There had been an unusual feeling about the entire ship that morning. Kirk knew that he had tossed and turned all night thinking too much about the past and the future and not wanting to have to face what these next few hours would bring. As he looked around the bridge he could tell the others were feeling the same. Only when McCoy walked onto the bridge and stood to his left did, for a moment, the mood lifted as he said, "We're as ready as we can be. Scotty has not allowed me to start packing anything as he says there is no need to create work when it is nae need for it."

"Vulcan shuttle coming into view now, Captain."

"Am receiving a message from the craft, Captain."

"Let's hear it, Lieutenant."

"Enterprise, this is T'Ryen from Vulcan. I am here to appraise the status of First Officer Spock of your ship. May we beam aboard?"

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise. I will meet you in our Transporter Room."

"That will be most helpful. We are ready."

"Bones, with me, Sulu take the Comm."

As they waited McCoy looked at his friend and Captain and saw the telltale signs of a man in need of sleep and a man fighting internal demons and losing the fight. He shook his head thinking how his two closest friends were both in turmoil, both somehow unable to break free from the hell holes their minds had them in. He only hoped T'Ryen could help them both even though she had come to assess and help Spock. Somehow he firmly believed that they were so close, if it were possible too close, to each other that to just help one would not solve the problem: he had seen how these two very different men had now become almost one, how they were almost mirror reflections of one another, how they could say so much with just a look or the slightest of moves. What Jim had done had not had any immediate impact on him but when he was clear of U'Toga and able to think clearly he had suddenly become this man none of them recognized, this man who was missing a major part of himself.

"Beaming now, Sir."

As soon as the twi Vulcans had materialized Kirk had his right hand raised in the Vulcun salute and said, "Live long and prosper. I am Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise. Welcome aboard."

A rather statuesque woman raised her right hand in salute, "Peace and long life. I am T'Ryen the Vulcan healer your Doctor McCoy requested. This is a novice in training, S'Dorn." the young man at her left gave an acknowledging nod, "How may we serve?"

McCoy got over his shock at her obvious beauty, "I am Doctor Leonard McCoy. If you follow me I will take you to the patient."

"There has been no change in his condition?"

"No. Although he can give slight grips with his hand there has been no attempt by him to communicate although he did indicate he wanted more of two soft foods. We,"

The youth suddenly looked at McCoy, "How is it possible you could know that he wanted more if he were not able to request more? Do you have telepathic abilities?"

"Silence!" it was clear that the youth was very new to working with T'Ryen. "You will observe only. I have already explained to you that none of the mainly human crewed ships have anyone aboard with our skills. You will remain quiet and observe. Doctor McCoy had not finished speaking."

"I was just going to say we have known Mister Spock long enough to understand most of his expressions and after he had swallowed the small amounts he was given he would part his lips. We knew he had had enough when he did not part his lips."

"What were the soft foods?"

"One was a real citrus paste made with fresh limes and the other was a mix of red onions and red cabbage."

"Nutrients and vitamins the Vulcan systems need and can easily utilize. Did he have difficulty taking the food?"

"No, nor was there any indications that it upset his stomach."

When they entered Spock's quarters Mister Scott was still holding Spock's hand in his left hand and quickly gave the salute and said, "Live long and prosper, I'm Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott." then looked down at Spock, "I'll leave ye now, laddie. That Vulcan healer is here. I'll be," the fingers tightened on his, "Ye'll be just fine, laddie, she is an attractive women with the skills to heal ye and get ye back to us. I'll be right outside the door for as long as it takes."

The healer looked at him and clearly saw how Spock had gripped his hand, "Peace and long life. You are the one Doctor McCoy told me about. I thank you for keeping him with us this long. I will do what I can for him. You may leave us now."

Kirk had just stood looking at Spock, this was the first time he had seen Spock in weeks and the Vulcan looked so tired. "What," Kirk stopped himself. He shook his head as he looked at Spock. He would not ask that, he would not think that. "Is there anything you need?"

The woman looked at him and Kirk was aware of her in depth scrutiny, "It is clear you have deep feelings for him. You must feel nothing for him nor think of him while I am with him or he will be distracted. All we need in a few of your hours with him alone. I will do all I can for him."

Only McCoy's firm grip on his arm made Kirk leave the room. "You heard her, Jim. You have to occupy yourself in something so that you do not think about him for the next few hours. If you like I will,"

"No," Kirk pulled his arm free and looked at McCoy and saw how Scott had a chair outside Spock's room and was sitting there like only a full bank of photon torpedoes would budge him. "No, I'll, I'll go to the bridge."

He saw McCoy and Scott exchange looks, "Ye take care of him and I'll be here for him. Me lads will care fer me barins, ye an them will care for him."

When they walked on the bridge Kirk was aware of the others all watching him, McCoy said, "Healer T'Ryen and her aid are with Spock and we are to keep our Captain here busy so that we do not concentrate on what is going on in Spock's quarters."

For the next few hours those on the bridge seemed to find things to ask him to check, comment on, confirm, and generally kept him focused on the ship and what was happening with the ship as well as what their next mission might be. Kirk found himself going from station to station helping, commenting, or just talking and did not really realize how much time had passed. Whenever there was a lull in the conversation somebody would pick up the pace by adding something, even if it was Chekov with some far out idea or comment that was not practical.

Down in Spock's quarters T'Ryen had approached him slowly and spoke softly first in Vulcan then in Standard as she placed her hands on his face in places known only to healers, points that accessed those parts of the patient's mind a meld cannot reach, "Spock, son of Sarek, I am T'Ryen, a healer your Doctor McCoy has asked to give you what assistance I can. I will assess your condition and do what I am able to do to assist you. Know that whatever I may find I that is not related to assisting your recovery I will discuss with no other being. I will only discuss with Doctor McCoy those factors that he needs to know in order to assist your Human aspects. There is no reason to fear me, I will do you no harm. You have a unique mind, Spock, with your Human and Vulcan factors working in total harmony and yet maintaining their singularity. It is most fascinating how you have blended the two to be one and yet are clearly able to use them separated from one another. A living single individual showing the true worth of the IDIC we live by. I now must be silent so that I can become one with you."

Although she had been a healer for over seventy-eight point four one years she had never encountered such a mind. She had heard about and studied the studies done of Spock when he was a young boy and through until he went into the Starfleet Academy and had found it fascinating how he had managed to live with two such different heritages almost constantly warring with each other in him. Although it was not really necessary she went deeper into his mind and saw how he was as a child, as a teenager, and his first years at the Academy. She watched his fight to find a balance between what his father expected, what his mother hoped for, and what he wanted. She marveled at how he had studied and trained his mind to be more logical and analytical than most Vulcans and yet also trained his mind to appreciate art, music, the mystical, and the world of imagination and fantasy as was befitting his Human side.

She was aware she was fortunate to be given such freedom as he was giving her as she had encountered full Vulcans who were less open and revealing to her. There were those years when Spock had felt an outcast from his family, his people, and from Starfleet because he was so different, neither Vulcan nor Human. Years when he had not know who he was not where he belonged till he was put on the Enterprise and under Christopher Pike. Then he showed he had found a place and a reason for being, a chance to learn more and do more and yet there was still a sense of isolation, of being apart from those around him and not a part of the group of people around him. Slowly she saw the wall he had build around himself start to fall when he met Captain Kirk. It was slow but over the years he had slowly lost his fear of trusting Humans, of letting Humans get to know him or think of him as anything but a First Officer. She saw him teaching a female how to play the Vulcan lyre, work on growing Vulcan plants with a younger man, joke with another young man about some Russian phrase spoken in Vulcan, helping a clearly inebriated Mister Scott to his quarters, tease Doctor McCoy about his way of practicing medicine, and paying chess with Kirk.

Just for a moment she paused and stilled the start of a feeling she had not felt in years. It was wrong to be envious of such relationships as he had with these Humans. It was wrong of her to admit to having missed such special connections with others but it was also wrong to deny the existence of such a feeling. She had seen from how the Captain, the Doctor and the Chief Engineer had all looked at Spock. They clearly cared about him as him and not as their First Officer. They cared about him as Spock.

Carefully she continued and was surprised when Spock briefly blocked her access.

"You must allow me to see this."

"No! You ask for what I cannot allow."

"Cannot or will not, Spock? Do you not wish to be healed?"

"What I wish and what must be are different. I cannot allow you to see."

"So you will condemn your," she paused, "your friends to continue to suffer as they do?"

"He, I, I cannot allow it."

"Allow what, Spock, them to suffer or me to see?

"You will see how I dishonored myself as a Vulcan, an officer, but far worse as a friend."

"I must see, Spock. You will allow it."

"Very well, I ask your forgiveness as it is dishonorable"

He slowly revealed to her what had happened on the bridge, how he had forcefully pushed Kirk into his chair and held him there saying he would not be responsible for his death after disobeying and order and Kirk saying he was just another subordinate officer under command, telling him to go to hell, and ordering him to say the hell out of his life. Then how Kirk had looked at him after an explosion. Then a black nothingness but the softly constantly repeated "just another subordinate officer, go to hell, stay the hell out of my life" in Kirk's voice.

The look on Kirk's face she had seen on too many faces and with what Spock would have been feeling and sensing at the time. She stopped and said, "I will leave you in peace for now, Spock. I will return shortly with the others."

Scott was on his feet as soon as the door opened and knew from the way his left foot felt he had been sitting with it not properly on the floor for some time. "Mister Montgomery Scott, could you please summons Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy?"

"Certainly. Would ye care for some Vulcan tea?"

"That would be appreciated, thank you for asking."

Scott all but bolted to the comm unit just along the hallway, "Scott, to Captain Kirk."

On the bridge it seemed everything totally stopped as they heard Scott's voice. "Kirk here."

"Could ye and Doctor McCoy come to Mister Spock's quarters and bring some Vulcan tea for the healer?"

Even as he said, "We're on our way." Kirk saw Uhura contact the Rec Room and asked for some Vulcan tea to be delivered to Mister Spock's quarters.

McCoy and Kirk arrived at Spock's quarters and right behind them was an officer carrying a tray with the Vulcan tea, McCoy took the tray and thanked the officer. "We're all thinking about him, Sir." the officer had said and walked away.

It was agony to Kirk to be so close to Spock and not be able to do anything as T'Ryen sipped on the tea and clearly studied him. He wondered what she would be seeing, what she would see, and what she had seen in Spock's mind. Slowly she nodded and set down her cup. "Kirk, I must see your mind, only five events. I believe you have had melds before."

"Yes." Kirk tried to think of the five events, he was sure of two. He took three steps closer to her, "I am ready."

She entered his mind as gently as Spock did only from a different points. He felt her skim over so much and pause at when he first really had a chance to meet and talk with Spock after he had killed Gary Mitchell, how Spock had helped him accept what he had done, she touched on the first time he had verbally lashed out at Spock for being unfeeling, then the time had just been quietly there for him after Edith Keeler died, then the two times he knew to expect: the bridge and the Medical Facility. He wanted to scream out as he saw again that face that kept haunting him, as he heard again that tortured voice, "This, this is hell. Pain. I am in hell." Only she kept him there a bit longer and he heard again the sighed, "Jim."

He felt himself being guided to a chair as she eased out of the meld. Only having had do many years of studying Spock did both Kirk and McCoy recognize the expression on T'Ryen's face. It was not good. She poured herself a fresh cup of tea and closed her eyes as she drank it. Kirk and McCoy exchanged glances and knew the other had recognized the signs as well.

T'Ryen had taken the tea only to ground herself after what she had seen and what it reminded her of. Fifty years had passed but it could have been only a few minutes since the last time she had encountered two such beings and had tried to help them. Her efforts to assist had seen one commit suicide and the other spent the last thirty years of their life in a special facility. More experienced healers had told her that there was nothing she could do but she believed she had to try, that she knew better. She would not make that mistake again. She was sure Kirk's friends would ensure he did not kill himself and the best place for Spock would be the special facility on Vulcan. While she sipped on her tea she had noticed how Kirk and McCoy had looked from each other to her and how Scott had come back in and was again sitting by Spock holding his hand.

She also noticed how the novice was watching everything and was pleased, it was rare to be exposed to something like this so early in training. Such a great set of dynamics to study. Then she heard it from the speaker, a song she remembered from ages past being sung in Standard and by a beautiful voice, "You're from a different place than me, our beliefs may differ it is true, yet as opposite as we two may be, I found a wonderful friend in you." she heard more voices joining in, "You like it real and I like to dream, yet no matter what we may do, be it or be it not by some scheme, what we have always comes through" then she felt what she could only describe as a wave of love flow into Spock's quarters, "I am outgoing you are more reserved, you see many options I see only two, I've often wondered how I deserved. this special friendship I have with you, this special friendship I have with you."

Slightly shaken by the intensity of the emotion she had felt and heard in the song she looked at Kirk, "I am very sorry, Captain Kirk but,"

"Captain!" Scott suddenly called out and Kirk looked at him

"Not now Scotty."

"But Sir,"

"Scotty," anger flared in him, T"Ryen was about to tell him that Spock,

"Sir, if ye shut up ye will hear he wants ye."

Kirk sat stunned, not because of Scott telling him to shut up but the way he had done it, then he heard, they all heard that voice saying, "Jim? Jim?"

T'Ryen stood stunned, this was not possible. Spock's mind was too far into its own hell to be aware of much and Kirk's so full of self-loathing. It was impossible and yet that was Spock calling out for Kirk. Even as his mind had been sliding into the depths it was in Spock had said 'Jim." This was a special bond. As she watched Kirk was quickly by the bed looking down at Spock.

Kirk could not remember taking the dozen steps or so that had been between where he was and the bed, he only became aware of where he was when Scott moved and placed his hand in Spock's then said, "He's here, laddie. He's right here now." the long fingers gripped his hand tightly.

"Jim, meld."

"Yes, Spock. T'Ryen had a meld with me."

"No, Jim, meld me."

All her experience and learning told T'Ryen that she should stop what was going to happen and yet it was something she had never heard of, even between two Vulcans. She saw the novice start to comment but shook her head. This was a learning experience for both of them.

Carefully Kirk leaned forward and placed Spock's fingers on his face then felt Spock try to pull away, "No. Danger to you."

"I accept the danger, Spock. I accept the danger."

"Forgive?"

The word cut into him. How the hell could Spock ask him to forgive him when it was all his doing, "There is nothing for me to forgive. Can you forgive me?"

"Meld."

Still holding Spock's hands he again placed them in position and closed his eyes.