Also before you start, I would suggest reading the chapter before this. It's re-written so it could fit where the story is going right now.
If you had read it please continue :)
Natsu pov
Lunch time. Finally, class was starting to get boring with the dull conversation over who was the most important president in history. Stupid conversations.
I'll probably head up to the roof for lunch again. I usually go up there with gray but he was gone with his girlfriend to eat some where, probably a cheap fast food place. I sighed as I headed to my locker to put my stuff away. Once I did, I started to make my way up to the roof top.
Levy walked up to me, panicked almost. "Natsu?" she asked me "Did you see lu anywhere?" I shook my head no. She sighed. "She was here earlier, I swear. I'm starting to worry about her now." she bit her fingernails. "I'll keep an eye out" I winked at her before walking away. She started to walk away as well.
I wonder if she did come... Maybe. Even if she is here I can't see her. So what's the point trying to look for her. But I'll still keep an eye out for her, for levy.
I walked up the stairs towards the roof top. I pushed it open only to reveal lucy standing on the ledge. Eyes closed and still.
I felt my stomach turning.
"Luce?"
.
"Hey luce?"
"What is it natsu?"
"We're..best friends right?"
She smiled at natsu. It filled his heart with warmth. "Of course natsu" she smiled and went back to drawing on the paper with him. Natsu grinned happily and continued as well.
.
"Natsu does really care about you lucy. For awhile, I haven't seen him this happy" erza smiled. Lucy looked towards natsu, who was play fighting with jellal. Who didn't even bother to try. "That's.. great" she smiled and blushed. Lucy tried hiding it from her, but erza could already tell she was.
.
"Where's natsu?" Erza asked lucy. Lucy shrugged. "I don't know, maybe he's with lissana again" lucy sighed disappointedly. "He hasn't been hanging out with us in awhile actually.." erza stopped once she noticed lucy was quiet. Her head was hanging low. "Oh really?" lucy said trying not to sound upset. "Well… that's his friend too.. He can visit her all he wants"
Lucy looked down even more. Her hair covered her face. "Okay.." erza said quietly.
.
Lucy felt her self breaking down more and more. The tars started to flow, endlessly. She hugged her self and keeled over. She couldn't believe natsu.. how could he call lissana a friend? When she's just a controlling…
Lucy cried even harder. She was betrayed, all for a mistake she didn't do. She trusted him with all her heart. He knew how sensitive she was, how vulnerable she is. Why would he do this? Just.. why?
Lucy knew she couldn't beat lissana at whatever her game is.
Lucy was losing.
.
"Gray?" lucy stood there in front of the dark haired male. She felt scared. She hasn't spoken to him since.. natsu left. "Lucy" he said. "I.. came to tell you.. sorry." he looked down. "W-what?" lucy stuttered. "I'm sorry about the.. the bag.. and egg-" he stopped and clenched his fists. Lucy stared at him. "You.." she kept staring him down. "Thank you gray"
Gray looked up in surprise. "You.. you were the first one to ever apologize to me". She didn't smile though. "I'm not going to forgive you that easily though" she said quietly.
The two were close when they were younger. Almost like natsu and lucy. But.. they separated once natsu and lucy ended everything. "I'm so sorry lucy.." he felt guilt again. "I'm so sorry I didn't do anything..I'm sorry for everything.." he felt like crying. He hurt his friend, something he vowed he wouldn't ever dare doing. But he hurt her, badly.
"I'm sorry!" he shouted before falling to his knees. Lucy just looked down at him. Her eyes dim. She got on her knees. She put a hand on his head. "Don't.. gray" she whispered. He started to cry even harder.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you" he barely got out clearly.
"Gray.."
"I don't want your forgiveness lucy, but just know I'm sorry… okay?"
"Okay"
.
Lucy was now in hell. Her nightmares, what seemed to be dreams at first. Were now coming to life. It scared the absolute shit out of her. She couldn't sleep, but she knew she'd have to some time.
It was school. That was the main problem. What was behind her darkest fears.
She has to leave that hell once and for all.
.
Life's been pretty fair to lucy now, ever since she left that hell. Now it was just the three of them, lucy, erza, and jellal. Lucy couldn't help but feel happier. She was even starting to make new friends. And she no longer had that fear of everyone she passed in the hall ways.
For awhile she felt like happiness was actually real.
.
"He's been coming to the hospital.. I keep telling him to leave" erza looked at lucy. Lucy eyes were dim. There was no more shine or sparkle in her eyes anymore. "Good.. I.. don't want to.. see him." lucy kept looking down. Erza put her hand on her hand. Lucy just looked at her and smiled. But erza could only feel pity.
.
Lucy felt.. excited. Levy kept talking about highschool which made lucy even more anticipated. Now she couldn't wait for highschool. And the good thing about it was that she'll be living alone, for once. The solitude and being away from the house might actually giver her some peace.
Maybe now she can be happy
.
"YOU FUCKING SPOILED BRAT"
"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT."
"YOU'RE SO WORTHLESS. DON'T YOU REALISE THAT?!"
"YOU STILL FUCKING DISGUST ME"
"I BET YOUR FRIENDS DON'T EVEN GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOU"
"I BET YOUR PARENTS DON'T EITHER, ESPECIALLY YOUR FILTHY RICH DAD-"
"Natsu.. the kiss.. was a mistake"
"And don't call your first kiss a mistake"
.
Natsu pov
"Luce what are you doing?" I tried to stay calm. I walked towards her but she put a hand up telling me to stop. What was she thinking?!
"I'm sick of this natsu" she told me. "I feel like there isn't any happiness for me.. I'm forever sad and depressed. No matter what I do can't-" she stopped. "Look natsu just leave. You don't want to see this" she raised her hands as if she was going to jump.
"No I'm not leaving!" I yelled. "Why are you doing this lucy?!" I panicked. I felt panicked. I could feel my heart going faster and my gut doing an awful dance.
"Natsu just stop it!" she yelled. "You wouldn't get how I feel! You don't know how it feels to be depressed 24/7. Battling with your own mind! You don't know what it feels like to be hurt, betrayed, all from the people you love! I can't stand not being able to smile brightly! I'm so sick of being looked at as if I'm some kind of a bug! I can't stand it anymore! I told you I'm sick of this! I can't handle anything anymore! I feel like I'm dying anyway so why not just do it?!"
"Do you think suicide is the answer?" she trembled, her legs shook in fear. "Do you think there isn't any help for this?! I know I won't ever feel the way you feel! But I know what pain feels like!" I felt the lump in my throat trying to form.
Lucy stood there, trying not to cry. Her feet shuffled. She looked away from me and looked down towards the ground. My gut twisting even harder. I felt my heart speeding from just looking at her, fearing she might jump. "Lucy please" I pleaded. "Don't do this" I slowly started to walk towards her. "Natsu" she barely got out as she looked at me. She turned away from me and looked up at the sky.
Lucy pov
As I stared into the sky. I couldn't help but reflect on my past. Over everything I went through. How much pain I went through. Is suicide the answer? I breathed in and out slowly.
Natsu pov
"Natsu?"
I looked up at her, scared so much I was shaking. "Catch me" she said weakly as she fell back slowly away from the ledge. I ran towards her, I caught her before she hit the ground.
She immediately started to cry once I had her in my arms. I felt relieved, she was in my arms safe and secure. "Natsu I'm.. sorry" she croaked. She sat up and hugged me. "Luce it's okay.." I tell her in her ear. I feel my self trying to cry. I try to swallow it down. But the tears end up coming anyway. And I let them flow.
There we were crying, holding on to each other for dear life. I held lucy so tight. I felt like she still might fall.
Lucy pov
I feel weak, I feel awful. I just about attempted suicide. At school even. What am I doing?! What the fuck was I thinking?! I feel so pissed at my self, and worried about my self. It was all going so fast I couldn't process it. I was just on a ledge, trying to end my life. Now I'm… crying in the arms of natsu. I let him hug me, smother me, and hold me tight. Because honestly, I felt so safe.
"Lucy.. why would?-" he stopped and sobbed. He held me even tighter. I started to cry even harder.
…
I didn't bother to stop crying. I just couldn't process anything in my mind. I was so blew away at my self.
"Why?" natsu asked me. He let go and wiped his nose. I looked down at my self. "I-" I sighed and looked up fast. "I told you didn't I? I.. feel weak. I'm… just.. so….. tired"I broke down again. He put a hand on my face. "Lucy.. I-I know you're going through a lot. I know I've hurt you, I know you've been hurt by a lot of people. But I told you too didn't I? There is help. Just tell someone about this." He wiped a tear from my face.
"But natsu I.. I just.. can't!" I held his hand. "I can't get rid of this feeling of.. despair and grief."
"I thought you had a plan luce.." he trailed on "I'll help you with your plan" his eyes didn't look away from me. "I'll make sure you find true happiness in your life"
"Natsu.." I teared up again. I hugged him. "Look I told you before, I don't care if you don't forgive me. I just want you to be happy. You can kick, scream, punch me, whatever. I just want you to be happy." He held me.
I kept crying. I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop anything really. I breathed in.
"Thank you"
…
Alright. Here it is. Look I bet some people are going to be upset with this chapter, where it's heading and such. But that's fine. It's my story. And if you're worried about where it is heading, don't worry. Like I said before happy times will come.
I also wanted to say is, if you are contemplating suicide or tried to attempt sucide, or anything in related to that. I just wanted to tell you it's okay to feel that way. You probably went through a lot in your life if you feel like that. Just know that there is happiness in life. There is something to live for. You just have to find it. And if you find it cherish it. It might even be a simple thing, but don't worry about it. Also, you are loved. And like natsu said in this chapter, there is help for this. Keep fighting if you are contemplating. I applaud to you, for battling with your own mind every single day. Just keep fighting. Life will get better. Trust me.
I feel kind of iffy writing a story like this, because I don't know what it feels like to be suicidal. But I just wanted to try it for a change I guess.
Leave a lovely review :)