his breath, knowing he'd probably deserve it. "Just remember to breathe, that's the important thing."
"Not helping!" she screamed irritably.
"I was talking to myself!" he responded, forcing his recovery.
She groaned and gritted her teeth as her body instinctively urged her to begin pushing. She shut her eyes and screamed again as she felt herself opening. Her frightened tears streamed down her face uncontrollably. She clenched her fists and tried to maintain her breathing as the pain intensified. She was suddenly taken by surprise as she felt a warm hand upon her own. She opened her eyes and glanced down, taking notice of Quynn's unexpected gesture, then looked to her daughter's sympathetic expression. Clara willed a weak smile to her face in appreciation and hesitantly unclenched her hand to close it around her daughter's. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for shooting you."
Quynn, surprised by Clara's confession, glanced towards the Doctor's raised brow. His eyes met hers and softened as if to beg her forgiveness on his companion's behalf. She wasn't exactly sure of the emotions going on inside of her at that moment. She couldn't help but wonder if faced with the same situation, would she have done the same? She knew all too well how deeply the old man loved the woman who travelled with him wherever he went. The way he looked at her was unlike anything she had seen or felt before. He was truly prepared to do anything for her. "I... understand," she replied, conflicted by the thoughts now invading her mind.
Clara groaned again as another wave of pain shattered the moment between them. "What's going on down there?!" she shouted urgently, concerned by the lack of usual commentary from him.
"I'm not sure. I seem to have misplaced the manual," he replied, distracting himself from his own pain by staring into the void of her as if he were attempting to solve an unsolvable puzzle.
Ah, there he is, she thought, rolling her eyes with great irritation. "Ugh! Can you see her?!" she yelled back, now regretting her previous question.
"Yes, I think so," he replied unconvincingly. "Just out of curiosity, was she only supposed to have one head?"
"Yes, you idiot!" she screamed, trying to resist the urge to murder him.
"Good. I haven't miscalculated then." Removing himself from her delicate area, he came around to her side and gently placed a hand on her abdomen, rubbing it affectionately. "You're doing well, Clara. Everything is going as it should be, I can see her. But now I need you to push for me."
"I can't!" she cried, exhausted both in mind and body.
"Yes, you can."
"It hurts, Doctor!"
"I know. I know it does, Clara. Quite literally, actually." He removed his hand from her middle to place it at his own, wincing as he rubbed at the part of him still able to feel her pain. "Probably not the best time to bring it up, but I'm starting to have second thoughts about our bond," he confessed, observing as she turned her head to glare at him with a rage-filled expression. "Never mind, it's not important," he quickly changed the subject. "The point is, you've been through so much already. You've been shot, kidnapped, torn apart, you've died and come back to life. Worst of all you've had to put up with me through all of it. And when has that ever stopped you?"
She shook her head as her tears continued to fall down her face, "I can't, not this. I'm not strong enough."
He carefully wiped her tears away and gazed sympathetically into her eyes. "Clara, listen to me. You can do this. I know you can. You're my impossible girl, there's nothing you can't do. The Clara I know you to be would never have allowed herself to become defeated by this. You're stronger than anyone in this room, and right now I need you to prove it." He leaned down and softly kissed her forehead, then returned his gaze to hers. "Now come on, my brave girl. Push for me."
She stared into the eyes that begged her to trust him as the memories of all they had ever done together came rushing back into her thoughts all at once. They were companions willing to push each other to extremes, and now was the time for her to show him what that had made of her. She smiled as best as she could, then took a deep breath and nodded with all the confidence she could gather from within her. "Alright, daft old man. Let's do a thing."
"You and me, together. Just as we always have," he added, smiling in her direction. Taking her hand in his, he tenderly kissed its surface and returned to the place where he was needed the most. Looking to her, he nodded to let her know it was time for her to show him what she could really do.
She closed her eyes and concentrated on what she needed to accomplish. When she was ready, she gripped Quynn's hand, took a deep breath, and then pushed with everything she had left. She cried out in agonizing pain as she felt the baby inching further away from the place she had known for so long.
"That's it! Push, Clara!" he called out to her. Clara collapsed back to the cushion in exhaustion, trying desperately to find the strength to continue on. "Come on, Clara. You can do it, you're nearly there!" he encouraged her. She inhaled another deep breath then lifted her head and began to push again as her screams resonated off the walls around them. "Good girl! That's it!" he exclaimed.
She gasped for breath as her head hit the cushion once more. Every part of her felt drained of energy. The will to carry on had nearly been extinguished. Her mind had become diluted into believing she had nothing left to give. As her tears streamed down her face, she wanted so badly to give up, that she had finally found a task too great a challenge for her. Turning her head, her eyes met Quynn's. As frightened as she had been of everything her daughter had ever stood for, for the first time it was as if she were looking upon her with an entirely new set of eyes. She suddenly realized that the face that gazed back at hers had been shed of its identity just for her, just for this one moment. One small act of kindness. And for that, she understood what it was the Doctor saw buried deep within her. She could see his love, though very faint, trying desperately to break through. Perhaps he had been right all along. Perhaps something more than just her appearance had changed upon her regeneration. Whatever that was, it was enough for Clara to feel the fear within her beginning to fade. The most important thing she could do now was to continue on. If not for herself or for the Doctor, then for her daughter.
"Come on, Clara. Don't give up!" he pleaded.
She closed her eyes and willed every bit of herself still fighting to win, then took a deep breath and began to push as if she had never done so before. Her screams filled the air as her body tore, but she refused to give in to the pain. Failing herself was easy, she was only human after all. But failing the Doctor, that would never leave her.
"That's it! Just a little bit more!" he called to her.
Clara breathed heavily as she attempted to regain herself, then looked to him and pushed as hard as she could giving it everything she had. She felt him reach in for the baby and carefully helped her the rest of the way out. She gasped at the sensation of her child being pulled from her body, feeling every bit of her familiar warmth leave with her.
"I have her!" he exclaimed. "You've done it, Clara!"
Clara collapsed to the cushion and cried tears of elation, knowing her efforts towards bringing life into this world were finally over. A moment later, the cries of their newly born baby girl filled her ears.
Quynn, now free from Clara's grasp, stood and came around her. She worked to unfasten the cloak from her shoulders and placed the cloth delicately on the floor next to the Time Lord. He nodded his gratitude and carefully placed the newborn upon the warm material. He then reached into the medical bag and pulled out the surgeon's kit. Unrolling it, he retrieved a pair of clamps and scissors from inside. Quynn removed herself from the couple and allowed them a moment of privacy as he worked to carefully separate the child from her chord and close it off. Once finished, he gently wrapped the tiny infant in the cloak and lifted her into his arms as she continued to cry.
"Is she okay?" Clara asked, worried by the sound of her daughter's distress.
"She's perfect," he replied with an over-joyous grin and brought their child around for her mother to see.
Clara gasped at the sight of the small girl, taking in every bit of her for the first time as fresh tears formed in her eyes. A small tuft of brown hair stuck out from beneath the cloth and not a furrowed brow to be seen. She reached out and gently brushed her finger over her baby's soft hand, then looked to the father of her child. "She's beautiful, Doctor."
"Just like her mother," he noted with a smile, capturing the heart-warming moment between the two most important women in his life. "Look, Clara," he whispered in awe, carefully holding the tiny infant up towards his brightly lit face, "I'm a father again."
"It suits you," she replied, smiling up at his beaming expression.
"Can we have another?" he asked excitedly.
"You think it can wait five minutes, she's just been born," she laughed, holding out her hands as he placed the baby with care into her mother's arms. As their child began to settle, Clara couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love she bore in her heart for her. "I can't believe we actually did it."
He brought his hand to her forehead and lightly stroked her brow, "You were extraordinary."
"Well one of us had to be," she grinned up at him. "Whose brilliant idea was it to have you deliver a baby?"
"Yes, well, it would seem we're a bit short-staffed around here in the baby delivering department," he noted, returning the smile.
"Well alright. But next time, it's your go," she teased.
"Fair enough," he replied playfully. He leaned in towards his companion and lovingly kissed her brow, then pulled away to gaze into her eyes. "I'm so very proud of you, Clara," he whispered, brushing his fingers across her cheek. He couldn't express in words the emotions rushing through him as he looked to her warm-heartedly. "Oh, Clara. My Clara. You are everything to me," he professed softly. She smiled up at him as he tenderly looked upon his family together at last. He would never be able to forget this moment for as long as he lived.
"Doctor. It's time," Quynn spoke solemnly from the other side of the room.
The old man felt his smile slowly fade away as his entire world was suddenly dragged back to reality. His eyes lowered from his companion's face as he woefully hung his head and nodded in understanding.
"No. Please, Doctor. Don't," Clara warned, her fears finding their place within her once more.
"I have to," he confessed, feeling every bit of his hearts tearing apart. No matter how hard he had tried to prepare himself for this moment, there was no avoiding how painful it would actually be when the time had finally arrived. The emotions flowing through him could not have been narrowed down to one alone as all of them hit him at once. His hatred, his rage, and his vengeance were all present within him, taking their place upon the forefront of his mind and soul. But so was his love. His fear of losing Clara was stronger than any other emotion combined. In order for him to save her from the duty Quynn was bound by, he would be forced to hurt his beloved companion. Finding his courage, he reached out and placed his hands on either side of his child.
"No, don't you dare," she threatened him, her eyes were wide and fierce. "Please, don't do this. Don't you take her away from me."
"I have no choice," he told her, carefully prying the infant from her grasp. The baby began to cry at the disturbance.
"No, wait!" she begged him as he stood with the infant in his arms. "Please! Just a little longer!" she cried out as he moved further away from her. "Give her back to me! Don't send her away!" She rolled to her side as best she could and reached out towards him, wincing severely at the pain still coursing through her body. "Doctor!" she tried to stop him.
"It'll be okay. I'll find a way to get her back, I promise," he tried to comfort her, holding back his tears. There was no way to know for certain if he would even be able to come through on that promise in the end. All he did know was that now was the time for him to be strong enough for both of them.
"Doctor, please! Don't do this to me!" she screamed, hoping that her attempts to bring him back to her would not be in vain. When he did not turn around, she realized how completely powerless she had become. Her tears of devastation had turned to streaks of rage as her heart became filled with spite and fury towards him. "You're a monster!" she shouted without even realizing it, then collapsed to the floor defeatedly as her tears fell to the grated metal. She couldn't help but feel the act of his betrayal melt every bit of forgiveness she had granted him despite everything he had put her through. There would be no coming back from this now. "I hate you," she whispered under her sobs.
Her harsh words halted him in place as the wound of her confession shattered his hearts into a million pieces. If they had been made of glass, they would have surely hit the floor and fallen into oblivion. He glanced mournfully at the small baby in his grasp, trying desperately not to be consumed by his own devastation. "So do I," he admitted as his self-loathing regained its hold over his emotions. Lifting his gaze, he continued his approach towards Quynn. Each step in her direction felt as if he were treading through a bog thick with his own despair. Finally reaching her, he took one last look at his child as if there was a small sliver of hope that somehow this wouldn't be goodbye. At least not for long. He sighed with a painfully heavy heart then carefully placed his daughter into her own open arms as Clara continued to sob behind him.
Quynn stared down at the small creature in her grasp, knowing how pleased her mother would surely be at her success. The child calmed herself in the stranger's arms and gazed up at her in amazement through her perfect blue-grey eyes. As Quynn glanced down at the tiny being, she couldn't help but wonder how something so small could be so important to the woman whose love she had fought so hard for.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" the Doctor spoke softly, observing Quynn's curious expression intently as she studied the small girl. "So much wonder and love in her eyes. She has no concept of vengeance or hatred, no idea what will be waiting for her out there in the universe or what her fate will be. Her story has yet to be written. There's still a chance for her to grow up to be anything she wants to be."
As the Doctor's words resonated in her thoughts, Quynn felt a level of uncertainty she had never experienced before. Right there in that moment, she realized the child's fate was now entirely in her hands. She had watched countless children burn by her own destructive nature without even a second thought. So why was this one any different? What was so important about this child to cause the malfunction taking its place within her? Whatever the reason for her mother's interest in the Doctor's child, she suddenly found herself torn between obeying her direct orders or saving this one small girl from a possible future identical to her own. As her thoughts continued to consume her, she felt a familiar electricity within her fingertips from someone like herself calling out to her. Bringing her hand towards the baby's, she allowed the being's tiny outstretched fingers to wrap around one of her own. A sudden flash of light engulfed her as the child's fragmented memories downloaded into her subconscious.
She opened her mind's eye to find herself standing alone in a field of green grass. The sun shone down upon her from the vibrant blue sky as birds chirped noisily from the surrounding forest. The wind around her carried with it a symphony of whispered voices as if they were speaking to her all at once. She circled around her position as if searching for their source. The indecipherable voices became louder and louder until she found herself covering her ears at their intensity. And then silence. Lowering her hands back down to her sides, she saw something in the distance that had not been there before. A mother and child. She cautiously approached the recognizable form of the woman dressed in white kneeling before the small brown-haired girl. As she drew closer towards them, the child unexpectedly turned her head to acknowledge the new visitor and smiled in her direction. Quynn halted at their eyes connection to each other, unable to tear herself away nor explain the sinking feeling in her stomach that she had somehow seen this girl before. Suddenly a familiar voice she knew very well forced its way into her mind. "She's our daughter, Clara," the Doctor's words whispered through her thoughts just as she had remembered them. The vision both disturbed and frightened her so effortlessly that it forced the link between them to break.
The sound of the infant's cries brought her back to her current reality. Glancing down at the small baby, she gently pulled her hand from hers and turned her attention towards the Doctor's raised brow. The vision of what she had seen was still strong within her mind. Though she did not fully understand its meaning, she had not anticipated the effect it would have on her. It felt so real and yet so familiar all at the same time. She lowered her eyes from his to return them back to the crying child within her grasp. "She's hungry," she told him, fighting back her own emotions so that he would not see. And then, without any careful reconsideration, she placed the child back into the Doctor's arms as he continued to stare at her in a prolonged state of confusion. Turning from him, she quickly headed for the door before her regrets would cause her to change her mind.
"Quynn," he stopped her, watching as she glanced over her shoulder to glance in his direction. "Thank you."
She hesitated for a moment, then nodded silently in response before finally exiting the TARDIS.
The Doctor stepped outside his blue box and closed the door behind him. His eyes adjusted to the light of the setting sun and observed the form of his daughter as she quietly stood several paces ahead of him. Her attention was drawn towards the impressive view in the distance, remaining unaffected by the sense of his presence behind her. Inhaling a deep breath, he returned his hands to his pockets and made his way across the sand to take his place beside her once more. As they stood together side by side, he couldn't help but notice her distracted gaze as if she were trapped beneath the weight of her own confliction. He didn't need to read her thoughts to understand the gravity of her internal battle with herself.
"They're resting comfortably now," he started, attempting to distract her from her inner turmoil. It was the least he could do. "As is to be expected, I suppose. Bringing new life into this world, couldn't have picked a better day for it," he added, admiring the sunset.
"My congratulations to you, Doctor," she replied somewhat absent-mindedly as her thoughts continued to consume her.
"Thanks, but it's Clara who deserves all the credit. All I did was believe in her." The moment between them became temporarily quiet as they looked out towards the brilliant sight ahead. He couldn't even imagine the thoughts invading her mind right then. How scared she must be of the repercussions awaiting her return. How alone she must feel as her betrayal had finally set in. But above all of that, he wanted her to know what her selfless act really meant to him before he lost the opportunity to do so. "Quynn. What you did-"
"You have no idea what I've done," she stopped him harshly.
"Yes, I do," he looked to her with deepened certainty in his eyes. "You made a choice. The first of many, I hope."
Quynn lowered her head as if the words she needed to say had been buried somewhere beneath the sand. The thoughts taking place in her mind were wreaking havoc upon the walls of security she had built up around herself. She was no longer sure of who she could trust anymore. "I need to know," she turned to look upon him with a new understanding of vengeance in her gaze. "Is it true? Are you my father?"
The question surprised him. He wasn't exactly sure of how to respond. The reason he set out to bring her to this place was to convince her to question everything she believed to be true, to unveil even the smallest amount of humanity buried within her. Her act of kindness proved that something inside of her had changed, that maybe his attempt to reach through to her had not been in vain. And yet, as much as he desired her acceptance and understanding, there was something of an even greater concern weighing down on his mind. The part of him that wanted to tell her everything was greatly outweighed by the fear of what she might do with that knowledge. He could see the hatred within her eyes, a look he knew better than anyone. Making an enemy of Missy on her own would be pointless suicide. If they worked together it was possible they could take her down, but he knew that Quynn had no reason to trust an alliance with him. And even if he wanted to offer her one, her hearts were too cold and vengeful and without any remorse. She was of no use to him like that in the battle against his oldest friend. She still had so much to atone for before they would be able to trust each other. He wasn't entirely convinced she was ready for that just yet. The only way to keep his daughter from getting herself killed on a path of revenge against Missy laid within his ability to do a very clever thing.
"Do you know what the most interesting thing about truth is? It can never really be told. Not properly, that is. When left up to someone else, the truth will always come with their own influence attached. I'm afraid its real power can only be attained when we are able to see it for ourselves," he explained.
"Show me then," she insisted imperatively, then softened her tone at his raised brow. "Please."
"Are you sure you really want to know?"
"I've never been more sure of anything," she confirmed.
The Doctor took a moment to think about what he needed to do, then inhaled a deep breath and nodded in acceptance. When he was ready, he slowly reached out his hands towards the sides of his daughter's head. "I'll try to be gentle," he told her, hoping to calm her mind for a better link into her thoughts. She closed her eyes in preparation of what was to come as he brought his fingers to rest upon her temples. He closed his eyes and concentrated on creating a connection between their minds.
Quynn opened her eyes at the presence of his thoughts inside her own, only to find that she was no longer standing upon the shoreline as she remembered. As her eyes adjusted to her new surroundings, she suddenly experienced the unusual sensation of weightlessness as if she were somehow adrift in space. As she began to take in exactly where she was, she realized that the sight before her was one she had once seen a very long time ago. Tucked away within the cusp of a mountainous valley stood a small village. The sound of flowing water could be heard from the surrounding river followed by the unmistakable echo of children laughing from somewhere nearby. Turning her attention towards the sound, she observed as the small beings ran towards her, smiling and chasing each other as if engaged in some sort of game. As they came closer, they continued to run past her taking no notice of her presence in their world. Her eyes followed them to the end of the path where they stopped suddenly and peered far out into the distance.
Approaching from the northernmost road, the recognizable shape of a large army was steadfastly making its way towards the small village. Their presence on the horizon produced an optical illusion as if they were floating towards them on a mirage of glassy water. As they came closer, the children screamed and abandoned their position on the path to retreat deeper into the village. As the army of soldiers fired upon the town, the screams of its inhabitants could be heard from miles in all directions. The buildings themselves were no match for their firepower as many of them crumbled to the ground while others had been set ablaze. Quynn retained her position in the centre of the town as countless women and children fell to their death at her feet. "Stop this," she demanded of the man she was still bound to, angered by his intrusion of her forgotten memories. The army, having finally reached the village, began to proceed further into the peaceful place on a mission of pure evil. They swarmed like a plague of locusts on the path of destruction, firing upon every last soul still begging for their lives. Quynn slowly circled her position, witnessing the chaos forming all around her as the vision before her was suddenly replaced by another. One by one, she watched as every planet that had ever fallen by her wrath blended together like a continuous living painting depicting the very moment of their inevitable demise.
"Release me!" she called out, attempting to break the connection between them by herself but to no avail. He was much stronger than she could have ever imagined him to be. Everything around her was burning as if she were trapped within the fires of true hell itself. Entire cities were collapsing to the ground in a blazing inferno while hellfire rained down upon her. Men, women, and children shed frightened tears as they fled from their homes into the streets. A young boy lost within the sea of terrified faces rushing passed him cried out for his mother. Quynn found herself overwhelmed by the vision's true power over her as a massive army of souls comprised of every being that had ever perished by her hands engulfed her like a great flood. Their countless screams tore through her mind with such ferocity it forced her to her knees. Covering her ears from the sheer volume of voices inside her head, she opened her mouth and screamed out in agony. "ENOUGH!"
A flash of light returned her to her position on the shoreline. Opening her eyes, she was met by the familiar face of the Time Lord standing just in front of her, his hands still raised towards the sides of her head. The resonating bellow of screams still present inside her mind were so overpowering she felt her stomach turn with nausea. Quickly stepping away, she turned her back on him and folded in half as the sickness from within her was expelled onto the sand.
"Ah, yes. The first link is always the hardest," he confessed, turning his head away to give her the privacy she required. "Only the purest of telepathic minds could pass such a test on the first go. Perhaps there's more humanity in you than I thought there was. You'll have Clara to thank for that. Don't worry, I won't tell her. It'll be our little secret."
Quynn, enraged by the assault on her mind, spun around and withdrew her sidearm to take aim at the centre of his chest. "What have you done?!" she asked angrily through gritted teeth as the voices screaming inside her head slowly began to fade.
The Doctor kept his hands at his sides and attempted not to make any sudden movements that might startle her. "I've done nothing but provide you with a glimpse into your own soul, a mirror to show you what you have become. That's what you wanted, isn't it? To know the truth?" His eyes glared at her from underneath his furrowed brows, "I never said whose truth."
"I should kill you where you stand!" she screamed with uncontrollable rage.
"So do it then. What's stopping you?" he provoked her, his voice rising with intensity. "You think I'm afraid of dying? I'm not even sure that I can anymore. I could just keep on regenerating. We could be at it all day. But know this. If I'm wrong and I die here today, then my truth will die with me. So I advise you to be very quick and very sure." He continued to stare her down, unafraid of the real threat being pointed in his direction. He knew that he had the advantage. Of all the people he had ever met, there was no one better at controlling a situation than he. In her weakened state, she didn't stand a chance against him. "Well? What are you waiting for?!" he shouted, raising his arms out from his sides. "I'm standing right here, right in front of you. Unarmed. Defenceless. Take your shot. Isn't that what you do? What you were programmed for? Or would you prefer it if I were in chains first? Make things even easier on yourself."
Quynn felt her grasp on the trigger weaken as her mother's instructions forced their way back to the front of her mind. She let out an exasperated growl and lowered her sidearm back down to her side in submission. "The end of your rein will come soon enough, old man. A privilege I look forward to bestowing upon you most eagerly. Until that day, know this. You can run away all you like, but not for long. In the end, I will find you."
"And I'll be waiting," he assured her, lowering his arms back down to his sides. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small silver object. "Here. Take this," he insisted, tossing the device in her direction.
Instinctively catching it with her remaining hand, she examined its intricate design as her confusion consumed the expression on her face. "What is it?"
"A parting gift," he replied. "When you're ready to know the real truth, you'll know what to do with it." Then he nodded his farewell and began to make his way back to the TARDIS.