Disclaimer 1: If only they were mine, alas, they belong to Mr Wolf.
Disclaimer 2: I'm doing my best with the medical stuff, please don't take my interpretation as best or only way to treat NHL. While I'm trying to make it as close as I can, some of it is done for the sake of the story. Also, there may be misinformation but that is intentional and will be revealed throughout the story. I've Googled all medical information and consulted reputatable sites, so, having said all that... here it is...
Dedicated to my beautiful state of Victoria, devastated by the horror of February 7th, the souls lost and the tragic destruction.
I'm still at home sick this week ... thanks for all the best wishes. If you want to google it, I've got Labryinthitus.
Treatment 3
Monday dawned and although Elliot wasn't looking forward to 'Round 3' he felt at peace with the whole thing – something which hadn't been there for the earlier cycles. And although he knew it had a lot to do with the days away; the change of scenery and time with the kids had done wonders for his spirit, the fact Olivia had been there, and was here now, was the essence of his newfound peace.
As Olivia turned in his arms, he smiled broadly; she'd featured prominently in his dreams last night. Seeing her cuddled into him, he had to remind himself that this was the reality – him and her, it was actually true now. Not just something he had to bury within him and ignore; something he had become an expert in during the last years of his marriage and the time since his divorce.
Involuntarily, his thoughts turned to Kathy, it was so hard for him not to make comparisons … but, if he was being honest with himself, he'd been making those comparisons for the last decade. Some days, during their working partnership, he would wonder why Kathy couldn't be more like Olivia, and be more interested in him and his welfare, especially after a tough case. Other days he'd wonder why Olivia couldn't be more like Kathy and just give him the space he needed to sort things out himself – in the end, he had resolved that he was probably a lucky SOB to have them both. That was on the days he didn't want to scream at both of them… something which happened more and more frequently during the end of his marriage as his frustration at the whole situation ate at him.
As he watched Olivia, he realised that since the Wednesday night he'd turned up here and she'd gotten him out of the cab, everything had been about him. He knew she'd been having her own issues in the preceding months and even during their closer phase just prior to his illness, she had been dealing with things he hadn't been privy too.
Pressing his lips against her forehead he marvelled at the way she had put everything of hers aside just to care for him. She'd given him a home, taken leave from work, nursed him through the bad times, made sure his children were a part of it, given him space when he needed it and just held him tightly when he had no idea what he needed. Vowing to himself he would make this up to her, he kissed her once more.
"Mmm," she mumbled, stretching in his arms. When her eyes finally opened, she looked up at him. "You been watching me sleep?" she asked, snuggling further into him.
"Yeah," he admitted, kissing her nose.
"Was I doing it right?" she asked, rubbing his chest.
"Pretty much," he smiled. "Except for the drooling," he added, caressing her face.
"Ass," she laughed, playfully thumping his chest.
Before Elliot could reply the phone rang and Olivia answered it, stifling a yawn. It was a brief call but when she hung up, their plans for the morning have changed.
"That was Connie," she started, sitting up. "She's had a change of plans and will be here in thirty minutes for your treatment." Elliot sighed; he'd prefer a few more hours snuggled up with Olivia. "So, I guess you should go have a shower."
"Only if you'll join me," he answered as she climbed out of bed.
"And why would I do that?" she asked, making her way around to him and pulling back the covers.
"Well, I might need your help washing my hair," he laughed, getting up and taking her hand.
"Is that so?" she replied, allowing him to lead her into the bathroom.
"Yeah," he answered, tugging off his beater. "You know I can't remember whether it's lather, rinse, repeat or …" He chuckled running his hand over his hairless scalp.
Olivia laughed before running her hands across his head. "I guess I could help out …" she grinned, stripping off. "Could just imagine you're Cragen," she chuckled, stepping into the shower.
"What?!" he choked, tugging her back from the water spray. "You've imagined you and Cragen… oh god, that's … that's … just gross!" It only made Olivia laugh harder.
"Oh yeah," she continued, trying to be serious but not succeeding. "And not only in the shower – his desk…"
"Stop!" Elliot ordered, throwing up his hands, these were visuals he didn't need. "God, his desk…"
"Actually, El…" she cooed, dragging him into the water with her. "I have imagined Don's desk… but the only thing I've done on it, is you!"
Now, Elliot was interested in continuing the conversation. "Really? You imagined you and me and Don's desk?"
"Imagined, dreamed, fantasised …" she trailed, grabbing the shampoo, Elliot took it from her and poured some into his hand before massaging it into her hair.
"Tell me more," he drawled, making her shiver even in the heat of the water.
"I've often thought about you and me," she admitted, her eyes closed even though he was behind her and couldn't see her face.
"Doing?" he prompted, when she offered nothing more.
"It!" she grinned, rinsing the shampoo from her hair.
Needing much more information, Elliot picked up the conditioner and re-commenced his activities.
"Where?" he growled.
"Oh, places …" she laughed.
"Where?" he growled again, turning her around, Olivia just smirked. "Come on, Liv," he pleaded. "It's not as if we can actually do anything … so you can at least give me this."
"Well," she began, taking pity on him. "I've fantasised about us and Don's desk … more than once … your desk … my desk … cribs … locker room … showers … interrogation … interview … cells…"
"That's … um… that's a lot of places, Livia," he mumbled, remembering he was supposed to be conditioning her hair.
"Well, I've had a lot of time …" she trailed before realising she was giving way too much away, quickly, she rinsed out her hair.
"When did you have your first fantasy about me?" he asked, nibbling her ear.
"Now, that would be telling…" she smirked, turning back to him and linking her arms around his neck.
"Please," he pouted.
"What fantasies have you had about me?" she countered, swaying with him under the water.
"Not telling," he huffed.
"Oh, surely you want to tell me something about the hours you've wasted thinking of you and me," she cooed, moving in closer.
"Never wasted any hours, Liv…" he replied, trying to be cool about it.
"Oh," Olivia replied, dropping her hands.
After that there was nothing left to say … Olivia quickly rinsed off while Elliot tried to figure out the sudden change of mood.
"Liv?" he said, catching the glimpse of tears in her eyes. "What just happened?"
"Nothing," she replied, shrugging off his touch. "Connie will be here soon."
"I don't care," he replied, stepping out of the shower after her. "Liv, look at me!"
"Here," she replied, tossing him a towel.
.
Letting the towel drop to the floor, Elliot stepped up to her. "Stop," he growled, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Please," he added when she glared at him.
"What?" she growled back.
"What's wrong?" he questioned. "How did I fuck this up?"
"Don't worry about it," she replied, her eyes dropping to the floor.
"No, I will worry about it… tell me," he requested in a far softer tone.
"Look, El, forget it. Connie will be here in about ten minutes…" she began, trying to dry herself.
"I don't care," he replied adamantly. "I'm not moving until you tell me."
"Don't think Connie would appreciate it…" Olivia began, trying to move for the door but Elliot blocked her.
"I – don't – care – about – Connie," he said very slowly and deliberately. "I care about you."
"Sure," she sighed. "Just not enough to spend time thinking about me," she added, ducking past him to enter the bedroom.
Quickly, Elliot followed her out – his comments flashing back to him.
"Is this about the wasting time comment?" he asked and the look she gave him made him sure of it. "I stand by the comment, Olivia," he said firmly, taking her hands and stopping her from dressing. "I never said I didn't fantasise about you – just that it was never a waste of time." He waited while she took in his words. "I have spent many hours thinking, dreaming, fantasising about you … and not one of those hours was wasted – believe me…"
"You mean that?" she asked, feeling stupid she'd overreacted.
"Yep … and, when Connie's gone, I'll give you the details… if you want them, that is," he added with a smirk.
"Yeah, that would be nice," she smiled, falling into his arms. "Sorry…" she mumbled as kissed his cheek.
"Never doubt that I love you, Olivia," he whispered, holding her tighter. "And I have for a very, very long time."
.
Prompt as usual, Connie arrived on time and was opening up her case as Elliot entered the room.
"Good morn … oh, my," she whispered as she took in his new appearance. "That's a bit of a change."
"Well, it had started to go – so it all came off," he grinned.
"And his son did the same," added Olivia, wishing she could have been in the Stabler house to see Kathy's reaction to Dickie's new appearance.
"Very nice," Connie smiled. "How does it feel?"
"Bald," Elliot laughed.
"Is it just your new hairstyle or is there something else different?" she asked, as she sorted out his tablets.
"What do you mean?" he asked, as Olivia handed him his water.
"You just seem a little different – happy's not the word but…" she paused, unsure of the right adjective.
"Relaxed," Elliot supplied. "Liv and I got away for a few days with the twins and had a fantastic time."
"That's great," Connie smiled. "It seems to have done you the world of good." She handed him the pills and waited for him to swallow them.
"Yeah, best medicine in the world," he said, smiling at Olivia.
.
While the IV was still in, Olivia went into the study to take a call and Elliot chatted quietly with Connie.
"Olivia seems much brighter this week too," Connie observed looking to the closed door.
"Yeah, I think the trip did us both some good…" he smiled.
"How's she feeling?" she asked, adjusting the tube.
"Much better," Elliot replied. "And she told me how good you were to her last time … thanks for that. I really appreciate it."
"No need to thank me, Elliot," she smiled. "Anytime I can help, just let me know."
When the door opened and Olivia came back out, she looked far from fine.
.
"Liv, what's wrong?" Elliot asked, jumping up from the chair. Only Connie's hand on his arm, reminded him he had an IV drip attached.
"Um … that was Don," she began slowly, sitting on the arm of his chair so he'd sit back down.
"Don't tell me you have to go back to work," he said, in disbelief.
"Yeah…" she nodded.
"That's bullshit, Don said-" he began but the look on Olivia's face stopped him. "What happened?" he asked taking her hand.
"The squad was working on a case and things went bad," she said, her eyes locking with his.
"How bad?" Elliot asked, feeling her hand tremble in his.
"Well, Emerson was killed, Rooke is critical and … um … Munch, he's not doing too well either," she explained quietly.
"What the fuck happened?" Elliot hissed.
"Went to get the perp and all hell broke loose, don't know all the details except that Don's really short handed … Fin's still on the case but pretty shell shocked…" she reported.
"He wasn't hurt, was he?" Elliot asked.
"Nah, Don says he says he's okay," she said, squeezing his hand.
.
Connie didn't want to be intrusive but she had to ask the most relevant question about Elliot's situation. "So, what are we going to do about the treatments this week?" she asked. "If you can't get someone to stay with you, then I can organise for you to go to Mt Sinai and …"
"No," Elliot interrupted, he wasn't spending any more time in hospital than he had to. "I'll be fine by myself."
"Sorry, Elliot," she replied. "That's not part of the arrangement. You need someone with you, at least this week."
"Well, I'll find someone…" he replied, looking at Olivia, both of them thinking of the same person – the one neither wanted – Kathy.
Knowing there was something she was missing, Connie disconnected the empty IV. "I'll give you until three to make the arrangements, otherwise I'll book you into the hospital program," she said, looking between Elliot and Olivia.
"Pass the phone, Liv," he said, rubbing his arm.
When he had it he called Maureen to spend the afternoon, something she could do until seven, though he didn't tell Connie that.
"Maureen will be here in forty minutes," he reported hanging up the phone. "I'll make arrangements for the rest of the week then."
"If you need to go to work now, Olivia, I can wait with Elliot," Connie offered. "I have the time."
"Thanks, Connie, that would be great. I'll just get changed," Olivia said.
Dressed and ready to go within minutes, Olivia paused at the bedroom door before going out to say goodbye to Elliot. She didn't want to return to work, especially under these circumstances, she also knew his stress levels were about to rise dramatically knowing she was out there without him as her partner – when both their replacements had just been shot – his killed, hers wounded.
"I'll be fine," she said before he had a chance to speak. "I promise I'll be careful and be back as soon as I can."
"Okay," he nodded, knowing he couldn't stop her leaving. "Be very careful, okay … and let me know about Munch … and tell Fin to watch your back and …"
"Elliot, I'll be okay. I'll ring as soon as I get the chance … I'll leave a message with Mo and when you wake up…" she began.
"I won't be sleeping…" he interrupted.
"Yes, you will be," she said sternly. "This is going to be hard enough for me without worrying about you too – okay!"
Elliot nodded dutifully, this was the first time things hadn't been about him and he knew why. "Okay," he nodded. "Love you."
"Love you too," she replied, kissing his head. "Thanks for staying, Connie," she added, heading to the door.
"You're welcome," she smiled, and Olivia was gone.
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The funeral chapter of Death of a Child is up, a few people didn't get the notice after the weekend due to the site upgrade.