Bella
That night was the best night of sleep I'd had in a long time.
Undisturbed by nightmares or insomnia, I slept soundly and awoke very early the next morning, when the night was just beginning to fade. I could no longer feel stone arms around me; protecting me from harm, and I had a moment of panic before I rolled over and saw that Jasper was perched calmly on the window sill, staring out into the coming day. He looked over and a smile graced his angel's face at the sight of me.
"Good morning," he greeted me softly, and went back to staring serenely out into the darkness. I did not know what to say and just blurted out the first thing that entered my mind, a stupid move for anyone but a terrible one for awkward, bumbling me.
"What are you doing all the way over there?" I asked before my brain caught up to my mouth, and then blushed, realizing how that sounded.
Jasper's eyebrows shot up, and I hurried to correct my mistake.
"I only mean...I went to sleep, and when I woke up you weren't there, which scared me..." Okay, I wasn't making this any better. In fact, I needed to stop before I started babbling even more incoherently than I was now. "Oh, just ignore me, I'm traumatized," I finished in a rush. Sneeking a peek at Jasper through my eyelashes, I was happy to see that he definitely looked amused rather than offended; in fact, he let out a small laugh at whatever expression was on my face at the moment, and I forgot to even blush, losing myself instead in the music of his laugh...I didn't think he'd ever laughed in my presence before, and it was the most enchanting sound I'd ever heard. It took Jasper's next words to bring me back to reality.
"You're extremely amusing when you're trying not to be, Bella," he informed me cheerfully, his eyes twinkling. I scowled, and he laughed again, which caused a grudging smile to appear on my face. Then his face turned abruptly serious.
"Are you...all right?" he asked me softly, seeming to struggle with how to phrase his question. I knew he was only inquiring as to my physical well-being, but the question forced me to stop and take stock of what I honestly felt at the moment. And I was surprised, because what I mostly felt was...happy.
Sure, there was still un undercurrent of sadness to my mood - it'd be more shocking if I wasn't sad, considering the fact that I'd just lost the love of my life less than two months ago...but overriding that sadness was overwhelming relief and euphoria. I was safe, Jasper had made sure of that...then I felt a stab of pain in my chest, realizing that he probably wasn't planning on staying. I'd wounded him with my harsh words the day before, but once he got over the pain and this ridiculous duty he felt he had towards me, I was sure he'd want to leave. I felt my face fall rather tragically at that and tried to cover it up with a broken smile, but Jasper's quick eyes registered my distress before I had a chance to hide it.
"Bella?" His voice was low, soft, concerned. I cursed inwardly, wanting to keep him around but knowing it would only be worse for the both of us if I dragged this out, and forced my eyes to meet his.
All my resolve left me the second I laid eyes on his hopeful face. No matter what I did, I would hurt him....feeling the tears start to bloom in the corners of my eyes, I turned away so he wouldn't have to watch me cry.
It was too late. Abandoning his position on the window sill, Jasper went from halfway across the room to crouched on the bed beside me in the space of a heartbeat. Catching hold of my wrists gently, he held my gaze fast to his and refused to let me go.
"Bella," he began in a low, furious voice. "Bella, you cannot begin to comprehend how sorry I am that what happened in the locker room yesterday was allowed to escalate that far. I know you told me to leave, but I should have been there, I should have made sure you were okay. There are no excuses - what happened yesterday was my fault. And if you want me to track down and kill those bastards who tried to hurt you yesterday, I swear I'll do it - just say the word."
Jasper's eyes were blazing with a fiery light the likes of which I'd never seen. My mouth had fallen open sometime during his impassioned speech, and when I tried to speak, all that came out was a small squeak. Thankfully, Jasper did not continue, but maintained his half-kneeling position by my bed, my wrists still grasped in his large and beautiful hands. At last, I managed to articulate what I was feeling at the moment.
"Jasper," I addressed him, "do me a favor and never say that again."
His eyes still locked on mine, Jasper waited, frozen as if I had not yet spoken. Ignoring him, I continued.
"What happened yesterday was not your fault, and while you have no idea how glad I was that you showed up at that exact moment, what happens to me is not your responsibility. You've already saved my life more times than I can count. You just need to let go of whatever guilt you feel and leave before I ruin your life...more than I already have, anyway." I bowed my head at that moment, fighting bravely against the tears that threatened to obscure my vision. When I looked up, Jasper no longer looked frozen. He looked voraciously angry, his eyes blazing and his face even harder-looking than usual. Angry enough so that, even though I trusted him completely, I shrank back a little in unconscious fear.
"Why didn't you tell me that?" he hissed, obviously struggling to control his voice. I blinked, not expecting that reaction, and breaking eye contact, he let go of my wrists and swore loudly before striding over to the window.
"I...I'm sorry. I guess I just thought it would be better if you thought I didn't want you around...I wanted you to be able to make a clean break. Get on with your life, y'know," I finished lamely, because I really didn't know. If I'd understood how to make a clean break I wouldn't have spent months clinging to the memory of Edward like a lifeline, refusing to live my life...that line of thought might have sent me into a depression if I hadn't been distracted then by Jasper suddenly spinning around to face, face livid, moving jerkily at half-human, half-vampire speed.
"A clean break?!" he nearly screamed, barely bothering to control his voice anymore. "A clean break! Oh, Bella," he laughed humorlessly, "You are so exceptionally deluded."
I simply sat, shocked into silence, waiting, while Jasper fumed.
"A clean break? Very funny, Bella," he complimented me, his eyes flashing. "Nothing about this situation is ever going to be that easy, so I suggest you let go of the ludicrous notion that I can suddenly walk away without a backward glance. My heart may no longer beat, but it does exist," he assured me.
I tried to speak, to tell him that I'd never thought of him as heartless, but he plowed on, relentless.
"You know what Alice meant - means - to me. You know that my life was nothing before she found me. And I thought that you understood that. I thought that you felt much the same way about Edward, excluding our different circumstances."
He paused, his eyes searching mine, and I wanted so badly to tell him that I understood, that I knew what he was going through because I felt it, too, but I was suddenly mute. No matter how I tried, the words wouldn't come, and I watched helplessly as a look of resignation came into Jasper's eyes.
"I guess I was wrong," he stated with an awful finality, and turned back toward the window, and I knew that he was leaving for good this time, and strangely, the only thought that echoed in my mind as he walked toward the sill was this:
If I let him leave my room now, I will never hear him laugh again.
The thought was unbearable to me, and, determined that he should not leave, I let out a soft cry and threw myself wantonly across the room. I'm quite sure that I would have broken something else had Jasper's reflexes not saved the day once again. I found myself lying in a tangled heap in his arms, staring up into those golden eyes that were once again burning with pain and fury. I scrambled to stand up and selfishly threw my arms around Jasper.
"Don't go," I pleaded, not caring or even conscious of how crazy I must have looked in that moment, still dressed in yesterday's clothes with what little hair I had mussed and sticking up in every possible direction. "I need you. I'm sorry. Please...don't go."
Jasper didn't move for a moment; his face seemed to be at war with itself, a thousand different emotions flickering across in the space of a breath...and then, unexpectedly, his face broke out into a fierce, triumphant smile.
"Bella Swan." (He seemed to relish the sound of my name; I liked it better too, coming from his lips.) "Do you ever make up your mind?"
And then, without warning, he wrapped his arms around and crushed me to his cold stone chest.
________________
I don't know how long we held each other; it felt like a long time that I stood there with my arms wrapped loosely around his neck, my face buried against his chest. His encircled my waist and came to rest lightly on my lower back. I let my eyes drift shut and simply listened to the sounds of the waking birds, not letting myself think, only feel. My heart rate slowed and my chest rose and fell with ease, all traces of the hole gone for the moment, and I realized it was the most whole I'd felt in a long time.
Eventually, though, it had to end, like all things human do, and you can rest assured that it ended in the mundane possible: with the growling of my stomach. Jasper lifted his head, startled, and I laughed at the concerned expression on his face.
"It's just my stomach announcing it's time for breakfast," I informed him, unable to keep a grin from spreading across my face. I hadn't smiled in so long that it literally felt unfamiliar, and I resolved to work on that, because a smile graced Jasper's face as well as he realized his mistake.
"Can I cook for you?" he asked, excitement lighting up his face the prospect. I bit my lip, think of Charlie, and how it would look if he found Jasper in my kitchen at twenty past seven in the morning.
"Don't worry, I'll be quiet," Jasper assured me, interpreting my worried look correctly. A reluctant grin returned to my face at that, because he just looked so damned happy, like a little boy on Christmas morning, and there was simply no way to deny him.
"All right, all right," I gave in easily, chuckling. "Do you even know how to cook?"
He grinned like the devil. "No..." he admitted, releasing me finally. "But I'm sure I can figure it out!" he called out behind him as he headed for the door. I shook my head a little, still smiling, and made my way into the bathroom to take a shower.
Thirty minutes later I made my way downstairs, dressed simply in jeans and a white button-down, and gasped at the rich smells assaulting my senses. My jaw dropped as I walked into the kitchen, and my first thought was that Jasper had officially lost his mind.
Sitting on the table was a stack of pancakes about ten inches tall, positively dripping with butter and syrup. Beside it was a platter of scrambled eggs that appeared to have been seasoned with pepper and cheese, so that they resembled some sort of gargantuan omelet. Sitting next to that was an equally ridiculous plate of bacon and sausages, and glancing over at the skillet I saw that Jasper was now frying up some hash browns. Seeing me staring, he said straight-facedly, "Think this will be enough?"
I couldn't help it; I burst into hysterical laughter despite the fact that Charlie was still sleeping upstairs - or so I thought. Leaning against the wall for support, I saw Charlie lumbering downstairs in a bathrobe and instantaneously froze.
I don't know what went through my head at that moment. Maybe I thought I could actually blend into the drywall if I concentrated hard enough. At any rate, Jasper saw me slumped uselessly against the wall and took action.
"Chief Swan!" he proclaimed upon Charlie's entrance, smiling so broadly it almost hurt my eyes. "Please, have a seat! I know Bella doesn't drink coffee but I've heard you take yours black with two sugars, is that right?"
My father simply stood there dumbfounded, his jaw slack, for what felt like forever. Jasper kept talking, seemingly oblivious to the extreme awkwardness of the situation, and although I knew that he could truthfully sense Charlie's emotions far more accurately than I could, I still felt a growing discomfort as the minutes dragged on and Charlie simply stood there, framed in the doorway, the look of a man who cannot comprehend what he is seeing etched upon his face.
"Bella invited me over for breakfast, I hope that's all right with you," Jasper lied smoothly, emptying the hash browns onto yet another oversized plate. "I thought I'd do this while she was getting ready and surprise her, as a sort of thank you for being my friend during all of this." His voice was so earnest and happy that I nearly believed him myself, but the look on Charlie face was still one of resolute disbelief. "I've hardly ever cooked, but you're welcome to try anything and everything you like, I sort of doubt Bella can finish all of this herself!" And then, apparently completely at ease, Jasper began to hum while he worked, carrying the last plate to the table and beginning to tidy up his working space.
Charlie gave his head a little shake then, and looked at me with eyebrow's raised, as if to say, is this insanity all right with you? Human chameleon that I presently was, I still managed to give him an encouraging nod, and he seemed to take that as confirmation enough. Walking over to the table, he plunked himself down and calmly took the cup of coffee Jasper was holding out to him, sipping it serenely from time to time.
Shocked speechless, I saw down at the table and stared mutely at a spot on the wall above Charlie's head. Catching my eye, Jasper gave me a small, almost imperceptible wink, and starting dishing out breakfast, starting with one of his enormous fluffy pancakes.
I soon discovered that everything was very good; though not perfect: a few of the sausages were burnt and the eggs tasted a tad rubbery at times. The pancakes, however, were divine, as were the hash browns and bacon, and I flashed Jasper a quick but well-deserved thumbs-up as Charlie, with a what the hell expression, dug in. I found myself liking the fact that not everything was perfect - the fact that Jasper could make mistakes showcased more of his strange and compelling humanity, or so I felt. It's possible I was just reading far too much into a couple of mildly overdone sausages, but I liked it just the same.
When our awkward but delicious breakfast was over and Charlie had changed and left for work, I got up and hugged Jasper firmly around the midsection.
"Thank you," I said, looking up at him with shiny eyes, "for the best breakfast anyone's ever had."
He replied with a smile and gently detached himself, gesturing to the mess of dishes that now filled the sink. I offered to help and he obliged without a word. Working together, the two of us had the kitchen sparkling about five minutes. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was now time to go to school, and looked at Jasper without a question in my eyes.
"Are we going?" he asked, and I thrilled at the sound of the we. Still, I was a little nervous at the prospect of school, considering what had happened yesterday.
Jasper read my expression correctly once more and, taking a step toward me, laid his palm on the side of my face. "Don't worry," he assured me, "I'll be there."
A/N: OH GOD, THE FLUFF! I CAN'T STAND IT! AHHHHHH!
Just kidding, I liked writing it. Truly, I did. But at the same time, don't expect too much of it from the "Queen of Angst" as one reviewer dubbed me. I enjoyed that, btw. In fact, maybe I'll make it my new pen name...
Regarding the last chapter - 30 REVIEWS OMG WUAAGH!
Sorry. I just couldn't believe it. Thank you so much/keep it up, please!!