Chapter 20- Boring Political Stuff

"Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time..." Winston Churchill

"Am I right?" asked Nick.

Kolchek inclined his head gravely. "You are correct, Mr. Wilde."

Nick gave Judy a modestly triumphant look. "See? That shrew is everywhere."

"Shrew?" said Kolchek, looking surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Mr. Big," said Nick. Kolchek still looked blank. "He's a shrew."

"A shrew," repeated Kolchek. "As in, a rodent."

"Uh-huh. You didn't know that?"

He hesitated. "Not exactly. How curious." He shook his head. "At any rate, that is not why I'm here."

"Oh?" said Nick, tensing himself. He felt Judy doing the same next to him.

"You are here seeking the one called Prometheus, are you not?"

Neither Nick or Judy said anything, just waited for him to continue.

"Prudent," said Kolchek approvingly. "I have been told that you are aware that Mr. Big also wishes to find Prometheus. Though perhaps not with precisely the same intentions."

"We want to arrest him," said Judy coldly.

"Yes," said Kolchek. "Different intentions. Well, as it happens, Prometheus has been quite active on Alphacen as well. And for much the same reasons as Big, we wish to see him stopped."

"Okay," said Nick. "So what do you want from us?"

"For you to do your jobs," said the human. "To find Prometheus. If needed, we can be contacted to do the rest."

"We'll take care of it," said Judy, her voice firm. "We don't need any help from you."

"Do you not?" said Kolchek thoughtfully. "Well, perhaps I can at least direct your inquiries. There is a man named Lin Tu Liu, a member- a high-ranking member- of the Expansionist Party. He was an associate of Horne's, but too powerful for the purge that followed Horne's arrest to touch."

"All right," said Nick. "So if he's so powerful, how are we supposed to get to him?"

"I chose Liu for a reason. He has certain business interests that can be investigated, and used to pressure him." Kolchek reached into his pocket, stopping as both Judy and Nick raised their weapons. He eyed the devices curiously. "I'm going to assume those are some sort of weapon, though I've never seen anything quite like them."

"Just move slowly,' said Nick.

With exaggerated caution, Kolchek pulled something from his pocket and tossed it to Nick, who caught it. He inspected it. "A flash drive?"

"Yes," confirmed Kolchek. "It should have all you need to put several charges on Liu."

"Convenient," said Judy carefully. "What's the catch?"

"No catch. As I said, Prometheus has ruffled feathers here on Alphacen as well." Kolchek shrugged. "You catch him, we win. Oh, and don't forget- we would be willing to take care of him for you, if you find him."

"I've already forgotten that," said Judy dryly. "I'd say thanks, but I'm guessing it's not needed."

Kolchek smiled tightly. "It's true what they say. You are a clever bunny." He looked around. "I fear First Landing's finest will be back to collect you soon, so I must leave. Be careful, my little friends. First Landing can be a dangerous place." With that, he backed up into the slowly moving forest. In moments, he was lost to view.

Nick inspected the flash drive. "I don't like it, Fluff."

"Neither do I, Nick." She put the tiny laser weapon back into her pocket. "But we can't ignore a lead like this, either."

"Major leader of the Expansionist Party, eh?" mused Nick. "Isn't that like one of the largest political parties on Alphacen?"

"Yeah?" said Judy. "So?' She looked around. "We should find Wu and the others." She started walking determinedly in the direction they had gone.

"Yeah," muttered Nick. "Why would I let a little thing like that bother me?" He followed Judy.

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Arrizondo had moved off slightly, giving Wu and Barker some space. Part of Wu was worried about that- he hadn't exactly wanted to give away his relationship with Barker- but part of him was thankful.

The wolf pressed up close to him, inhaling deeply. "How have you been, Louis?"

"You asked that a while ago," he reminded her.

"And you still haven't answered me," she said. "Not really."

The human sighed. "I missed you," he said quietly. "I didn't really expect to see you again."

"I said I'd visit."

"And then travel was cut off between Terra and Alphacen," said Wu. "Getting to see you again at the funeral was- I had expected it to be the last time."

"Not the best way to say goodbye," noted Barker.

"That's precisely what funerals are for, Ruth."

"Not for us," she said. "Maybe 'until we meet again'. Not good-bye."

He stopped, turned to face her. "Ruth-"

She looked up at him, her eyes searching his face. "Louis, you were my best friend on this planet. And then you became my best friend anywhere. And then-" she stopped, noticing Arrizondo stepping closer.

"Sergeant?" said Arrizondo.

"Yes, Mika," said Wu, slightly relieved. "What is it?"

"Where are Hopps and Wilde?"

His face draining of blood, he looked around frantically. "Where did they-"

A sudden clacking of pseudo-leaves caught his attention and the fox and bunny appeared through a slow-moving shrub. "Wu," said Judy. "We need to talk."

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Wu had stopped them as soon as they mentioned Kolchek, and they had left the preserve, finding a nice, open, random spot far from any potential listening devices or eavesdroppers. Nick looked around. "Wow, nice place," he said. They were in the middle of a broad, marble-paved plaza. In the center, a stepped pyramid climbed high above them, brilliant white in the sun. "What is this, anyway?"

"Police memorial," said Wu, walking up to stand beside Nick as he shaded his eyes to inspect the pyramid. "Each step has about a thousand names." His expression was somber.

"A thousand-" Judy's eyes were wide as she silently counted the number of steps in the pyramid. "How-"

"First Landing has been around a long time," said Barker. "And from what I understand, about two thousand of those names came from the bombardment during the Third Drexian War."

Wu nodded. "We got hit pretty hard. When I came on, some of the oldest officers had been around at that time. They had some stories."

For a long moment, they stared at the memorial. "So," said Wu, turning to Nick and Judy. "You met with Kolchek. Casimir Kolchek."

Tearing her eyes from the memorial, Judy nodded at Wu. "That's what he said his name was. Who is he?"

"Good question," said Arrizondo. "We hear the name a lot, but so far no one's been able to pin him down, exactly. He seems to be a sort of fixer."

"Fixer?" asked Judy.

"A facilitator," explained Nick. "For example, you need a piece of equipment sourced- like, say, a diamond drill for a safe-cracking job- you go to him. You want a money launderer that doesn't ask questions- go to the fixer."

"You want a witness converted to a corpse," said Wu dryly. "He'll find the guy to do it for you. He's bad news."

"So why help us?" asked Nick.

"Presumably he's working for someone," said Wu, shrugging. "Maybe even this Mr. Big mouse back on Terra." He paused. "Crime boss mouse. That still seems weird."

"Mr. Big is actually a shrew," Barker informed him.

"Oh, well, that's entirely different. Perfectly normal behavior for shrews."

"So what do we do with this information?" asked Judy, holding up the flash drive. "Can we start a case on this Lin Tu Liu?"

Both Wu and Arrizondo frowned. "Liu is big," said Wu. "I mean, his brother is the governor of Alphacen. This is so far above our pay grade that visible light doesn't reach us down here."

"So we go higher," said Judy, her face determined. "How far up can we go?"

Wu and Arrizondo looked at one another.

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The FLPD Chief of Police, Heinrich Lowe, walked into his office to find two of his officers sitting there. As well as a fox, rabbit, and wolf.

He looked them over, then peered suspiciously at his coffee.

Wu stood up, quickly followed by the others. "Sir!"

The chief, keeping his eyes on the Terrans, slowly walked to his desk and sat down behind it. Wu watched him nervously. "Sir, I'm sorry to bother you-"

The chief held up a hand. Slowly, he drained the coffee, setting it down with a satisfied air. He looked down at his paperwork, read over the first form.

Wu looked nervously at Barker, who shrugged.

The chief flipped over the form, read the back. Finally, he looked up. "Damn," he said, disappointed. "You're still here."

"Sir, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Sergeant Wu. And Officer Barker, I see. Good to see you again, Barker." Lowe steadfastly ignored Nick and Judy. "You two did some surprisingly good work last time. You also caused me a surprisingly complex headache. The Rangers have come through this office so many times that I'm pretty sure the reason I haven't seen any mice recently is because they've been arrested for questioning." He sat back, folding his hands across his stomach. "But you're here now. What's this all about?"

"Sir, we have reason to believe that Lin Tu Liu has been involved in numerous illegal activities, including gun trafficking, money laundering, and-"

Chief Lowe held up his hand. "I'm going to stop you right there," he said. "Lin Tu Liu is an

extremely respected member of the Chamber, one of the leaders of the Expansionist Party. There is absolutely no way a politician of his caliber would ever be involved in anything illegal."

Judy shot to her feet. "Sir!"

The chief resolutely ignored her. "No, no," he pressed a button on his desk, the intercom to his secretary. "We are not even going to discuss anything of that nature in this office. You got that, June?"

"Yes, sir." There was a pause. "I've activated the EMI. That should disable any bugs."

"Thank you, June."

The other cops all stared at him. "EMI?" asked Judy.

"Electromagnetic interference," said Lowe composedly. "So what's this about Liu?"

"You're office is bugged?" said Arrizondo incredulously. "But you're the Chief of Police!"

He cocked an eyebrow at the much younger officer. "Yes? They'd hardly waste their time bugging a regular patrol officer, would they?" He shrugged. "And I'm not certain it's bugged. But like I said, I've had Rangers traipsing in and out of here in a seemingly never-ending stream of glowering, trench-coated men, so I've decided to err on the safe side."

Wu handed him the flash drive. "Take a look at this."

The chief, puzzled, turned it over in his hands. "It's a flash drive."

"I mean what's on it," said Wu, barely managing to keep from rolling his eyes.

Lowe plugged it into his computer. At first he looked bored, but as he continued reading his eyes gradually widened. After a moment, he looked up from the computer. "Where did you get this?"

Wu looked reluctant, but finally answered. "Casimir Kolchek."

"Kolchek," said the chief. He finally looked directly at Nick and Judy. "I don't think I know you two."

Judy sprang to her feet, snapping to attention. "Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD, sir!"

Nick stood up. "I'm Nick, Nick Wilde."

Judy glared at him.

"Those names sound familiar," mused Lowe. He snapped his fingers. "You worked with Hunter back on Terra, right?"

"Yes, sir," said Judy. "He's our friend."

"Is he, now?" said the chief. "That's good, he could use a friend. And a few good kicks in the backside."

Nick raised his paw. "That's my job."

"It's what friends are for," said Lowe blandly. "So why did Kolchek come to you?"

He listened as they explained about their conversation with Mr. Big. After they had finished, he looked at Wu and Barker. "Mr. Big?"

"Crime boss shrew," said Wu helplessly.

"A crime boss. Shrew." The chief stared at nothing before shaking himself. "Well, it's not the weirdest thing Hunter's been involved in."

"It isn't?" said Arrizondo in surprise.

The chief looked at her flatly. "No."

"So what do we do, sir?" said Wu. "Go to OCU?"

"Organized Crime? No. They're under too much scrutiny- something's bound to get out." The chief leaned back, studying Nick and Judy intently. "You know most of what's scheduled for you two is through FLPD. Showcasing our close relationship or something like that."

"Yes, sir," said Judy, frowning.

"By happy coincidence, I'm the chief of FLPD. So I can work around it." He nodded to himself. "So it's up to you five. Wu and Arrizondo will coordinate with FLPD."

There was a long pause. "Sir," said Wu finally. "Can we at least get back-up?"

"On a case by case basis, I'll approve SWAT and WET- that's Warrant Execution Team-" this was directed at Nick and Judy, "-but keep them on a need-to-know. They like to brag too much to be entirely secure."

The five officers all exchanged looks. Lowe noted with surprise how Barker and Wu, in particular, seemed to say a lot without a word. The sergeant turned back to the Chief. "All right, sir. We're on it."

"You need corroboration before you go after Liu," noted the Chief. "So I'd start there. And brief Officers Hopps and Wilde in on the current political situation here on Alphacen. They need to understand what they're getting into." He stood up.

"Good luck, officers. If you're going after Liu, you'll need it."

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Something was bothering Shepherd.

Tavi didn't understand what precisely was wrong with the tank, but he was acting strangely. Instead of quietly powering down at night or when not "on-duty", the tank would hover around the garage, inspecting random machinery, sometimes knocking over things. It was driving the mechanics crazy, especially since none of them had the courage to tell the tank to knock it off.

So they'd found her.

"It's been doing this all day," said the bobcat mechanic who had called her. "Can you make it stop?"

"He," corrected Tavi, watching the tank as it slowly moved past them. It picked up a spare tire and held it in front of an optical sensor. "He's not a thing." Shepherd swiveled a sensor toward her when she spoke, then somewhat hesitantly came over.

"Commander?"

"Shepherd. What's going on?" His behavior had seemed all the world like a frustrated, caged mammal. Pacing back and forth, looking for a way out.

"Nothing to report, commander," said Shepherd. "This unit is fully operational."

"Are you?" she said. "You fixed the damage from the fight with Pandora?"

"Self-repair nanites have effectively returned all functions to a nominal status, commander. This unit is fully operational." The tank seemed to emphasize the last words.

"Uh-huh. So why haven't you gone to sleep for the night? You're driving the mechanics crazy."

"It knocked over an entire shelf of parts," said the bobcat angrily. "We still haven't found everything that got scattered around, and inventory is next week!"

Tavi ignored him, walking up to the tank and resting a paw on his armor. "Shepherd, what aren't you telling me?"

"I have given a full and accurate report, commander."

She waved, catching the attention of the sensor eye. "Shepherd, it's me. Talk to me."

The tank hesitated. "Should I power down for the night?"

"I think it'd be a good idea."

For a long moment, she looked him over. There were a few scratches on his hull where the access port had been wrenched off, but the port itself seemed undamaged. Apparently the self-repair nanites could manufacture a new one on demand, recycling the materials from the old one. "Get some rest, Shepherd. Tomorrow's another day."

"That is a tautological statement, commander."

"Which means true, right?"

The tank hesitated. "Yes, but-"

"Well, then. Go to sleep."

Seeming vaguely disgruntled, the tank hovered silently over the corner of the garage it usually occupied and settled down with a thump. A moment later the engine powered down.

Tavi let out a breath. "Something's wrong with him."

The bobcat gave her a narrow look. "Something's wrong with the autonomous armored battle tank?"

"Don't worry about it," she said. "I'm sure it will be fine."

"Easy for you to say," muttered the bobcat as she walked off. "It's not sitting in your garage."

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"All right," said Judy. "So explain this political party set-up you mammals have."

Nick and Judy were sitting on the bed in Judy's hotel room. Wu and Barker had taken the sofa, while Arrizondo leaned against the window seat. "It's pretty simple," said Wu. "So we've got the Chamber, a parliament, right?"

"Okay. And people elect the members of the Chamber?"

"Well, no. Not directly. People elect the members of the various planetary governments, who then select members of the Chamber based on their own internal processes. For example, here on Alphacen, there must be a proportionate number of representatives sent to the Chamber as there are members in the planetary Assembly."

Nick and Judy looked at one another, puzzled. "Meaning?"

"Say the Assembly has one third of its members as Expansionist Party, another third as Protectionists, and the final third as Unionist," said Wu. "Alphacen sends forty-five representatives to the Chamber, so fifteen of each party would be sent."

"But wait a minute," protested Judy. "It wouldn't always work out that well, would it? What if it was fifty-fifty between two parties? Who would send twenty-two and who would send twenty-three?"

"Those are called remainder candidates," said Wu. "And yeah, that's where a lot of political battles happen."

"This doesn't seem simple," said Nick. "Look, what about the parties themselves? What do they stand for?"

"The largest single party is the Protectionist Party," said Wu. "They're extremely pro-military, but focus primarily on defense. They're always pushing for greater domestic reforms, primarily to build up a bigger and better arms industry."

"Okay," said Judy, writing this down in her notebook. "What about the Expansionists?"

"Well, they're extremely pro-military, and view the best defense to be a good offense. They're always pushing for pre-emptive strikes and generally are the most bellicose party."

"Have they been trying to push for an invasion of Terra?" asked Barker worriedly.

"The radical wing has," said Wu. He shrugged. "But they want to invade everyone."

"Liu is a radical," noted Arrizondo. "Or at least, he has pretty strong ties to them."

"Only according to the Protectionist media," said Wu dismissively. "You can't trust everything they say."

"Oh, don't start that Protectionist bias in the media stuff again," said Arrizondo, annoyed.

"Come on," said Wu. "It's so obvious-"

"Um, Louis?" said Barker. The three Terrans were staring, confused, at the two humans. "I take it you two are on opposite sides of the aisle?"

"I'm fairly independent," said Arrizondo, "but the Protectionists make a lot of sense."

"I'm EP," admitted Wu. "But I'm generally not too political. I'm not afraid to take down a crooked politician."

The three Terrans exchanged looks. Barker shrugged. "Fair enough. Let's keep the debate out of it then, huh? So those are the two major parties?"

Wu shook his head. "Those are the two biggest. There's also the Union Party- they're focused on unifying all the human nations. Extremely pro-military, but they generally advocate peaceful means for unification. They're fairly new- only appeared about fifty years ago or so."

"Wait a minute," said Nick. "You've said 'extremely pro-military' for all the parties you've mentioned so far."

Wu and Arrizondo looked at him. "Well, yeah."

"Are there anti-military parties?"

There was a pause. "Not as such," admitted Wu. "Other than the Suicide Party, and everyone's pretty sure they're just a weird joke."

"So why keep mentioning the pro-military thing?" asked Nick, exasperated.

"Because they're pro-military in different ways," said Arrizondo. "The Protectionists want a well-balanced military, capable of responding to various threats in a controlled, proportionate manner."

Wu snorted. "You mean they want a force that can do all things in a mediocre fashion, rather than most things in an exemplary fashion."

"Better than not being able to do them at all!" shot back Arrizondo.

"Okay," said Judy hastily. "I can see there's some disagreement there. Though over what, exactly, escapes me." She reviewed her notes. "So there's the EP, the Protectionists, and the Union Party. The Protectionists are largest, with the EP just behind, and the Union smaller but still important."

Wu nodded. "That's about the size of it."

Nick sighed. "Do we really have to go over all this boring political stuff?"

"Hey," said Judy, affronted. "How mammals go about designing the means by which they govern themselves is an important and interesting subject of study."

Nick grimaced. "Were you even listening to the conversation? What part of that was interesting?"

"Designed?" said Wu, picking up on what Judy had said. "No, I wouldn't describe our political system as designed. More like accreted. Accumulated. Like a coral reef."

"Or a landfill," put in Arrizondo.

Wu glared at her. "Radical."

"Reactionary."

"Anyway," said Barker. "Moving right along- where does Liu fit into this picture?"

"He's a remainder candidate," said Arrizondo, with one last frown at Wu. "Meaning that when the parties do a deal when the proportions don't match up, he takes a seat for the Expansionists."

Judy and Nick both cocked their heads. "What?" asked Judy. "I don't quite-"

"It's simple," said Wu. "Okay, so say the Assembly needs to send fifteen point five Expansionists to the Chamber. And the Protectionists have twenty point five. They make a deal, sending either an Expansionist or Protectionist as the 'point five' and if it's an Expansionist, Liu takes the seat."

"So, what, they switch off?"

"Not necessarily. The deal usually involves one or more quid pro quos. For example, Liu may be required to abstain or even vote for a given Protectionist proposal."

"Okay," said Judy. "But wait a minute. Are these deals public?"

Wu and Arrizondo shook their heads. "Not typically."

"So it's a sort of back-room deal thing? Haven't you ever heard of transparent government?" said Nick, surprised. "Shouldn't something do something about that?"

The two humans shrugged in unison. "Ain't nothing you can do. Forget it, Nick," said Wu. "It's Alphacen."

"So Liu gets to be sent to the Chamber whenever this sort of deal gets struck," said Judy. "That doesn't seem to make him that powerful."

"Actually, it does," said Wu. "Because there's almost always a remainder candidate for the various parties. And Liu is highly respected, so he almost always gets to go- even if it's like a point one five remainder, or something like that. The different political parties all trust him."

"Or he's got something on them," said Barker thoughtfully. She reached over and picked up her laptop. "We know he's into all kinds of criminal activity. What if he's not being chosen as a remainder candidate because he's trusted, but because he's blackmailing the other parties?" She booted up the laptop.

Wu's eyes slowly widened. "Oh, boy," he said. "I'm really starting to regret getting involved in this investigation."

"But think of all the good we'll be doing by bringing him down," said Judy enthusiastically.

The sergeant frowned at her. "Oh, come on. This could bring down a government!"

"She's done it before," said Nick.

"What?"

"Twice."

Wu stared at him, then at Judy. "They made a big mistake bringing you two over here, didn't they?"

Judy smiled at him- a very predatory smile for a cute little bunny. "You have no idea."

Author's Note: The political parties of Alphacen do not correspond intentionally or directly with any political parties I know of- they're focused on existential threats more than most modern parties are. So, for example, they do care about social reform- in the context of whether the reform will make it more or less likely that they and their children will be eaten by the Karathi. I try to stay as apolitical as possible.

I apologize for the "boring political stuff". Hopefully I made it somewhat interesting, and if not rest assured I won't be focusing on it too much if at all possible.

Hopefully someone got the "Chinatown" reference near the end. I'd feel bad if no one did.