- Chapter 21: Maybe I'm Amazed -

Cassiel felt it. The exact moment when Michael perished and Lucifer betrayed them for Chaos. He was almost out of Hell with Dean when it occurred, and the circumstances made his heart ache terribly. What happened? The last he remembered, Lucifer and Michael had been getting along fine (for the two of them, anyway), and Lucifer was on board with their plans given his fury concerning what had happened to their Father.

He tried flying faster…but there was no point in doing so, really. The gates to heaven's sanctuary had already been closed; he could feel that as well. While Cassiel understood the reason why, the fact that his brothers and sisters abandoned him to Earth and Hell was not something he wanted to give much thought to. He wondered how easily they made the decision to close the gates and lock him out.

They had no choice, he kept telling himself. They had no choice otherwise Chaos would enter heaven via Lucifer. And keeping the goddess out of their kingdom was their utmost priority, and was more important than any of their individual lives.

Unfortunately, when he realized what had happened, it was too late to change his trajectory; he was directly in route to the place where Chaos had dragged him and Dean down to Hell…and where she currently was with Lucifer. He busted out of the ground and into the air with a blinding beam of light, and looked around the forest to see the goddess with his two brothers by her side. Michael's hollowed eyes were difficult to look at…freeing his two eldest siblings had been a last resort move which had now backfired in the worst possible way.

"Lucifer…" Cassiel looked at his fallen brother with disappointment and sadness in his bright blue eyes. The Devil did not avert his gaze, however, staring up at his youngest archangel sibling in the sky. Cassiel was still holding an unconscious Dean Winchester in his arms. Chaos too, gazed up at Cassiel; their encounter in Hell was still on her mind, but now with Lucifer by her side, she was – unaware that the gates had been closed – more interested in getting into Heaven than she was concerned about the seventh archangel.

A number of dark angels appeared behind the goddess, and she turned to them. "Take care of him," she ordered. Lucifer and Michael stayed by her side, but four other dark angels flew up and charged at Cassiel, who had to lift Dean onto his shoulder in order to free up one of his hands. He let go a smiting light, hitting and causing one of the four to disintegrate back into Chaos' shadows.

"Cassiel!" The archangel heard Gabriel's voice in his head, over angel radio. He materialized his light spear in his free hand, and slashed at one of the enemies who came closer to him. Having to hold Dean while fighting was inconvenient at the very least but Castiel was not about to let the hunter out of his sight. "Go to Vatican City! I left some important stuff there for you!"

Of course, he didn't need to be told twice.

Cassiel turned and accelerated quickly, getting out of the area as fast as his wings could carry him. The dark angels, surprisingly, made no moves to follow him, which meant Chaos was not pursuing him. Good.

No, instead, the goddess watched him leave, unmoving in her shadows. Lucifer turned to her with a questioning look on his face, and she just looked at him with a small smile. "We will deal with him later, love. He cannot run forever. Not from me."

Gabriel made sure Cassiel got his message, watching his brother's moves from his Father's cabin in heaven. He felt guilty about leaving the other archangel stranded on Earth, but Ramiel and Raguel had been right; they had to close the gates before Lucifer could lead Chaos here. Hopefully with the blood that Gabriel provided Cas, the latter would be able to survive in the goddess' Dark world and evade her for at least some time.

How much time though? How much time did Cas need to dodge her? Forever, maybe? How long could Ramiel and Raguel power the gates to the sanctuary, keeping them shut? How long?

How long could they last, now that three of the seven archangels were in Chaos' hands?

Gabriel sighed, slouching into a nearby chair. Sam was looking around, but ultimately focused on the near-lifeless Balthazar, who was still standing in a circle of holy fire. Funny, Gabriel almost forgot that he was still here even though the fire continued to burn blue. Not that it mattered anymore; there was no way to obtain the dark angels from Chaos' grasp without Lucifer to possess them, so Balthazar was their only small victory. Even though they still didn't know what to do to revive him.

Instinct told Gabriel to run. To put as much distance between him and this world as he possible could, but the former trickster knew that plan was out of the question. Aside from his angelic duty to stay here and protect heaven and its souls – which, honestly, was not what was actually preventing him from leaving – Gabriel knew that no matter where he went, Chaos would catch up and find him. Chaos would spread her Darkness to every corner of this universe if they failed to stop her here.

"Gabriel?" Sam's voice snapped the archangel out of his trance.

"Hmm?"

"Did you guys say that a soul might be able to revive him?" The hunter questioned, nodding his head in Balthazar's direction.

"It might. We're not sure. But what's the point now?" Truthfully, Gabriel's morale had taken a jarring hit when Lucifer killed Michael – watching his two older brothers fight always upset him, and seeing one murder the other was downright awful – and he couldn't reason why they should even bother with Balthazar. They could no longer revitalize Chaos' entire dark army, so what was the point in reviving even the one?

"He might have information," Sam explained, refusing to give in to hopelessness. Dean was still on Earth with Chaos, and if he couldn't be there with his brother in person then he was at least going to help however he could from up in heaven. "Information about her. I mean, he was part of her, right? If we revive him and he remembers anything about being with her-"

"Then he might know of a way to defeat her, is that what you're saying?"

Sam nodded. "We need to do something to help Dean and Cas down there! To help everyone!"

Gabriel smiled; he couldn't help but admire the younger Winchester's determination; Sam was not one to give up, even when things seemed dismal. How exactly Sam could find that resolve was something Gabriel didn't quite understand, but he imagined it had at least a little bit to do with the hunter's humanity.

Humans really were amazing creatures. Flawed, yes. But resilient.

Gabriel respected them.

"Alright, Sam, you win," he said while throwing up his hands. But despite what he said, and the gesture he made, he wasn't at all exasperated. In fact, he felt less disheartened than he had been before; Sam's fortitude had been contagious, it seemed. "Come on."

Sam walked closer to him and Gabriel put a hand on his shoulder, teleporting the two of them to the individual heavens where the souls resided in their paradises. (Sam must have been getting more used to all this flying, since he no longer felt as sick when Gabriel brought him to different places.) They stood outside a door which read "James Miller 1964-2011."

"Who is this?" Sam asked, as Gabriel walked up to the door and placed his hand on the knob.

"Hopefully someone who will be willing to help us…maybe. I'm not sure if he'll want to, actually. We'll see."

When Gabriel opened the door, Sam followed him inside. The heaven was a quaint study, filled with books and sophisticated things and a dim light; clearly the man in here had a refined sort of taste.

"Hello? Who's there?"

Sam looked over to the man who spoke, and his eyes widened.

The soul had Balthazar's face.

Luckily for Cassiel, it was nighttime when he arrived in Vatican City's catacombs. No tours were going on, and there was no one in sight, allowing him to look for what Gabriel dropped here without any disturbances. He had a feeling he knew what it was, and he could feel his Father's power within the area.

He placed Dean gently down on the floor and caressed the human's cheek with his hand. In his chest, he felt light, and his stomach fluttered a little. It was childish, in its own way; how could Cassiel feel such pleasant sensations even now, after what just happened with Lucifer and Michael? It didn't make any sense. He was so relieved that Dean was safe at the moment, even though his worry for the future was still ever present in the back of his mind, and he could still see the horrors of what just occurred not too long ago. Watching Dean be tortured in Hell was not something Cassiel ever wanted to witness again.

Before choosing to wake Dean up, Cassiel looked around for Gabriel's gifts, and found them quite easily behind one of the tombs; their power radiated so clearly that they were rather simple for the archangel to locate. First, he dipped his fingers into the jar holding his Father's sparkling blood and with it, painted a special sigil on his face. He also unbuttoned his shirt and duplicated the symbol on his chest, utilizing the remaining blood in the flask. Quietly, he whispered a few short words, almost like a prayer, and his skin absorbed the thick red liquid. A soft light began to glow from within him, and Cassiel felt warm and briefly happy, as though his Father was with him right now, watching over and protecting his youngest archangel. That happiness was short-lived, however, when Cassiel remembered the cruel reality; his lord Father has been killed, and what he used on his skin was all that remained of Him.

Still…he thanked his Father for His protection.

Next – after buttoning up again – Castiel took the container filled with the concoction – the mixture of his and Gabriel's blood and grace – and began reapplying the Enochian sigils to Dean's face; the other warding had begun to wear off, and, also given the human's time in Hell, it was no longer very powerful.

After Cassiel finished, and the sigils glowed and disappeared, his hand once again stayed on Dean's cheek. He put a little bit of power into his palm, and in an instant, Dean woke up. The hunter looked around at their surroundings before his eyes rested on Castiel's face. The angel was staring down at him, smiling warmly.

"Hello Dean."

"Cas, uh…where are we?" He could feel the flush in his cheeks; of course Cas had to be looking at him like that, caressing his face. Because that didn't make things awkward at all.

"The catacombs of Vatican City. Are you alright, Dean?"

"Wait, why aren't we in heaven? I figured you would take us back there, since Chaos can find you and everything while on Earth."

"Not anymore she can't. I've used my Father's blood to hide myself from her."

Although that news should have pleased Dean, the human had a feeling Castiel was not telling him something. "Cas…why aren't we in heaven?"

The angel sighed deeply, and took his hand off Dean's cheek in order to hold it out to him. The hunter took it, allowing Cas to help him up to his feet. Dean dusted himself off, mentally making a note to make sure he took a shower as soon as possible; laying down on the dirty floor of a glorified tomb was somewhat skeevy and gross to him (despite all the other gross things he had been subjected to in his lifetime). Cas was still staring at him with those intense blue eyes, but Dean was now more worried than embarrassed.

"The gates to the sanctuary have been sealed. Ramiel and Raguel have made sure of that."

"What? Why?" Dean asked, astonished. It was only after Cas said that that Dean looked around and noticed a very crucial absence. "…Where's Sam?"

Castiel looked away, guiltily. "We've been betrayed, Dean. Lucifer killed Michael and has allied himself with Chaos. They had to make sure he did not show her the way in."

"Where. Is. Sam?"

"Sam is behind the gates. In heaven."

Dean's jaw clenched and he made fists with his hands. "You mean to tell me that you left Sam trapped in heaven? What the hell, Cas? Tell those sisters of yours to open up so we can get him!"

"You know I can't do that Dean," Castiel replied, getting somewhat annoyed thanks to the hunter's accusations. "If they open the gates even momentarily, they risk letting the Darkness inside. And I didn't leave Sam; I didn't make it back to heaven after rescuing you from Chaos."

"You guys should have known that Lucifer would do this! He's the fucking Devil, after all! You never should have let him out!"

"Dean, we had no other choice. You know that. Chaos would have gotten to the two of them even if we left them in Hell. Freeing Lucifer and Michael was our only possible option at the time. Just like leaving Sam in heaven was the only thing we could do right now."

"Well you seem to be damn okay with your family trapping him up there!" Dean shouted; he was furious that he and Sam were separated and had to remain so, apparently. And livid that Cas didn't seem to share his concern.

"I am." Cassiel responded, dangerously calm. His voice was low and almost dangerous, as if he was warning Dean to back off just using his tone of voice. "Dean, I know you don't wish to be far from Sam, but think about it: right now heaven is the absolute safest place that any of us could be. It is sealed off from Chaos so she cannot enter. Sam is safe."

Although what Castiel said made sense, Dean still felt somewhat angry. Really, he should have felt better with that explanation, and in a way, he somewhat did: Sam was safe, supposedly for now. Safer than Dean was right now anyway. But Dean wasn't with Sam to make sure of that, and that made the elder Winchester uneasy.

Castiel realized the conflict Dean was having, and put a hand on the his shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Dean." He said the other's name and waited for the hunter to look into his eyes. "I know you're worried about him. But Sam will be okay. Please worry about yourself…" And then Cassiel felt compelled to add: "…for a change."

Dean relaxed a little, but couldn't bring himself to do what Cas asked. He never worried about himself. He was always concerned about Sam; what happened to him wasn't important. He didn't matter, really. Sam mattered, and so Sam was the one he was concerned for.

Sam…and Cas, of course. Dean also wanted to be in heaven because it would have meant Cas was in heaven. And in heaven, Cas would be safe.

"You sure that whatever you did with God's blood will be enough to hide you from her?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Good," Dean replied, automatically. Castiel smiled at him, and again felt those weird yet pleasant sensations. He wondered why they were there and what they truly meant.

What had happened between him and this human to make Cassiel so protective of him? To make the archangel Cassiel want to hold Dean Winchester in his arms and keep him safe from all dangers? To make him radiate a light brighter than any he had ever emanated before, one that was so powerful that it was able to drive Chaos away? What kind of history does that sort of relationship have?

What did it all mean?

Then again, Cassiel also remembered what his demon told him in Hell; that he had impersonated God. A sin so terrible that it made the archangel wonder if – despite his confused feelings for Dean – he really did want those memories back.

The dilemma he was having in his head must have shown on his face, because Dean suddenly looked concerned. "…Cas? You alright buddy?"

"Dean, when I was…Castiel…was I a good angel?"

The hunter looked taken aback, not expecting that question. "What do you mean by that?"

"When I was in Hell…my demon said I impersonated God. If that is true, then I must not have been a very good angel," Cassiel said, solemnly. He looked away from Dean, ashamed of himself.

"Hey, hey," Dean said, drawing Cassiel's gaze back to him. "You did but…let's just say you thought you were doing the right thing. Cas, you always only ever wanted to do what was right. You still do. You're a good person, man. You are."

"How can I be good while impersonating God? How is that possible?"

"Cas," Dean sighed, not knowing how to convince the other. "Trust me. You're a hero, man. You've saved the world. More than once."

Cassiel still looked skeptical, but after a moment, just closed his eyes and smiled, trusting in the emotions he felt towards the human. "Very well Dean. I'll accept your judgment for the time being."

Suddenly compelled, Cassiel closed the gap between the two of them, and placed a soft kiss on Dean's lips. This one was similar to the last, except now Cassiel did not think it would be the last time he could possibly do this. But it was gentle still. Once again, Cassiel wasn't entirely sure why he felt this compulsion, but it was overwhelming and felt nice. In all this Darkness in the world, kissing Dean Winchester was a small source of comfort for the angel.

Dean, of course, froze. He could have sworn he was choking, with how his throat and chest all of a sudden felt. Really, he didn't know that Cas ever saw him this way before the battle at the playground, and it made Dean confused about his own feelings towards his friend. He always had felt like Cas was more than just a friend, but he couldn't exactly figure out the right label for the angel either. He had called him brother before, but really…that wasn't correct. It was something…different.

When Dean hadn't returned the kiss, Castiel pulled back, looking worried. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I should have asked-"

"No, Cas, it's…I'm just distracted. With all this Darkness stuff and…I mean-"

"It's okay Dean. I am sorry." Cassiel, of course, appeared a bit disappointed, but he still offered the hunter a reassuring smile. "I won't do it again, I promise."

"No! No, that's not…" Dean sighed. He was blowing this, naturally. At this point, he would rather Chaos show up than have this particular conversation with Castiel. It was an important one and Dean felt like he was stumbling over his emotions and words. "That's not what I meant."

Of course, Cas smiled. Damn that smile of his. Dean really wished that Cas could just remember everything. It would make this at least a little easier. Not much. But a little.

Cassiel must have, again, guessed Dean's inner turmoil. "How about this," he said, still with that grin on his face. (You would think the two of them didn't have one of the most powerful creatures in existence to worry about destroying, with how they were acting.) "How about I'll wait next time until you initiate, and if you never do…that is okay. Dean, I want to explore what these emotions are when I look at you, but I also want you to be comfortable. When you feel ready, I would like to at least talk about them, if that is okay. I want to…know what has happened between us in the past."

Dean didn't know what to say in return, so he just nodded. "I…okay. Sounds good, Cas."

"How about for now we at least get out of these catacombs?"

Cassiel grabbed onto Dean and waited for the human to nod before flying out of there.

Notes: Thanks again so much for your comments and follows/faves! I really really appreciate it, especially after so many words written already!