Zero was bored, and as a result, her mind kept drifting in and out of different maladaptive daydreams.

Like always, she, Epps, and Bumblebee sat together in the dining hall; however, today something was a bit different. Sideswipe of all Autobots had decided to join them in his holoform, and as her three paisans ruminated over insignificant things, she remained silent and opted to stand aside as an observationalist only.

Similarly to his robot body, Sideswipe's holoform shared his token sawtooth hairstyle. It was trimmed at the sides and peaked upward at the front. It was also an intense shade of dyed incarnadine that practically seemed to glow in the sunlight, and over his shoulders, he wore a red and white varsity jacket with the standard Autobot regalia pinned at the left anterior of his sternum.

He retained an air that was both charismatic and naive, which was only accentuated by his enormous, electrifyingly blue irises. Zero noted that they weren't as bright or as kind as Bumblebee's, and at random intervals in the conversation, he would shoot her strange glances that she couldn't quite get a read on, which further put her on the qui-vive. But aside from those observations, right now Sideswipe and Epps were talking, and like Zero, Bumblebee was quiet as well.

"I've been waiting seven months to tell this story..." Epps gloated as he wiped his mouth off with a napkin. He was eating french fries, and though Zero was tempted to steal some for herself, she decided against it. "...So I'm at home and can't cook for shit, so my go-to snack is microwave taquitos. Now at this point, I have to take a leak, so I throw them in, set the timer, and make a mad dash for the restroom. Why mad dash? Because for some dumbass reason, I had to challenge myself to piss and get back to the kitchen before the microwave went off."

"But why would you even do that? What was the point?" Sideswipe asked.

Epps was nonchalant and shrugged without a care in the world. "I like stupid games. It's because I'm pretty stupid."

"Makes sense," Bumblebee corresponded with a grin. He was still resentful over the cheek-pinching incident and had been giving Epps the cold shoulder ever since. He wanted to get his human friend back somehow but was still undecided on which revenge prank would be most suitable.

Thinning a pair of doddery brown orbs, Epps ignored his yellow friend's rebuff and kept talking. "So I run from the microwave, and the next room is the living room. My old apartment had a couch and a huge coffee table, so I thought that if I just parkoured over the two, I would clear it no problemo. But alas, my boot caught, and I plummeted to the floor. I got up and stumbled back into the bathroom, and instantly realized that everything was not okay. My arm throbbed to the point where I kind of felt like throwing up, but I just sat down for a couple of minutes and tried to stay calm. Since I was in some incredible pain, I figured I would call up my physician and get his take on the matter. He ultimately decided that it was probably bruised, but we waited a couple of days before I decided that enough was enough and got it checked out. And yeah, it was splintered in two places. All because I wanted to run to the bathroom, pee, and get back before my stupid taquitos finished cooking."

Bumblebee swayed his head in acknowledgment of the story, and Zero remained disinterested. Sideswipe smirtled for a moment before saying, "Man, you humans and your weird antics. Oh, and I have a question."

"Yeah?"

"What the frag is a taquito?"

As if on queue, Bumblebee and Epps looked at each other alarmingly, and Zero's previously lax demeanor disappeared like a mirage in the eye of the Sahara. Looking up from the brown and black speckled void of the tabletop, she cleared her throat and straightened her posture. "A taquito is a Mexican food dish that typically consists of a rolled-up tortilla that contains filling such as beef, cheese or chicken. The filled tortilla is then crisp-fried or deep-fried. The dish is often topped with condiments such as sour cream and guacamole. Corn tortillas are predominantly used to make taquitos; the dish is more frequently recognized as flautas when they are larger than their taquito counterparts and can be made with either flour or corn tortillas, although using corn is more traditional..."

"Slag it, Sideswipe..." Bumblebee muttered, which warranted a sheepish laugh from his teammate. Zero's factual rolls were always a bit draining. "M'kay, Zero. We get it with the taquitos. You can stop now."

Zero tilted her head to the side and offered him an innocent look, but obliged and did not continue. However, Sideswipe was intrigued, and his focus shifted away from Epps and cemented onto the strange female mecha-human-thingy before him.

"Hey," he said, "you sure seem to know a heck of a lot about pointless things, don't ya?"

Zero gave Sideswipe a long, slow blink, and looked at him with such boredness that he might as well have been a fly on the wall beside her. Bumblebee was the only extraterrestrial she had any interest in, so she didn't tend to pay much mind to the others whenever they attempted to converse with her. "Pointless? Autobot, I am not sure you fully comprehend the absurdity of your statement. In my eyes, there is no such thing as knowledge that is of no worth or value. Being informed of the things around you is good for neurological reinforcement and personal character development."

"Personal character development?" Sideswipe repeated. Looking Zero from top to bottom, he grinned and crossed his arms mockingly. "That's hilarious, especially coming from you of all humans. Amirite, 'Bee?"

Bumblebee blushed from second-hand embarrassment. He knew Sideswipe wasn't necessarily trying to be a slagger to his odd tiny friend with that comment but nonetheless was made uncomfortable by how coolly it had slipped off of his particle refracted tongue. "Hey now, that's not-"

"And what might you be implying with that statement, Autobot?" said Zero.

Sideswipe raised an oblivious red eyebrow and said, "Uh, do you really need me to spell it out for you?"

Zero nodded curtly.

"Ooookay then. Since you asked, you're stodgy as all Pit. For real, you're so business-oriented and perfunctory that you give Strongarm a run for her money. I just think it's comical that you would bring up personal character development since your about as robotic as they come. Heck, what am I even saying? I'm a fragging robot! No, you're more like a rock."

"A rock?" asked Zero. So far she didn't seem very upset by what Sideswipe was saying, which surprised Epps and astounded Bumblebee. He figured she would've gotten indignant by now since Sideswipe was acting so upfront, and quite frankly, rude.

"Yeah, a rock," Sideswipe replied with a wiggle of his finger.

"But that doesn't make any sense at all."

"And how doesn't it?"

"Rocks lack sentience or intelligence, which are characteristics I am clearly in possession of. Although if you are comparing me, a semi-biological organism, to a rock, then perhaps you are the one who is more like a rock than I."

"Wait, what the heck? How am I like a rock?"

"Since you can't decipher what I just said, then need I spell it out for you?"

Sideswipe went mute.

"You're stupid. Now leave me alone."

A light silence hung in the air for a brief moment as the hubristic red 'bot registered his fail, and in that time, Bumblebee and Epps were trying in vain to hold back a throng of amused giggles. Finally giving in, the two laughed in unison, and Zero smiled faintly before going back to aimlessly tracing circles into the polished wooden table.

"Hmph!" Sideswipe's ego took a hit, and now he was trying to cover it up. "Well, it looks like 'Rock' over here has a comedic side as well. Funny."

"Pffft, alright, alright," Bumblebee said as he let out his final giggle, Epps following suit. "Heh. Don't take it personally, Sides. In plus, I think you deserved it for being mean."

Zero, whose attention was now acutely rendered onto Sideswipe, scowled. "...Rock?"

She drew out the word, clearly displeased by it. But her new red nemesis detected this and squinted a little. "Yeah, Rock. I think it fits perfect. Better than whatever nonsense those two call you, anyway."

"No. Don't call me that."

"Rock."

"Really, Sideswipe?" Bumblebee sighed. "Now you're just trying to antagonize her."

"Rock."

"Stop it," Zero said firmly.

"...Hmmm."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Rock."

"For the love of- Sides!" Now Bumblebee was getting tired. "Cut it out already. The last thing I want is to have to trail her down today because you made her mad. Just do what she says and leave her alone."

"But don't you agree that she's kind of like a rock? You're the one who has to spend the most time with her, so I know you can vouch for what I'm saying."

"I think you're processor is about as functional as a rock if you think I'm going to answer that."

"Fine. Be that way, you fragger."

"Hey, weren't we supposed to be changing the topic?" Epps purposely asserted out loud.

"Yes, Robert. I believe we were."

"You know, Bumblebot, if you keep calling me Robert then one of these days I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson."

"You, teach him a lesson?" Sideswipe said as he amusedly pointed at Epps, clearly missing the sarcasm in his voice. "Haha, good one."

"Oh? And what might you be implying with that?"

"Are we gonna do the spelling out thing again? Dude, you're a little squish. There's no way a human fleshie could do anything to an Autobot, even in their holoform."

Bumblebee tautened. When he looked at Zero, he noticed that she too went rigid and was now eyeing Sideswipe dangerously. Not good. Deciding that he needed to de-escalate the situation, Bumblebee braced his hands in the air and liberated a tremulous snicker. "H-Hey now, remember how we were supposed to be changing the subject? Really guys, where did the hostility come from?"

"Hey, I wasn't being hostile; I was just kidding around," Epps replied. "It's not my fault that Lord CuntlyMcRazorPistons decided to bring race into the mix."

Okay, that one was hard for Bumblebee not to laugh at; Epps was always a wizard with his comebacks. "Okay. Epps, you're exempt. But you, Sideswipe, are gonna have to quit it."

Sideswipe put on a theatrical, overtly hurt face. "Aw, 'Bee! I was just yanking your chain! I mean, we all know that humans are too weak to-"

"How annoying. I can hear you, you know."

Diverting their attention away from one another, both 'bots were instead greeted with a somewhat insulted looking biorobot. Her face was now resolute but held an unwritten intensity to it, which rose several red flags in Bumblebee's processor. He knew that look. It was the same one she wore when High Tide started trash-talking the human race at that meeting with Braginsky a long while back. And he also knew that it only meant one thing: if Sideswipe kept running his mouth, then there was a chance she was going to get violent. And a violent Zero was never a good Zero because unlike other humans, she was dangerous and actually could do damage if she put her mind to it.

"Oh, did you?" Bumblebee started. De-escalation, de-escalation, de-escalation. He had to fix this. "Well then, you know that my buddy Sides was just-"

"Calling my kind weak. Yes, I heard that idiotic comment particularly well."

Now it was Sideswipe's turn to speak. "Wait, idiotic? Like how? I'm not trying to be a jerk, Rock. It's just a fact that humans are squishy and fleshy and weak. If you don't like the facts, then I'm sorry you feel that way."

Bumblebee sat up abruptly. "Sideswipe!"

"You're mistaken," said Zero, who unconsciously joined Bumblebee in standing up.

"Literally how am I wrong? It's science."

"What you say about our material components is accurate, yes, but you are incorrect about us being weak. And I can say for certain that your claim is unsound because of my own past experiences."

"Doing what?"

"Killing invaders."

"...Oh."

The way Sideswipe and Zero eyeballed each other was so electrifyingly potent that the oxygen around them seemed to spark and flare up with their frowns. Epps, notwithstanding, didn't say anything. As a substitute for words, he fell back into Seargent mode and absorbed the situation with watchful eyes in case it escalated any further.

Sideswipe opened and closed his mouth several times. He didn't know what to adduce, because, at that moment, flashbacks of Dropspring and Blastos' mangled corpses began reeling back to him, right alongside some others that hadn't warranted a 'Bee-team congregation.

Howbeit, Zero took his flustered guise as an admission of credence rather than horror and felt the need to clarify a few things to her previously jovial audience. "Yes, you would be surprised by how many vulnerable spots we at Cemetery Wind have deciphered over our decade of Cybertronian study. Particularly frail and good regions for battle exploitation are, of course, the joints. Your armor structure fails to adequately cover those areas because it would restrict your movements, which makes severing them quite a simple task if you have the correct tools at your disposal. Before it was seized from me, I had my rocket launcher, which did the job quite well for the most part. Another good place is the nape of your helms. Many significant Energon lines run through that area to power your cerebral circuit, so severing them is the most ideal for a non-messy scene. Although I haven't ever done it myself, I do have a comrade who utilized a shovel-like method of cleaving into the back of a Cybertronian's nape, which in turn sent the helm flying off of its body and into-"

"Okay, enough! J-Just shut up, you freaky human witch!"

Zero stopped talking and looked down at Sideswipe. He looked panicked, which made her feel something she hadn't felt in a long time.

Superior? No, not quite.

Unequaled? Absolutely.

Her lips began to curl into a beam but immediately faded once her attention reached Bumblebee, who looked indescribably fragmentary. He just seemed so crestfallen, which made her wobble slightly off of her high horse.

Everyone was tense and remained that way until, seemingly out of nowhere, Lennox entered the expanse and promptly made his way towards them all once he spotted them.
Bumblebee noticed that he had a particularly noticeable pep in his step, and instantly became relieved when he finally stopped short of the table. He didn't seem to notice the oppressive atmosphere which clouded the group and smiled brightly. Something good had transpired, it seemed.

"Hey there," Lennox said. "How goes it?"

Zero looked away. NBE-Major General Lennox was definitely a person she didn't want to interact with. He was one of her primary custodians, after all.

"Err, questionable," Epps replied. "I'd say you arrived at the perfect time, actually."

Lennox curled his lip, confused. "Is that so? Care to fill me in?"

Bumblebee tried to speak but was interrupted by Sideswipe, who loudly and unnecessarily revolved in his chair and turned to his human foreman with his typical level of gusto. "Ah, it's nothing important. Just the inmate saying creepy Cemetery Wind bullslag and whatnot. Anywho, we wanna talk about something else, so if you've got a tale to tell, feel free to go wild. Just make sure it's entertaining."

Lennox made a face that Zero found odd. She could tell that his enthusiasm had diminished somewhat, and after sparing her a cagey glance, he stroked his chin in contemplation. Finally getting a read on the environment, he recalled something lighthearted and cleared his throat in preparation for what was to come. "Something entertaining, eh? Alright, well, I think I've got a good one. But 'Bee, I'm gonna need to speak with you after this."

Bumblebee gave a thumbs-up. "Sure thing."

Lennox smiled. "Cool. Anyways, where do I even begin? I was once on a U.S. military ship having breakfast in the commissioners' lounge when the operations officer walks in-"

"Woah, hold your horses," Sideswipe cut in. "How long ago did this take place?"

The corner of Epps' mouth tipped up, and his features brimmed with disbelief. For being the human equivalent of twenty-six, Sideswipe was almost cartoonishly teenagery.

Lennox, however, thought the question was adequate and responded in kind. "It was back when I was just an army captain, so I'd say about thirteen years or so. I was eating Cocoa Puffs when the operations officer, who was my higher-up, stumbled in. Now, this guy was the definition of not a morning person. He was still half-asleep, bleary-eyed, eh, basically a corpse with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat and is just barely awake. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing through one of the portholes, putting a big circle of light on his face. He's squinting and chewing and just remembering how to be alive for the day. It's painful to watch, honestly.
But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well known I'm-still-totally-asleep voice, he says, 'Heeeey. It's OPS. Could you shift our barbat? Yeah, one-six-five. Thanks,' and puts the phone down. But then he just sits there. Squinting… Waiting...
Ever-so-slowly, I realize that big blazing spot of the sun has begun to slide off his face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment, the sunspot is gone, and the dazzling beauty of what I'd just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship's back and forth patrol by fifteen degrees, he changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He literally redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people just so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. So needless to say, I was in awe.
After I had that epic revelation of God-level genius, he just looks up at me again, blinks that all-knowing Illuminati blink, and goes back to shoving his bagel into his zombie mouth without a single care in his zombie world."

Bumblebee looked genuinely amazed. "Wow. That was magnificent. I'm touched."

"I second that," Epps concurred. "It really does get a man in the heartstrings."

"A true testimate to human evolution, I'd say," said Zero.

Lennox chuckled. "Haha, okay, enough with the smartassery. Bumblebee-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. You need me to come with you and blah, blah, blah."

"Hey now, I'm your superior officer. Where's my respect?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Bumblebee looked apologetic. "You need me to come with you and blah, blah, blah, sir."

Lennox laughed and waved his hand towards the doors. "This way."

"Oh, wait a second." Bumblebee paused and reached his hand out towards Zero. "You're coming with."

Taking it, she said, "Fine by me."

Sideswipe feigned a look that teetered on the brink of offense and sardonic teenage amusement. "Fine by me as well. I was getting sick and tired of talking to rocks."

Zero sneered. "The nape of the helm, Autobot. The nape of the helm."

"Oooh, so scary."

Bumblebee looked askance with distaste and gave Sideswipe a hard smack to the back of the head, effectively making him wince. "W-What the-? 'Bee! What was that for?!"

"Didn't I tell you not to antagonize her? Geez, you're more insubordinate than I am."

Sideswipe rubbed the back of his head and watched as the three walked out off the room. Looking behind him, Bumblebee smiled devilishly, which Sideswipe decided to counter with a grumpy mutter and a highly offensive Cybertronian hand-gesture.

The human-alien duo followed behind Lennox in companionable silence as he led them towards what Zero figured was one of the many transmission hubs that were peppered around the NEST command post. Wall-to-wall, it was encased with humans at desks with headsets and tinted visors over their eyes. The blue light that was ejected from the computer screens seemed to almost accent the already Matrix-esque vibe the room was exerting, which, in a way, reminded Zero of Cemetery Wind's Communication Center. The familiarity rang like a pang in her chest, but she decided that now was not the time for sentimentality.

Wait, sentimentality? When had she developed a sense of sentimentality? Zero steeled onward. Her mind was going akimbo again, like always.

Passing a glass partition that sanctioned two rooms dubbed 1A and 2B, they stopped before a door. Gripping its latch and turning the knob, Lennox unbarred it, and all three filed in like children being led to their classroom. Sitting down, Lennox gestured towards the two open seats available, which his guests promptly sat down in.

"So, Lennox, what's this all about?" Bumblebee was genuinely mystified and wanted to know what was up. It wasn't often that Lennox interrupted his breaks, and he could tell that Zero looked twitchy and trepidatious. It wasn't like he could blame her, though, since the Major had just as much access to the hellish electro-remote that kept her in line as Isaac Braginsky did.

"I got a phone call, Bumblebee."

"From who?"

"Wembly estate, a.k.a. Yeager residence. London, England."

Bumblebee's face blanked, but his entire body bristled with excitement. "Yeager residence…? Wait, you don't mean it was Cade, do you? Cade called? Holy cow, it's been so long! What's he up to?"

"Woah, woah. Hold on there, tiger. Yes, we got a call from the Yeager residence, but it wasn't Cade. It was Cogman- their butler. However, it does pertain to Cade. I have him on hold right now. He's waiting for you."

Lennox extended a cellphone towards Bumblebee that was connected to a protected line. It was a precautionary measure against hackers. Bumblebee took the device but held it away from him. "Like how?"

"Well, that's the thing. Cogman wanted to tell you over the phone specifically."

"So he didn't tell you?"

"No, he did."

"Is it bad news?"

"Just take the damn phone and ask him yourself. Jesus."

"Oookay." Bumblebee buried one of his hands into his pockets and hoisted the device to his ear while Zero waited by his side complacently. And as they went on and on over stochastic matters she couldn't quite piece together, she directed her surveillance over to Lennox, who offered her a sheepish smile.

In comparison to the Lieutenant General, he struck her as a much more docile individual who exercised logical rationale instead of rage. But he was still her adversary and gatekeeper, which made his entire existence a problem that needed to be dealt with. All she wanted was for Bumblebee to conclude his conversation so they could go back to his room. She had been reading a book recently that she thought he would enjoy, and wanted to share the premise with him. She had been planning to do that in the dining hall, but the bothersome red mechanoid had invaded their three-person sanctuary and started spouting his usual blustering alien piffle.

Thinking about Sideswipe's words made Zero angry. He was a refugee on Earth, not a citizen. He was fortunate that the human race decided to let his kind stay after all, especially given their track-record with placing the world in peril. The lack of gratefulness Sideswipe and many other Autobots had was frustrating to Zero because they were completely at the mercy of the humans, yet still had the audacity to act boisterous and superior merely because they were comprised of proto-matter rather than cells. So far the only Autobot she had met who hadn't exhibited those tendencies was Bumblebee, which she appreciated very much.

But still, it was utter nonsense. And as Zero thought more in-depth about the matter, she ended up losing track of time. Before she knew it, Bumblebee was tapping on her shoulder curiously.

"...Hey, did you hear me? Hellooo?"

"Hm?" Zero looked upwards. The phone was no longer in Bumblebee's hand, and Lennox seemed to be tending to some paperwork on his spreadsheet.

"Spaced out, huh? Did you happen to catch any of that perchance?"

Zero shook her head. "No, sorry. I was thinking about other things."

"Vague as always."

"Just tell me again. Surely that can't be too arduous for you."

Bumblebee shot a lazuline glance towards Lennox. "Err, well…"

"And you say I'm vague."

"Well, I just don't know how you will react, okay? I'm nervous."

"You? Nervous? Interesting. This must be good then."

Bumblebee made a pouty face. "So an old friend of mine called, and there's this thing going on. It's in England, London specifically."

"And?"

"And it's a big deal. Cade Yeager's wife, Viviane, is arranging a surprise party for him. Cogman, their butler, urged me to come. It's been about five years since I last saw Cade, and-"

"So you want to go and socialize with acquaintances of long past? So what's the issue? Why are you deliberating here?"

"I won't be able to take you with me; you're technically on house arrest here. If you leave the premises with that collar, you're gonna be in for the shock of your life. In plus, if I do go, I'm just not sure if I'm okay with Braginsky being around. He's on this base at all times, and there's also Vale. He creeps me out, and I'm not sure I'm down with leaving you all alone without anyone for a week."

Zero's lips went linear, and she pressed them against her fist thoughtfully. "I see. Autobot, I can assure you that I can take good care of myself. For as long as I can remember, I have always been solitary. I don't need you to look over my shoulder day-in and day-out."

"But I'm worried. Lennox-" Bumblebee stopped and gestured towards him. "I-I can't go. Can you tell the Yeagers that I'm sorry? Maybe say that I have a new mission or something?"

Lennox drummed his fingers against his spreadsheet and frowned. "Bumblebee-"

"No, Major. I'm sorry. I already know what you are going to say. Even if you watch over her for the week, Braginsky is your boss and you and I both know that his badge means that he can essentially do whatever he wants and get away with it. Sorry. I want to go, I really do, but Zero's safety is my top priority. The last time I left one of my charges alone they-"

Lennox elevated his hand. It was as he thought, Bumblebee's anxiety was linked to Sam and his death. "'Bee-"

"I said no, and that's final. I've made my choice, Major."

"Bumblebee, will you just listen to me? I had a feeling you would feel this way, and that's fine. But I really, really think you should go- not as your boss, but as your friend. You deserve a chance to go back and revisit Cade and Viviane and Tessa. I know you feel like you can't trust those guys but keep in mind that I'm going to be here. I have a say in what goes and what doesn't. Vale has no authority over me, and Braginsky has to take what I say into consideration. In plus, it's not like he has been skulking around for a moment to shock her. Ain't that right, miss?"

Zero was slightly taken off guard after being addressed so suddenly but agreed. "Definitely. Autobot, I think you are just acting paranoid. Perhaps you should take his offer into consideration."

"..."

"I'm an adult. Need I remind you that I was perfectly fine before falling into your hands?"

Bumblebee drew his lower lip between his teeth in thought. This conversation was stressing him out.

Lennox could see this and figured he would do something to remedy it. He had an idea. It wasn't the greatest one by any means, but it was still an option he could pull off.

He would have to pull some strings, but Bumblebee's work ethic was becoming unnatural, and it was getting to the point where Lennox was starting to fear for his mental well-being. The yellow 'bot needed a break, but unless a compromise was reached then and there, he wouldn't be able to convince him to go.

Deciding it would all be for the greater good, Lennox made up his mind. "Listen, 'Bee, what if I cut you a deal?"

"...What kind of deal?"

Lennox hesitated. "A risky deal."

A/N: Epps' taquito story and Lennox's OPS story were inspired, once again, by some random Reddit posts. Reddit is astoundingly good for writing material.