Notes from Mama Lobster: song is by Muse. Also... You guys are the best oh my god. Thank you all for reading, and thanks to Noacat, DazzlingPawn, Tonnere, Drew, ShyKylee, and TheHarlequinRevolver for being so kind c:

Map of the Problematique

== Be Jade

You hate seeing your brother like this, but there's only so much you can do. He's broken down, torn up by the stress of friendleading all of you to hell and back only for hell to keep nipping at your heels.

"I don't know what to do." He mutters again, forehead pressed into the kitchen counter. He's said the same thing for hours, and you still don't know how to respond. Casey's gone again, no doubt for the duration of the night, and when she comes home silent and angry all it will do is drive John further up the wall. There's something wrong, you're not stupid enough to think otherwise, but unless she's willing to cooperate…

"John, it's going to be fine. She'll open up to you eventually."

He sighs. "What if she doesn't?"

"You can't think that way. She's going to, okay? She's smart, she knows you love her." You're not entirely positive that this is true, but you need to keep him thinking straight. There's nothing any of you can do if he spirals into hopeless hysteria.

"I got a call from her teacher two days ago. You'll never guess which psycho clown she and her boyfriend were caught with after school."

Your heart sinks into your stomach. Ugh, that girl.

"Jade, please… I don't know what to do. You have to know what to do, right?"

"I…" You have absolutely no idea. "I think we have to focus on Casey. Gamzee's been dealing for years but it doesn't seem like anyone can do anything about it."

"So we kill him." John deadpans, his eyes free of any humor.

"Hey!" You scowl. "This isn't a game anymore. I don't think that's exactly the easiest thing to do in the first place, not to mention jail and all that…" His snarl seems permanently stuck in place, so you change tactics. "Why not try talking to Adam, instead? Maybe someone her age can get through to her."

"He doesn't see her much anymore, I guess… he doesn't know what's going on with her any more than I do."

Shit. "Do you have her boyfriend's number?"

He shakes his head. "I couldn't keep her phone away from her any more. I don't really want her going out without any way to call me…"

His logic makes sense, but now you're stuck back in this horrible waiting game. You wish you were a little wiser right about now.

Your phone is buzzing, and you hate the relief that floods your system. As horrible as it is to admit, you need a distraction before John drags you into hopelessness with him.

- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering GardenGnostic [GG] at 15:27 –

TT: Jade?

GG: hi rose

GG: um

GG: how is everything?

TT: Meandering and completely unsatisfying at the moment.

TT: But that is beside the point.

GG: theres a point?

TT: Yes. Can you keep a secret from John?

GG: um…

TT: I will take that as an "um" of agreement.

TT: I want to sign Casey up for therapy.

GG: i dont know if shes going to want to do that :/

TT: This is why I'm going to ask if you would convince her.

GG: rose…

TT: Please, Jade. I have sent a letter notifying the following doctors

–TT sent attachment list1 –

TT: and she is to be expected at any one of them within the next week. The first ten sessions will be paid in full and I will handle whatever is next as it comes.

GG: rose i cant just convince her to go to therapy!

TT: I have no illusions about this being easy, but I think you are the one she's least hostile to at the moment.

TT: Of all of us, you are most likely to succeed.

GG: thats not the point!

GG: im not her mom

GG: you are

GG: and i really think she might agree to go if you asked her yourself

GG: rose? are you still there?

TT: I have to go. I have a four o' clock meeting with a patient.

TT: Please.

GG: ugh!

- gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –

So much for a welcome distraction. If this situation gets any more confusing you are going to run home and tell everyone to sort out all their issues on their own.

"Whossat?" John mumbles, still face first in the counter.

"…Rose. I don't think she's coming to visit this week."

"Shit." You don't like it when John curses. "Of course she's not. Why would she? Why would she or my daughter or anyone ever want to act like a reasonable human being in any of this mess?! Why not just leave it to me, right?!"

"John, we're all still here for you. There's no need to yell."

He sighs, deflating further. "I know. Sorry. It's not your fault."

No duh it's not your fault, but you don't know that you can blame him for yelling. You're frustrated enough to get snippy at this point, too. You rub his back gently, hoping that he can find a little bit of comfort in being taken care of, and he leans into your side with a heavy sigh. You can see the bags under his eyes growing larger by the day, and his spine is too pronounced under your fingertips. He needs to eat more.

"Jade." His voice is so quiet, practically a whine. "I'm so tired."

"I know, John." It's not hard to see.

"I think we're in trouble."

"I know." You think he might be right.

"Do you think I should have her home schooled? I really don't want to send her off to military school or something like that…"

You have to take a moment to rationalize your thoughts. There weren't any actual promises made, right? Rose just assumed you would keep a secret. You never said yes, and John has a right to know anyway. It wouldn't be fair not to tell him.

"Rose wants to send her to therapy. If we can actually get her to go… I think it might be a good idea."

"If we can get her to go. That's kind of important…" His pained expression is wearing on you.

"Do you think this might just be a phase she's going through? There's a chance she'll outgrow it. Or maybe it's time to think about going on vacation…"

"Vacation sounds good… I can start saving and we'll go away for a bit."

You stay quiet; John is prideful to a fault. Of course you and Dave will pay for the trip, but he doesn't need to know that right now. He's got enough to stress over.

"Hey Jade?" He blinks up at you.

"Yes?"

"…Am I a bad father?"

His shoulders are thinner than they've been since he was thirteen years old on a golden ship, but holding him feels the same.

"No, John. You're doing the best you can."

== Be John

Adam doesn't know anything about her anymore. All of her teachers call her "trouble." It wasn't really much of a surprise to you when Jade called to let you know she had dodged her first therapy session.

You know she'll slip past you if given half the chance, hiding from you as easily as if you were blind, deaf and dumb. She'll run inside, change her clothes, and then leave before you ever knew she was there. So you wait. You reschedule your afternoon lesson, grab a book of sudoku, and plunk yourself down in the front yard. You're ready to wait for hours if need be.

Hours might have been an understatement, actually. The sun sets slowly behind the house to the west, and you have to constantly change your angle to be able to catch the light. The road up ahead looks so bleary, desolate, like suburbia post-apocalypse.

There's a family down the street settling in for dinner. You can see them through their dining room window: dad, son, daughter, even a dog. You notice for a moment that there is no partner in the picture, and wonder what it is about that man that makes him so much more successful with his children than you are with yours.

Maybe you should have gotten Casey a kitten, like she asked for when she was little. Maybe she would be home more often to take care of it. Or maybe she would have forgotten it too, and it would be one more thing for you to worry about.

It's getting too dark out to keep at your sudoku. You're not particularly good at them, anyway, so it's not as if you've gotten very far.

You hear the music before you see them; the horrible old range rover plowing down the street. The bass is thundering, loud enough to interrupt the nice family dinner as they turn to stare out the window.

Casey freezes in the passenger's seat when she spots you approaching, recoiling into herself in what looks like fear. That's good. She hasn't been properly afraid of your anger in a very long time.

"Casey Serket Egbert! You and I need to have a talk."

She shifts uncomfortably, eyeing you with caution before reaching behind to grab her backpack. Drew grabs her arm before she can pick it up.

"Stay in the car, babe." He turns back to face you, and you can feel your anger burning brighter than ever before. It's one thing when your daughter talks back to you, but you won't have some smug teenage douchebag talking back on her behalf.

"What's up Mr. Egbert?" Part of you wants to grab a hammer to slam down over his head. If you weren't in public you might actually do so.

"I'm not exactly sure why you're making this your business, Drew, but Casey had an important doctor's appointment today. One she never made it to, because she got into your car instead of her aunt's."

"I'm sorry to hear that." He'll be sorry when you're done with him, at least sorry enough to wipe that smirk off his face. "But I think you ought to know there's nothing wrong with Casey."

"That's not your decision to make. Casey, come with me, please, we need to—"

"Casey's a great girl. Beautiful, smart, talented, why should she waste her time with people who don't appreciate her. Right, babe?" You see a smile and a light blush forming on Casey's face, falling headfirst into flattery. God, it doesn't matter if he's a smooth talker, you're her father and she WILL listen, she has to know that her family is more important than some asshole with a car.

"If you have something to say to me, say it inside. Come on, we can talk about—"

"She doesn't want to go with you. You fucked up her life, drove away the people who loved her, had her dragging herself through her addict uncle's apartment before she was old enough to know left from right. You seriously want to pretend you're the one looking out for her?"

"What do YOU know about looking out for anyone?"

"More than you, I'd guess. She's happy now. I'd—"

"Casey, I am your father and I love you. Please come with me." You're not going to address this asshole, the one pulling all of the wrong strings in you already wound to the point of snapping. Why isn't she speaking for herself?

She hesitates, glancing back and forth between you before casting her eyes down. You don't like this quietness in her, the way you have to strain to hear her voice.

"Casey, I can't hear you. Say what you're going to say."

She keeps her eyes on the floor. "I'm going with Drew tonight. We'll talk tomorrow."

You doubt you've ever heard anything quite so crushing in your life. The sun is gone, and Drew drives off without another word.

Across the road, the happy suburban family clears the table. They make short work of clearing dishes and packing leftovers into tupperware containers. You watch in silent envy as the father pats his son on the back, kissing his daughter's head as she helps him scoop the rest of the vegetables into a plastic bag.

Once, your family looked that perfect. One by one, fight by fight, all the pieces fell away. You wonder, with a brief shot of malicious envy, how long their happy family will last.