Greg could never be accused of being unromantic but when it came to Sara he simply didn't know what would constitute a romantic gift. He wasn't sure exactly what they were creating yet, to call it a relationship was maybe a bit presumptuous but showing up empty handed simply wouldn't do. Caitlyn on the other hand was a lot easier to please; a bunch of flowers would have warranted a beaming smile and a hug from her where Sara would claim they should have been left in the ground to get on with their lives. It was too soon for underwear or jewelry and chocolates seemed a little stale. In the end he decided to try and keep his gift as platonic as possible and turned up to her door brandishing a box of cupcakes and two hot mugs of coffee.
She let him in without meeting his eye, quickly perching on the edge of the couch as he passed her a mug and she declined a cupcake. Nothing had changed since he left her. The blinds were still firmly closed refusing to let even a bead of light pass through, the empty wooden floor making his footsteps echo off the walls. It was as though time hadn't passed at all in the condo and yet the atmosphere had changed dramatically. She wasn't begging him to take her to bed anymore, she wasn't withering in his arms, she was seated there watching him wrestling with turmoil and the burden of conscience.
He wasn't sure how he thought this would go, there were no books to guide you through committing adultery. He was sure if he looked hard enough he could probably find more than a few websites to that effect but time hadn't really been on his side lately, it seemed to slip through his fingers at an alarming rate leaving him with no choice but to seize the moment.
"I … I left her" he whispered to the room as he studied a photograph on the wall. A mountainous landscape he imagined was somewhere exotic and exciting. Somewhere she had been with her husband. He turned around slowly to catch her eye, she had been watching him while he paced and tried to think of the right words.
"You did the right thing… you're… you're braver than me Greg" she removed her eye contact and stared at her fingernails as she absentmindedly picked at them with trembling hands. Now Greg had another decision to make, it was clear she wasn't intending to leave Grissom. As much as she had claimed to rubbish the idea of monogamy years ago he knew that she hadn't signed those papers without having the intention of honoring her vows. 'Forsaking all others' was probably twirling around her head as his presence in the room somehow assumed a huge magnitude.
"You could do it too… no-one would ever need to know…" he took her hands into his and forced her to meet his eye.
"I would know…" her eyes glistened with tears as her lips quivered and she swung her arms around his neck. Her forehead pressed against his, their breath mingling in the air as she took short trembling breaths.
"Sara…" he whispered, the words evaporating onto her lips. He wanted to be sure she knew what she was doing; she had to know that this meant something. To him at least.
She interrupted him with an incredibly tender, emotional kiss. The sincerity in her embrace made his heart thud in his chest like the wings of a dove and he realized that even if she didn't know the connotations of their passion there was absolutely nothing he could do. He was completely powerless against her.
While his hands gently stroked circles on her back she carefully unfastened each button on his shirt, meeting his eye with darkened pupils filled with emotion. She didn't have to speak to communicate just what was going on, Sara was skilled at non-verbal communication. It was probably how she had managed to keep her relationship with Grissom going so long without anyone knowing.
She trembled under his touch; shiver's waving over her body as he grazed her silky skin with his fingertips. He could taste the sweetness of her lips before he closed the space between them, he could feel the warmth of her body as he wrapped her in his embrace. She sunk into his arms, all the tension in her body melting away in an instant while their lips danced over each other gently at first but something changed, quickly and without warning. Suddenly they were overcome with passion and lust and their kiss deepened.
His shirt was thrown to the floor in a crumpled heap as though it was burning his skin. The soft fabric of Sara's blouse seemed to fall away from her body with the slightest touch revealing miles of porcelain skin in sharp contrast to the deep purple silk bra concealing her breasts.
Greg pressed his body against her and she wielded to him, lying back against the couch without their lips breaking contact and he let his mouth glide across her skin. The gentle sweep of her jaw, the graceful arch of her neck and the sharpness of her collar bone, bracing against her skin as she writhed in anticipation. She was almost glowing, the soft sheen of desire painted across her skin as her breath shuddered in her chest and he pressed his mouth against hers again, his fingers carefully stroking the silk bra away. He paused to drink in the beauty of the woman before him; he had thought he would never be in the position to tease her. he couldn't have imagined being the one in control, the one who made her melt and tremble with just the touch of his fingers or the heat of his lips.
Yet here she was begging him to take her to the edge, pleading with him to finally, finally let her surrender to him completely. Her perfect lips parting in ecstasy, those deep dark eyes connecting with him and sharing a thousand secrets and promises. Her hands stroked his bare chest, carefully, slowly taking in every detail of his flushed skin.
He dipped down to draw his tongue slowly across her chest, loitering in the valley between her breasts as she twisted under him. He was enjoying the power, he had such control it made his whole body shake in time with his thundering heart as he drew his fingers over her breasts and received a gasp in return.
He smiled against her skin as her hand tangled through his hair, he had her right where he wanted her and he took great pleasure in trailing the long slow path down her body with his tongue. His breath brushed against her stomach and her grip on his hair tightened as he dipped even lower, discarding her pants and underwear with one fell sweep.
Her hands clenched into fists on the edge of the couch as her hips bucked involuntarily against his mouth and his tongue stroked a torturous rhythm against her. His whole body seemed to be gripped by desire; the shocked gasps from her mouth seemed to envelop his entire being until he was sure he would explode if he didn't do something about it.
"Sara..." he groaned against her thigh as he propped himself up and met her eye. She simply nodded and wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer to her body and devouring his lips with feverish desperation. His teasing had worked exactly the way he had planned.
He entered her as slowly as he could bear, watching entranced as she arched her back and clenched her muscles around him. She gripped his arms tightly, tensing her body against his thrusts and fighting the moans bubbling deep down in her stomach.
His hands gripped the couch, grasping for control because it couldn't happen yet, he couldn't lose himself yet. Not until he could claim victory over her, not until she surrendered and called out his name as passion took over her body. Her hands braced against his chest as she rocked against him.
She shuddered and trembled as his name escaped into the room, her muscles clenching around him over and over until he had no choice but to surrender to his own climax and wither into her arms. The look in her eyes when he held her gaze was incredibly powerful, she looked right into his soul and pulled such honesty from his lips he couldn't bear to suppress them.
"I love you Sara…" he tried to whisper, tried to express it quietly enough for her not to acknowledge it but it was no use. His breath was still staggered and out of control, his body was still throbbing from their lovemaking, his brain was still swimming with emotion so the words made themselves known before he could stop them.
He felt her tense as he repositioned himself beside her, he couldn't bear to meet her eye. He knew she would be struggling to find the words to let him down gently. To tell him this wasn't about love at all, it was about something else entirely. So he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her soft hair.
"I'm sorry, forget I said anything…" he muttered with a sigh.
Sara paused for a few long moments before turning to face him. Her hand reached out to him, stroking his face gently and meeting his lips with her own.
"No Greg… I… I think I love you too"
He could see the tears stinging at her eyes, the burden of her confession clearly tormenting her. So he pulled her closer, trying to absorb her doubts and fears before they overwhelmed her.
"What are we going to do?" she whispered, her eyes firmly fixed on their intertwined fingers.
He didn't know what to tell her. This was her decision to make, he'd already taken a huge step in ending his relationship with Caitlyn, he'd already taken a leap of faith on her but he wasn't entirely convinced she was ready to do the same for him. She had a lot more invested in her relationship with Grissom. She had almost a lifetime of memories, a marriage and a vow. It was never going to be a simple case of saying goodbye.
"Personally, I think we should call a pizza…"
He grinned down at her and reached over for his phone as she playfully slapped his chest.
"That's not what I meant Greg!" she laughed.
"I know" he said meeting her lips once more. "But it can't hurt"
They wallowed in the afterglow of their honesty until the doorbell sliced through the quiet of their whispers and sighs. Sara didn't even have to ask what he ordered; Greg always, always, always ordered the same thing. Half Californian, half everything but the kitchen sink!
Sara wrapped herself in her silk robe, shivering at the exposure of her body to the cold fabric as she padded across the room to take a slice of pizza. Greg had his eyes trained on the slice of food in his hands, catalogueing the ridiculous number of toppings.
"I honestly think I could eat pizza forever…" Greg mused to himself as he watched her casually pace the room "if I had to choose one meal to eat every day for the rest of my life it would probably be pizza"
She chose not to respond, rolling her eyes at him and sliding into the chair directly across from him as she had done many times before. Never after indulging in such an intimate act of course, never while he pranced about in only his boxers looking like the cat that got the cream, this was new. New and exciting, she looked at him as though through different eyes. her gaze drew across his bare chest with something she could only describe as a thirst, it had barely been half an hour and she was already craving more.
"I mean its so diverse" he continued "you can really put anything on a pizza Sara"
His use of her name brought her back from her daydreaming and she met his eye, he was not as clueless about her as he liked to make out. the glint in his eye implied he knew exactly what she had been thinking about as her eyes had burned into his skin.
"I'm sorry Greg, I don't share your… worrying love of pizza"
"well that's something we will have to work on then" he grinned, stuffing yet more pizza in his mouth and winking at her across the table.
"I don't think you're going to convert me..." Sara raised an eyebrow slowly lifting a slice of pizza in her hand surveying it with disinterest.
"Ah...that's where you're wrong... I have time on my side, I'll wear you down." Greg said matter of factly. Sara glanced up at him with a wary expression as he spoke about 'time'. The concept had meant little to her until now- all of a sudden it seemed to mean everything.
"Greg..." She began wording her concerns but for some reason there didn't seem to be a way for her to say the right thing. Greg watched on; his mind frantically attempting to think of something to say to cover up the silence that had been created between them.
"I...I know." He nodded, his eyes on the floor the shift in atmosphere adjusted the way he was speaking. "That day, in that ally when I was lying there waiting for someone to show up- I thought- this is it. I'm going to die here and I started running through everything in my head and I realised I regretted so many things..."
"I don't regret...this..." Sara indicated to situation they had found themselves in.
"One of the things I regretted the most was not telling you how I felt..." Greg continued nodding at Sara's comment not knowing how to respond to her conflict. "I promised myself I would live every day for what it was...I would do things to make others smile, I would be kinder...I'd take more leap of faiths...and I don't know how to act here... I don't know if we should plan or make decisions...what I do know is that we need to make the most of the time we have because we never know when things might just end..."
"When did you get so wise...?" Sara smirked, instantly feeling warm from the sound of his words.
"Well...I didn't call myself swami for no reason Sara..." He smiled hoping that he had said enough to comfort her at least for the time being.
"Yeah...please don't start doing that again." She genuinely laughed for the first time since he'd been there.
They seemed to be lost in each others eyes, as though silently making plans for a replay, reaching the kind of agreement only lovers could make but Sara's cell phone soon brought that to an end. The horror painted on her face as she stared at the tiny screen was unmistakable.
"It's… its Gil" she stared at him as though looking for some kind of reassurance, some inspiration or support but he was just about as speechless as she was. "I better take this…"
With that she vanished into the bedroom, he could hear the muffled sounds of her voice. Even through the walls and the thick wooden door he could identify the sorrow and despair she was feeling. This didn't bode well for his vision of their future, he had an entirely different image in mind than she did. He had hoped they could be together, properly together but it was clear Sara wasn't ready to let go of Grissom. He was probably apologizing for his behavior, he was probably appealing to her and quoting beautiful poetry in her ear and she was probably falling for every word. She would be lapping it up without uttering a word of protest. She loved him, Greg knew that ti was true as much as it hurt him Sara really loved Grissom and there was nothing he could do about that.
That didn't neccesarily mean he couldn't have her to himself though. It might very well be that he could only have her when Grissom was out of town but Grissom was out of town a lot. Maybe with time she would see him the way he had always saw her. maybe she would realize how perfect they were for each other.
When she emerged from the bedroom she looked exhausted. He could tell she had been crying, the skin under her eyes was red and still soaked with tears but she forced a smile as she approached him and sat in her chair. The pizza had turned cold long ago and she picked off the now plastic like cheese and carmelised onions distractedly, refusing to meet his eye.
"Gil… he's not coming home" her voice was weak, defeated almost, as she explained the situation to him "he'll be gone for 6 months - at least"
She pulled her eyes from the pizza box and locked with his. He understood what she was trying to say, she had come to the same conclusion that he had. She wasn't ready to leave her husband but that didn't mean she had to be alone.
"so we're really doing this?" he took her hands into his, his thumb stroking across her palm gently. "we're having an affair?"
"Greg…" she was shaking her head, the shame of definition casting shadow's over her face.
"it's ok, really. It's ok" his lips grazed across her hand with all the sincerity he could manage. He was willing to wait for her, he had waited this long already another few months wouldn't make too much difference and he intended to spend the 6 months Grissom had gifted them convincing her of something he had always known to be true. They were meant for each other, it was never meant to be Grissom.