AN: If I get to 100 reviews, I would probably write a huge celebration chapter dedicated to everyone who's ever reviewed.

Ooh, spoilers.

Anyway, Kurt should get more solos. And I just realised something else- Artie gets quite a lot of solos too, but he deserves them.

Klaine go together like banana and pancakes.

Sorry, I'm was listening to Jack Johnson when I wrote that.

Does anyone have any ideas on this story? You know, like what should happen for the MASSIVE celebratory chapter…when I should cap it (le gasp! Well, I can't do this forever…can I?)…actually, I'll think about this on a morbid, macabre day when Klaine break up- NEVER!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, you probably won't see this, but I can't update for the next five days- it's that Isle of Wight thing! So, so sorry about that but you know, five days without me is a pretty good thing.

Disclaimer: If Ryan Murphy had hair, lived in England and Harry Potter was real, I would make some Polyjuice Potion and TURN INTO HIM. BECAUSE I WANT TO OWN GLEE. But, I don't. Sad face…

'Kurt's junk is bigger than yours, Puck.' Brittany said halfway through Rachel's newest solo. Brad, the piano guy, stopped playing in shock, causing Rachel to stop in anger and mentally shoot daggers at the blonde. Santana noticed this and put her arm protectively around Brittany's shoulders. Artie watched Santana enviously.

'What? My man-junk is the biggest in the school!' Puck shouted in protest.

'Well, you haven't seen Kurt naked.' Brittany said smugly.

'When have you seen me naked, Brittany?' Kurt asked, rolling his eyes.

'Last night, in my dream. It was hot.'

'Wish hobbit was there, huh?' Santana smirked.

'Will everyone be quiet? I am assuming you are not discussing my possible solos for Nationals and I would appreciate it if-' Rachel began angrily.

'Meter por el culo, enano. I want to talk about Kurt's-' (AN: Put it up your ass, midget.) Santana interrupted, her best 'shut the hell up before I kill you' look on her face.

'We should be discussing Nationals, not Kurt's…privates!' Rachel said, blushing.

'As much as this pains me, I have to agree.' Kurt admitted, his cheeks almost as red. 'We should be talking about Nationals.'

'How big is it?' Puck demanded. Kurt glared at Puck.

'Unlike you, I am classy. I refuse to discuss this anymore. Rachel, go back to annoying us. Sorry, I mean…no, I meant annoying us.' Kurt said, shooting one final glare at Puck and Santana.

'What's the deal, dude? Just spill.' Puck said, leaning back in his chair.

'Parfois, je souhaite juste que j'étais at Dalton Académie .' Kurt muttered mutinously. (AN: Sometimes I just wish I was at Dalton Academy.)

'Excuse me?' Mercedes coughed menacingly. Almost all of them understood the 'Dalton Academy' part.

'Nothing.' Kurt lied smoothly, a habit he picked up from Blaine. 'What were we talking about?'

'We were,' Mike said, injecting a look at Brittany, 'talking about your-'

'Mike, do me a favour and be quiet. I have a horrible feeling that something bad will happen.' Kurt said, rubbing his temples.

'What's wrong?' Mr Schuester questioned. He had ignored Rachel's daily tantrum, Puck's dirty mind and Brittany's comment, but he didn't want to lose Kurt…again.

'I just saw Wes and David.' Kurt groaned.

'Who are Wes and David?' Artie demanded. He was in a bad mood.

'They are devils from another show choir.' Kurt said, throwing his head back.

'Are they dolphins?' Brittany queried curiously.

'You could say that.' Kurt shrugged. 'But I'm pretty sure something's going on with Wes and his gavel.'

The New Directions processed this for a moment, before the door slammed open.

'SPPPPPIIIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!' Rachel shrieked dramatically.

'And you thought I was bad.' Kurt deadpanned. 'You didn't even bother changing out of your uniforms.'

'Nice to see you too, Kurt.' Wes greeted Kurt. 'Thad is getting told off by some woman- do you know who she is?'

Kurt thought for a moment. 'How did she greet you?'

'Well, she said, 'OTHER OTHER ASIAN, BLACKHEAD AND BUTT CHIN JUNIOR. CHOOSE ONE OF YOU TO FACE MY WRATH.' We naturally chose Thad becuase David is my brother from another mother.' Wes said.

'That explains the dolphin comment.' Santana laughed.

'You've just sentenced Thad to his death.' Kurt said, muttering profanities in French quietly.

Kurt stormed back into the room, holding Thad by his ear.

'Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.' Thad said.

'Serves you right for that idiotic idea.' Kurt chuckled. 'What in the name of Grilled Cheesus possessed you to HIT on Coach Sylvester?'

Everyone's heads snapped towards Thad.

'It was a reflex!' Thad said, blushing.

'Well, not all the teachers in the world are deprived of sex.' Kurt countered.

'Coach Sylvester's been getting some? How is that possible?' Santana demanded, winking at Thad. 'I like this guy though- he's got balls.'

'Of course he has- its part of the male body.' David said, wrinkling his nose. The whole glee club just waited for David to get it.

'Oh! I got it.'

'I didn't.' Brittany said glumly.

'So, let me get this straight.' Mr Schue said, obviously confused. 'You're getting your auditorium sound-proofed and it's being rebuilt and you've only just realised that the Warblers needed to practise. You then decided to ask us, the enemy, if you could practise here.'

'Yep!' Wes said cheerfully. 'We could learn from you, you could learn from us and Kurt and Blaine could get their Klaine on.'

'Klaine?' Artie questioned.

'It's a mash-up of 'Kurt' and 'Blaine'. It's our couple name.' Kurt explained sullenly. 'I hate it, but it's definitely better than Burt or Blurt.'

'Hey, what about Kurt CoBlaine?' Finn asked Wes and David enthusiastically.

'Yeah!' David said.

'No, because where would the 'co' come from?' Wes asked.

'Coffee?' David suggested.

'There's a reason you were my friend, and David, I just found it.' Wes smirked. 'Kurt CoBlaine it is!'

Kurt simply rolled his eyes.

'How have I not killed you guys yet?' he muttered.

'We're too awesome.' Wes smirked.

'And Wes has his gavels.' David interjected.

'What's a gavel?' Finn asked.

'I have my sai swords.' Kurt countered. David, Wes and Thad visibly paled.

'Your WHAT?' Rachel shouted.

'Seriously, who knows that I can use sai swords?' Kurt asked, standing up and looking at the New Directions. No-one answered.

'Finn, you walked in on me practising.' Kurt said.

'Dude, that was freaky.' Finn said, fear in his eyes. Santana said something about a 'wuss with boobs,' which everyone ignored.

A few minutes later...

'So, what do you want to say about the auditorium thing?' Wes asked.

'Has Principal Figgins said yes?' Mr Schuester questioned.

'You mean, has Coach Sylvester said yes?' Quinn corrected.

'Thad?' Kurt asked.

'Well, she called the 'Garglers' a group of short, posh, gay babies who stole her trophy. She also said we could take down the group of talentless, acne ridden teenagers.'

'That's a yes.' Mr Schuester sighed.

Kurt now officially hated glee club.

Wes and Rachel argued over the use of the auditorium all the time and Blaine wasn't even at McKinley yet.

'All I'm saying is, since New Directions,' Rachel said pompously, pronouncing the glee club's name clearly so it wasn't mistaken by a teenager's dirty mind, 'is going to Regionals; we should use the auditorium more.'

'Why can't you do it in here? The Warblers can use the auditorium and New Directions can practise here and we won't know what the other glee club is doing!' Wes cried out, almost hitting Lauren in the face with his gavel.

'Watch it,' she threatened. Wes jumped away quickly, before turning to scream at Rachel again.

'The acoustics in the auditorium are better than the ones in here!' Rachel argued.

'Look, all I'm saying is that-'

'Wes and Rachel!' Mr Schue shouted, interrupting Wes in his rant. Mr Schue was now on the receiving end of two divas glaring at him. It was quite scary.

'Now, the Warblers are our guests but we need to use the auditorium more. Maybe one day, New Directions and- why are you laughing?' Mr Schue asked Thad and David, who were sniggering.

'Say 'New Directions' really quickly,' David smirked.

'Nude- oh my god. I mean, maybe the New Directions can use the auditorium one day, the Warblers the next.' Mr Schue said.

'I protest!' Rachel screamed. 'We need to use the auditorium more!'

'This is like choosing our set-list all over again.' Kurt sighed. 'I still don't get why I didn't get that solo.'

'It was because I know you can't handle the pressure of Sectionals.' Rachel lied.

'I did a duet with Blaine.' Kurt pointed out.

'You couldn't hit that high F.' Rachel countered.

'I threw it, Berry. My dad got a phone call that called me a fag and I threw it.' Kurt said. The room went silent.

Rachel's mouth was frantically opening and closing.

'Rachel, you look like a goldfish.' Mercedes smiled.

'Damn right,' Artie agreed.

'That's not the point!' Rachel yelled.

'No. The point is that the Warblers need to use the auditorium and so do the New Directions.' Artie said, ignoring his growing headache.

'How is that a point?' Brittany asked.

'Excuse me?' Thad said.

'Well, isn't a point from a knife or something? So, how is the fact that the auditorium is needed by both glee clubs a point?'

'Ignore her- you'll eventually get used to it.' Mercedes reassured the befuddled Warbler.

Everyone in the room, apart from Wes and Rachel, had a headache.

'IF YOU WANT THE AUDITORIUM SO MUCH, HOW ABOUT WE SING FOR IT?' Wes shrieked, his voice breaking.

'FINE!' Rachel howled.

'FINE!'

'FINE!'

'FINE!'

'SHUT UP!' Thad squawked.

'Are you a parrot?' Brittany asked.

Blaine stormed into McKinley. He was in a fowl mood- he had lost his hair gel, Wes and David weren't speaking to him and he had woken up to the sound of builders ogling the science teacher. He calmed down when he realised that he was going to talk to Kurt.

'Hey, William Schuester Junior!' Sue said cheerfully.

'Excuse me?' Blaine was always polite.

'Well, you both have absurd amounts of gel in your hair and you are both gay. The only difference is that you are simply out of the closet.' Sue explained. 'Also, go tell your friend, William Schuester Junior the Second, that I will have to decline his offer.'

'What offer?'

'To engage in the hot, wet, nasty thing called anger-'

'GTFO.' Blaine interrupted angrily.

'I can't believe he had the cheek of insulting my talent!' Rachel sobbed. No-one was consoling her. In fact, most of them were processing the fact that Kurt had thrown the competition.

'So, you can actually hit that note?' Finn asked.

'Yes.' Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

'Like, right now?'

'Yes.' Kurt repeated. He sang that note, and then an A over C, just to show off. Rachel glared at Kurt, who smiled sweetly.

'Wow.' Artie murmured.

'What song should we sing? Maybe 'Give Up the Funk'? It certainly worked on Vocal Adreleline.' Tina suggested.

'No, they've already seen that.' Kurt said.

'What?'

'Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Well, all I'm saying is, if we do that number, you end up with me, sai swords and a turned on Blaine.' Kurt smirked.

'I'm sure you can fix that.' Santana and Puck said simultaneously.

'What about, 'Bad Romance'?' Tina asked.

'No, the boys wouldn't be comfortable in Lady Gaga costumes.' Rachel shot down Tina's next few suggestions.

'What about…Don't Cry For-'

'NO!' Kurt yelled. Everyone looked at him confused.

'Don't Stop Believing?'

'They've probably already seen it.' Kurt said.

'I think we should figure out what the Warblers are singing, and then do the complete opposite!' Puck said.

'So, should we sing, 'Push It' again? Or perhaps Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on violins.' Kurt said sarcastically.

'Push It?' Rachel said, her eyes glazed over.

'No way.' Quinn said. 'I'm not singing an innuendo laced song.'

'Because someone else pushed it for you?' Santana said slyly, winking at Puck.

'I've got it.' Kurt said suddenly. 'They're going to do 'Teenage Dream' or 'Misery'.'

'How'd you know?' Artie asked.

'Once a Warbler, always a Warbler.' Kurt sighed.

'Why don't we do Teenage Dream? Or Misery?' Wes suggested.

'Yeah!' Jeff and Nick shouted together.

'Which one?' Blaine questioned.

'We'll do Teenage Dream. After all, Blaine's lucky charm is in the audience.' Wes said, banging his gavel on the closest hard surface- David's head.

'Ow!'

'Sorry.' Wes apologised.

Times were desperate- Kurt was thinking of the opposite of Teenage Dream and Brittany was just randomly listing songs. Tina kept getting her ideas shot down by Rachel.

'We should so do 'Barbie Girl'.' Brittany stated.

'I like that idea.' Rachel said.

'Peacock?'

'No, Britt.'

'Jesus is a friend of mine.'

'No, Brittany.'

'Got it.' Kurt smirked. 'We'll do a mash-up.'

'Are you sure?' Rachel asked.

'Please- when I suggested it during a meeting, they didn't know what it was.'

'You had meetings?' Santana whistled.

'Did you plead guilty or not guilty?' Brittany asked.

'A mash-up of what?' Artie questioned.

There were a few moments of tension before Kurt's eyes lit up.

'Oh, I'm more amazing then I thought.'

The Warblers stood on the auditorium stage, practising quietly. Wes kept biting his nails and Blaine kept looking at the auditorium door. The New Directions walked in, wearing a strangely triumphant look and Rachel was smiling broadly.

'Hi.' Blaine said happily. 'Anyway, Wes suggested we do this first because…well, I'm not going to repeat it.'

'Use protection, Kurt!' Wes said, winking suggestively.

'Wanky.' Santana said.

'Wes, remember what I said about facial seizures?' Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

Wes immediately shut up.

'Well, you got a brief gist.' Blaine laughed. 'So…this one's to the new kid. If you'll excuse me.'

Kurt rolled his eyes- all of the New Directions seemed confused.

'He means me.' Kurt whispered.

'But you're not new.' Brittany whispered back.

'SSSSHHHHH!' Rachel said loudly.

The Warblers sang 'Teenage Dream' flawlessly. Rachel looked immensely worried.

'Your turn.' David hollered, before being slapped on the head by Thad.

All of the glee boys stood on a stage. Santana, Quinn and Tina (AN: You'll see why Brittany isn't there- wink wink.) stood with their backs to the Warblers.

Tarzan and Jane were swinging on a vine!

The glee boys sang, pointing at Santana.

Candy man, candy man.

Santana somehow managed to make this sound promiscuous.

Sippin from a bottle of vodka, double wine!

The glee boys now pointed at Quinn.

Candy man, candy man,

Quinn sang.

Candy man, candy man,

Tina sang, winking at Mike. Sure, they had edited it, but Tina wanted a solo.

Sweet sugar candy man!

All three girls sang a different word, turning around to face the Warblers.

Mercedes came out, singing powerfully.

I met him out for dinner on a Friday night,

He really had me working up an appetite,

He had tattoos up and down his arm,

There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm.

The music changed slightly and Brittany came out from beneath a large, red curtain.

'This is a mash-up.' Wes muttered, obviously terrified.

What you got boy, is hard to find,
I think about it all the time.
I'm all strung out my heart is fried,
I just can't get you off my mind.

The rest of the glee club appeared, singing the chorus of the song.

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
(I said)
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love!

Brittany smirked as she began the second verse.

Won't listen to any advice
Momma's telling me I should think twice
But look into my own devices, I'm addicted it's a crisis
My friends think I've gone crazy
My judgments gettin' kinda hazy
My status is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick erk- head

Quinn, Santana, Tina and Mercedes sang the chorus.

He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop
He's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candy man
A sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman!

Mercedes belted out the last note.

After a few moments of letting that jaw-dropping performance sink in, Wes could sense when he was beaten, until Blaine stood up.

'Desperate measures!' he said to the Warblers. 'Just improvise.'

I wanna see your peacock, ah, ah,

Your peacock, ah!

The Warblers were visibly shocked when Kurt smiled.

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M.

Just put your paws up,

Because you were born this way baby.

Blaine's eyes narrowed.

You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes!

Kurt retaliated with singing the chorus of Alejandro at Blaine. The rest of the glee club watched the Lady Gaga VS Katy Perry war in shock until Kurt sang-

Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revanche
J'veux ton amour
I don't wanna be friends!

Blaine's eyes widened. Kurt smiled and strutted off the stage.

'Okay- you win.' Blaine said quickly, stopping Wes and Rachel's major glare-off.

'Why?' Rachel demanded. 'You decided to add in an extra dozen songs! Kurt was smart enough to retaliate.'

'Oh, he retaliated.' Wes smirked.

'What?' Rachel asked, flustered.

'Well, Rachel Berry-' Wes began.

'Blaine has a thing-' David interrupted.

'For Kurt singing-' Jeff continued.

'In French.' Nick finished.

'I'm pretty sure Coach Sylvester's still got that video of Kurt singing French for 14 minutes.' Brittany said, beaming radiantly at Wes and David.

'Are you an angel?' David whimpered.

'Where was this?' Wes asked.

'Cheerleading Nationals.' Santana said.

'Kurt?' Wes asked.

'Singing French?' David muttered.

'In a cheerleading outfit!' Jeff said, rubbing his hands together.

'For 14 minutes.' Nick murmured.

'Can we have it?' Thad asked.

'THAD! You were the only sane one!' Blaine whined. He unleashed the power of the puppy eyes on Wes, who wasn't looking at Blaine.

'At least you can watch this when you're touching-' Wes said evilly.

'Vous êtes un groupe de chant of singes homosexuels!' Kurt sang, hitting a high F on the word, 'homosexuels'. (an: you are a singing group of homosexual monkeys!)

'Did you see Blaine's reaction?' Santana whispered. Blaine reddened and Kurt shot daggers at her.

At that moment, a Warbler came racing into the music room.

'Got…a…phone…call…from…Dalton Academy…they've finished…sound proofing…' he panted.

'Aww! Santana, here's my email address. Email me that video.' David said, hastily writing his email address on a piece of paper.

'They didn't even get their Klaine on!' Wes complained.

'Do you want us to get out Klaine on?' Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. 'I'm sure we'll be more than happy too in our house, but in front of you? Isn't that bordering on pornographic? Santana, I forbid you from saying it.'

'That just ruins the fun.' Santana said, crossing her arms.

'I really want to date a dolphin now.' Brittany said.

'What?' The Warblers cried.

'She means a gay person.' Blaine explained.

'How?' Jeff asked.

'Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?' New Directions and Blaine chanted.

'You never told me you could read minds!' Brittany squealed happily.

AN: MY LONGEST CHAPTER EVER!

WOOOHOOOO!