Author's Note: When I was writing this to put it in the next chapter, I realized that it could stand as a chapter on its own. I hope you like it! I thought it was funny….but that's just me and my warped sense of humor….

Nuka: I'm afraid, that Lord Elrond stole the moose back. He's very attached to it. Thanks so much for your review :) I hope you like this one!

The BugSlayer: thank you kindly for your advice. The mafia is heading there as we speak.

Wraven: Thanks for your review! I still want to see an epic showdown between Elrond and Bilbo though :)

Katari Michelos: I hope you like this and I hope its everything you expected it to be :)

Grace4735x: I hope you liked it :) And I hope you like this one too!

Anywho, here you go!

P.S. Next chapter: Rohan

It has come to our attention that some readers would like to know just what exactly 'The Mushroom Incident' is. We have decided to enlighten you further and therefore have recreated the story below.

News Flash: We still haven't located the company. However there were some rumors of a sighting in Rohan. We will get back to you with further information as soon as the mafia learns more.

Oh, and Thranduil still has not been discovered,

Elrond still has the moose (he stole it back from Nuka),

and Kili still doesn't have the moose.

Without further ado, here is 'The Mushroom Incident' by: Lord Elrond of Rivendell

The Mushroom Incident: (For reasons that shall not be mentioned, most who partook in this event shall remain anonymous).*Ahem*. This is the tale of some stupid dwarves. Yes stupid dwarves that's what I said. We won't point names and name fingers for you but said stupid dwarves *cough* Dwalin *cough* were idiotic enough to mention to the neighborhood burglar that they didn't like mushrooms. Said burglar was scandalized by this revelation and thus began what became known as 'The Mushroom Incident'.

The resident burglar decided to embark on a quest…mission…thing…to impart upon his dwarven companions just how wonderful mushrooms are. In deciding to do so, he realized he needed A LOT of mushrooms if he was going to succeed in his whatever you want to call it. Deciding thus, he contacted the President of the Rivendell Underground Black Magic Market, known to the common world as the Grey Wizard (Stormcrow to his friends). Stormcrow managed to provide the burglar with the mushrooms he requested, but he never did say where he got them from (There has been a great deal of speculation though; the most common belief is that he grew them in the majestic moose's bathroom…we're not sure who came up with that).

Anywho, the burglar got the mushrooms. And (being an expert cook) proceeded to the kitchen to develop an unknown dish from the mysterious mushrooms. Five hours, much cursing, many broken pans, and two fires later he was ready.

Calling all the dwarves together, he provided them with his culinary masterpiece and subtly avoided all questions concerning what was in it (*'This is good, what'd you put in it?' 'None of your beeswax. Shut up and eat'*). Then he waited till they were all done.

Apparently, the dwarves thoroughly enjoyed the meal and continued to eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and EAT! Until at last there was no more to be had.

Then they all fell asleep.

No I'm serious. They all conked out within seconds. It was an amazing sight to behold!

So anywho, our burglar was slightly alarmed at this ('Some peace and quiet for me then') but quickly forgot about the whole matter and went about his business.

Five hours later.

Apparently mushrooms do strange things to dwarves' brains. If we were to explain every single incident that occurred, we would never finish writing, so we're going to sum MOST of it up for you below:

Thorin: his majesty grew to be so great and awe-inspiring that he was even too majestic to look at. Many elves are now blind because they looked at his majesty for too long. (We're not sure how this happened, but we're not going to question it.)

Fili: Funny story, Fili apparently started hallucinating and thought everyone and everything was an orc. It took five elves, a long rope and an iron anvil to restrain him (we apologize for whatever brain damage Fili may have suffered from getting an anvil dropped on his head, but you know did start it first)

Kili: Just imagine another attack of Cupid. New couples (that we are trying our hardest to fix) are as follows: Erestor/Arwen (Arwen's not very happy about it), Lindir/a rock (he named it Gertrude?), Elladan/that random she-elf that just walked by (she's married already and not very happy with the new arrangement), Elrohir/his sword (we don't even want to KNOW how that happened), and as always Glorfindel/Gollum….(we have finally snapped Glorfindel out of it too)

Bifur: he thought he was a belly dancer. That was just wrong on so many levels and we are all officially scarred for life. He also thought he was an opera singer. We made him replace all the glass he broke.

Bofur: let's just say Bofur acted like a hyperactive five year old who had been given way too much sugar (he was literally bouncing off the walls).

After a little bit though, that part wore off and he started singing a song he called "The Circle of Life" at the top of his lungs. His sudden outbursts of "Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba" scared more than one elf into departing for the undying lands.

Bombur: He started hallucinating and thought EVERYTHING was food. Let's just say Erestor wasn't too thrilled when he found out Bombur ate his favorite book (he was even more unhappy when Bombur turned on him and thought he was a roast chicken. Chaos ensued)

Dori: Saruman has a new pirate friend?

Ori: We're leaving it up to Ori to figure out how to wash all his *ahem* "artwork" off the walls. Saruman was not very happy about the one of him in a pink frilly dress referencing 'The Battle of the Bath's' Incident (although we think that the way you portrayed the moonlight bouncing off his smooth head was *Irish accent kicking in* brilliant *applauds* absolutely brilliant!)

Nori: Nori is a kleptomaniac. We all know this, BUT that does not excuse the fact that he stole our underwear (I need my flowery underwear back before anyone sees it, and Glorfindel would like his mini-balrog underwear back?)

Dwalin: I don't think anyone will look on Dwalin in the same light again. Who knew, that deep down inside underneath that battle hardened exterior, is really just a dwarf who loves princesses, tea parties, flowers and butterflies.

Balin: He tried to jump off the roof yelling "To infinity, and BEYOND!" Luckily we caught him before he could jump.

After that though, for some reason he decided to dress himself up in a black robe. Then he just sat there staring off into the distance and occasionally saying, "I'm afraid, the death star will be fully operational."

Oin: he dressed up in what he called "hunting clothes" with this giant stick that he called a "gun" and crept around all of Rivendell. When anyone asked what he was doing he said: "Be vewy vewy qwuiet. I'm hunting wabbit."

Gloin: For some reason, he thought he was made of wood, and the cricket he had caught in the garden was his conscious named Jiminy. He told everyone he met that if he was a good then someday he would become a REAL boy.

Gandalf: Gandalf is the official rebuilder of Rivendell. His staff has been confiscated and after he finishes rebuilding, we're going to get him counseling concerning PYROMANIAC

Bilbo: He just sat there amidst the chaos and destruction and laughed.

And one final note: Bilbo denies having played any part in this whole affair (we all know this is how it really happened though.)