(July 18, 2010)

"I know there's something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
you've built a love but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns too dark
listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye"
Listen To Your Heart (slow version)- DHT

~Draco Malfoy~

The next morning:

The sun was shining through my four-panel window, letting the sun's beams fill up my room with light while a soft breeze was making my silk green curtains move as if they were dancing. There was no cloud in the sky and to any other person, waking up on a prefect Saturday morning next to the one they love would've been a dream come true. I honesty envy that person, for him there will be a whole lot more of these perfect mornings but sadly not for me. This right now has got to be one of my worst nightmares. Why may you ask? Well here's the answer: for me, waking up next to the person I love hurts a lot since I know that I will most likely not be getting any more of these wonderful mornings and that reality has finally hit me saying that I will be leaving the one thing I live for, behind.

I stare up at the ceiling as I thought those thoughts, acting as if they were being written in a tragic romance novel. I shook my head knowing that I have already gone completely mad. I turned to my side and looked at the peaceful, clueless Hermione sleeping. I stoked her soft cheek with my finger, which made a small smile form from her lips.

"Is it morning already?" Hermione asked me with her eyes still closed.

"Why don't you open your eyes and see for your self?" I said with a weak smile.

Hermione opened her eyess and blinked a couple of times. She looked at me and started to blush.

"Did last night really happen? It wasn't a dream?" she asked preferring to our act of love for each other.

I didn't say anything but just smiled as her face turned redder

"I love it when you blush," I said while I kissed her forehead. Hermione closed her eyes and very quickly went back to sleep.

A frown started to form on my face as the thought of not getting anything in the morning came across my mind.

I sighed and looked back up at the ceiling. I stared at the serpent that was engraved on my ceiling. Thoughts of my death eater years came to my mind, which was then followed by flashbacks of the last meeting I had in Dumbledore's office. A mixture of sadness, anger and frustration overwhelmed me.

What am I going to do? I'm leaving to Azkaban in six days and I still didn't tell Hermione. Fear struck me when I even though of what I was going to say to her. Or should I say anything at all?

I sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands.

Why was all of this happening to me? Haven't I suffered enough?

Frustration hit me and I knew that a mental breakdown was on it's way like the one I had last year. I gripped onto the hair of the back of my head extremely hard, so that my mind would start thinking about the pain that was now tormenting me behind my head. I squeezed my eyes shut.

-Just make all of this inner pain go away!

As I finally loosened my grip, I took a couple of deep breaths.

-Get a hold of yourself Malfoy!

I got off the bed, grabbed my boxers of the floor, put them on and exited the room without taking a look back at Hermione.

-I don't know what I would do if she saw what I just did.

~Hermione Granger~

I opened my eyes and watched Draco as he stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought. By the look of his face, I knew that something was wrong and it sent chills up my bare back. I pulled the sheets closer to me and wrapped them around my bare body. I wanted to call out Draco's name so that I could interrupt what ever he was thinking, but at the back of my head my mind told me not too. Draco suddenly sat up on the bed. I quickly shut my eyes so that he would think that I was sleeping. A few seconds later I peeked through my eyelids and saw Draco sit on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. I opened my eyes fully now and stared at the sweat drops that ran down from the bottom of his hairline, down his tense bare back.

-How can he be sweating? Its so cold!

I got up on my elbows and started to reach my hand out to him to ask what was wrong. But I quickly pulled my hand back and placed my head back down on his pillow as I saw Draco's hands move to the back of his head. I grabbed a handful of the sheet as I stared at what he was doing. Draco was grabbing his hair extremely hard, which made me squeeze that handful of sheet in my hand. Pain stuck through my heart as I watched Draco hurt himself. I watched in horror as I saw a single drop of blood run drown his neck. I wanted to scream at him to stop but I was frozen in place. If it was possible I thought that my heart stopped beating too. Draco finally sopped tugging at his hair and looked down at the floor. Without a second to spare, he got up, put on his boxers and walked out the door without taking a look back. I slowly loosened up and sat up on the bed, clueless to the single teardrop that ran down my cheek.

~Draco Malfoy~

I walked to the bathroom and locked the door. I leaned over the sink, dreading to look at my self in the mirror. I already knew how horrible I would look like. But I did look at the mirror and I did saw how hopeless I was. I sighed and cupped my hands under the faucet and filled my hands up with water. I washed my face and ran my wet hands through my hair with my eyes closed. I finally opened my eyes and stared in wonder as I saw the sink full of pink water.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled and looked at the mirror. A trail of blood was running down my shoulder blade.

"Shit," I muttered as I ran my hand once again through my hair. There was blood on my fingertips as I removed my hand from my head.

I quietly said a healing spell for minor cuts that I memorized from a dark magic book I read a long time ago. And just like that, the cut disappeared. I turned off the faucet and walked to the shower where I let the hot water wash my body.

~Hermione Granger~

I walked into the Great Hall for breakfast with Draco holding my hand. I tried my hardest to act as if I never saw Draco hurt himself a few hours ago, but it was so hard. I didn't even bother fixing my self up after I took my shower. I just put my wet hair up in a bun and wore my red sweatpants with its matching red sweater jacket. Draco acted as if he didn't do anything at all and that hurt me the most. Why wouldn't he tell me what was going on? I could tell the smile on his face right now was completely fake, because it didn't even reach to his eyes. He walked me up to my table and he kissed my lightly on my forehead. I savored that kiss because it was different. To me it seemed sad and hopeless. I gave him a smile as he turned around and walked to his table.

"God, was that really necessary? I am trying to keep my food down in my stomach where it belongs," Ron said while taking a bit of his toast.

I looked at Ron with an annoyed look that then followed with a sly smile.

"So what should we do today?" asked Harry who sat next to me.

"Why don't we take a ride on your broomstick," Ginny suggested with a smile. Obviously her answer was only towards Harry.

"Ugh, Ginny. Why don't you guys do that on your own time," Ron said while he looked at his sister that was looking at Harry across the table. I gave a stiff laugh and agreed with Ron.

"Hermione, you don't look so well. Are you okay?" Ginny asked while taking her eyes off of Harry.

-Lord, I know that I didn't put any make up on but do I really look that bad today?

"I just have a lot on my mind, that's all," I replied.

I looked down at my plate realizing that I wasn't really hungry. I picked up my fork and started to play with my eggs.

"Did you and Malfoy get in a fight or something? He seems out of it today," said Harry.

I looked up from my plate and looked over at the Slytherin table. His friends were laughing about something while he was just starring out into space. I dropped my fork and looked at Ginny.

"Gin, can you please switch places with Harry," I pleaded.

Harry gave me a concerned look as he got up from his seat. Ginny gave me a worried look as she sat next to me.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Hermione, you have to tell me."

"That's the thing Ginny. I. Don't. Know."

She looked at me and nodded her head.

"Well then, tell me what you do know."

"Last night Draco and me," I stopped talking and looked at Harry and Ron. They were leaning over the table to hear our conversation.

Ginny got up from her seat.

"Don't you guys ever give us some privacy?"

Harry and Ron leaned back to their seats and lowered their head.

Ginny extended her hand to me that I grabbed.

"Lets go somewhere were we can talk without being surrounded with nosey people," Ginny said.

I got up from my seat and took one last look at Draco.

Few moments later:

"Maybe you're just bad at having sex," Ginny said with the shrug of her shoulders.

"Ginny!" I screamed, hurt by the words that my best friend just said.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Ginny said with her hands up to defend her self.

"I can't believe you're not a virgin anymore," she said in disbelief, "How was it? Did it hurt? Did you like it?"

Ginny took me outside to the lake where we sat under a tree. She didn't interrupt as I told her a simple version of the story. I didn't tell her every detail about last night and what happened this morning. I just told her that he acted strangely this morning. I was going to tell her every little detail but something told me I should keep my mouth shut.

"It was amazing! It was everything how I pictured it. It did hurt, but only for a while."

She seemed pleased with my answers and continued talking.

"Back to Malfoy being an idiot. I don't think that there is anything wrong Hermione. Maybe he has a lot on his mind about school or family issues," she said.

I smiled at my best friend and gave her a hug.

"Thanks Gin, you always make me feel better." I plastered a fake smile on my face when I let go from my hug, and now I knew how Draco felt like this morning when he walked me down the Great Hall. The way he felt when he had to put on a fake smile on to show the whole world that nothing was wrong, but was actually hiding his true feelings inside.

~Draco Malfoy~

"Malfoy, what's wrong with you?" Blaise asked me while he nudged me on the shoulder that shook me out of my daydream of nothing.

"What you're finally talking to me?" I asked not bothering to look up at him. Blaise took a sip of his orange juice and looked at me.

"Come on Malfoy, you know that you can't just expect me to be rational when my best friend locked lips with a Mudblood."

I didn't say anything because I knew he was right, this was Blaise Zabini after all.

Guessing that everything was straight between us, Blaise repeated his first question again. "Nothing's wrong," I said.

"I'm worried about you. You don't look so well."

I smiled at my best friend to show him that I was fine.

Now, not only did I have to break the news to Hermione, I also have to tell Blaise too. Great, just great.

"If anything is up, just tell me. I would hate to find out another one of your secrets from someone else." Blaise said as if he read my mind. I didn't know what to say to that so I just gave him a weak smile.

Later that night:

I couldn't take it anymore of this damn stress that was weighing me down. I was supposed to be spending my last few days with Hermione, but no. Already one day was spent in despair. This is so unfair. My life was finally going how I wanted and now it started to crumble back down. I braced myself for the mental breakdown that I knew was coming and the one that I couldn't stop. I entered the dorm room and ran straight to the bathroom. I had to pretend like everything was all right around Hermione and everyone else and I hated that.

Tears started to fall down my face as I leaned over the sink. I opened my eyes and a reflection showed a man that was vulnerable, weak, pathetic. It was my reflection and I hated it. My temper completely overtook my body as I raised my fist and slammed it hard into the mirror. I looked at the pieces of the mirror crumble down to the floor and I knew that, that will be me in a few days. My knuckles bleed and were in pain, but I didn't care. I just screamed. I screamed like my life depended on it. I screamed so loud that I couldn't even hear my self-think. I sobbed and screamed in the bathroom and now I knew how it felt to be weak, knowing that you can't do anything to save yourself from the situation you're in.

~Hermione Granger~

I sat on the round rug in front of the fireplace reading "Hogwarts: A History". I heard a door slam loudly that nearly scared me to death. I left my book on the floor and walked down the hallway to the bathroom.

"Draco?" I said softly as I heard the water faucet turn on. I stood in front of the door ready to knock. Then a few moments later I heard a loud crash. I stumbled a little from the sudden outburst behind the bathroom door. By the sound of it, I could tell that Draco broke the mirror. With my back sliding down the bathroom door, I picked up my knees and placed my head in-between them. Hearing Draco like this was tearing me up in the inside. I hated the feeling of knowing I could fix something but I just didn't know what the problem was. I jerked a little as I heard endless amounts of screaming coming from behind the door. Tears started to run down my cheek. What ever was wrong with Draco, I have to fix it.

Every now and then, some screams would stop but only for a moments as they were replaced with sobs. It was a cycle that I dreadfully wanted to stop. I looked up at the door that now looked extremely huge since I was on the floor and just prayed for Draco to calm down.

Later, later that night:

I tiptoed from my room to Draco's, not wanting to wake him up. I opened the door and saw the moon's beams on Draco's silhouette. I walked up to his bed and looked down at him. He was so sweaty even with the window open and it was sixty degrees outside. I shuddered as I picked up his sheets and climbed into bed with him. He was in a deep sleep so he didn't notice me doing so. I faced him and just looked at his angel like features that were being covered up with such ugliness from worry, screaming and crying. I gently kissed him on his lips and looked down at his sore wounded knuckles. A chill ran up my spine and I knew that it wasn't from the cold. I placed the covers over us and moved closer into him so that out heads touched.

"I love you," I whispered and fell asleep with tears in my eyes.