Apologize- One Republic

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound

You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late

Light streamed in from the windows and crept up onto Jo's bed. Her eyelids fluttered open, as she groaned and buried her face in her pillow. She tried to lift her head to get a glimpse of her alarm clock but her head was pounding too much for that much movement. As she rolled over to her side, her entire body froze in panic. She hastily yanked her comforter up and exhaled loudly when she saw that she was, indeed, wearing only her bra and underwear. Her eye shut tightly as images flooded back into her head of her and Dean dangerously close to her bed, him pulling her shirt over her head, pushing her onto her bed…her body was starting to convulse with panic and she forced her head to turn to the side. Please let no one be there, please let no one be there…she opened one eye cautiously and sighed deeply with relief when she saw that she was alone in her room. The one time she was grateful for that. And boy, was she ever.

She didn't even want to think about the consequences of accidentally sleeping with Dean.

There was a light knock on the door and after a moment, Castiel poked his head in around the door.

"You alive?" he asked softly.

She groaned and rolled back over. He chuckled and let himself in her room, placing a coffee cup on her nightstand so she could reach it.

"I brought you some nice hot coffee. I know that always makes you feel a little bit better after a night of drinking."

She groaned again and was barely able to open her eyes to respond. "How much did I drink last night? It feels like I drank a lot."

"Not as much as you think," He chuckled again and sat down on her bed next to her. "Maybe you're losing your touch. Or maybe it was just the tequila."

She chuckled and rolled over onto her side. "I was afraid of that. I am never going to drink again that stuff ever again," she shuddered as she spoke.

He patted her arm good-naturedly. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what did you all in last night. But who cares? You had a good time, right? That's all that matters. It was a bachelor and bachelorette party after all. That's exactly what's supposed to happen. Everyone is supposed to get falling down drunk and if you don't, then you're doing something wrong."

She could always count on Cas to make her feel better.

"What time is it? No, wait…don't tell me, I don't want to know." she said.

He smiled and gently ruffled her already ruffled hair. "Come on, get up already. You have to get to class…I'll make you breakfast."

She groaned again and covered her face with her hands. "Umm…I don't think I'm going to class today."

Castiel's eyes widened in shock. "What? Do you mean to tell me that Joanna Harvelle, little Miss I-love-to-make-Castiel-and Dean-suffer-for-skipping-class is…skipping class? Wow, I guess there's a first time for everything. Then again, I never understood why you scheduled a Saturday class anyway."

She threw her pillow at him and laughed. "Shut up, Cas. What are you making for breakfast?"

"Well, Dean's got some eggs and bacon going but if there's something else you want…well then you're out of luck cause that's all we have for breakfast."

She threw her pillow at him as he walked out of her bedroom. She groaned at the mention of their other roommate, who had most definitely received a show the night before. From what she could remember of her tequila-induced stupor, not only had she stripped down to her bra and underwear right in front of him but he had helped her strip as well. Could anything be worse than that?

She slipped out of bed, hurriedly threw a shirt and some sweat pants on over her poor excuse for pajamas. When she opened her door with her coffee cup in hand, her senses were immediately hit with the aroma of eggs and bacon, just like Cas had promised. But she hadn't been expecting it to make her want to vomit. Ugh. Now she felt even more sick to her stomach. Just the thought of food made her want to run straight for the bathroom. No more tequila. Ever.

Castiel was leaning against the counter, talking animatedly to an extremely disheveled and exhausted-looking Dean, who was scrambling some eggs in a skillet. Jo smiled at the scene. Dean was the only person that made Castiel comfortable enough to open up like that.

"Hey, Jo! You're starting to look a little better." Castiel laughed.

Dean bit down on his lip as he flipped some eggs onto a plate. When he held the plate out to her, she grimaced and quickly shook her head.

"No eggs and skipping class?" Dean said sarcastically. "Wow, you must have been worse than I thought."

She scowled up at him in annoyance and brushed past him to refill her coffee cup. "I don't see what's so funny."

"Oh, come on, Jo," Castiel appeased. "We're just having a little fun…you remember fun, right?"

She snorted and took a sip of her coffee. "Fun doesn't agree with me right about now."

That got a chuckle out of both boys and Castiel ruffled her hair playfully once more before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and heading towards the front door.

"Where are you headed?" Dean asked, almost angrily.

"I'm taking Meg to the museum," Castiel smiled "She ran an errand this morning but we're meeting there. Try to play nice while I'm gone. See you kids later!" He called before shutting the door behind him.

Jo glanced hesitantly at Dean whose attention was solely focused on bacon he was frying in the skillet. She bit her lip, trying to decide whether or not she should say something to him about whatever had happened the night before. For one, she didn't want to draw any more attention to the 'incident'. She also had no intention of embarrassing herself any more than she already had. But, on the other hand, she was dying to know just how much she had embarrassed herself. She was praying to God that she hadn't said or done anything that she would live to regret. But again, maybe what she didn't know, wouldn't hurt her either. Unfortunately, Dean made the decision for her.

"Just so you know," he began "Neither of us did anything stupid last night. You did, however, basically take off all your clothes in front of me but I promise you I did the gentlemanly thing and I didn't peek. Not even for a second. Scout's honor."

He placed a hand over his heart and saluted her with the other, which, regrettably for her, caused her to giggle.

"Well, I can't say I'm not relieved. When I woke up this morning, I was absolutely terrified that you were next to me."

His eyebrows rose in surprise, with a hint of suspicion laced in his eyes. "Really?"

She laughed in spite of the now awkward situation and bit her lip. "Well…yeah. I mean, come on, wouldn't that be awful? We wake up next to each other after a drunken night of doing God knows what…I can't think of anything worse."

She laughed again but stopped cold when his clear green eyes narrowed at her.

His jaw tensed tightly but it was only for a second. "Well, I'm glad nothing happened then."

For lack of a better thing to do, she just smiled and finally took the plate of eggs he had offered to her before. They ate in silence with Dean refusing to make eye contact with her and Jo trying desperately to think of something useful to say until there was a light knock at the door. Jo immediately scrambled over to answer it, thankful to finally have something to do other than feel awkward.

She breathlessly flung open the door to reveal a nervous John Winchester. When their eyes met, he smiled tentatively

"Jo, not sure if you remember me, I'm John, Sam..." He began with the name of his favourite son "and Dean's..."

"Father." She finished unsure of how to react "Of course I remember you. Nice to see you again." Not.

"I'm glad you remember me. May I come in?"

"Actually," Dean's deep voice came from behind Jo. "I'd rather you didn't."

John frowned and sighed in exasperation. "Dean, please, I just want to talk to you for a minute. Can't you spare some time for your father?"

"Well, father, actually I don't have a minute to spare for someone who never had a minute for me. I don't want to talk to you. Why don't you try Sam? I'm sure he's got some time for you." Was the curt response from a very tense Dean.

John sighed again and looked helplessly to Jo, who simply nodded and stepped aside so he could enter the apartment. A low growl came from the kitchen and Jo shook her head and gave Dean a stern look.

"Thanks, Jo." John whispered to her as he ventured deeper into the apartment.

"Dean." he began again. "I would really like to speak with you."

Jo took that as her hint to give them some space and started heading back towards her room when Dean's firm voice halted her.

"You don't need to leave, Jo. Whatever you have to say, John, you can say in front of her." His voice was pure steel but Jo saw the pleading in his green eyes. She was frozen.

John rubbed his temples in frustration and shook his head slightly. Since it was obvious to both of them that Dean was not going to be giving in anytime soon, he tried again.

"Alright, we'll do this your way then." He stepped deeper into the kitchen and Dean crossed his arms over his chest as John neared.

"Say what you need to say and then leave." Dean snapped.

John sighed deeply before he began to speak again. "Dean, I've been sick. Real sick."

Dean snorted and laughed bitterly. "I remember being sick lots of times, both me and Sammy and you couldn't be bothered. I'm sure being a dead beat dad isn't fatal."

John sighed again and rested his hands on his hips as he spoke. "Ok, I deserve that but...Dean, I know I wasn't the best father growing up and I know you're plenty mad at me. And you have reason to be but I do care about you.."

Dean scowled darkly. "Yeah, well you have a great way of showing it."

"Look, there's not an easy way to say this. I have liver cancer. Doctor's don't give me long. I just wanted to see if maybe you and I could make peace before my time is up."

Dean's face dropped for an instant but seconds later he said furiously. "Why are you telling me this now?"

Jo shifted uncomfortably to the side and looked nervously from John's distraught face to Dean's menacing one. Time to leave. "I'm just going to give you guys some space..."

She walked briskly around them and was almost past the kitchen when Dean's arm shot out and stopped her right in her tracks.

"Oh no…" she stammered. "That's alright, Dean, I need to shower anyway and…I have some other…things…I have to do so…"

Dean's hand gripped her arm tighter. "No, you don't have to do that. He should respect that I want him to leave and just leave."

John was starting to get slightly red in the face in embarrassment or maybe from disappointment "Dean, All I want is the best for you and I want to tell you how proud I am of you to have come this far. I know I had nothing to do with it…after your mother died, I was weak..I was a drunk..I was a fool…"

"And what, John? You throw these words at me today and you expect me to forgive you. You want me to forget the embarrassment of being poor, moving from place to with no new clothes or shoes ever because you were chasing the woman of the week. Forget that I had to raise Sammy by myself because I could NEVER count on you. And to have you show up at Sammy's graduation like the proud parent. Well I'm damn sorry that you're dying but I can't forget or forgive that easy. You made the choice a long time ago to ignore me and I'm fine with that. I'm perfectly happy right now and I don't need a father."

John sighed and shook his head. "I'd like to believe that you're happy. If you really are, then I'm glad. But let me say this one thing and then I'll leave. You're all I have left of my family, you and Sam, and I know I done a lot of things wrong and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasted all that time. And if you don't want to forgive me, well then, I understand. But Dean, you need to let go of the anger you have for me. If you don't, it'll eat you alive. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did…wind up like me."

Dean narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Yeah, you would think that. You said what you wanted to say, now get out."

John nodded sadly and said goodbye quickly to Jo before turning on his heel and walking out the door.

Dean exhaled deeply and covered his face with his hands as he sat down. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and winced.

Jo placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "You know, I think, in his own way, he really wants to make things right with you."

His eyes immediately snapped to meet hers. "Don't defend him, Jo. Not you, ..Not after he walked out on Ellen, just don't."

She sighed knowing it was best not to push him. "You're right."

He shook his head and sighed, his eyes darting up to the ceiling. "Let's talk about something else."

"Alright."

His head turned back to face her. She had no makeup and her hair was mess but still she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on. He shook his head to break the chain of thought as he walked over to the stove, tossed the skillet into the sink before wiping down the stovetop.

"Whatever." He muttered under his breath as he tossed the dish rag in the sink.

"Dean," came Jo's husky voice from behind him.

He knew she was close behind him. All he had to do was turn and she'd be there to put her arms around him. Comfort him. And he could tell her that his heart was breaking because his father, the man he always wanted approval from was dying and he'd acted like a jerk.

No…he couldn't. He wouldn't.

"I gotta talk to Sammy, maybe find Cas," he said as he moved away quickly, leaving Jo standing in the middle of the kitchen alone.