Chapter Twenty-One

Ray's timing however, was unfortunate. Before either of them had even made it home, a visitor had arrived. Ste was out back, thankfully. Ray took in the man standing before them, recognising him after several moments. He felt Brendan tense up beside him. He had recognised him immediately.

"What do ye want?" Brendan had asked, his voice gravely and undoubtedly hostile. Ray sighed. Yes, there was a lot to discuss later.

"Ste" Dave said simply, crossing his arms and leaning against the bar.

"Well I'm not sure he wants to see ye" Brendan said, grim satisfaction evident on his face.

"I'll let him be the judge of that" Dave said, glancing behind the two men. "Is he here?"

"Listen" Ray said quietly, stepping forwards. "Ste told me what happened and I think its best that you leave things be. Everything has been said that needed to be, let's not cause any unnecessary hassle"

Dave raised his eyebrows. "And who the fuck are you?"

Brendan stepped forwards purposefully, his teeth bared menacingly. If Ray hadn't gripped his arms in time, he was almost certain that Brendan would have lashed out. This wasn't doing him any good. Ray wasn't going to let some jumped up idiot ruin all of Brendan's progress. He stepped forwards, obscuring Brendan from view.

"I tried to be nice, but truth be told, I'm not having a great day" Ray said, his voice low. "Either you get lost, or I'm gonna make you"

Dave laughed. "Are you now?"

"I eat boys like you for breakfast, or at least, I did. Don't make me revisit my many experiences from inside" Ray said warningly.

Dave hesitated, clearly hedging his bets with the two men, both noticeably larger than him. "Fine. Just give him this, alright?" Dave held out a piece of a paper. Ray took it from him, holding it lightly between his fingers.

"Run along now" he said pleasantly enough.

Once Dave was gone, Brendan held out his hand for the paper. Ray looked at him quizzically.

"What?" He asked, smiling just slightly.

"I'll take it" Brendan said, his hand still outstretched.

Ray shook his head. "It's for Ste"

Brendan frowned. "But ye said so yerself, everything's been said between them"

"He should still see it" Ray said, walking towards the cellar where Ste currently was. He sighed and turned back at the look on Brendan's face. "What's going on? With you and Ste?"

Brendan's face rumpled in confusion. "Nothing noteworthy" he said.

"Just the way you've been looking at each other… is there something you want to tell me?"

Brendan looked towards the ceiling. "We had a good talk in the cellar the other night. Sorted a few things out"

Ray nodded. "And why did I find a pair of his socks in our bed?" Ray looked down, his voice neutral.

"He came back for a sleep and a shower. He wanted to lie on the bed; I just lay next to him. Nothing happened"

Ray said nothing. He didn't look up. He felt Brendan stepping closer.

"Ray" he said softly, placing his fingers beneath Ray's chin. He got Ray to look him in the eye. "Ye believe me, don't ye?"

Ray stared at him for some time, considering. Eventually he nodded. "Of course I do"

"Cheryl can vouch-"

"It's not necessary. I'm sorry; it's just been a bit…" Ray trailed off.

"What's wrong? Ye told Dave ye were having a bad day"

Ray looked at Brendan; he felt inexplicably vulnerable in that moment. "I haven't been entirely honest"

"Oh?" Brendan said evenly.

"When I went to my brothers, I started getting phone calls…" Brendan's expression remained blank. "From Donny"

"Oh" Brendan simply said.

"He's been trying to contact me for a while. He's sent a few letters"

"Why didn't ye say anything?" Brendan asked. He sounded hurt.

"Because I'm with you" Ray said, taking Brendan's face in his hands. "And Donny's gone"

"And if he wasn't?" Brendan asked, frowning.

Ray opened his mouth several times before closing it. "I honestly don't know"

Brendan shook himself free of Ray's grasp.

"And if Ste wanted to try again? You wouldn't?" Ray countered.

Brendan looked up, his eyes dark and fathomless. "I am not having this conversation"

"But we need to have it!" Ray insisted. "Clearly there are some unresolved issues between the two of you"

"And there isn't with ye and Donny? Why's he calling ye?"

"I don't know" Ray said truthfully. "I did find it odd that he's started calling me. I only answered a few letters, nothing substantial"

"So ye are still speaking to him, right" Brendan nodded as though this proved everything.

"I was with him for eight years, Brendan! And besides, we see Ste every day, don't we?"

"That's different" Brendan said sharply.

"How?" Ray said, although he thought he already knew the answer.

"Ye two were in a relationship, Stephen and I…" Brendan trailed off uncertainly.

"You slept together, you said you love each other, you were in a relationship" Ray said firmly. Brendan glared at him.

"Why are ye doing this?"

"Because you need to face up to your feelings" Ray said simply.

"I did enough of that inside"

"Yes, you did. But now we're out, and he's here, you've regressed again"

"I haven't! I've done my best to be honest, to accept things I can't change…" Brendan ran his fingers through his hair agonizingly.

"There's just one more step to take" Ray said softly. Brendan stared at him uncomprehendingly.

"Enlighten me"

"You need to choose"

Brendan balked at Ray's words. "Choose?"

"I can't believe it's come to this…" Ray said, closing his eyes. "But I'm starting to think that maybe we aren't enough for each other"

"Of course we are!" Brendan roared. "We, I, I love you" Brendan stuttered.

"I know you do" Ray said, tears starting to build in his eyes. "And I love you too. But something's gotta give. You, we need to make a choice"

"I didn't realise ye had other options" Brendan said, not looking at Ray.

Ray sighed heavily. "I think I need to see what Donny wants"

"Ye do that then" Brendan said brusquely, stepping past Ray towards his office. "I'll be here"

"Brendan-"

"Just go" Brendan slammed his office door shut, making Ray wince.

Several moments later, Ste emerged up the stairs from the cellar.

"Ray?" He asked timidly. "What's going on?"

Ray turned to look at him, his expression drawn. "Oh, Ste. I don't even know where to begin"

XXX

Ray took a long walk afterwards. He hadn't told Ste much. Just that he and Brendan had had a disagreement, and it was fairly serious. Ray ran a hand over himself, feeling the stubble on his face. He was getting too old for this; all he wanted was to settle down somewhere comfortably, maybe even start a family, and have everything he never thought he would be able to have as a confused teenager.

And yet he also wanted the excitement, the thrill of being completely absorbed by another person; never reaching the fill of them. He had that with Brendan and more. Ray sighed, pausing in the street and looking back at Chez Chez. He couldn't leave things as they were. He had to speak to him, put things right again.

He started to move towards the club but was stopped in his tracks by a passing taxi. Weirdly it pulled up right outside. Ray cocked his head to the side curiously at the passenger. He only saw the back of his head but he felt his heart start to hammer immediately with anticipation. He knew him anywhere.

The taxi pulled away. The man turned around.

"Donny" Ray said breathlessly, surprised beyond belief.

"Ray" Donny said, smiling warmly. "I'm back"