T R I S
"Al?! What the hell! Get away from me." I yelled. My voice was scratchy and raw so my sentence came out all strained. Al reached out his hands and touched my arm, trying to calm me down. On his arm was a very prominent bruise that was probably from yesterday. I desperately tried to find something that would help defend myself but nothing was in reach that I could grab without Al knowing. No one was in the dorms right now so Al could easily do something to me and get away with it.
"Tris." He said more urgently this time. "I'm not here to hurt you." He said, looking at me straight into my eye, trying to reassure me but he was doing the exact opposite.
His face was battered and bruised and I felt twisted pleasure from it. I silently thanked whoever did this to him. His lip was cut and I felt like if he stretched his mouth too wide, his cut would open and blood would come out.
"Bullshit. You tried to attack me last night and now you're trying to tell me that you're not going to hurt me?! I don't believe you." I snapped, narrowing my eyes into thin slits. His cut lip turned into a frown. It wasn't a frown that meant that he was pissed. It was a frown that showed that he was hurt. His eyes started brimming with tears and I didn't feel any remorse for yelling at him.
"Please Tris, just hear me out." Al said, his voice barely above whisper. His hair was tangled and was matted with dried blood. He smelt of sweat, tears and blood. I looked down at his hands and he quickly retracted them. I hugged my arms and I felt Eric's knife prod me under the sleeve of my jumper.
"I was failing initiation and I was in such emotional distress and Peter told me that if we got rid of you, then I would have a bigger chance to pass." Al said. He sat down on the bed and I moved further away from him. His eyes were wide and searching mines, trying to find any evidence that I believed him.
"But I'm your friend and you chose to trust Peter, the person I absolutely hate." I said with a sneer. I refused to believe him. He noticed my reluctance to believe him.
"I'm sorry Tris. I know its a stupid mistake." Al said, looking down. He wiped a tear away.
"Well that stupid mistake nearly costed me my life!" I said. I grabbed ontot the sheets under me in anger. Al looked down at my hands and then he looked back up at me.
Emotions hit me and all at the same time, I felt betrayed and sad. I pulled my knees up to my chest and tears streaked down my face. I didn't feel like wiping them away.
Al contemplated whether to comfort me or not but he decided against it.
"I'm sorry Tris. You know that the deep Abnegation girl in you would've forgiven me and accepted the apology." Al said quietly, trying to make me see reason with him.
I looked up at him with my bloodshot eyes as if to say that he was really pushing it. I hiccuped and I wiped some tears off my face. I was a complete mess, emotionally and physically.
"Well I'm not in Abnegation anymore. I'm so sorry Al but I don't know if I can forgive you. You're a coward." I said to Al. My tone implied that I was done and I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Some emotion flickered behind his dark eyes. He slowly nodded and got up.
"Thanks for hearing me out." He said quietly. His eyes were sunken and his usual musk was gone. He knew that nothing could change my mind about him and I hoped that he wont come to me again and beg for forgiveness because he didn't deserve forgiveness, well not from me.
He walked out of the room.
I let out a sigh and I pulled out the knife from underneath my jumper. I held it in my hands and I tried to stop crying.
The next morning, I felt like sleeping in. I didn't want to get up even though it was all cold and freezing.
I snuggled up tighter in my blanket and I wished that I was back in Abnegation, where everything was more simpler.
Someone shook my shoulder. I put my head underneath my blanket. I heard someone say that the simulations were postponed from yesterday because we had a free day off. That meant that we had to go through one if the instructor's fears today.
"Tris!" Christina said urgently.
"What?" I mumbled my voice muffled by the blanket.
"Al left." Christina whispered. Her eyes were wide.
"What do you mean he left?" I said. I propped myself up.
"He went to the Dauntless leaders and he told them that he'd quit." Christina said, her voice sounded a little bit happy but I was feeling the opposite of theat.
"Wait, how do you know this?" I asked her. I got up out of my bed and left my sheets unfolded.
"I was out in the Pit when I saw Al and he told me that he was going to quit." Christina said.
"No no no..." I said. It was porbably my fault that he left because I didn't forgive him yesterday night. It was my fault that he decided to leave to the factionless.
"What's wrong?" Christina asked.
"It's my fault that Al left." I said to Christina.
"What do you mean?"
"Yesterday, he came to apologise to me but then I called him a coward and I didn't forgive him." I said, tears brimming in my eyes.
My head was down and both of my hands were holding my head.
"Tris, he attacked you. He betrayed you. He doesn't deserve forgiveness no matter how many times he apologised. He was so close to killing you. You should be glad that he's gone." Christina said gently. She held my hand.
"But he had a whole future here in Dauntless and because of me, it ended." I said. I buried my head in my knee.
"He was going to fail anyways."
After breakfast, word got spread out that Al had left and everyone was sad that he left. Well, they didn't really know what happened.
I took my meds and my soreness dulled to numbness.
We went back to simulation room. Four, Eric and Lauren were already there. Eric looked at me and I turned to look at him. He had an glint in his eyes, a glint that wasn't there before. My eyes briefly flickered down to his lips and I knew that we were both thinking about the kiss. Thinking about it created butterflies in my stomach. I blushed and I turned away from Eric.
There was a warm feeling of happiness that filled me when I thought of it. It reminded me that some good things could happen in such stressful times like initiation. Four went through what we were going through today and they decided that the simulations would happen in respective order of the rankings. My bones chilled when I realised that I was going to go first. The thought of being unfamiliar with what was going to happen in the simulation was scary.
Lauren was administering the simulations since we were going to use her fears. Eric and Four just stayed outside and supervised.
They stayed on opposite sides of the room. Eric was sitting on the side that was closest to me. Uriah brought his cards again and they played with those cards when Lauren called me into the simulation room. I bit my lip and ignored the loud thumping in my heart.
She took a look at me and said. "Congrats on first place, first jumper." She said.
I smiled at her. It struck me when I realised that no one has called me a Stiff for a while. I inwardly smiled.
"How do you know what fear to assign me?" I asked Lauren.
"Eric randomly assigned them." She replied with a shrug.
I sat down on the chair. Lauren had dyed hair and many piercings but her friendly manner seemed to contradict her appearance.
"Don't worry. There is a small chance that one of my fears would be one of yours. Don't freak out." Lauren said with a light smile. She had a lip percing and the hole stretched when she smiled.
I nodded. I rested my head back aginst the worn out headrest and I tried to calm down my relentless heartbeat. Its not that bad right? I've done it before. I thought to myself but I couldn't shake off the feeling of uneasiness. It felt as though something bad was going to happen.
Lauren set up the simulation and I closed my eyes, falling into the arms of the simulation.
At first, it was dark and I thought that the fear was being afraid of the dark but then surroundings started to fade into position. I was in a dark alleyway and the air smelt really putrid because of the rubbish bags that were stationed around me. The cold air went through my hair and blew my hair back. I realised that my ponytail was gone and my hair was let out loose. I turned atound and it was a dead end. What was this fear about?
I walked forward, past the rubbish bins and bags that were lining the side of the alleyway. I walked but then the alleyway seemed to be neverending. Even the smell wasn't getting any better as I walked further and further up through the alleyway. I turned around to see behind me but then it looked as though I didn't even move yet. As hard as I tried to advance forward, I just couldn't move forward.
I felt someone pull my arm harshly, lurching me over on my side. Their deathgrip was like a vice on my arm that was winded as tight as it could go. I could feel my blood being cut off and I let out a scream.
"Hey!" I yelled. There was panic in my voice and there was an edge of fear in my voice.
I turned to look at my face and my neck hurted. I recoiled when realised that thr man was faceless. When I turned back around the other way, another arm grabbed my other arm and two other people grabbed hold of my leg. I thrashed around, desperately trying to wriggle myself out. One man pulled out thick ropes from out of nowhere and started to bind my wrists together. The ropes dug into my skin and I cried out in surprise when someone slapped a blindfold over my eyes.
It was happening all over again, like the night when Peter, Al and Drew attempted to kill me. The memory and feeling was crawling back up to the surface. My heart was beating fast and my throat swelled up in panic. My scream was caught midway in my throat and I was too scared to push my words. My eyes were wide behind the blindfold and I was frantically looking around but I saw nothing but black.
My wrists were binded together, I couldn't see and my legs were useless. A feeling of helplessness overcame me and tears started to well up in my eyes and my vision blurred. They spilled and a sob of despair escaped my lips. My hair hung over my face and I yelped when the faceless men turned me over and carried me away from the dead end of the alleyway.
I thrashed around and I was so scared. Suddenly, I felt a jolt at my shoulders.
I sat up in my simulation chair and my arms flailed around, desperate to get out of the binding ropes. I opened my eyes and I realised that I was back in the simulation room. It wasn't real.
My hands went up to my face and my cheeks were wet with tears. Was I crying in my simulation. I looked down to my arms and there were no rope burns or marks. I stretched my legs and they were free. My face contorted with anger. Why did Eric give me this fear when he knew that I was nearly killed?