Chapter Twenty
Edward did come that night. I waited up for him because I needed to ask what story we were coming up with to excuse my disappearance. And I wanted to be with him. I showered and curled up in bed. Dad had taken my computer and phone with the thought that I might try to talk to Edward that way, so I couldn't call Edward. He knew that Charlie was allowed to read my texts without any argument from me. I wasn't worried about him saying something that might end up in disaster. There were no old texts from him on this phone either. I couldn't sleep without Edward, so I waited up, trying to read. I didn't even know what book I had open on my lap. I was just trying to survive until he came. I knew he was waiting for Charlie to go to sleep or at least stop peeking in my room every few minutes. By the seventh time Charlie glanced in to see if I was there, he finally stopped and went to bed.
Edward appeared seconds later. He smiled at me when I set my book aside immediately. "You okay?" he asked gently, pushing my hair back for me.
I shrugged. "Worried," I admitted without any hesitation. This honest thing wasn't that hard yet. I liked it better that way. Complete honesty included weaknesses, fears, and screw ups. We both knew that now. It would make our relationship better, even if we fought more. I let Edward pull me into his arms without an ounce of strength put into a struggle. I wanted him to hold me.
"Don't worry about it. I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you if he says no," Edward whispered, and that did help. More than he knew. I closed my eyes and listened to the pattern of his breathing. He was holding the arch of my neck in his hands, no fear shown in his face. No hesitation. Something about this man was so much stronger, and he didn't seem to be tempted. None of his power was put into the hold on my neck. There was something else there that I couldn't read. Happiness maybe? But that was already obvious in his face. Relief was in his face, but I couldn't feel it in his touch. Edward smiled at me. "Don't waste time worrying. I'm here. You should sleep. You still look exhausted."
I shook my head, wondering if I would cry. Happy tears were tears just the same. "I don't ever want to sleep again," I told him, and that was partially true. I knew I needed to sleep, and I knew that Edward wouldn't leave me if I did. I just didn't want to waste another moment with sleep when he was here. My life was ticking away like the seconds on a clock. My life was a functioning clock while his was a broken clock. I would keep going, and he was frozen. I couldn't sleep with the knowledge of what we could have discussed while I slept instead. I sighed quietly, wishing Charlie would hurry up and tell me what his verdict was. Of course I was worried! I'd spent so long without Edward. He was back. And now there was a chance that I would lose him again. I couldn't stand that thought. Dad seemed so serious about sending me back to LA. And if he wouldn't let me live in his house, Mom would demand that I go home with her. I would lose Edward again if that happened. The sun would destroy our chances to be together.
"Don't think like that," he said firmly, and I was surprised. He must have been able to hear my thoughts... "I can read your face, not your mind, Timmy," he told me, and I smiled a little. "If he sends you back to LA, I'm going too. I'll come see you every night. I'll do whatever I have to. I promised that I would never leave or abandon you, didn't I?" He waited for me to nod. "Letting you be sent back to Los Angeles without fighting or sorting things out so we can be together is another form of abandonment. I'm not going to go one more day without you, not without reason. A damn good reason too. I love you, and that's all I need to know. That's all that matters. The rest of the pieces will fall into place because I know this was meant to be."
I was crying again, tears of happiness. Edward wiped them away quickly. I knew he meant it. And this was meant to be. My hand fit perfectly into his. It disappeared in it. His hands were cold and rock hard. Mine were delicate and warm to him. Our minds worked together so well. We could tell what the other was thinking without the ability to read minds, though one of us had it. He was over protective sometimes, and that was one of the things that gave me security. We were both so stubborn because we had to be. Edward had to force himself not to kill me--that was why I was alive now. I had no choice but to fall in love with him. I kept falling every second. His eyes captivated me. His words were like music, and I wouldn't forget a single one. I treasured every second, even if we weren't talking or looking at the other. We just had to be together and that alone made the moment so special. Edward was the only life I wanted. It made me sad to know how much he would give up to see me if I was sent to LA, but it was another reminder of how much he loved me. He would give up a normal life. They all lived human lives, besides their diet and the inability to sleep. He would give up that life and his family for me. He would hide away all day just to see me at night. That was something that couldn't be described. It was beautiful, heartbreaking that we may have to go to those extremes, and it was relieving that he was willing to do that. I didn't deserve him... But I was glad I had him.
Edward smiled at me when the tears didn't stop. "Are you going to cry all night?" he asked me gently.
I nodded, half joking, and we laughed. "Probably. I'm amazed, and blown away, and... overwhelmed. It's all in a good way too. The best way, the only way I'd want," I explained, chewing on my lip once I finished.
Edward nodded. "Sleep, beautiful," he whispered, and that was enough to make me sleepy. I curled up under the blanket with him, refusing to even have the comforter between us. His cold skin was refreshing. It was beautiful to me. I loved it, like I loved every part of him. I let Edward's arms cradle me as I closed my eyes. He hummed me to sleep. My lullaby. I slept soundly, no nightmares, and all through the night. There was no need to wake up to make sure Edward was there because I knew he was. I could feel his presence. It was as strong as ever. So strong it could have strangled me. I could sense his love as he held me. His left arm was under me, tucked in the smallest part of my waist. His right arm was over me, elbow placed on my hip perfectly. His left hand was folded into my right with his right hand folded into my right. I could feel his breath on my neck. I could feel his nose lightly brushing against my hair, and he was completely still. He couldn't see my face, and he spent the entire night listening to me breathe. It amazed me how happy I was to be with him, even with what we would face when Charlie got around to getting out of bed. That worry was forgotten. Edward gave me the security I needed. He'd said everything I needed to hear from him. And I knew that the other pieces would fall into place because we were meant to be together. It was face. Destiny.
In the morning, Edward woke me by kissing my head. I wondered how he'd gotten out from under me without waking me up. But I opened my eyes and my hand immediately flew to his. I didn't want him to go. Ever. Not for a second. Edward smiled at me, and I saw that all my pictures, my guitar, everything he'd hidden under my floor board was out already. I only had to put it up. I wanted him to help, but then I heard Charlie's groan from the next room and realized he was awake. Edward kissed my lips. "Sorry for waking you," he whispered, and I knew that meant I must have looked extremely peaceful. I was! I would never cry myself to sleep again if he was there.
"I'm glad you did," I told him, releasing his hand so he could leave quickly if Charlie decided to tip toe to my door and peek in. "I would have thought it was all a dream if I didn't see you."
Edward nodded, then he was gone. I smiled to myself. Edward was here. It wasn't a dream. I was so happy about that. Unbelievably happy. No words could express the feeling I had. It wasn't just happiness or love or joy. It was so far beyond all of those. Safety because I knew he would never leave me, because I knew he would be back soon, never to leave me alone for too long. I knew he wouldn't leave Forks. He would be there if I somehow managed to get the chance to call him. I buried my face in the pillow to muffle my giggle, then rolled over. More wildflowers. Purple and yellow. The note only said three words. But they were so much more important than the millions he could have written.
I. Love. You.
That was all it said. He loved me. Edward Cullen loved me! I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
The day was spent reorganizing my room, changing my sheets so they weren't tear stained from my month and a half without Edward. That time seemed so silly now, so pointless. It was like Edward had never left in some ways. In others, I was glad he left because now I knew exactly what he meant to me, even if I couldn't express it in words. Actions wouldn't even help. I loved him with everything inside me. My mind screamed out how much I loved him. When he was gone, it was like I was drowning when I wasn't even in water. It was like that now as well. Just different kinds of drowning. Opposite kinds.
I put all my books onto my bookshelf and found another note from Edward. Brand new. It was the second after the one I found on my bed... I opened it slowly, wondering if this was something Edward had made up to help me through the day. Well, it was working. "Don't cry anymore," Edward had instructed in this letter. Three more words, and I would obey them! I would not cry anymore. Now I was too happy to cry.
I found a new picture in the hundreds I already had. It was of him holding me the night before. I wondered how he got it printed, but that didn't matter. I smiled, looking around my room for a place to put it. It was obvious I was fast asleep. There was a tiny smile on my face. I was relaxed and carefree. Edward was holding me to him, never letting go. It was beautiful. I couldn't put it anywhere Charlie would see it or find it if he decided to search my room some day when he thought Edward was hiding in my closet. Though it was fairly likely for a human, Edward was a vampire. He'd just jump out the window and be back the second Charlie was gone. We would never be caught because Edward could read Charlie's mind and we'd have a warning immediately. Convenient. Sneaking around wouldn't be so bad. I was a teenager, right? It would be normal to sneak around for a girl in my situation, even if it wasn't right or my preferred methods. Charlie would find out some day surely, but we would never regret it. There wouldn't be another moment of regret in my relationship with Edward.
I put the picture in a frame, also new, that I found tucked in my desk drawer. He knew where everything on my floor went, so he'd put the gifts somewhere I would find them. The frame said "Forever in my heart" in Edward's writing. I smiled and hid it behind my books. Dad would never find it there, but it was somewhere I could easily get to it on the days I wanted to stare at him.
My closet was packed! He'd returned all the clothes, plus Alice had added tons more. I had to steal a few hangers from Dad's room, the hall closet, the coat closet, and the attic too. Then my dresser was so full none of the drawers would close all the way, which had me laughing. I wondered if Edward would be able to close them because I certainly couldn't.
Dad slept the entire day, and I knew how that felt. I understood the exhaustion completely. I could hear him snoring. But the day was sunny, so Edward wasn't there. The sunny day was convenient. It only added to my happiness, even if I missed Edward. I knew he would be back as soon as the sun disappeared. He would help me hang up the hundreds of pictures on my bulletin board again. He would help me sort my letters into categories. Love letters that Dad could never see, letters about being a vampire and becoming one that Dad could never see, letters that talked about being a vampire yet never said it, letters that were too sweet to let Dad see, letters that I wanted to read a ton, letters that Dad could read, letters that everyone could read, letters that were really simple, and so on.
Total, I found fourteen notes and three gifts from Edward in my room, and my room was entirely clean by dinner time. New sheets, new comforter, new pillow cases, and the floor was spotless so I wouldn't trip. I'd taken the time to vacuum Trooper's hair off my floor and make my bed even. It was more just a distraction though. I was starting to get anxious in Edward's absence. When I went downstairs, Dad was still fast asleep, but I planned to wake him up when dinner was ready. I found my cell phone on the counter with my computer. One bar left for my battery. I saw the read texts from Edward. Fifteen! Dad had gotten up at some point and read them all, but that didn't stop me from opening my inbox quickly, listening to make sure Dad wouldn't catch me.
Most of them were something like "Emmett says not to trip" or "Alice says to wear those red stilettos today". Three of them were the ones that I preserved in my memory forever. The first: "Don't slip away because I have to be able to get you back". He didn't want me to get discouraged and I would never fall out of love with him. I would always love him. He didn't have to get me back. Just him coming to see me was enough to send me into a giggling frenzy, unable to stop smiling or laughing in all the overwhelming joy. The second: "I wanted to apologize for getting you in huge trouble, but thank you for coming because I needed you to come." He needed me! Edward Cullen, the most gorgeous, caring, amazing person alive, needed me! He needed a clumsy girl with a cop as a dad! I smiled at that, closing my eyes and trying to imagine how he would have sounded saying that to me. It was like music just reading it. It made my heart pound so hard that it hurt. "You're gonna give me a heart attack," I mumbled, and I wondered if Edward was close enough to hear me... I smiled again and moved onto the last text, which was the third that I wanted to always remember: "I'm pleading for you not to dwell on it because I didn't mean it. I never will. You're the only thing I need in life. I love you."
I sighed and set my phone down again. The second I put it down, the red light started flashing again. I glanced out the window, wondering if Edward could have seen me... I smiled--another text from him. "If you ever feel like letting go, I'll catch you because I won't miss another day. I'll always be there," I read in a whisper. I nodded, almost positive Edward could see me then. I smiled, biting my tongue to stop the victory cry that was about to escape my lips. I set my phone down when I heard Dad's door open and quickly moved to the fridge.
No more texts from Edward, and I really wanted to reply. No doubt Dad would check with the service company to see if I'd just deleted the sent texts. The fridge was almost completely empty. Dad obviously had been extremely worried about me. I knew that much! But he hadn't even gone to the store. There was absolutely no food, other than things only I could make. And all of them would take longer than I wanted. I wanted to escape to my room again, see if I could find any other note from Edward or another gift. I glanced up casually when Dad entered the kitchen. Wow! He looked horrible. Like me when Edward was gone. Rings around his eyes, unshaven, and pale. I tried not to cringe and looked away, pulling the thawed chicken out of the fridge.
The kitchen was a wreck! Mail piled up on the counter from before I ran away. Some of it was for me. Colleges mostly. I pushed it aside so I would have room to set the chicken down before I cooked it. The sink was full of all the dishes we had, half full cups of water, beer poured on top of them, food smeared all over until you couldn't determined which dish was used for that meal. I was about to comment on how disgusting it was and that he should've done dishes, but I remembered that I was already dead. No need to pull Edward down with me. I would have something else to do until the sun went down. No clouds to be seen! Another sunny day tomorrow would probably be even worse. No, not probably. It would be worse. But I had no doubt that Edward would find some way to keep me in a good mood, whether it was small notes, pictures, texts, music, gifts, or a long letter that would take me all day to read. He would make sure I didn't have any time to get upset, and I knew he wanted me to be happy, even if he wasn't there. For him, I could do that. After all, he was close enough to come visit me every night, and there wasn't much that would stop him from seeing me nightly. That was nice to know. Great even!
"Timberlee, how do you turn off your phone?" Dad asked quietly, snatching it off the counter. "He won't stop sending you stuff, and it woke me up."
"Oh. Sorry. Button on the side. The middle one," I answered casually. Why hadn't I heard it? Maybe I wasn't expecting him to have sent me that many messages, but I was pleased that he did. It was something to think about when I started wondering how long it would take for Charlie to fall asleep again.
"No, I mean off off. As in not on."
I rolled my eyes. That would really kill the battery--me turning it on to read the texts, then turning it off over and over again. "The red button. Hold it down for three seconds or until the screen says shutting down," I told him. I was able to hide my disappointment while thinking about the possibility that there was still another note in my room. There was still a few things left undone. I hadn't cleaned the windows or dusted yet. I would only do those if the night became completely unbearable though.
"Oh..." Dad sounded exhausted! Raspy even.
I ignored him as I finished making the chicken wings. It took quite a while, and I was in a great mood. Edward would come see me at night! He would hold me. He would be the highlight of my day, even if he didn't come until night. Seeing him was the best part of my day. Being with him at night was the only reason I was able to get through the day. Without him, it would have been unbearable. He was the reasons I was sane still. And he was still close by. I could feel him. No doubt he wanted to see my reactions whenever I found the next note. They were all excited to a point where no one could possibly understand unless they were as in love as I was.
"Your room looks better," Dad mumbled. So... I was grounded, unable to see Edward, and he hadn't even given me a chance to explain, then he wants to talk about me cleaning my room... I deserved the grounded part, and maybe even the part where I wasn't allowed to see Edward. But I still deserved a quick and fair trial, right? It wouldn't take that long to explain, even if I had to make up a story. I would explain that Edward thought I was dead and that he was going to kill himself, and I was the only way to save him. So I went to Italy, where he had supposedly been staying, and I made sure he believed that I was alive. And then there was many reasons for him to leave. The most basic and easy for Dad to believe would be that Edward thought he wasn't good for me. Edward had wanted to give me a chance to live a normal human life--he'd said that. Only we would leave out the human part because that sort of hinted that the life I was living now wasn't exactly human. It was on my part, but it was more like a fictional book. But then the only place Edward's beauty would be normal was in a fictional book.
I sighed and nodded after a long pause. "Yeah," I said quietly, wondering if he'd seen the entire wall covered with pictures of Edward... More than before he had left. About twice as many pictures. More letters. All of them were simple and no hints towards the fact that he was a vampire. Then there was the poster Alice had made me, the football helmet Emmett had given me as a joke. All of that was back on my walls, covering every inch possible. My closet had shoe boxes of letters, gifts, pictures, and everything else Edward had taken. Yes, my bed was made, the floor was clean, there was no evidence that Edward had ever left. Only the fact that it was so clean should have been a hint that I was trying to find any way to survive until I next saw Edward... Maybe that's why Dad sounded so deep in thought. Or it could have been that he was completely exhausted and the tiniest detail started a huge, long thought process--I knew how that was.
I glanced over at Dad, wondering if I was allowed to question him any, change the subject. I wouldn't bring up Edward or my grounding or the whole Italy thing even. Just casual things. Like "how did you sleep?" or "how's Sue Clearwater?" Something that wouldn't get me killed or Edward in bigger trouble. Instead, I only moved to the fridge and got Dad a beer.
"Thanks," he said, tossing my phone aside. I cringed, hoping it wouldn't break with the force. I had to be with Edward! I had to be able to read his texts, even if I had to charge my phone some. Dad wouldn't even notice. I doubted he knew what the bars meant, even though they were inside a battery... When it came to technology, it was extremely complicated and he couldn't do anything but work a remote. Even his computer at work was problematic for him, and I didn't bother trying to explain everything to him because it would have been a waste of time. It would have been sort of like describing clumsiness or how good apple pie was to a vampire. I smiled at the thought, trying not to laugh--I would have to try that with Emmett some time. It would be an interesting, amusing, and memorable conversation.
I finished dinner and reluctantly sat down with Dad to eat. That was the most opportune moment to lecture me, so I brought a book down from my room. I found a note from Edward inside on the page I was just about to begin and burnt my hand on the side of the pan in my surprise. "Ow," I muttered, hiding the note so Dad wouldn't see.
"What?" Charlie asked.
"Nothing. Burnt myself. It's nothing." I sat down, eyes on the book, following the words and changing pages, but my thoughts were on Edward's note the entire time. I hadn't even gotten a chance to read the first two words! Or even the first. That was torture for me. I was trying to eat slowly so Dad wouldn't think anything was up. Finally, I shoveled the last bites into my mouth, then ran up to my room without bothering to clear my plate. Of course, that wasn't anything near my normal behavior, but Dad would probably be able to dream up some explanation. After all, I was reading--or pretending to read--Wuthering Heights, which was one of my favorite books. He would assume it had to do with my reading material or maybe even that I was sick to my stomach. Both stories made sense, and they were something Charlie would be able to dream up.
I made it to my room and immediately closed my door. Slammed it more like. I jumped onto my bed so I could easily hide the note if Dad came up to see what the hell I was doing. I found a CD on my bed, Edward's writing. He'd just been in my room! I glared towards the window, wishing he was still there. I opened the note furiously and smiled at the writing alone. "See you tomorrow at one in the afternoon," I read quietly. I was confused. What was that supposed to me? He couldn't seriously think that I was going to dig my hole any deeper by sneaking out. And wasn't tomorrow the day I was supposed to fly home from LA? Or maybe that was a sign that I wasn't going to... I glanced towards the hall when I heard Dad's footsteps. I shoved the letter under my pillow and reached for my book again. He paused at my door, then continued onto my own room. I sighed in relief, turning back to the note. "See you at one in the afternoon," I read again, just as confused. "I have to go hunting tonight. I'm sorry that I won't be able to spend the whole night with you. I have to wait until the sun's down to go, so don't wait up. Sleep. Please?" Pleading again! Ugh! Why did he have to do that? I couldn't refuse now when I wanted to wait up for him to come. "I promise I will come after my hunting trip and once I take a break so nothing happens. Don't get depressed. Curl up in bed with the new CD I made you, relax, and sleep. I'll be there as soon as I can, I promise! No waiting. No delay. I need to see you. All my love." No name signed. I knew exactly who he was...
I smiled, burying my head in the pillow. I wanted to scream from happiness this time. I would see Edward tomorrow! And Dad hadn't forced me to pack or anything. Things were starting to look up somehow. I was so happy, and nothing could have stopped me. I turned on the CD Edward made me. All new songs with another note inside.
These are songs I wrote just for you, beautiful. I wrote them when I couldn't stop thinking about you. It was like the only way I could tell you that I still loved you when I was gone. Know that I always will. Good night, and sleep well. Sweet dreams. I love you.