First to fanofthefab4 - this is called fiction for a reason. I am not trashing their characters. I am just using the other side of them. And for the record I don't like Rose, I just needed the bad character and I like Addy too much for that. So it was Rose, but I don't like her and I don't like her with Derek either. If you don't like the plot or the idea, the story - no-one is forcing you to read it... Well, at least I am not. Please don't read, I am fine with it. And true MerDer fans... I don't know where the line goes... Just because I write them separated and a different way back together, then.. I am not MerDer fan ? Maybe you can define the meaning... Does it mean MerDer is always happy like in fairy tale and no troubles or are they allowed to have troubles in story written by true MerDer fan ? I need a little help there :D .

Now, to everybody... I don't hate Meredith, she is my fav character and I truly apologize for making you hate her as one person told me. I am sorry and it was not meant to be like that. You should like Meredith, okay ? :) .

And now I am saying thanks to everybody who have stayed with me and are still reviewing this story. I really do like it, thanks... So a chap of MerDer or something close to that to you.. Please just keep reviewing :) .

Liina

'' Derek... '' Meredith said again and looked in his eyes. Those that she has always loved – blue, deep and beautiful.

'' Meredith, please give me another chance. I know that I don't deserve it, but I am pleading you. You are out of second chances, but I will be waiting for you. Maybe I wasn't certain before, but I am now. I love you and I always will. I don't know what I was thinking, when I let you go. I do love you babe and no matter what you decide, I will be faithful to you from now on. I don't want anyone else but you on my side. I need you like air, '' Derek said. He was also looking into Meredith's eyes. Those greenish gray eyes are the ones that take his breath away every time. When he looks into those, he sees his future – wife and kids.

'' Derek, it's not that I don't love you, because I do. I think you know that. I am just scared. I can't give you another chance, because I don't wanna get hurt again and seems like it is your hobby. I am not made for ripping apart and then putting back together like a puzzle. This is not how it is meant to be. I don't want man to leave me for a nurse or anyone. I don't want my boyfriend to get jealous of my friends, I can't deal with this. And I can't trust you Derek Shepherd, '' Meredith said and looked away.

'' I know. I have disappointed you so many different ways. I have hurt you everywhere. I have made a lot of mistakes, but I know letting you go would be the greatest in my life, so I can't stop fighting for you. I told you you are my air, my heaven, '' Derek said.

'' If we try again, then one of us will get hurt. Someone always does and I don't want to be that girl anymore. I don't wanna go to Joe's every night and drink tequila and let some man take me home to get laid. I don't want to be that girl anymore, I wanna be a grown-up. Beside I am going to be a mother and I am so not ready. I can't.. I just... can't, '' Meredith said.

'' Meredith please. I wanna be there for you. I wanna be the man you spend your night with. The one, who knows you; the one you tell your secrets and the shoulder you cry on. I didn't think of that much before, but since I found out that you are pregnant... changing diapers and waking up in the middle of the night is all I can think about. I want a family – a gorgeous wife and beautiful children, that's all I want. All I keep thinking about for a last couple of months. Meredith, please. I am really begging you now, '' Derek said, but stopped, when saw Meredith moving her hand to her belly and the change in her expression.

'' What's wrong Meredith ? Is the baby hurting you ? Should I call Addie ? '' Derek was worried instant.

'' No, Derek. It's okay, it just... she moved, I haven't noticed that before. That she had moved, you can feel it too, '' Meredith said.

She took his hand and put it to her belly so he could feel the girl moving inside.

'' It's amazing feeling. It's like... it makes the baby so real, so close... so mine... '' Derek said.

'' It is yours Derek, I can't change that, '' she said and smiled.

'' Yeah. Otherwise you would have changed that, '' Derek said.

'' Yeah, I think so, '' Meredith said and smiled again.

Derek gave her the best McDreamy smile he could do.

'' Stop it, I don't need your McDreamy smile, not now, please, '' Meredith said.

'' What if I can't help myself ? '' Derek said and kept smiling.

'' Then please, for me and our girl, '' Meredith said and had her puppy eyes.

'' The girl ? You mean, we are having a cute baby like you ? '' Derek asked.

'' Yeah, it's a girl. Didn't I tell you ? '' Meredith asked.

'' No, I was too busy fooling around. I can't wait to see a little Meredith running around the house, '' Derek said.

'' Oh, I so hope she is not like me, '' Meredith said.

'' Why then ? '' Derek asked and smiled.

'' Because her teenage years would kill us. I still can't believe my mother made it through these years. I was not the easiest girl to manage. I was rebel and I really hope she doesn't have my personality from that time, '' Meredith said.

'' You said we ? But you don't want me by your side ? '' Derek asked.

'' I have to see you every day here, because I am not planning on moving and I think every child should have a chance to get to know her father. I don't want her to grow without father like I did. Just because you are not sleeping in same bed with me doesn't mean that you are not her father. And she is and will always be our little girl, '' Meredith said.

'' Good. That means I still have a part in your life, '' Derek said.

'' Derek. You are my co-worker, my boss, my teacher, my friend and since we are having a baby together, I don't think it is not possible to throw you away, '' Meredith said sarcastically.

'' Oh, it is good to know it now. I figured you can ignore me pretty well, '' Derek said.

'' Stop it Derek. You will always be there, if you want of course, '' Meredith said.

'' I wouldn't miss it for the world, '' Derek said and smiled.

Meredith yawned.

'' You should sleep, you are tired and lost a lot of blood, '' Derek said.

'' Yeah, I think I should. You can stay if you want, it wasn't so long time ago, when you watched me sleep, '' Meredith smiled.

'' Yeah. I remember that. I remember a lot of things in your bed. A different kind of activity then, '' Derek smiled.

'' Oh, that sex talk ends now. We are not discussing it now. Shut it or go out, '' Meredith said.

'' Shutting up you highness, '' Derek smiled.

'' Shut up, '' Meredith said.

'' Okay, just one more thing. You don't give me another chance to be by your side ? '' Derek asked.

'' No. I am not giving you another chance, not now, not yet. I don't know when I am finally so healthy that I can let you broke me again, '' Meredith said.

'' I am not going to broke you again, '' Derek said.

'' But how can I be so sure ? '' Meredith asked a little angry.

'' Because you have to trust me. You have to trust people, '' Derek said.

'' Yeah. I know that. I trust people, I trusted you, but you broke my trust, '' Meredith said and her voice raised.

'' And you are telling me that other people haven't hurt you ? '' Derek asked.

'' No, not like that, only little things, that don't matter, '' Meredith said.

'' And who are those people you trust ? '' Derek asked eager for answer.

'' Cristina, Izzie, George, Alex, Lexie and Addie for instant, '' Meredith said.

'' You trust Alex over me ? '' Derek asked surprised.

'' Yeah. Actually there are a couple of things Alex knows about me and you don't. I trust him, '' Meredith said.

'' Do you want to tell me those things ? I used to be your boyfriend after all, '' Derek asked.

'' No, it doesn't matter anymore, it was past and I am trying to forget it, '' Meredith said.

'' You know that you can tell me anything, '' Derek assured her.

'' Yeah. I do. I just... don't want to, can't... there are many reasons, '' Meredith said.

'' Okay for now. But I want to hear those things later, '' Derek said.

'' You don't have the right to ask those things anymore, beside I want to sleep, '' Meredith said.

'' Yeah, you should. I stay here, '' Derek said.

He kept looking her as she moved herself and was ready to fall asleep. Meredith noticed him looking her all the time.

'' What are you looking at ? '' Meredith asked.

'' You, '' Derek answered.

'' Why are you looking at me ? '' Meredith asked again.

'' Is it forbidden to look beauty ? '' Derek asked and smiled.

'' I am not beautiful now, I am like a whale. I am big fat whale, '' Meredith said.

'' You are beautiful and pregnant. Pregnancy fits you by the way, '' Derek said.

'' You are not doing this, '' Meredith said.

'' What ? '' Derek asked.

'' Stop flirting, '' Meredith ordered.

'' What if I can't ? '' Derek asked.

'' You have to, '' Meredith said.

'' I'll try, '' Derek said and smiled.

He was shut from now on, but Meredith didn't fall asleep. She kept turning around in bed, trying to find a right position for sleeping.

'' Is something wrong ? '' Derek asked after 15 minutes.

'' The girl won't stay calm so I can sleep. She keeps on moving and kicking, '' Meredith said.

Derek was back on his bedside, where he left after Meredith decided to go to sleep. He put his hand on her belly.

'' Is she hurting you ? '' Derek asked and he was worried.

'' No, not hurting. It is just weird, '' Meredith said.

'' Good. I thought she was causing you pain, '' Derek said.

'' No, she is that good girl, '' Meredith said.

'' She is our baby, that's why. I wouldn't let her hurt her mommy, no way, '' Derek said.

'' I doubt that, '' Meredith mumbled.

'' Yeah. Your mommy thinks that I am not good for her, but this time she is wrong. I have changed. Daddy promises you that little one. And daddy promises that he will be around or doing his best to be always there, '' Derek talked to Meredith's belly.

They both felt the girl getting more calm while Derek was talking to her. Soon Meredith saw that Derek had stopped talking with the baby.

'' What's wrong ? '' Meredith asked.

Derek looked up and she could see sadness in his eyes.

'' I just realized that I might have lost you forever, '' Derek said.

'' No, you didn't lose me. You never lost me, you let me go, when I needed you really much, '' Meredith said.

'' Are you saying that it's my fault ? '' Derek asked.

'' I might be saying. Wanna tell me it's a lie ? '' Meredith asked.

'' It is not. I am sorry for losing you, '' Derek said.

'' You didn't lose me, you let me go, '' Meredith said and turned back to Derek.

There are two things about relationships. When it is good then everything is good, when it sucks, then the only thing that is still good is sex. But when relationship comes to an end, then is question: Whose fault is that ? The answer is both, there are always two sides in relationship and in separation. And question: Did I lose you or did I let you go ? Get's answer if you look deep inside. You have to choose and to choose you have to look deep inside you, so you can make the right conclusion. At least I think it's how it should be, because truth is out there. So ask yourself: Did I lose you or did I let you go ? And the answer... I didn't lose you, I let you go... That's the right one in many cases.

And let me know what you think as usual. I really like to read reviews and the more I got, the faster I'll write the update :) . And if you have any suggestions in storyline or baby names, then let me know that too. I like to hear your opinion :) .

Liina