I guess there's a limit to how much sense this will make for anyone who's not seen "Into the woods" but eh, here it is. :-)
In Which Kirk Rips His Shirt In The Wrong Movie
"I don't know about you Spock, but this feels pretty weird to me" Kirk frowned as they trotted gently through the woods on their beautifully decorated steeds, the faint sounds of singing drifting from all corners up out of the trees.
"It is curious Captain, but all of my research suggests that this type of happening is only to be expected on Planet Sondheim."
For once it was Kirk who gently murmured "Fascinating" while a young women wearing one gold shoe ran past followed by a cow being a chased by a little girl in a red cape.
He opened his mouth to make a comment on this event but what came out was –
"That girl!" and he kicked his horse to follow after, Spock following at a safe distance as they galloped through the woods, eventually losing track of the girl near a vast river tumbling down a hill beyond which a spired castle rose up from a perpetual sunset.
"Spock –" Kirk began nervously, getting down from his horse – "Spock I feel a song coming on –"
"No Captain I must urge you not to –"
"Stop me Spock!"
"I am attempting it Captain –"
"Spock!"
"I understand Captain you must be feeling –"
"AGONY!" Kirk bellowed with immense and unexpected musicality, diving into the stream and striking a reckless pose against a rock. Doctor McCoy rode up on a donkey just a minute later, in time to hear Kirk roaring wildly with song in an unexpectedly tuneful manner.
"What the devil is this?" he muttered – "What's gotten in to him? Why do I always end up wearing a baker's outfit and riding a half lame donkey?"
"Agony!" Kirk warbled on – "Far more painful than yours! When you know she would go with you – if there only were doors!"
"Do you think we should stop him?" Spock frowned.
"Nah" Bones grinned – "this is too good."
"Agony!" Kirk yelled again, prostrate upon his rock like a floundering fish and suddenly and for no apparent reason ripping his shirt in the manliest way possible. It was clearly catching as Spock, looking entirely bewildered as to what he was doing ripped his own shirt neatly as if in reply.
"That's it!" bellowed Bones – "I'm getting us beamed back before this goes any further – "
"That would be wise Doctor" Spock nodded, looking a little greener than usual – "I find myself in sudden and inexplicable need for a cow as white as milk, a cloak as red as blood, a slipper as –"
"Scotty –" Bones spoke quickly into his communicator as Spock began to sing the rest of his wish list – "Beam us up and quickly before the Captain tries to sing about it, fast man, I diagnose severe Sondheimitis – people have died trying to sing their way through such verses!"
As the three of them were beamed up, Kirk singing all the way, shirt flapping gently in the breeze, a crowd of village folk, royalty and witches gathered below, singing inexplicably about the strange vessel in the sky.
And yet somehow, Bones reflected, breaking the prime directive was the least of their worries right now.
_x_
I know I know, I wasn't gonna write any more of this ….but then I watched "Into The woods" and that scene where Chris Pine ripped his shirt for no apparent reason – I killed myself laughing thinking of Kirk and this fic and just had to do this. :-)
And yeah, I know, I gave him the line in "Agony" that he didn't sing, but it was my favourite line. Bleh. :-)