More Ted/Randy fluff/angstness. What can you do about it?
Chapter 20
Remember Reality?
Remember our reality? Our legacy?
December, 28, 2009
Between myself and my reflection
Randy holds onto the ice cold edge as he pokes his head out and holds onto my wrist and he pulls himself up, pulling me up and I'm shaking and shivering and I hold onto Randy's body as the coldness burns so hard that I feel so very numb and I lock my eyes to his, crying into his chest, my tears burning into my face, letting the coldness fade and die away from my face but the rest of my body's all empty and numb and I'd do anything to fill myself up. "Why does this always happen? When I'm happy and satisfied, this just happens. Why can't I be happy, Randy?"
Randy's fingers lift my chin and he looks right at me, right into my eyes, I can feel him as he tenses and holds onto me, carrying me towards what looks like my house and laying me down onto the couch, rubbing my hair as he sits onto the couch and as I shake my body, shivering and trembling, and then I feel a cool, warm green blanket wrap around my body as Randy kisses my forehead. "I can't feel anything."
It's so scary and I feel so very dead as Randy pulls me into his arms and rubs my back. "It's going to be okay."
"I really can't feel anything."
So numb. So very numb.
It's scary because I feel like a corpse. No emotions in my body. Not pain. Not rage. It's like I'm dead. I don't feel alive at all. It's like what I'm watching isn't real. It's as if I'm really in a dream. It's horrible. It's frightening. It's nerve-wrecking. And all I can do is watch this and not do anything about it. I try to keep my thoughts happy but most of them are bitter. I'm happy…am I not?
I want to be happy.
"I want to feel something, Randy…"
Being unable to feel anything is just so very horrible. Being unable to feel anything at all is just so very terrible. The coldness just fades but there's no fire, there's no coldness, and I still can't feel Randy move around me as I hold onto his shoulder, "Randy, please, just touch me…I need to feel something," I whisper, pressing my head to his chest.
He stares at me. "Ted, what if I hurt you?"
"I want to be hurt. I want to feel something. I hate being numb, Randy. I don't want to feel dead." I tell him and he leans down towards me and captures my lips into a kiss. But as I suspect, just nothing. It's like he's doing nothing at all even if he's moving his tongue around my mouth, I just can't feel it.
My reflection now looks more real than I could have.
I pull away and suddenly feel thoughts of reality plunge me down, thinking, I'm living in my head right now with Randy Orton, and I don't know how to control my own head and I wonder how are we going to get out of here and I just truly want to get out of here, and what if I do wake up from my blackened state?
"Randy? Teddy?"
Cody's voice.
My heart thuds into my chest but it's barely a surge as Randy grips onto me from glee that there's a chance that we're going to get out of here and I want to get out of here too. I'm too trapped into my head, my own horrible, horrible thoughts that cannot be changed and I know that the only way I can make this ride out better is if I have nicer thoughts, the problem is that I don't have optimistic thoughts about life anymore.
"I'm going to help you…okay? I can just find out a way…I think…are you both okay? Oh right, I can't hear you."
Randy looks down at me, as I look up at him, and no words escape our mouths but the thought of Randy and I getting out of here, going back to our real lives, just makes me feel better and from the twinkle in Randy's eyes, I know that it makes him happy too as I lock him into a kiss, a beautiful kiss that makes our hearts explode. I'm still numb but he makes my heart melt, pain or no pain.
"Rest now, okay, Teddy?"
He walks away and wraps me into another green blanket, running his hand through my hair, he smiles, "I'm going to go fall asleep. If you need me, I'll be just on the other couch, okay, baby?"
I nod my head as I rest my head down onto the pillow, snuggling deep into it, and smelling the sweet scent of freedom. I don't even like my head anymore. And in the middle of my sleep, my eyes flutter open to pull the blankets closer, feeling like the blankets aren't keeping me warm enough, I shiver and the more I tried to go to bed, the more I can't and as I bite down onto my lower lip, feeling a hand on my shoulder and only looking up to see Randy's soft blue eyes as I melt into them like he makes my heart melt and he sits down beside me, pulling me to his lap, running his hand through my hair.
He wraps the blanket around me and pulls me close to his sweating body and the way he makes me feel warm, makes me melt as he rubs my back sweetly. I feel the hot tips of his hands just glide down my back and I finally fall asleep into his warm arms.
In the next chapter, Teddy finds a way to get out of his own head. :) Hope it sounds good enough. Review, please.
;) Sam