Chapter 21

The next day at school everything seemed different. Like something was missing. That something was my girlfriend… ex-girlfriend… something in between that. I don't really know anymore. All I know is that things were different. I was late on my first day of school because now that Ashley and I are on a "break" I walk to school. FYI walking is a lot slower that driving.

In between classes I always go to my locker to change my books. It's weird now that Ashley's not there to talk to me, or stand beside me, or even offer to carry my books. I forgot how heavy these things are. So not only am I late, and my books are heavy, but I feel like I don't know anyone. It's this point in time that I realize, I don't have very many friends. Which is pathetic, I know.

Well, I have Kyla but I only see her during lunch and last period. But other than that, I always had Ashley or Stacey in one of my classes. And now that Ashley and I are on a break, things between me and Stacey are awkward, which I understand because Stacey is first and foremost friends with Ashley.

Look at me rambling on about Ashley… I need to get her out of my head. Okay, so focus.

Aiden. On second thought, no. I don't want to think about him either.

Let's try this again. Focus.

Food. Yeah, I like food.

Food is good.

Ashley likes food too.

Damn! I probably shouldn't have picked something everyone in the world likes. Well everyone except the anorexic people. They have terrible figures. Not like Ashley's. Damn! I did it again.

I don't think it matters how hard I try, I just can't get this girl out of my head. Maybe I shouldn't… I mean it's not like anyone can read my thoughts. So why not think about her?

So after my first 3 classes, it's lunch time. I quickly meet up with Kyla and we go off and get some lunch. I was tired of being alone all morning. We take a seat no where near Ashley's table, but we can still see it. We can still see her.

She's sitting with the Sarah and Madison. They all seem to be talking about something, but Ashley's not really interested, instead she's just playing with her food.

"okay, that's enough. Stop drooling over Ashley" Kyla interrupts my thoughts.

"I wasn't drooling over her. I was just… looking at the girl behind her" I make up, not even bothering to check if there is a girl behind her. But of course Kyla checks.

"you mean that girl, who looks like a guy, who looks like Aiden, who actually is Aiden?" she clarifies. And just as it is, Aiden just happens to be sitting at the table behind Ashley. What are the chances of that.

"what? No I mean the other girl, who looks like a guy, who looks like Aiden, but isn't Aiden" I say pointing to the guy beside Aiden. Kyla just shakes her head at me.

"look, I don't know who you like or who you're going after, but you better make up your mind"

"I don't like Aiden." I say.

"so then why did you and Ashley break up?"

"we didn't break up" I emphasize. "we're just taking time to straighten our thoughts out"

"straighten? As in straight - not gay?" she asks, referring to Aiden.

"what? No. You over think things"

"Spencer, just solve your problems with Ashley, you know you want to"

"I do, but I don't know if I can" I say as I glance over at Ashley and her table. All of a sudden Madison and Sarah stand up, but Ashley quickly pulls them back down. I wish I knew what they were talking about. Where's Stacey? Oh there she is walking up to the SAM crew and gladly sitting beside them.

"Spencer, focus!" Kyla says snapping in front of my face. I come out of my Ashley daze and focus back on Kyla.

"just so you know, I don't think Ashley's the only one at fault here"

"what?"

"Spencer, you knew Aiden was bad news, and you knew Ashley wouldn't like it. Of all the people you choose to share your feelings with, you choose the one person Ashley is afraid of"

"Ashley's not afraid of Aiden. She's not afraid of anyone"

"is that what you think? Spence, have you noticed that Ashley hasn't done anything to Aiden? Or how none of the SAM crew has? It's because Ashley doesn't want to. Actually, she can't. She knows what ever she does, she won't be able to get him to leave you alone. She's always been afraid that she's going to lose you to him and right now, it kind of looks like she has."

"yeah well she didn't need him to lose me. She lost me all on her own…"

"she was with her best friend. If you had a chance to spend time with your best friend from Ohio wouldn't you take it? Even if it meant spending a little less time with your girlfriend?"

I would give anything to spend time with Patrick. But he's gone.

"Spencer, you know that Ashley neglecting you wasn't a permanent thing" Kyla states. "she… just missed her friend. Given, she did kind of leave you alone in your time of need, but that's a different story"

How does she know I was in a 'time of need'? Whatever, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that Kyla's right. I guess if Patrick came back I'd spend all of my time with him. But then again, he would have to rise from the dead. Which might freak me out a little. Just a little.

Trying to get my mind of the topic at hand I glance up at Ashley and let my mind drift on her. I wish I was beside her, laughing with her. I miss her so much. Across the quad I see Ashley talking with her friends. She looks just as amazing as every other day. Her long beautiful hair, deep brown eyes, they're just so addicting. But the thing is, those deep brown eyes are staring back into mine. That's right, Ashley's looking at me just as I'm looking at her.

I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her…

(Ashley's POV)

Today's going to be just like any other day. I'm promising this to my self as I just wake up. The alarm clock is not my friend. In fact I've gone through quite a few of these alarm clocks. Some how they always end up getting smashed against the wall. I'm not really sure how that happens. Oh wait, yes I am. It's because I throw them against the wall. Teaches those alarm clock makers to make the alarm so damn annoying. Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Today is going to be a normal day.

So I get up, shower, grab a small breakfast. Yell at Kyla to move her ass. Ever since I promised to give her a ride to school every morning, I've regretted it. Next, I grab my phone to call Spencer to let her know I'm coming to get her. But then I remember something.

We're on a "break". Whatever the hell that means. So now that we're on this break, I guess that means I don't have to give her a ride to school. But I wish I did. We split yesterday and I'm already missing her.

Once at school I ditch Kyla like usual and head for my locker praying that Spencer isn't there. I look around and fortunately the hall way is practically empty. I grab my books and run away quickly hoping that I don't have to see her. To my surprise I show up to class earlier than anyone else. I take my seat and wait for everyone else to come in. But as people are coming in. I realize that my seat is right next to my girlfriend's. Or should I say 'ex'? maybe we're just back to being friends. How about I just call her girl? Solves all problems. Okay so when Stacey comes in I sit in her seat before she takes hers. She looks down at me wondering what the hell I'm doing. I glance over to "girl's" empty seat and she follows my view. She gets the hint and sits in my seat. Great, now I just have to avoid her for the rest of the day and everything's going to be okay.

But all this makes me wonder… do I really want to avoid her all day? I mean, should I be trying to fix everything? Because I know I fucked, and bad. But Spencer wouldn't have asked for a break if she didn't want to spend time away from me. So that's what I'll do. I'll give her some space for a while. I can wait a few days right? Aw, who are we kidding, I probably won't be able to last more than a couple of days. That girl is my life.

Speaking of said girl, where is she? Class started like 20 minutes ago and she's still not here. I hope she's okay. Before I could get into some gruesome thoughts about the possibilities of what happened to her, she walks in the room. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I've been holding. She rushes to her seat and pulls out her book to catch up with the rest of the class.

She doesn't even look at me. Does she really hate me that much?

So the next few class went by pretty good, no Spencer, no problems. At lunch Madison and Sarah find me before I find them and we take a seat at our regular table. We got the prime spot in the quad. Dead centre. No one else dares to take this table. They know if they do they run the risk of getting a SAM crew whoop ass. Speaking of our crew. I guess we're back together. It's not like we talked about it or did it on purpose, it's just everybody assumed that we're back together, and well… we didn't deny it.

So here we are at lunch, and I guess they can tell I'm unhappy because they start talking to me.

"so…" Sarah starts off. "what's going on with you and Spencer?" she asks. I haven't really told her the details. I've already gotten myself into enough trouble by spending all my time with her. All I told her was that Spencer and I got into a fight about me ignoring her lately, and she wants to go on a "break".

"she's ignoring me, and doing a pretty good job at it too"

"do you want us to kick some ass?" Madison says with a joking smile as her and Sarah stand up. Oh god, Spencer's looking. I quickly pull them down and cover my eyes.

"what do I do?" I whisper. "I want her back so badly, but I think she hates me"

"she doesn't hate you" Stacey says joining our table. "…she's just angry at you"

"that's not much better" I say stealing a quick glance this way. Is she looking at me? Oh wait, no, she's looking behind me. I turn around to see Aiden sitting behind me. Are you kidding me? She's looking at Aiden! Maybe I really am screwed.

"well you better act fast before Aiden steals her" Madison says. That's really not helping. We all know it. To show that we all know it, Sarah punches Madison in the shoulder.

Ignoring the stupid stuff my friends are doing I look back at Spencer, this time not bothering to hide my line of view. I look directly at her and stare into her eyes.

I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her…