Learning to Laugh

Unhappy Circumstance

c.1064 TA- Greenwood

Lalaith felt her head pounding as she woke, and she groaned slightly. She felt a hand brush her forehead, and then, "Nice of you to join the living."

She blinked her eyes open and she saw golden hair at her side. "Meleth?"

"I hope so." He said teasingly, but his voice was gentle.

She sighed and then she shut her eyes again. "How long has it been?"

"Four days." Glorfindel said quietly.

"Four?"

"Yes. That's probably why you have a headache." The words were dry, but his voice betrayed his concern. "Your father was not too happy with you." He added.

She started to push herself up and she felt his arm moved behind her back, helping her rest against the pillow behind her. "Figures." She responded once she was up.

Glorfindel smiled. "Here, drink this." He handed her a warm mug and she realized how thirsty she was. "Slowly." Glorfindel added before she could gulp it down. She scowled at him but drank it slowly nonetheless.

"What is this?" She asked as her headache started ebbing away.

"A benefit of having been to Aman a couple times." Glorfindel said smiling mysteriously. She glanced at him suspiciously. "It will do nothing but help you, and it tastes far better than anything Elrond will give you."

She cracked a smile at that and finished off the last of it. "I will take your word for it."

"I am sure your father will tell you the same."

"I am not surprised there." She said.

Glorfindel then passed her a bowl. "I am sure you are hungry too."

"A little." She admitted as she accepted the bowl. "I know, slowly." She said grinning at him as she saw his lips part.

Glorfindel rolled his eyes. "At least you learn quickly."

Lalaith did her best to eat as slowly as she could, but it tasted quite good. "Where is my father?"

"I suppose out doing kingly things. It is midmorning." Glorfindel said. "But when he was last here he said you were more restless and ordered for food to be made ready."

"Have you been here the whole time?"

"Most of it. I was kicked out once or twice." He said, his mouth curving upward.

"By who?"

"Once by your brother. The other time by your father." Glorfindel said. "They were here whilst I was not though."

"Why?"

"I think you were in more danger than mere exhaustion." Glorfindel said lightly. "Though of all people your father was the most optimistic."

"That is because he has done the same thing." Lalaith muttered as she spooned more soup into her mouth.

"Probably."

Silence stretched for a few minutes while she ate, but toward the bottom of the bowl she frowned and looked much more sorrowed. "Did he kill him?" Lalaith asked quietly.

"No." Glorfindel said, knowing full well who she spoke of.

"Is he here?"

"No."

"He let him go?" Lalaith asked, now surprised, and he saw several conflicting emotions pass through her eyes. There was relief, but anger as well, gladness, but sorrow.

"Not quite." Glorfindel said. "He's been sent to Círdan."

"He is going to Aman?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

"It was either that or let him fade." Glorfindel said quietly. Lalaith looked surprised again, and then regret and guilt seeped into her eyes again. "You had every right to do more." He said even quieter.

"No I didn't." Lalaith said quietly, sounding remorseful.

"Most Elves would have agreed he could have been killed. He both deceived you and defied orders from his king. A sort of indirect treason." Glorfindel said. "He is gone now, so stop worrying."

"But what I did was worse than killing him." Lalaith said and her voice sounded choked. "I shouldn't have. You don't understand." Tears started rolling down her face.

Glorfindel moved closer to her, sitting next to her and wrapping his arm around her. "You only stopped your father or I from doing something just as bad."

She shook her head. "No, it would have been kinder to kill him."

"Does he deserve kindness?"

"He didn't deserve what I did." Lalaith's voice trembled. It had been too easy when it had come down to it. Her rage and own guilt had been unleashed on him, and she had done something that no one ever should. "Whatever else. My kin were turned into Orcs or worse from the same thing." She sniffed and half pulled out of his hold. "Sauron tried to do it. It was one way he tried to break my father when he refused to help him. He couldn't do it, Ada was too stubborn, but Nibenon was helpless. He was already subdued. I-."

Then he did understand. At least most of it. He drew her back towards himself and kissed her forehead. She sobbed into his chest. For those who spent their whole lives listening to the trees, suddenly being without the ability would rip a hole into your very existence. It would be like taking the Call of the Sea from his kin. He did not speak after that but held her as she cried. He doubted she was only feeling guilt over that, she had been caught off guard by his reappearance overall and seeing someone whose actions had haunted her for the past five years, well, he would probably be crying too.

At long last he started singing, but it was low and soft, hardly a whisper. It was a lay he had learned from one of the Maia in Aman, who had said this poem would lift the spirits of the broken. He did not think she was quite broken, at least not in spirit, but she was tired and emotionally wracked. Slowly her shoulders stopped trembling. Then she only leaned against his chest, tears still pouring silently down her face, but she had stopped trembling. Yet even tears stay their course in time, and as his lay continued her eyes started to glaze over once more.

She fell back asleep near mid afternoon, but he did not move, and his voice kept the song going, knowing that her dreams could be haunted if nothing prevented it. Close to evening she stirred once more. "Why did you stay?" She asked quietly.

"You needed me too."

The next day, Thranduil had had a long talk alone with Lalaith, and Glorfindel could guess pretty well what it was about. When he returned, Lalaith had red-rimmed eyes once more, but this time she did not seem to take it as hard. Perhaps whatever Thranduil had said had changed her perspective. He could hope. For the next week she barely left her own room, and Glorfindel loathed to leave her in this condition, but he had to broach the topic sooner or later. And if he wanted to make it through the mountain pass, sooner would be better than later. The first snow would have already fallen in the mountains, and it would only be worse if he waited much longer.

"Meleth?" She turned from looking out of her balcony to look at him.

"What is it?"

He silently put his arm on her back, but stayed so that he faced her. "I have to go back to Imladris soon." He said quietly.

Lalaith's eyes widened and then she looked back outside. "I will be ready-."

"Shhh." He said before she started panicking. "You do not have to come."

She drew back from him slightly. "What do you mean?"

"Can you tell me honestly you are in a well enough condition to travel to Imladris and stand against the crowd of arrogant noblemen and be strong enough to be alone if I am sent on a patrol?"

Lalaith opened her mouth, her eyes fiery, and then she sighed. "No," she said quietly shaking her head.

"Then stay here for the winter." He said quietly. "Be with your family, your two brothers, your kin. They all know you, better than I do now."

Lalaith looked troubled. "But you will be far away."

"I know." Glorfindel said gently. "Perhaps that is a good thing."

"Good?"

"You need time. We have hardly been separated the past three years. Having time to yourself with your family will help you."

"How can you be sure?" She asked, but there was fear in her eyes.

"I told you once I try to be right."

"I do not want to be separated." She said.

Glorfindel saw fear in her eyes. "It is only for a winter."

"What if you never come back?" She asked and Glorfindel was glad that Nibenon was gone more permanently for the ellon's sake as he felt anger in him once more.

"I am not one to abandon you, love." He said with what he hoped what pure sincerity.

She looked away. "I just don't want to be separated," she repeated. He will leave. He will abandon you.

Glorfindel pulled her closer. "Lalaith, I am not leaving forever."

She bowed her head but not before he saw a tear fall down her face. "I don't want to be alone," she murmured.

"You will not be. You will be far less alone here than you would be in Imladris."

"Please don't go," she begged as she finally looked up at him. Tears poured down both sides of her face. "Not without me."

He cupped her face in his hands. Guilt for not being there to stop Nibenon flooded him, as well as anger. More than that, however, was overwhelming concern. "I told Elrond I would return," he said gently.

"Then take me with you!" Her eyes searched his. The brightness in his was dampened by his worry, and in hers there was no hint of blue. "Please, I'll be fine! I'll be okay." She choked at the end of the sentence and buried her face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her. She was too vulnerable to take her back now, but if he did not leave soon he would be stuck here all winter. He was not completely worried about it from his own point of view, but Elrond would be angry and the rest of Imladris would wonder even more.

He held her for a few minutes silently. She finally drew back enough to look up at him. "I know why you have to go, just don't leave me behind."

Glorfindel looked away from her and out the window, where small snowflakes had begun to drift down. "Look," he said, "The snow has already come. I have to leave this week. I will be in Imladris most of the winter, training troops and yelling at Elladan."

"Then why can't I come?"

"For but a year we will not be married. When I return and say that we are engaged, the most prejudiced of those there will actively try to keep the marriage from happening." He looked back down at her. "I do not want you hurt. When I am doing my duty I will have to wonder if someone has confronted you while you were alone. It will distract both of us."

"But being together would help me," she said weakly.

He reached up and caressed her cheek. "Le melin." She looked back up at him, eyes widening. "And I wish I could stay by your side more than anything. But here you have your father and brother, who will no doubt scare most anyone away. They will be wary of angering your father here. The only one you have to fear is gone."

"Yes, but-."

"And look again," he said and looked back over the balcony. "Those are the trees that know you well. This is the forest you grew up in. This is where you will heal."

"Imladris is a place for healing."

"For others? Maybe. For wood-elves, I rather think you will do better surrounded by all the things you love the most."

"But not you?" She asked, tears filling her eyes again. She looked away. "I sound like a bitter child." She said and turned away, leaving his embrace and hugging herself. She stood looking over the balcony.

"You are not a child."

"You must think I am."

"I told you but a little while ago that you are not. You have been through and seen too much, even for your age." He walked up beside her. "Don't doubt yourself. I understand where your fear comes from. I am not trying to patronize you. I merely want you to stay here for the winter, so that you will not be torn apart by the wolves in disguise."

"And you think your parents will not be like them? And if they aren't, the others around them?" She asked, laughing slightly. "Ai, I still will marry you, but you think I will not have to face the wolves eventually?"

"There is a slight difference." Glorfindel sighed. "Mostly that we will be married then. Even the worst of them cannot do anything once that happens. So stay here whilst we wait to be joined. I will write you often if it means anything. Surely some bird can make it over the mountains?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "They can."

"Come to Imladris in the spring if you wish, if you do not wish to travel alone I will come get you."

She was quiet for a long time, staring out the window with a very bleak expression. He said nothing, comforting her more with his presence. Marrying someone that is but amused by you! Glorfindel pursed his lips as he remembered the fool's last few words. He might have killed Nibenon if Lalaith had not lashed out herself.

Still, Nibenon might be gone, but his words had affected her. Glorfindel could see it now. They had worked so hard to build trust in each other, and now she was afraid he would abandon her. He did not think she had lost all her faith in him, if she had she would not be standing in the same room alone with him. Her trust was shaken though, and the fact that he had to leave was not helping matters. Glorfindel glanced down, and cocked his head as a new idea came to him.

He stepped closer to her, and took her hand in his. She slowly looked at him. "Take this," he said pressing something into her hand.

She slowly looked down and he heard her gasp. "But this is yours."

"Yes."

"Did you not lose this?" she asked. She turned over the seal ring in her hand. The sign of the House of the Golden Flower back when Gondolin lived at its height.

"No, before they buried me they took it off and must have given it to Tuor. He gave it back when we found each other again." Glorfindel wrapped her hand back around it. "It always makes its way back to me." He said gently.

She looked back up at him, eyes widening. Then she wrapped her arms around him. "I'll stay here."

It was not quite as easy as all that. Lalaith had second thoughts about letting him leave without her, and it ended in tears at least two more times before he left. "Maybe I shouldn't leave." Glorfindel sighed to himself the morning he was supposed to go.

"You have to go sometime. You were right. She needs to find peace on her own." Thranduil said quietly. Glorfindel turned surprised, apparently Thranduil had come in his room without him hearing.

"I don't think she feels that way."

"I think she does." Thranduil said cocking his head. "She came out of this once before, twice if you count Imladris, both times she managed to heal."

"This time may be different."

"It could be. But I don't think she's broken. She will heal in time."

"She's not broken. Shaken, perhaps." Glorfindel sighed. "Still, I don't like leaving her when she's like this."

"No, but everything will turn out fine. Trust me."

"I do. I just don't like it."

Thranduil laughed. "One never does. But sometimes we have to do what we don't like. In this I have more experience than you."

"Yes, well, I suppose I have little choice but to take your word for it."

By the time Glorfindel left, Lalaith had accepted her fate, though she looked despondent. Still, to his surprise she did not make a final plea to come with him. Perhaps she had accepted it would only be worse for her to be in Imladris. She hugged him tightly and he kissed her forehead. "Remember, I have not broken a promise yet," he said gently. "I will come back for what is mine."

She nodded, but her voice was soft, "Le melin."

"Le uivelin."

Then he pulled himself away before he decided not to leave, and mounted Asfaloth. He knew this was the right thing to do deep inside, but that did not stop him from looking back.

For Lalaith's part, she watched him leave until he was long out of sight. Thranduil had found her there. "You will not be separated long."

"I know." She said, but even her tone was disbelieving. Thranduil slowly touched her shoulder and guided her back to her room. She looked at him and then accepted his embrace. "What if he never comes back?"

"Then I will personally find him and kill him before you get to him," Thranduil said smiling slightly, "But it won't come to that. I have known him for a long time, and he won't forget about you." Lalaith did not respond, merely held onto him tightly.

"All will be well." Thranduil whispered into her ear. "You will soon see."