Knowing Melody as well as he did, few things about her surprised Bucky. However, she still had her moments and as he watched her nearly inhale a plate of eggs and bacon she proved it.

"Sorry," she apologized after she was halfway through her meal. "I don't mean to be a pig."

"It's fine," Bucky said with a shrug. "I'm just glad you're eating real food."

"Coffee is real food."

"You cannot live off coffee."

"Tell that to my years in med school. That what I lived on."

Bucky rolled his eyes. "If that's true then you're a medical miracle."

Melody shoveled another forkful of eggs into her mouth. "Okay fine, I ate other things besides coffee but that was my staple. Me and every other med student though there were a fair number of them who were concerned about me."

"Why is that?"

"Because they thought all the caffeine would stunt my growth. Not that I had much growth to be doing at fourteen though. I was almost done by then."

"Was it hard?" Bucky asked. "Being in college so young I mean."

Melody bit into a piece of bacon. "No, not really. I was too busy to be nervous."

"I suppose med school takes a lot of time."

"It does, but you do pre-med first as the undergraduate. Then med school."

Bucky frowned and tapped his fingers on the tabletop. "How long does all that take then? Just the undergraduate and med school programs together?"

"Eight years."

"Wow," Bucky whistled. "That's a long time, must have been crazy for you. When you got there you were a kid, technically speaking anyways, and when you left you were an adult."

"I never really had much time to think about it, I had internships and residency to think about."

"And how long did all that take?"

"Seven years and the board exam and a fellowship."

Bucky blinked and quickly did the math in his head. "Wow, so that took fifteen years of schooling."

"Yep. But not all medical degrees are like that, surgery requires longer residencies, but other branches only last three years."

"You had to take the hardest route," he teased and Melody smiled at him. "Couldn't have gone into something a bit easier like clinic care."

"The proper term is primary care," she corrected. "And no, I couldn't have. Surgery is way too fun." She said those words with a smile, but Bucky knew her reasons for going into surgery weren't as simple as enjoyment. It might have been one factor, but another had been far more impacting on her choice of specialty.

"Did it ever get tiring? Being a med student and then a numerical resident I mean. I know you're smart, but you were so young and that was a hell of a long road."

"It was," she agreed. "And I was actually the youngest person in every program I was part of. Undergrad, med school and residency. I caught a bit of a rough time for it with some other students, but it was expected. They didn't like being shown up by a kid who was ten years younger than they were."

She wore a bit of a smug smile as she said that, not that Bucky really blamed her for it. She'd earned the right. "How'd you stick with it? Did you ever wonder if you were doing the right thing for you? Did you ever want to just throw your hands up and quit?" Sixteen years was a long time to work towards only one goal and for all her smarts, for all Melody cared about preserving human life, it didn't mean those fifteen years didn't have their struggles. He wanted to know how she'd done it without quitting, how she'd kept going, even when she was too tired to think straight-maybe it could help him figure out how to keep going too.

Melody took a bit of time before answering as she picked at the last of her food. Her rapid eating pace had slowed a great deal after he'd asked her that question. "It was hard, sometimes, to keep going. I knew what I wanted, I knew that I could do a lot of good if I made it, but...yeah, there were times when I was tired. Times when I looked at other people my age and saw them already settled into careers, with a house and a white picket fence and all that other normal stuff. I did envy them sometimes."

Bucky nodded, sympathetic, he was well acquainted with envy himself. Loathe though he was to admit it, the person he envied most often was Steve. "So what'd you do to get over that?"

"Every day, before I went to class, I wrote the words 'Melody Fraise M.D.' on my forearm. So whenever I was studying, I always saw those words, no matter what I was doing. It helped me, looking at my long-term goal, it reminded me why all the all-night study sessions, caffeine addiction and no social life were worth it. Because when I got to the end, those words wouldn't be a dream anymore, they'd be true."

"What'd you do after med school?"

"My journals, I made a point to record every case where my patients made it. When I got discouraged, I read them over again. Made me remember why I was doing this." She swallowed her last piece of bacon. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Just wondering," Bucky said, which wasn't entirely untrue. He had been curious about how long it had taken her to become a surgeon and after learning how long the process was, he had also wanted to know how she'd stuck with it. She didn't need to know that Bucky had another reason for asking, for wanting to learn how she held onto that goal when she was burned out and bone-tired. Bucky still wasn't sure what he was going to do and he didn't want to get her hopes up and then let her down. Melody had, had enough of that happen to her already and Bucky was not going to add his name to the list. Not if he could help it.

Melody looked sidelong at him. "If you say so. Now it's my turn to play twenty questions-why were you looking for me earlier?"

"I was worried about you." He admitted, face flushing red. "You normally show up for coffee at seven-thirty and I realized you were late."

"I'm late all the time."

"Because of work," Bucky said, getting up and grabbing her empty plate. "But you're not working while you're here. Not like you usually do."

"True," Melody yawned as Bucky set her plate in the dishwasher. As with everything else in the base, the apartments were fairly well updated as well. Bucky was glad for that, he wasn't all that crazy about trying to wash dishes with one hand.

He turned around, ready for whatever else Melody wanted to ask him, but as he did so, he realized more questions weren't coming. Not for a while yet. Melody's head was resting on the table, her eyes drifting shut. She wasn't fully asleep yet, but she was heading in that direction.

"Tables are not places to sleep," Bucky informed her, smiling fondly at her. "Come on," he pulled her chair back away from the table and helped her onto her feet. As she was still mostly awake, he was able to lead her over to his bed and helped her into it. "Sleep well," he told her even as she muttered some unintelligible reply. "I love you."

Melody didn't give any indication that she heard him and Bucky rolled his eyes again. Her ability to fall asleep as fast as she did should have counted as a superpower. Not wanting to leave his apartment, but not wanting to lay down and risk waking her up, Bucky meandered over to the couch and sat down, pondering what Melody had told him. The things she'd done to keep her focus did seem useful, but Bucky didn't think they'd work for him.

For one thing, there weren't words to really sum up what he wanted. What his eventual end-game was. He had no idea himself, not for certain. Hydra had been such a part of him for so long, it was hard to imagine being free from it, being able to make his own choices and not have them ripped away. What Bucky wanted, he knew was freedom, to have that back again, but he wasn't entirely sure what he could do with it. Even if the brainwashing was fixed, there was still the matter of the world viewing him as a criminal. And the journaling thing-that wouldn't work either. Bucky wasn't Melody-he'd never saved any lives, not like she had.

And so, he wasn't entirely sure what to do, what he could use to remind him of what he was fighting for.

Melody made a small noise in her sleep and Bucky looked over at her, smiling to himself. He'd forgotten she did that. The thought was amusing at first, but it quickly turned cold and his smile fell from his face. He'd forgotten about the little noises she made when she dreamed. Two years apart had made him forget that detail.

What else will I forget when she's gone? Bucky wondered to himself, slouching forward as though a metal weight was pressing into his spine. Even if Hydra doesn't make me forget her, I still will over time. I'll forget the little things about her. The thought left Bucky feeling cold as he watched the steady rise and fall of the doctor's chest. I don't want to forget those things. I don't want to say goodbye again.

He looked away from Melody's sleeping form and stood up, the weight over him gone as he made his choice. Quickly and quietly, he made his way out the apartment. He needed to go and speak with Doctor Phan about the next attempt to remove Hydra from his brain.

New chapter! As always, reviews are welcome! Thanks for reading! :)