A/N: Happy Holidays Everyone.

Chapter VII:

To The Past

"You what?" Zuko asked angrily, trying to keep his voice low. Mai looked at him with an apathetic glare.

"Don't blame this on me. I'm not her keeper," Mai said, turning her back on the Fire Lord.

When Zuko had heard that Mai had returned, he felt a sense of relief wash over him, and rushed to meet her in the main hall. When he'd arrived, however, he was met with Mai, and Mai alone. The black haired, non-bender watched him steadily.

"Where's Raya?" He'd said, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. He tried, and failed, to read the expression of the dark haired woman. She didn't let on that Raya was captured or injured, but she also didn't let on that she wasn't. The Fire Lord had rushed up to her, and waited as patiently as he could for a reply.

"Somewhere in the merchant district, I guess," Mai had said, shrugging her shoulders.

"You just left her?"

"She told me to go on without her, so I did," Mai had said, bringing them to this moment. Zuko's shoulders were tight with worry and he glared at Mai mercilessly before calling to a servant that was waiting at the ready in the shadows.

"Ready my things," he instructed, turning on his heels and moving quickly away from Mai. "I'm going after her."

"What? Are you crazy?" Mai asked in disbelief.

"She can't be out there alone. So far away from the palace. How could you leave her?" Zuko asked once more as he paused to turn and look Mai in the eyes.

"You realize she's the Demitar, right? I'm not about to tell her what to do, and if she asks me to go on without her, I'm going to go on. I trust that she knows what she's doing."

"You don't know her like I know her. She's . . ." Zuko couldn't find the words and watched as Mai raised a skeptical eye-brow.

"You can't protect her forever, you know. It's not your place," Mai said as she backed away and moved to leave the palace. Zuko looked after her with fiery eyes – how dare she tell him what was and wasn't his place. "For what it's worth, give her until morning. You owe her that much freedom."

TILL morning . . . Zuko found himself pacing back and forth in his chambers, his shadow drifting lightly in and out of the moonlight. It carved a dark presence out of the moons glow as he stopped in the light of his open window. Summers end was approaching and the cooling night air drifted easily through the window. The temperature was just perfect; he didn't have to wear too much, nor too little.

The Fire Lord folded his arms over his bare chest, and felt the lumpy scar tissue that Azula had bestowed upon him. It was meant to be an endless reminder of her power, and his sacrifice to save Katara, but instead it was a never ending reminder of how he and Raya had similar scars. Her dragon fire detailed an upbringing in fire, and he commiserated with her in that respect.

He approached the balcony slowly, and looked up into the skies. The courtyard below was the main courtyard of the palace, and a place he had played for many years as a child. Nothing much had changed in all the time that the place had existed. The turtle ducks still swam gently in their small pond, the fire maples still stood out as mighty over seers, and the path that cut it all in half still stood; serving as a reminder that nothing beautiful can remain unbroken.

Zuko's tired mind drifted in and out of memories that he had shared with the Demitar. All the awkward moments that they shared on their journey with Aang, the kisses, the desire. He found a heat rising in his cheeks as he remembered the surprising kiss she planted on him before she left to battle Ozai. He had been surprised, but in the same moment so fulfilled. He hadn't realized until that very moment how much he had wanted that kiss to happen. He wanted it to happen a million more times after that, too.

But from the moment Raya had set foot back within the palace walls, he found himself pushing her further and further away. That wasn't what he wanted at all. In reality, he wanted her closer than anyone in the world. He was torn though, for so many reasons. The Loyalists were a problem, first and foremost, but he wondered if he were selfish enough to claim her for his own. Even if she chose to look past all the things he'd put her through in the past month, would she even consider taking his hand?

The counselors and Han Lee had been suggesting marriage for months. They were all under the impression that a royal wedding was just what the Nation needed to take their minds off of the worldly issues and the national divide; something that would bring everyone back together again. Zuko scoffed at them, pushing the idea away constantly. He didn't have time for marriage, especially now; not to mention that the one he wanted may never be his to claim.

Just as the melancholy of his thoughts began to take root in his chest, a large white dragon hurtled through the air, and landed quietly in the courtyard before him. The wind from the creature disturbed some of the foliage of the flora and fauna, but ultimately no one that wasn't watching it happen would have known Rai Jin had left and returned. Zuko shot up like a bolt and watched as Raya and another white haired rider dismounted.

Before another second could pass, he found himself dashing from the room and for the entrance of the courtyard below.

X

Raya felt a stiffness beginning in her side, and realized there was a slight burn on her arm and side. They were mild and she would live, but the consistent throb was becoming irritating. She leaned against Rai Jin and watched as Kai slid down the side of the dragon with FaWei in his arms. He was still out stone cold and Raya had to give the kid props for his chi blocking skills. She looked up and around, realizing that she had landed them in the wrong courtyard.

Before she had time to care, she saw a tall, shirtless Fire Lord striding towards her. Her heart leapt and she realized that she very much wished to see him. She had a feeling it had something to do with her encounter with Azula and her brush with death. She smiled and faultered a little as she tried to take a step towards him. Before she could move much further, however, he was upon them, and had swept the Demitar up into his arms.

As surprised as she was at his warm welcome, she couldn't help but succumb to his warm embrace. Her face pressed intimately against his bare chest and she inhaled the scent of his skin; cedar and ash. In that moment she found herself completely whole for the first time in ages, and it took her a few seconds to remember that they were not alone. She stiffened and pulled herself out of Zuko's embrace, clearing her throat.

He looked down at her softly, but his features began to harder more and more as he took in her injuries, Kai, and FaWei.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice colored in concern.

"I fought Azula," Raya said slowly. Some of the color drained from the Fire Lords face at the mention of his sister. "And captured the man she was hiding behind as the leader of the Loyalists." She watched his face carefully as his eyes flicked to the unconscious FaWei. His amber orbs slid quickly to Kai in that moment and he looked between the two slowly. "And this is my nephew, Kai."

"Nephew?"

"My brother's great grandchild."

"I know what a nephew is," Zuko said, and she realized that he was just in disbelief.

"How?"

"He was a supporter of the Loyalists, but then helped me escape when he realized who I was."

A sudden flame found its way into Zuko's eyes at this discovery, and he glared at Kai. Raya wanted to defend him, but she couldn't blame Zuko for his anger. She quickly explained everything she could, and winced a few times as her burns smarted.

"You're hurt," he observed, stepping closer.

"It's nothing," Raya said, trying to make him listen to the rest of her report.

EVERYTHING that transpired in the courtyard happened so rapidly that Raya had trouble remembering it clearly. Kai and FaWei were whisked away quickly, and Zuko called forth a servant to help Raya to a healer. She wanted to continue telling him what had transpired in the cave-like basement of the warehouse, but he wouldn't hear it. He wouldn't tell her where he was taking Kai, either, which bothered her infinitely.

"This will hurt before it begins to feel better," the kind woman kneeling beside her said. Takana was an older woman from the Northern Water Tribe that had migrated into the Fire Nation after the war had ended. Master Paku had recommended her to Zuko as one of the best healers he had known in his years there, and she was ready for a change of scenery. Once she had met with the Fire Lord in person, he was eager to have her as his official palace healer.

"Go ahead," Raya granted, and she sucked in a sharp breath as the water felt more like a shock of ice rather than a soothing current of water. Her eyes closed briefly as she tried to find her center and block it out, but it wasn't long before the pain turned into a gentle relief. As she lay back with her eyes closed and her torso exposed, she fought back flashes of Azula coming at her.

She wished that the fire bending princess didn't still inspire a small amount of fear in her, but she did. Raya was certain that she had moved past that fear, but her recent encounter left the truth bare before her; a part of her was. The blue flames that emitted from the princess' hands and feet was ferocious. She was everything Master Xai had wanted Raya to be, but she vowed a long time ago she would never be that; mindlessly powerful and fierce.

The power she felt in her fire bending as she fought Azula, however, was exhilarating, and she couldn't deny that. Iroh, as usual, was right. She was slowly re-accepting the fire in her blood, and she liked it . . . The surge of pure power from the Demitar state had made her feel unstoppable in that moment, and instead of feeling shy towards the power, she embraced it.

'To protect,' she thought to herself as Takana pulled the water away from her torso. She knew that her purpose was to protect, and peace was not always going to be the answer. While the rest of the world defined firebending as power, she would defy that standard. Fire was protection; she would only use it to protect others. This she swore as Azula's crazed eyes flashed in her mind once more.

"That's everything I can do," Takana said as she helped Raya sit up. The Demitar thanked her kindly and Takana bowed her head in respect.

"Thank you. It feels miles better already," Raya assured the woman as she sat up straight.

"I'm so glad I can help," Takana said genuinely.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak with the Demitar – privately," Zuko said, adding the last part as Takana offered the Fire Lord a deep bow. She obliged, and left the room quickly as Zuko entered. Raya took note that the only thing she wore in that moment was a pair of trousers and her chest wrap. Zuko had seen her in it many times during their journey with Aang, but never in a bed, hair unbound, and tossed loosely across her shoulder. He himself had found the time to dress properly, but if the wrong eyes were to pear in on them, it would immediately be misconstrued as a scandalous affair between the Fire Lord and the Demitar.

"How are you feeling?" Zuko asked as he approached the bed side. Raya waved his words away.

"It wasn't that bad," Raya said, dismissing his concern. He raised a skeptical eyebrow, but let the subject pass. "Where's FaWei?"

"In a prison cell. We'll be interrogating him soon."

"And Kai?" Raya asked. The Fire Lord hesitated and looked away from her, out the balcony window that allowed fresh sunlight to pour through the red curtains.

"After some questioning . . . I sent him away," Zuko finally admitted. Raya shot up quickly and as she swung her legs around the side of the bed, she felt her injuries smart. Ignoring the pain, she stepped quickly up to the Fire Lord with a blaze of confusion in her amber eyes.

"What? How could you? His life could be in grave danger now."

"He was a Loyalist, and still could be. What if his only mission was to get close to you? To infiltrate the palace? I just can't take those kinds of chances."

"They're going to kill him if they find him, Zuko," Raya said, her eyes colored in agony, as he knew they would be. He was glad, then, that he hadn't consulted her before he sent the young boy on his way, because Raya would have fought him tooth and nail over it; she'd have won.

"It's a chance we have to take," he said quietly as she ran a distressed hand through her hair. He watched the soft white locks fall neatly over her shoulder, the rest spilling down her back. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Raya said, trying to see it from his perspective. She was incredibly understanding, but this was something that would haunt her for a while. It may have been the best choice for the safety of the two of them, but he was one of her only living relatives; her only connection to her past, and Zuko may have just ended all that. "Azula is out there somewhere, too," Raya reminded him.

"I know . . ." he said, his face turning hard and impassive.

"She is strong, maybe as strong as she's ever been. And she knows the palace, which means we may be in even more danger than we thought . . ." Raya watched Zuko's face, and he offered no response. Raya felt her heart beat pick up a little as she thought of Azula trying, in the dead of night, to end them while they slept. It wasn't a farfetched idea, since she potentially knew a hundred ways to sneak in and out of the palace undetected. "Zuko," Raya prodded when he still didn't speak.

"There's something I want to show you," Zuko finally said. Raya looked toward him and her eyes were all questions. "Something I should have shown you a long time ago."

"What?"

"You'll see," he said as he pulled her robe off the hook that rested on a wall near him. She accepted it and tied it around herself carefully, trying to avoid placing the sash over her fresh burns. She braided her hair, once more avoiding the crown princes' ornament, and wondered if she would ever put it back on. The life that came with the trinket felt like it was a lifetime away now; unreachable.

The Demitar followed the Fire Lord through the palace in silence, and wondered all the while what he could have to show her. She wanted to sit down and form a plan to deal with Azula, not to mention be a part of the interrogation of FaWei. They finally had all the pieces of the puzzle, now they just needed to figure out how to solve it.

They stopped then, and Raya pulled herself out of her thoughts. They were surrounded by a small stone courtyard with statues decorating the far walls. It seemed plain enough, and there was nothing about it that suggested it was any different from any other part of the palace. They were standing on a large circular stone pattern, and this made Raya double take, but even so it still didn't seem that out of the ordinary.

"Is this it?" She asked, not unkindly. She found herself confused.

"One second," Zuko said, moving her towards him so that they were standing in the center of the circular pattern. He took a slow breath, and then knelt, bending a stream of flames into the center of the circle. A few flames shot up around the outer rim of the circle, but there were so small it didn't amount to much. As the Fire Lord straightened, the stones began to move downward in a descending patter, creating stone steps into a dark pit below them.

Raya raised an eyebrow slowly and he gestured for her to follow.

"What is this?"

"It's a place where the Fire Sages keep records and personal items that mark the rule of previous Fire Lords. I came down here once to read about Avatar Roku, and Sozin," Zuko said as he held out a flame in order to light their path. Raya followed him closely, feeling a bit uneasy about the enclosed space. Dragon statues and what may have been actual skulls lined some parts of the hallways and she shirked away from them as she passed; the idea that a beautiful dragon had to give its life for something so savage filling her with sadness.

"So who are we visiting?" Raya wondered aloud, and as she did so Zuko stopped. She did as well, and looked at the calligraphy etched elegantly into the wall beside the doorway. Sozin. Raya felt a lurch in her stomach as she read the name. It was like being hurtled back in time as they stepped through the doorway. The things that surrounded the Fire Lord and Demitar as they entered the room where things straight out of Raya's past and nightmares.

"When I was looking for information on my great grandfather and Avatar Roku's friendship, I came across something . . . Something that I think was meant to be yours," Zuko said as he pulled a chest out into view. Raya didn't recognize it at all, but stepped forward to help him. As they brought it forward into the center of the room, Zuko stepped away to light a few torches. As the room became slightly more illuminated, Raya began to wipe away years of dust.

'Demitar Raya'.

The words were etched plainly onto the front of the chest, and she gave a small start. It really was hers. She had never seen it before in her life, and it wasn't something she had arrived in the palace with. When she left her home at the age of seven, she had come with only a bag full of a few clothes, and some necessities. It wasn't a day she liked to remember, but the memories were suddenly rushing in on her like a tsunami.

"What is this?" Raya asked, no longer touched the object. She stared at it long and hard, refusing to touch or open it. Zuko moved around to kneel beside her and studied her face carefully.

"It's yours," he said simply, wishing that she didn't look so ill. When she still made no motion to open the chest, he tugged it forward a little and pulled the lid back. Raya peered over the lip of the container and her heart faltered for a moment as she took in its contents.

Unopened scrolls were scattered across the bottom, and mingled in with them were random objects that she vaguely recognized. One object stood out in particular, and as she reached for it, she didn't notice the tear that had forced its way from her left eye. She pulled the small wooden dinosaur out of the chest and inspected it. It was perfect, as though she had plucked it out of a memory. Time had done nothing to ravage the smooth wooden surface and she found herself clutching it to her chest.

As she pressed it against herself she finally felt the scroll tied to the other side. Gently, so gently, she pulled the ribbon end and untied the parchment from its wooden anchor. It fell to the floor, and Zuko picked it up gingerly, handing it to her. She began to unfold it and paused – was she ready for this? Ready to open the floodgates of her past?

After a few more seconds of hesitation she unfurled the parchment the rest of the way and gazed at the intricate handwriting inside. Even after all this time, she would know that writing anywhere:

My Dearest Raya,

I can't tell you how much I miss you. Your brother asks about you every day. I only hope that you don't think that we have failed you, or abandoned you. We tried to visit the palace today, but were turned away. I don't know if we will ever be allowed to enter, but know that we love you so much. Kulo asked me to send you his favorite toy with this letter. I hope that you will receive this and know that we will always be here with you.

I remember the day you were born, with that shock of white hair and big amber eyes. It was like a blinding ray of white light . . . Your father and I knew instantly what we would name you, Raya. Our Ray of light, and now you are the entire worlds Ray of light; our Demitar. Remember that even when things seem their darkest, you are a ray of light.

All our Love,

Your mother, and Kulo

Tears came forth now, uninhibited. The Demitar found herself clutching the toy and the letter to her chest tightly, causing the paper to wrinkle. She shut her eyes tightly and inhaled sharply. How many years had they spent trying to see her, writing her? There were dozens of other letters in the chest, and Raya didn't know if she could read another one, let alone all of them. How hard must it have been for Ahma to love her from a distance – never to see her only daughter again?

Suddenly a strong arm found its way around her shoulders and without thinking she let herself sink into the Fire Lords embrace. The tears continued as she cried into his chest. He put his other arm around her then, and held her against them. They sat on the floor like that for a while, until Raya's tears finally slowed, then stopped.

"I didn't mean for this to hurt you," Zuko finally said, his lips brushing against her soft white hair. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her scalp and it sent a rush of tingles down her spine. She pulled back enough to look him in the eyes.

"It was just . . . Overwhelming," Raya finally said.

"I know you are upset that I sent Kai away. But I did it to protect you – and before you say it, I know you don't need me to protect you, but I want to. You mean . . . so much to me. I realize that the way I've been acting makes it seem like that's not true, but it is . . . I'm just not good at this; at people . . ."

"It's alright," Raya said, placing a gentle hand on his arm. He placed his hand over hers and reveled in the tenderness of it. He hadn't realized how much he had craved her presence until this moment as it all came crashing down on him. The sadness in her eyes still lingered, however, and he would have given anything to replace it with happiness.

"If I could change the way your life played out, I would; you'd have known your family for a life time, and had all the happiness you deserve. Even if it meant I'd never have met you, I'd do it, if that would make you happy . . ." Zuko said, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. She looked up into his eyes, and he felt his heart race. She had not looked at him so deeply in years.

"I wouldn't change any of it," she said gently, leaning forward enough to press her lips to his.