Inferno chap 8: The violent
It's time for another chapter of everyone's favorite random self-insert written by me. I guess that means I can't just sit at the computer and cause bad things to happen to Genis. Tiger-bot, take over the narration while we engage in epic battles.
"This can't end well for me," Genis said as he and Tiger teleported back to the dungeon.
"Hey, Genis, glad you're back," Lloyd said greeting his friend.
"That last battle was strange, even for you Tiger," Stacy said.
"Yea, I almost had to eat something healthy. And what's with this floating cat creature thing?"
"I told you not to call me a cat. You can call me Mewtwo."
"Enough of the boring talking part," Tiger said, "You ready for a violent battle?"
"As long as it doesn't involve me taking care of kittens again."
"Nah, don't worry Lloyd this involves the violence we all know and love."
The group of partly heroes and partly random people entered the great and marvelous gates to find what appeared to be a normal man on the other side of the room. The seemingly normal man raised his hand the Soviet national anthem began to play.
"Behold the great and violent warrior Timothy of the national awesome party. Few have ever stood against his wrath and lived."
"How few?" Genis asked.
"If we win, we will be the first."
Timothy walked forward and declared, "I am the ruler of hellfire, and I bring you, FIRE!" All around the room, fire shot out, followed by large monstrous tanks. "Destroy them all using as many explosives as possible!"
The machines charged at the heroes firing and nearly killing most of them, but since this is a story where the heroes can't die or else the story would be over, they managed to dodge the machine guns, rockets, missiles, and other military ammo. However, Mewtwo was not so lucky and was destroyed because I can't think of any comical way to use him at this point.
"How do we beat a foe with such advanced technology?" Regal asked.
"Simple, we blow them up," Tiger replied. He took out his gun and nuked a couple of them while Cheez took aim and lasered a few more. Genis short-circuited some with thunder arrow, while Regal used his awesome energy blast that can never be used in battle. Stacy and Lloyd found themselves completely useless and found a corner to hide in. Normally this would be the point in the self-insert where Lloyd and Stacy discovered that they were in love with each other, but this is nowhere near normal.
"I see my tanks weren't enough to destroy you," Tim said, "but let's see how you handle the air force!" A squadron of various planes and helicopters from the military began attacking the heroes, but Genis used meteor storm to knock them out of the sky.
"How could you just destroy my army like that?" Tim asked.
"We have to win someway. I'm just too lazy to write out an epic battle scene."
"You will have no choice once I unleash my true power."
"And what true power is that?" Stacy asked coming out of the corner.
"You see, I am a contract killer so I have to keep my trade secrets secret."
"Wait, so you are taking other jobs now?" she asked.
"Yea sure. What do you need? Broken knee caps, mental or psychical torture, or just death?"
"Well there is this one redhead. I'm not sure if I want him dead or not, but…"
"I understand." Tim gave her a list of his different services
"Package six seems the best for my needs."
"Okay ma'am, I will take care of that after I kill one "Dr. Taco". I hate to do it, since his version is a lot more entertaining than the original." Tim left the room to attend to his business leaving a very anticlimactic end to the battle.
"Aw, that was lame. I didn't even get to do anything," Lloyd said.
"Yea, I expected us to have to kill him," Stacy said.
"I haven't been able to laser someone in a while," Cheez said.
"Don't point that thing at me," Genis said. The laser wielder adjusted the direction slightly.
"Laser me and no bacon for a month."
Then the heroes left the room and once again continued along the dark and stormy path. They saw a marvelous fireworks display light up the night sky and then started walking along their 10-day journey. They had no idea what strange fates would await them on July 14th, except for Tiger, who knows everything.
_
Yes, I do have an exact date planned for the next chapter, and there is a reason to it. I'm also planning a chapter of just funny skits so if you have ideas, please send them to me and I shall put them into my randomness document. This now has more chapters than any other fic of mine, even though they aren't all finished or published. And sorry for the double update, I forgot to spell check or proofread the first time.
Lloyd: Well that battle wasn't as weird as the last one.
Regal: Yea, being alone like that was scary.
Stacy: Zelos and a giant spider is not a good thing.
Genis: Tiger, what fear did you have to defeat?
Tiger: I couldn't defeat it.
Genis: What do you mean?
Tiger: I was able to run away from it. Not even my most powerful attacks could defeat it.
Stacy: Wow, that bad?
Tiger: Be careful, it might be coming after you sooner than you think.