When Jules was finally able to pull herself together, she went back into Spike's room. She was surprised at the change in him. She could literally see that a huge weight had been lifted from him. He actually smiled, not the fake ones he'd been wearing, but the kind that reached his eyes.
"Hey Spike." Jules smiled. Keep it upbeat and casual, she thought.
"Hey Jules." Spike gave her a small smile. He held his breath and looked at her. He waited to see what what she thought of him now that'd he'd laid it all bare. He was surprised to see acceptance, love and hope.
"So?" She raised an eyebrow at him. When he cocked an eyebrow at her, she chucked. "You're going to make me ask the question you said you're tired of hearing?"
"Oh." Spike looked down and returned her chuckle, that question. "I'm, ok." He nodded. When she squinted at him, he added, "honest."
Jules studied his face and posture. He wasn't lying. He looked a little more confident and relaxed, not completely ok, but better.
Sam had moved back to his chair before Jules came in, but he stood and let her have it when she moved forward now.
She sat in the chair and smiled. "How's your pain?"
Spike looked at her, his face serious. "How's yours?"
Jules wasn't ready for that question. She had to admit that it was hard to sit in the chair, trying to make conversation after he had hurt her like he did. She wanted to yell at him or punch him in the arm like she usually did but she knew that was a bad idea. "Uh."
Spike shook his head. I hurt her. Damn you Michelangelo Vito Sangiacomo Scarlotti. Fix it. Fix it right now you idiot. "Oh Jules." He took her hand and stared at it. "I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot. I-" He let the tears of shame fall. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
She leaned forward and squeezed his hand. "It's ok." She understood. He had lashed out and unfortunately she had been in the crossfire.
"No it's not." He shook his head vigorously. He looked up, an inspired look on his face. "Once I'm SRU ready, I'll give you three hits, as hard as you want, but it has to be in the upper arms."
She couldn't help but laugh. "Alright. You're on! Only I choose when you get them and you can't say no." The tension broken, she felt herself relax.
Spike looked at her with admiration. Thanks little sister, he thought.
Just then Deborah Greene walked in. "Hi." She smiled at Sam and shook his hand, then Jules' and finally Spike's.
Spike stiffened when he saw the SRU counselor.
Sam saw Spike's body shift and shot him an encouraging look. This is necessary, you'll be better for it.
"Do you mind if we talk?" Deb smiled reassuringly at Spike.
Spike looked at Sam again and nodded. "Ok."
Jules and Sam left the room. Q
Deb sat in the chair Jules was using and took out her notepad. "How are you Spike?"
He rolled his eyes at her.
"What?" She arched an eyebrow.
"Sorry. I'm getting sick of that question." Spike sighed.
"I'm sure you are. Your friends are very worried about you. They want to make sure you're ok."
"They told you?" He looked at her in surprise.
"No." Deb shook her head. "Do you want to tell me?"
Spike put his head back on his pillows and blew out a breath. "Not particularly."
"Ok." She shrugged. "What do you want to talk about?"
##### burn unit waiting room, 1800 hrs#####
Sam returned from a run to Timmy's with an armload of food. He put it down on the coffee table in front of Jules.
"Did you buy the place out?" Jules laughed at the four bags on the table.
"I'm hungry." Sam shrugged.
"Sarge and Ed are going to make us run extra sprints for this." Jules put a bunch of fries in her mouth.
"It's worth it!" He took a bite of his first burger and rolled his eyes in ecstasy.
Jules laughed and covered her mouth. Keeping the food in would be good, she thought. They ate in silence until all that was left was a bunch of wrappers and used napkins. "Now that was impressive." She looked at Sam in astonishment.
He burped. "S'cuse me. Ah. It's a gift." He put his hands up.
"Yeah." She gave him a bit of a disgusted look, stood and started picking up. She let her gaze fall to the door of the waiting room and looked back at what she was doing. A strong hand grabbed hers. She looked up into big, blue, gentle and caring eyes.
"She'll be out when she comes out." He shrugged. "It takes time." He removed his hand and helped her.
"I can't imagine how you're handling all this." Jules said as they threw everything in the trash. They walked back to the chairs and sat down. Sam was contemplating what to say.
"I don't know honestly." He shrugged. "It made me glad that I shot her. I know that's horrible to say, and I shouldn't but," he turned to her, "I'm not sorry she's dead. Not at all." He shook his head and looked away. "Does that make me a terrible person?"
She thought for a moment. "No." She said with certainty. "No. That makes you a great friend. I feel the same way." She put a hand to her heart. "That woman hurt our friend deeply. But it doesn't feel like enough does it?" She asked, searching his blue eyes.
"No." He raised his eyebrows in agreement. It felt like the woman had gotten off easy. She paid with her life, but it didn't feel like justice was served. It just felt empty.
Deb Greene walked into the waiting room and felt like she'd interrupted a very deep conversation. "Do you want me to-?" She pointed her hands over her shoulders.
Jules and Sam looked up together and answered together, "no. We were, uh."
"Something you want to talk about?" Deb asked, motioning to the chairs.
Jules looked at Sam, panicked. This may not be something we should talk about, her look said.
Sam shook his head. "Uh, well we were just discussing our feelings about, the subject."
"Ok." She motioned them to sit. She wasn't sure what they were talking about but would play along.
Sam could see Deb was confused. "He hasn't told you yet."
Deb shook her head. "He wasn't ready to talk. I think I need to see him twice a week to start with." She took out her planner. "I can come back on Monday morning and Thursday afternoon." She looked at them. "I think a group session once a week would be helpful too. I can see there are some things among the group dynamic that may need be discussed."
Jules and Sam both nodded.
"He finally told us last night." Sam told Deb. "It may still be too raw to talk about again."
"You talk like you know," Deb tipped her head at him, "you've been through something similar." She guessed correctly, seeing the memories flash in his eyes. She nodded. "I'm not surprised he was able to open up to you, a kindred spirit. Hold onto that. It'll be important for him."
"Ok," Sam returned her nod.
"Thanks Deb." Jules smiled and shook her hand.
"You're welcome. Tell the others the first group session is Wednesday night." She called as she left.
"Copy- will do." Sam realized he was using SRU lingo and switched it. He knew Deb knew their lingo, but he felt like he should use 'civy speak' as they called it. It was what they switched to when trying to relate to the public. Non-police/military lingo.
"Ok. Let's go." Jules turned and walked back to Spike's room. When she saw that he had fallen asleep, his food untouched, she moved quietly to her TV chair. She sat down, letting Sam have the one by the bed. They watched a couple shows and we're moving to another when Ed and Greg walked in.
Sam and Jules both stood and pushed Ed and Greg out the door.
"What's wrong?" Ed asked, a little irritated at being manhandled.
"We had a breakthrough with Spike." Sam looked at them seriously. "He broke down and told us what happened."
"That's great Sam." Greg was so relieved.
"Yeah." Sam nodded. "It was pretty rough before that." He told them about Spike's attitude and Wordy losing his cool. He didn't go into what Spike told them, he knew Spike would share that when he was ready.
He told them what Fitzherbert had said about the mental ward and that they had called Deb Greene in. "She was here a little while ago."
"Good. She's good." Ed nodded. Man, these guys have been through hell in the last 12 hours, he thought.
"Do not ask him how he is." Jules instructed them. "He's been asked a lot." She sighed.
"Copy." Greg smiled. He could understand. "Are you and Spike, ok?" Greg looked at her, concerned.
"Yeah. We talked." She smiled.
"Ok. Good. Go get some rest." Ed patted them on the back.
"Oh," Sam stopped and turned around. "First group session is Wednesday night. Let Lew and Wordy know."
"Got it." Greg nodded.