Wow. ... so i know this took a REALLY long time but seriously, i had no internet for a while (like a month). Yeah ... I don't even really remember what i wrote ...

Chapter Twenty-One

I keep my eyes clenched shut as tight as I possibly can as I grip both Sam and Jen, one in each arm. They both cling to me firmly, their faces pressed into the crook between my neck and shoulders. I can feel the warm wet tears soaking my shirt and wish the tears on my own face would stop flowing and the complete fear in my heart and stomach would vanish.

"It's okay, it's okay," I mutter repeatedly in a vain attempt to block out the screams and swearing coming from the stairs.

"RIVER!! GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE!!" my mom shrieks at the top of her lungs.

I don't move.

"Please don't leave us, River," a small shaky voice whispers.

I look down to see Jen and Sam both staring at me with huge terror-filled eyes.

I shake my head. "Don't worry. I'm not going to leave you. I'll never leave you. I'll always protect you."

They both stare at me for a few seconds then Sam nods. "We know."

I snapped awake and sudden guilt and remorse drowned me. … I didn't protect them. I left them.

Abruptly I noticed the soft voices everywhere and realised I was in a bright place on something really comfy. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my eyes. I blinked a few times and saw that I was at the Curtis' house. Two-Bit and Darry were in the kitchen with Pony and I could hear Soda and Steve laughing and shouting in the other room. I sighed and just listened, not really feeling like socializing. I remembered why I was here and I couldn't rip my mind from the image of Johnny all burnt up or from the memories of my past life.

Soda and Steve entered the kitchen excitedly. No one noticed I was awake.

"You know what? When we stomp the Socies good, me and Stevie here are gonna throw a big party and everybody can get stoned. Then we'll go chase the Socs clear to Mexico," Soda announced proudly.

I frowned and stared at my feet. I forgot they were going to be fighting. I didn't want to be around when they fought and I especially didn't want to be around afterwards. Parties weren't my thing, including drugs and I'd rather be far away at the time.

"You going to take Sandy to the party?" I heard Pony ask and in that second every sound they had been making was muted. They all turned to stare at Soda who watched his feet miserably. "What's the deal?" Pony demanded.

I sighed. She actually left.

"No. She went to live with her grandmother in Florida," Soda muttered dismally.

Pony didn't get it. "How come?"

As soon as Steve raised his voice angrily, I blocked it all out. I felt horrible for Soda. I wished Sandy had told him properly. I wished Sandy had stayed. I wished Sandy hadn't betrayed him in the first place. She obviously didn't know what she was doing to Sodapop. Maybe she didn't even care. I couldn't help but side with Soda.

"We'd better get on to work, Pepsi-Cola," Darry announced, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen.

I watched them emotionlessly as they started for the door and Ponyboy and Two-Bit noticed me. I could feel just how blank my face was but I couldn't get the energy to do anything about it.

"Oh, good morning, River," Pony said, attempting to sound happy but I saw the weird look on his face. "Did we wake you?"

I shook my head slightly but didn't say anything.

"Okay, well, see you guys later," Darry stated, waving a bit. His eyes fell on me as he and Soda passed. "See you."

I nodded.

Once they were gone, Two-Bit and Pony started laughing and goofing off. I ignored them and continued lying there.

What felt like hours later, Pony and Two-Bit appeared at my side. Pony looked worried.

"Hey, River … Do you wanna come with us to go see Johnny?" he asked cautiously.

I nearly flew out of the couch, screaming, "YES!!"

We headed slowly over to the Tasty Freeze first though. As we reached the door a specific blue Mustang pulled in behind us. Pony and Two-Bit stopped, and I almost bolted into the store and hid. I didn't want to see them. I couldn't see them. I thought that if I did see them, I would kill them. Johnny was dying because of them and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my sanity around them.

As they climbed out of the car, Two-Bit leaned on Pony's shoulder and looked at them coolly, both of them sporting cigarettes hanging out of their mouths. I glared at the window, refusing to look into the eyes of any of them.

"You know the rules. No jazz before the rumble," Two-Bit said confidently.

I blocked out Randy's answer, trying to ignore the sound of his voice. I soon realised that I was shaking violently and digging my nails into my palms. The next thing I knew, Pony had left with Randy, and my mouth almost literally dropped open. Why was he socializing with the enemy? I couldn't take it anymore.

Shaking my head, I opened the door to the store and stepped in. I grabbed a Root Beer, bought it, and waited in there by the door. The clerk watched me warily but I ignored her too.

Why was it taking so long? Didn't Pony want to go see Johnny? I needed to see him. I needed to after having that dream. I couldn't take another person in my life that I cared about leaving me. I wouldn't be able to take it. I wouldn't be able to live. I don't know what I would do without Johnny.

I blurred out and, once again, lived in my head. Until I heard a weird knocking. I came back to reality and noticed Two-Bit tapping on the glass door. Finally. Sighing, I opened the door and stepped out.

Yeah well ... hopefully it won't take this long again!