Chapter Twenty-one

New Relationship, New Goals

Erik slept only about four hours but they were the most restorative hours he had ever experienced. He felt refreshed and renewed once he awoke. His first thought was of Anna. He actually felt his lips stretch into an unfamiliar smile. An honest to God smile, not his disdainful or terrorizing grimace.

Glancing at the clock Erik saw that if Anna was to make it to work on time she would need to awaken soon. Erik decided he would fix her breakfast first then wake her.

Erik looked over his provisions and opted to make an omelet as that dish seemed to be his most successful attempt at cooking. He added toast and tea to the tray.

Standing in the middle of his parlor with the tray Erik questioned whether Anna might not feel more comfortable at the table than sitting in her bed. Of course the fact that he could look at her while she ate bore no influence on his decision to set the table for her.

Giving a quick glance over the table he could see nothing missing.

Brushing his hands down over his somewhat wrinkled suit jacket Erik thought he should have taken the time to change. Erik considered it much too late now to make a proper impression anyway. When she woke and saw the damage he had done she would know he had somewhat lost control of his faculties last night. Another strike against him would be the fact that he had all but abandoned her in his box last night. What woman would forget that or the fact that he had not given voice to his approval of how she looked last night? To mention it now would seem like an afterthought, something he said for the sake of propriety or a way to curtail her anger.

Erik stood before the door to Anna's room hesitating to knock. Just as he raised his hand to deliver a soft knock the door opened to reveal Anna standing just inside the room.

Her hair was somewhat disheveled and damp around her face. She must have washed her face to freshen up. From the little Erik could see it looked as if she only wore a robe. Anna was somewhat of a different shape and size than Christine. Anna held the gaping front of the robe together but the shoulders threatened to slip down.

Erik prayed for that little bit of cloth to slip just a little. If that made him a lecherous old man then so be it, for he wished it all the same.

Some God or fate must have heard and decided to grant him this little prayer for the shoulder on the right side slipped down to reveal the creamy top of her bosom. Erik caught his breath then nearly hyperventilated trying to breathe to keep pace with the fast beating of his heart.

Good Lord at this rate he would have a heart attack just from little glimpses of heaven. Would he have a stroke if he actually joined with a woman? Perhaps he should satisfy himself with these little teasing glimpses of the hidden treasures women had underneath their clothing.

Erik could barely hold himself together as Anna returned his look with a wide smile on her face. Had she also lost her mind? Why did she not greet him with screams or curses? She should be hating him, wanting to run from him not…well not look quite so welcoming. Erik could say she had totally confounded him. He had been expecting a raging woman on his hands not this calm vision before him.

"Erik." Erik heard her as if from some distant corner of one of the many tunnels below the opera house.

"Erik." This time her voice penetrated his fogged mind to draw his lecherous gaze from her form to concentrate on her face and words.

"Yes?" Erik croaked. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Yes Anna?"

"I can't find my dress. My things and the whole room seem to have been…rearranged somewhat and I can't find my things."

"Oh, yes, well." Erik scratched his neck in that familiar way when he was embarrassed or stumped for something to say. He fumbled for some logical reason to give her for the state of the room and could find none. Besides, once she saw everything in the lake she would conclude correctly he had gone a little insane last night. He could tell her it had been a cathartic cleansing but then he would have to admit his humiliations as well. He felt unmanned already, no need to reinforce things by admitting to his recent failures.

If he wanted to garner favor with one woman it did not seem such a good idea to speak of another. How could he explain what had occurred without giving a reason for the destruction? He did not want her to form the notion that he did this sort of thing on a regular basis or that it might happen again. It could as he often lost control when angered but it would not be prudent to inform her of that fact either.

"I…well last night…you see I..." Anna saved him from scrambling around like an idiot with a limited vocabulary.

"Erik you need not explain to me. I saw your…I saw that de Chagny woman." Anna hoped she did not anger him by referring to his beloved in such a way but she could not bring herself to speak the woman's name just at this moment.

Now Erik felt his humiliation was complete. Anna had witnessed Christine rejecting him, offering him the roll of her father instead of her lover. When would God cease to torment and belittle him in everyone's eyes?

"You…you saw?" Erik whispered followed by a harsher spoken question delivered somewhat angrily, "What did you see?"

Erik took the step forward so he stood within an inch of Anna. He towered over her. She had to crane her neck to look into his face or rather his masked face. She had to force her feet not to move her backward. If Erik was the type of man to manhandle a woman it would be in her best interests to find out now.

"Calm down. I saw what I told you I saw. I saw you and your…that soprano woman. She had best watch herself if she and her husband plan to socialize with the likes of the Hanovers. Did you warn her? Was that why you left me alone for hours with no way to leave your box? Was that why you did not take the time to even excuse yourself or tell me where you might be going?" Anna dare not voice the possibility that he had forgotten her once his diva had caught his eye. That admission would be far too humiliating.

Erik heard her questions but the tone in which she delivered them made them seem more like accusations than mere questions.

As Anna waited for some type of explanation for Erik's conduct she recalled the dreams that had given her some very erotic moments last night as she slept, at least those dreams where she and Erik were the only two people.

Anna had dreamed the most unusual things the night before. She was sure she was one of the women in the dream and she thought the other one had to be her mother.

In her dream her mother had been telling her all the reasons she needed to try to understand this man from the shadows. Her mother had told her that Erik was more than what the world saw. He had greatness in him just waiting for the chance to be allowed to shine.

Anna couldn't remember everything from the dream but she felt her mother approved of Erik, which seemed odd to Anna, as what mother wanted her daughter to be with a madman and murderer? Moreover one who loved another woman? Not just any woman but a woman who had beauty, a wondrous singing voice and grace beyond any that Anna could ever hope to learn. When Anna compared herself to that woman she saw last night Anna felt she was some gangling brutish house frau when she had observed that de Chagny woman.

During this dream Anna had come to the decision she would forgive Erik his misconduct and focus on the positive. She could not help the little bit of bitter jealousy that entered her voice when she listed a few of his transgressions earlier.

Besides the dream after her mother's visit had completely left Anna breathless and wishing to fall back to sleep to continue the wonderful things Erik had been making her feel. Even now Anna felt her face flush just remembering what had taken place in her dream. Heaven help her if ever it became a reality.

Erik had no answer for Anna at least not any that he thought would put him in an acceptable light. His solution was to avoid an answer altogether. Was it not time for her to be at work? It would not do for her to give Madame Dubois the impression that Anna was a slacker. He seated her at the table where she began to eat slowly.

Ostentatiously glancing at his grandfather clock and pulling out his pocket watch Erik announced she must finish readying herself for work. He would take her above once she had eaten and dressed. He found her things luckily lying on the shore. They were less than presentable but at least they were dry.

Once Anna deemed herself to be somewhat presentable she told Erik she was ready. When he would have taken her to the gondola Anna begged for him to use the entrance to the pillar. She could enter the corridor to the boxes through his private box.

Anna would not admit it was not the ease of entering the corridor that was her motivation but the fact that Erik would have to hold her and would be quite close to her when they entered the pillar. In the small space his cologne would permeate the air with something wonderfully masculine. Her nostrils quivered in anticipation.

Erik did not know if he could bear to have her that close while being pressed so intimately against him, not that he would not enjoy the sensations, but he may well go mad from frustration. Sighing in defeat he led her to the appropriate tunnel.

Erik stepped into the hollowed pillar then held his hand out to assist Anna with his ungloved hand. For a man who wore gloves almost every day of his occupation in his underground home, Erik had recently been going gloveless. He marveled at all the sensations he missed by covering his hands.

Anna stepped in front of him. Immediately she felt the heat at her back. How could everyone think him cold as the grave? He seemed quite warm to her. When his arms came around her to steady her, the warmth that flooded her in the oddest places shocked her. Surely a lady should not feel warmth, well anything really, down there. Between Anna's legs seemed to have a smoldering fire lit. How odd. Not unpleasant but definitely odd. The tingling in her bosoms she had never felt before either other than in her dreams. Her face flamed scarlet when an image of his hands on the very bosoms she felt tingling embarrassed her beyond words. What in the world was wrong with her? Had her experience with Roger and listening to the crude men of the opera house turned her into some loose floozy?

Erik could not help pressing himself tightly against Anna's back. His arousal he was sure poked her in an annoying manner. He almost expected her to turn around and deliver him a head ringing blow.

When he felt her hand cover his as she pressed him harder against her, his mind ceased to function intelligently. Only lecherous thoughts shot through his mind. Dear God the images he had traversing through his mind at this very moment should be banned by God as unholy and unclean. Since Erik did not have a cordial relationship with their God he felt his lustful inclinations perfectly acceptable at least to him. Anna may have objections but she had not voiced any or at least not shown any as of yet.

Before Anna left Erik she remembered that woman Madame Giry. She mentioned that the woman had found her in his box and had not been very cordial toward her. Anna told Erik, in defense of the woman, that she had only been concerned that someone had entered his box without his knowledge.

Erik had trouble focusing on what Anna was saying as his mind kept returning to the feel of her pressed against him. His eyes had not missed the little pebbles peeking through her dress as she had not worn any of the undergarments other women wore.

He did not mind this so much but he felt somewhat of an irrational anger to think of any other man viewing the same Anna that he had before him at this moment.

Why would the woman not avail herself of Christine's things? Even as he asked himself this question he had a flash of memory showing him that everything now resided in the lake.

He would be making a trip to the shops today. Madame Boyer would be pleased to see him or at least glad to hear the jingle of his coin purse.

Erik did not want to make this trip as the last time he had told them he had made those purchases for his future wife. Madame as well as the other shopkeepers would know he had been delusional or think he had outright lied to them.

Erik wondered if he could bear to have Anna in the shops with him to purchase such intimate items. This needed much thought and consideration.

Erik paced about his home once he had returned. He stepped into the Louis-Philippe room countless times. He walked about with his hands behind his back quite often running his hand over his hair then scratching at the back of his head.

Erik made a mental list of pros and cons to any plan or offer he would put forth. He did not want another Christine debacle occurring. If Anna accepted what he proposed it would be of her own free will. He would not use his mesmerizing techniques on her as he had with Christine.

As the day wore on Erik began to get excited and nervous in turns. Once he had decided on a plan he then debated whether or not he should even put forth his plan to Anna. One moment he thought himself quite brilliant and the next moment berating himself as a masochistic old fool who would never learn the life that other men had was not his to have. What he had now would be the most he could hope for.

A few paces later he convinced himself he had seen some spark in Anna's eyes when she had looked at him. Paces in the opposite direction and he thought that yes, he had seen a spark, a spark of dislike and disgust.

What after all had he done to earn her kind regard? Nothing really. He had botched his attempt to come to her aid with that man Roger Hanover. Why should she think of him as anything other than what he was, a ghost of man who had little to offer a woman? Hell if he were a woman he would run a hundred miles in the opposite direction if he saw someone looking like him approaching. Worse still by now Anna would have heard about him and everything that had happened over the years. Much he had not done but most he had.

Christine's failure to love him had almost delivered him to rest in that damned coffin permanently. Abruptly Erik flopped down onto the couch with less than his usual grace. Would he need a bed? It would not be appropriate in his estimation to sleep with any woman in the very bed he had contemplated sharing with Christine.

At this point Erik tried to reign in his galloping thoughts. Would she even wish to share a room with him let alone a bed? Dare he hope…no best not to let himself think such things only to reap hours of disappointment later.

He would make his offer then let her set the terms. If she accepted him that was more than he could hope for. It would be a damn sight more than what he had received from Christine.

Now all Erik had to do was wait until he could fetch Anna and present his case for her consideration. Perhaps a special meal would not be amiss. Romantic candlelight and delicious food, would that not be some sort of incentive?

He would let her know of his wealth. She or her child need not ever have a lack of any creature comfort. Perhaps he might have Jules look for an estate for him somewhere outside of Paris. This underground hovel would not win him any points for certain. Unless one were a member of the undead one tended to need the sun even if only for short periods.

Even Erik had gone to the roof on occasion to seek the warming rays of the sun. Not often but occasionally.

Glancing quickly at the clock Erik estimated he had about six hours before he had to pick up Anna. He needed to visit the food shops even if he did not plan to visit the dressmakers and the shop that sold women's intimates.

Erik's lecherous thoughts immediately jumped to Anna wearing something diaphanous and perhaps in green to bring out the color of her glorious hair and the bluish green of her eyes. Not an ordinary blue or green but some mysterious as yet undiscovered color. Erik blanched at the romantic wanderings of his mind. Was he such a fickle man then that he could lose the woman he had thought to be his soul in living form and now he calmly planned on taking another for his wife?

Erik sat down at his organ tinkling the keys in some as yet unwritten piece. What exactly had Christine been to him? Not what his mind conjured but the reality of their relationship.

Erik had been her teacher and her promoter among the opera hierarchy. He had laid himself bare for her. He had prostrated himself so she might place her dainty foot upon him as she walked over his heart grinding it under her small little leather shod foot.

Had he ever had one moment of joy in Christine's presence other than when Christine sang? Erik remembered all the hours he had read to her. Now he recalled the glazed look in her eyes which at the time he discounted as a sign of boredom. Now he knew better. Had Christine had a moment ever when she found joy in his presence? He could never recall any such time. He recalled the bouts of tears, the threats to end her life and her one attempt to do so. He recalled countless gifts thrown at him in anger. Never could he recall her praising his choice for her or any form of gratitude for his generosity.

Erik could admit it now, he had been a fool. A desperate old fool trying to find someone to end his solitary existence. He who had thought he cherished his solitude did not equate it with the loneliness he felt from time to time.

All his life he had deluded himself into thinking he could be happy with only himself for company and his music for his creative outlet. Now he knew better. He needed someone. Everyone needed someone to keep them from becoming…well to prevent them from turning into a ghost, a phantom who lived in the shadows, on the peripheral of what real life should be.

Jumping to his feet Erik grabbed his cloak and his purse. He shook it to judge the amount. He needed more. This night would be special. He would do everything in his power other than coercion to win her agreement to marry him. If she refused him Erik knew he would hurt far greater than he had with Christine for Anna came with something Erik would never dare to create with any woman. Anna would be able to give him a child. One he knew would not look like something that should have died before life had been breathed into him.

Adding a generous amount to his purse from his safe Erik left his home with hope in every step. If the shopkeepers looked at him strangely to see his lips spread into a smile he ignored them. He had much to do before he asked Anna to join her life to his.