The Vault Hunters raced over to the MP's HQ at top speed. Hawkeye was waiting for them with a scowl on her face. Security was much more lax than last time, but there was still a notable force. Zer0 found a hiding spot in a nearby building that could double as a sniper perch if needed.

"Come inside." Was all that Riza said as she walked in.

She led them though the halls to evidence. Maya had just retrieved her belongings. To Maya's great surprise, they let her keep her SDU with all of its firearms.

Gaige dashed over without thinking and gave her a huge bear hug.

"OW. Metal arm… Can't… Breathe… Again…!"

"Sorry, I just was really worried. They didn't hurt you did they?"

"No, I'm fine."

"So Lieutenant, why the sudden change of heart?" Axton asked, doubtfully.

"All of our witnesses recanted their testimony. Because of that, we were ordered to release her."

"By Mustang?"

She shook her head no.

"Then..?"

"That's not important. As for the terms we agreed to, they have been lifted. But we still would like you to notify us where you're going."

Axton sighed. "I didn't think we would get off scot free."

"On that note, can we see the Elrics?" Gaige asked.

"I suppose so. But you still are stripped of your bodyguard position. Anything you do now is as a private citizen, and subject to those laws."

"I think she more meant, "Where are they?"" Maya interjected.

"Still in town. You should be able to contact them by ECHO, we won't stop you."

They took her up on that advice, and went off to meet the Elrics.

They rendezvoused at the hotel the Elrics usually stayed at while in Central. Zer0 joined them in disguise.

"It's good to see you're all safe! Brother was really worried about all of you." Al sighed in relief.

"I'm glad it's over with. Seriously, why would the colonel think you'd kill your friend's acquaintance?"

"Thanks." Gaige said for the group.

"So who's he? Military friend of yours, Ed?" Al pointed at the husky Amerstrian.

"Actually, I don't recognize him either."

"Apologies. The ruse is necessary for my safety. Allow me to properly introduce myself." Zer0 deactivated the hologram and returned his voice modulator to normal.

"Zer0's the name

Vault Hunting's my game.

The honor's mine."

"Wow! How did you do that?! Alchemy? " Ed asked, seeing someone transform before his eyes.

"Was that supposed to be some sort of poem?" Al asked.

"Query One: Holographic projection. Query Two. I speak in Haiku, for it is the most badass of all expression."

"Wow, he even made that rhyme!"

"So, you finally found all… most of your friends Gaige. Good for you." Ed smiled.

"It's such a huge relief off my shoulders! I'm so excited to have the gang all back together! Like this is gonnabesototally awesome, we'll hang out,chillax,shootabunchofbadguysintheface... Oh, and I TOTES have to show you how I made Zeke's hologram,it'sreallybadass!" Gaige started rambling on.

"I haven't heard her this chirpy since Pandora. Good to see you back to your old self." Axton commented earnestly.

"H-Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

Zero walked over to Al. "So, are you this "Fullmetal Alchemist" my friends spoke so highly of?"

"No, No! People make that mistake all the time, but I'm his brother Al! Ed's over there." He pointed.

"What, that runt of a lifeform?"

"WHAT did you just call me?!" Ed steamed over.

"A runt. Would you prefer pipsqueak? Or perhaps midget? You are the smallest here by far, even if you are still an adolescent." The over 6 foot tall Assassin towered the 4 feet nothing of the Alchemist.

"THAT DOES IT! NOONE CALLS ME A MICROMIDGET PIPSQUEAK AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" Ed flailed his arms wildly trying to slug this creepy slenderman.

Zero simply grabbed Ed's head and kept him at arm's length, his short arms never coming close to landing a blow. "I don't know why it bothers you so, I speak the truth. And you put words into my mouth."

"Grr… Gaige put you up to this, didn't she?!"

"…Perhaps."

The other vault hunters tried and failed not to laugh.

"Oh screw all you guys! I don't know why I bothered worrying about you!"

After the group ate a meal together, it was time to get down to business. They gathered in the living room of the suite, seated around a large coffee table. Gaige fiddled with the group's ECHOs, upgrading the security protocols.

"So, what's our next move, fearless leader?" Axton asked Ed with a bit of jest.

"Actually, I haven't got the slightest clue. We pondered over what we learned but haven't come up with any leads yet."

"What about our "favorite" Colonel? I'm surprised he's not slamming you with orders." Gaige added.

"I haven't even seen him after Maya got arrested."

"Actually, there is something I want to do." The Siren spoke up.

"Yeah, what?"

"I plan to go live in West City."

"Eh? Why? What's there?" Gaige asked.

"An alchemy teacher."

"Why not just ask Ed's Teacher?" Ax asked.

Trust me, I tried. She shot me down flat. After the third time she thrust the address of this guy on me to get me to stop nagging her."

"I think it's a great idea!" Al chirped up.

Ed nodded. "I'm always in favor of the study of alchemy."

"Plus, it might not be a bad idea to get away from this city after what happened." Al added.

"Seriously? We just got back together and you want to split up?!" Gaige said frustrated.

"Why, What's your plan?" Maya asked.

"I have a hunch. There's a chance the enemy is reading our mail, or worse, has Hyperion's Database. We need to go back to the crashed ship. But I need you to come with me Al."

"Ehh? Why me?!"

"Because you're the only one here who can survive radiation."

Envy sat on a chimera's cage in a dark room filled with them. The blended animal freaks of nature would make a Hyperion's scientist's heart swell with joy.

"So, mind telling me why the big shift in plans Lust?"

"Ask Father if you dare. Our job is to keep an eye on Mustang, that hasn't changed. But what is new is now he wants us to babysit our new alien friends too."

"Eh? Aren't they going to be the locksmiths? Wouldn't it be easier to let Mustang lock 'em up?"

"We still need them alive."

"It wouldn't be hard to change their sentence to life in prison."

"The problem with that is they're still incomplete. We need to give them the right pushes to finish the job."

Envy perked up at that. "Oh? Does that mean we get to play?"

"Indeed it does. You too, Gluttony."

The hideous fat man ripped himself away from the chimera he was gnawing on.

"Oh? Can I eat them?"

"No you may not. They are friends, not food."

"Aww, you never let me snack anymore!" The man-child sulked and picked his teeth with a rib bone.

"And you'll behave yourself if you don't want to be melted down like Greed was. "

"Melting would be bad…"

"Waitwaitwaitwait." How do you know this? You weren't there! You wouldn't be making this up to enhance the story, now would you?" Tina questioned.

"It's what we found out later. I just combined it with what Zer0 told me his meetings with them were like." Axton admitted.

"AH-HA! Fabricator! Deceiver! Burn the witch!" Tina snapped up and pointed accusingly.

"Hey, not everyone has perfect memory like Miss Gladiator over there."

"He's trying to make the story cohesive. Cut him a break Tina." Brick pried the girl off of Axton's head, saving him from any more tiny punches.

"No! Can't stop won't stop! You'll never take me alive!" She squirmed out of his muscular grasp like a greased snake.

"…What does that even mean?" Athena stared dumbfounded.

"Iiiiii have a theory." Tina paced back and forth. "Our good friend the commando thought his story too dull, and is now breaking his framing device to spice it up!" She scampered up his torso to stare him in the eye. "I'm watching you…" The insane bombmaker whispered in a much lower tone.

"Liliiith? Tina's breaking the fourth wall again!" Brick called downstairs sounding more like a tattletale than a guardian.

"Tina, we've told you a thousand times! No fourth wall breaking!" Lil shouted back up, obviously distracted with their new guest. "It makes playing Bunkers with you a pain in the…" She whispered under her breath.

"Haaaaai, Onee-sama!" Tina called back, still scaling Axton.

"DO NOT start that with me too!" Lil was getting pissed.

"Oh crap." She scampered back down into her chair. "I'll be good, I promise."

"Good. Now where were we..?" Axton thought for a moment.

I found myself yawning trying to understand an alchemy book. I know basic chemistry, but alchemists don't talk like scientists. Their writings sounded more like magic books, even if their principles were scientific. Pipsqueak over there had slammed right into the books as soon as the others had left, trying to find any clues he might have missed. Wasted effort in our opinion, reading the same thing over and over won't make new info appear. Researching the Fuhrer was a dead end too; Intel on him was closely guarded. But we couldn't think of anything else to do, since he couldn't see the Hughes family till tomorrow. He wound up falling asleep in that book, nose pressed into the spine.

"See? He did it again! He just slipped into third person during a first person segment!"

"SHUT UP TINA!" Athena snapped.

Hawkeye sighed as she walked home from grocery shopping. It was an errand she really didn't feel like doing at the end of a long workweek. Due to the load, she finished just as the store closed and walked along a dimly lit street late at night. On top of all that, she'd manage to make enemies of people who had enough firepower to level a battalion HQ by themselves. Trying to confiscate it only would have ended in a fight.

"Oh? What's this? A pretty young thing all alone at this hour?! I just can't resist an invitation like that!" A metallic voice whispered to itself in a nearby alley.

Riza snapped to attention at the muffled noise and shifted a hand over her SDU.

"IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY! YOU GET TO BE CHOPPED UP BY THE LEGENDARY SERIAL KILLER, BARRY THE CHOPPER!" The armored man raised his cleaver and charged.

Riza drew the Tourge pistol and fired two shots with heavy trigger pulls. Two grapefruit sized holes exploded in Barry's chestplate.

"GAAAH! What'd you do that for?! That's permanent now! My beautiful chest is ruined!" Barry lifted his helmet off, revealing hollow armor. "Well, try this on for size! You must be terrified!"

Riza coolly fired another round.

"Ok, ok, I give up! You're going to totally ruin my good looks! But answer me this, why aren't you terrified of me?"

"I know someone like you."

"Let me guess. Automaton boy… Al something or other?"

" Wait… were you the one at the Fifth lab?"

"That's me!"

"Surrender and I won't destroy you."

"Whatever you say, pretty lady!"

Three days later, Gaige and Alphonse arrived near the crash site. As they hiked out, Al found himself thinking back to the argument Gaige and Brother got into over this.

"You want him to do WHAT?!" Ed yelled.

"Get into the ship, access the database if it's still there, and get out. Easy really."

"You left out the part about permanent radiation contamination!"

"It may be long lasting, but it's not permanent. Besides, we can get rid of most of it with a decontamination shower."

"Shower? Gaige, my blood seal can't get wet." Al reminded.

"Just transmute a patch over it. I see no reason why that wouldn't work."

"No! I'm not risking Al's safety on something like this. Why can't you use Deathtrap?"

"Like I said, there's too high a chance he'll malfunction. He wasn't designed to operate in highly radioactive environments."

"It's ok brother, I'll do it."

"Al! You can't! What if the patch interferes with the seal?"

"I think it should be ok. My body is made up of several different parts, and yet all of them function as one unit. I don't think adding another part will hurt anything. Besides, knowing this information is too important to pass up."

Ed sighed. "All right Al, if you're ok with it." He turned to Gaige. "But if he gets hurt because of this, I'll personally hunt you down!"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"You ok there big guy? You haven't said anything in awhile." Gaige said with concern.

"Huh? Oh yeah. And I'm the little brother, remember?"

"Sorry, it's easy to forget with your current body. But because of it, we actually have a chance at this."

"I still hate it. It does have its moments though."

"It should be just over this rise."

The site was pretty much as they left it, except for a new hole in the ship where the reactor blew.

Gaige whistled. "It's already starting to get to dangerous levels even at this distance. We're still atleast a mile from the ship." The built in Geiger counter on the ECHO rapidly ticked.

"Will you be ok? What little data we have on radiation is still pretty theoretical."

"As long as I stay below the ridgeline. Got the supplies?"

"Yeah, right here." Al constructed the materials for the shower that Ed bought. He dipped into his research budget for it. Al clapped and transmuted some pipe and plastic sheet into a stall, and connected a high volume pump to a handheld showerhead.

"While you make your way there, I'll hook it up to the stream nearby. If you lose ECHO contact, just wait 5 minutes and I'll check back over the ridge for signal."

"Okay. Here I go!"

As he approached the main gate, his ECHO popped up with a warning.

"Danger: Fallout threat level 1." The robotic voice announced, and displayed a radiation symbol on the screen.

Al called Gaige. "Is this something I should worry about?"

"Nah, that's designed for humans. Just ignore it."

He made his way further in. All the bodies were still where they fell, and had significant decay. They were untouched by scavengers, save for one man who had been picked apart by a vulture. Its corpse lay next to him.

"So… you two did all this?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"It's just… a lot of destruction for two people." Al sounded obviously distressed. He knew they were killers, but hadn't really seen them at work up close before.

"The six of us took down Hyperion with only a little help. They were nothing."

Al really didn't like that answer.

"Danger: Fallout threat level 2." The ECHO reported again.

"This ship really is huge. Are all of them like this?"

"Nah, that's one of the smaller cruisers. The Dahl Battlecruisers are really big."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. There are smaller private ships too, but by corporate standards Hyperion was on the smaller side."

"If you ever get to go home, do you think you could take us to space?"

"Well, we don't have our own ship, but I might mange Elpis or Helios. It's not quite space proper, but it's pretty close."

"I'd like that. I'm at the main entrance. It's open."

"Good."

"Danger: Fallout threat level 3. Permanent damage likely."

"Ok, so where am I going?"

"There's a console directly in front of you with a map. Follow it to the Bridge."

"Right."

"I've just about got the shower set up. Should be ready to go when you get back."

"Thanks. I'm in the elevator, but it's not working. What now?"

"Ship is on emergency power with the reactor destroyed. You'll have to climb up the Jefferies Tubes."

"The what?"

"Emergency access and maintenance tunnels. There should be an entrance near there."

A quick look around and he found it. He removed the cover by twisting the twin handles and placed it aside.

"It's tight, but I can just fit."

"Ok, Go up three decks, and then take a right until you see the marking for the bridge." Gaige still had the map of the ship on her ECHO.

"Danger: Fallout threat level New Vegas. Ain't That A Kick To The Head?"

"Uhh, Miss Gaige, what's a New Vegas?"

"Eh? Oh, stupid thing is malfunctioning. Just smack it."

He gave it a whack. "Danger: Fallout threat level 4. Instant death coming soon."

After slowly clanking his way through the tunnel, Al came to the bridge and removed its hatch the same way. It fell to the floor with an enormous clang. Crawling out, he came to the console Gaige described earlier.

"Ok, now what?"

"Take the cable out from your SDU and connect the ECHO to that port. It looks like a Trapezoid."

"Got it."

"Now go to ships log."

"Uhhh…."

"Here, activate screen sharing with me. It'll be easier if I can see what you see."

"How do I do that?"

Gaige walked him though the options menu to find that feature.

"Ok, touch that screen where it says Ship's Log."

"Right."

In a few minutes, the pair had the download of the database started.

"Now go back to the log screen, and see when the database was accessed."

Al was fiddling with it when he heard gunshots over the ECHO.

"Gaige! What's wrong?!"

"It's Envy!"

"Who?"

"The Homunculus that was at the Fifth Lab!"

"Hang on, I'm coming!"

"NO!"

"Eh?! Why Not?"

"Right now, you're more dangerous to me than Envy is!"

"Oh." Al looked at the Geiger counter. It had long ago peaked, and was making a near constant tone that Al had been ignoring.

"Being unable to fight sucks."

At roughly the same time, Maya disembarked the train in West City. She lifted her suitcase of newly purchased clothes. One of the new items was a pastel yellow dress with a large ribbon bow serving as a belt. It was the first time Maya had ever worn one. She'd worn robes, sure, but that's not really the same thing. She got it partly for that reason, and because it was socially acceptable here to do so. She got many funny looks walking around in pants. The Siren made her way to the info kiosk to get a map. On the way, she was stopped by a familiar looking Amestrian man in his 50's.

"Excuse me miss, do you know the way to Sanctuary?"

"You'll have to fly on the wings of an Angel." She completed the codephrase.

"Follow me please."

Maya did so, and he led her to a nearby alley. Zer0 dropped the hologram.

"Surprised to see you here. When you said you were going underground, I didn't know you were following me here."

"I stowed away in the Livestock car. I have something to deliver to you, but I'm leaving right after. While you were shopping, I called in a favor with the Mob."

He digistructed some documents and handed them to her.

"ID card, Birth Certificate, and… No way."

"Yes. A Full Scholarship to West City Alchemy Academy."

"How in the world… Will this even work?"

"It seems one of the students has contracted a disease and won't be able to attend. We just changed the roster around."

"Thanks Zer0, I owe you, big."

"Do not mention it. If I cannot help from the light, I will do what I can from the darkness. Although now my next job for the Mob is free."

Maya looked in more detail at the package. "50,000 cenz?"

"Should be enough to cover your expenses. While I was looking into it, I found out lodging is included in the scholarship. Be careful however, it's counterfeit."

"Understood. I won't use it for anything too big. But uh… What's with the name? And the hair color?"

She pointed to the ID card. It had her photo in black and white. It listed her name as Maya Pershing, and her hair color as brown.

"Noone on this world would take it seriously with blue hair. Tell people you dyed it with alchemy. That's what the forger said."

"Fair enough. The name?"

"Picked randomly. Not having a last name won't fly here either."

"Whatever. I doubt I'll use it much anyway. So, where you off to?"

"I have to deliver another set to Gaige and Axton. I had to catch you before you arrived with no income or identity."

"Yeah, you saved me. She just gave me the professor's name and address, I had no idea it was a college. After that?"

"I'll see what intel I can gather from the underworld. If you ever need me, ECHO if I'm in range."

"Got it. Thanks again." She gave him a light hug, as if he were a sibling.

"Maya! You're back from Athenas!" The Mecromancer ran over and hugged her after she finished talking.

"I missed you too."

"Hey, is rude to just interrupt our story!" Axton complained.

"Has that ever stopped you?"

"No…"

"And can you please stop skipping around so much? It hurts my brainbasket! I can't follow all that!" Tina complained.

"It adds dramatic tension. I like it." Athena (the person, not the planet) commented.

Shouting and frantic orders were heard from down stairs.

"Sounds bad down there. Should I help?" Brick asked.

"Trust me; it's better to stay out her way right now. I still can't believe she asked me to get the Order of the Impending Storm's help." Maya sighed.

"Right, how'd that go?" Axton asked.

"A few tried to kill me for killing Sophis. The ones that still worshipped me I turned down. The rest should be coming next week."

"Any help we can get for this war…"

"Doesn't mean I have to like it."

Gaige blocked a kick from Envy with her Automail arm. It held, but the force in the impact was higher than expected and she was knocked back. Her shield dropped to 50%. Envy saw an opportunity and pressed the attack, kicking the kneeling girl in the face.

She tumbled backwards, end over end and slammed to a stop with her back against a rock. Her shield shattered as the breath was knocked out of her. The implosion tried to drag Envy, but somehow he was able to remain on his feet, being dragged though the dirt. He cried with pain as the shock nova electrocuted him.

"That hurt you little ginger twerp! What kind of sadist uses electric attacks?"

The Mercromancer's brow twitched. Reaching behind her back to grab the flamethrower's hose, she quickly connected it to the arm.

"DO. NOT. CALL. ME. GINGER." She fired. The burning napalm sprayed though the air, and instantly ignited the homunculus. Envy howled in agony, and rolled on the grass trying to put it out.

"I can use fire if you would prefer!" Gaige taunted.

"The napalm continued to burn far longer than a gas fire would. Envy eventually put it out, only to have Gaige empty the rest of the tank at him.

"And I'm an Anarchist, not a sadist!" She loaded a fresh tank from her SDU.

Envy only replied with screaming. He burned down to his very bones before the fire went out this time. Before the regeneration could finish, Gaige wrapped him up with the graphine cable. Envy struggled to break loose, to no avail.

"Sure could have fooled me!" he finally said.

"Now then, I've got some questions for you. If you don't want to burn again, you'll answer them." Gaige bluffed. She hadn't had time to insulate the cable yet. But she put on her best smug face and loomed over the prone figure.

"You dare look down on me, human?! I'm a Homunculus! We're so much better than any mere human!"

"This "mere human" has you all tied up."

"Then perhaps you would like to see my true form!"

"True form?"

Envy's skin bulged and turned a sickly shade of green. The flesh of his body expanded, and strained the cable.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Envy ignored her and groaned in exertion. His flesh where he was not tied up had already expanded to twice its size. The cables noticeably groaned, and then began to pop, strand by strand.

"No way… they build space elevator cables out of that stuff!"

The cable snapped. Flesh filled in the void to join the rest of the body. It finished expanding into a giant 6 legged green lizard, 20 feet tall by 40 feet long. It had multiple pupils in the eyes, black messy hair on its head, and… crawling human heads for skin. The faces wailed ceaselessly in pain.

"…Just what the hell ARE you?" Gaige gawked.

"Envy the Jealous! So what do you think? Pretty impressive, right?"

"I've fought bigger, but not nearly as ugly. You make varkids look cute!"

"Why you… you'll pay for that!" Envy charged and snapped with his massive jaws.

The girl leapt back, and Envy ate dirt. She flanked right, and sprayed an entire tank of napalm across the length of the monster. It burned well, and the human heads screamed in pain. Gaige could have sworn one of them said thank you.

"Victory though superior firepower!" Gaige stood back and watched the creature burn.

"That only tickles now!"

"What?" The Mechromancer was knocked back twenty feet by a massive paw and slammed against a tree. Her shield shattered, and her health meter dropped to 50%. She spat blood out of her mouth from biting her cheek.

Regaining her composure, she dodged as the flaming monster tried to ram into her. He was rather fast for his size. Retreating, she reloaded her pistol and activated discord. The few stacks of Anarchy she had burned off, and her mouth stopped bleeding, leaving her at 90% hp. Apparently "killing" Envy once counted as a kill for skill purposes.

"Not so tough now, are you Ginger?!"

Gaige stopped running and turned around.

"Oh HELL no!" She switched to her Vladof blaster and poured an entire magazine into his head, and followed it up with a pair of stormfront grenades. They did their job. Envy twitched uncontrollably as the current coursed though him, slowing his movements. Gaige reloaded and kept firing.

"Damn… You..!" Envy's pace slowed to a walk. A mass of green flesh from the chest extended towards the anarchist at high speed, a punch made of faces and horror.

The shield absorbed the hit without breaking, and Gaige flew back another 10 feet.

"What kind of monster are you? You can just fling your body around like a tentacle?"

"I'm not a monster, I'm a homunculus! Now be a good girl and leave this place. You're snooping around where you're not wanted."

"Bite me! I don't take orders from monsters unless they pay me."

"A very poor choice of words!" Envy lunged forward to chomp on Mechromancer jerky. His speed caught her off guard, and she was half swallowed with her legs sticking out. Her shield was slowly depleting from the pressure of Envy's jaws.

"Shit! If I don't do something, I'll lose my legs!"

"That's the Idea!" Envy mumbled with his mouth full.

Gaige went for the gun, but the torso of a human grabbed her arm from Envy's cheek.

"Eww! In here too?!"

The shield indicator flashed as it reached 25%. The flamethrower? No good, no napalm remained in the tank. Gaige was pinned to the roof of his mouth by the tongue. She moved her own tongue over where she bit her cheek before, and it still hurt. That gave her an idea. She digistructed her claws and stabbed up, pulling to make three gaping cuts.

Envy screamed in pain, not thinking what he was doing. Gaige slid out of his mouth covered in saliva. It coated her clothing as her shield broke, the nova adding to Envy's pain.

"Eww! Giant monster spit! This is worse than slag!"

"You Bitch! I can't kill you, but I WILL make your life hell!"

"So that's an advantage to me, because I WILL kill you. Noone tries to eat me and gets away with it!" She scraped some of the drool off and readied her weapon.

Al watched the progress bar on the download creep up with agonizing slowness. It just ticked past 23%. Apparently 74 terrabites remained, whatever that meant. He tried accessing the usage log, but was unable to work the system well without Gaige's help. Al hadn't felt this useless in a long time. He was terrible with these "computers" and would probably kill Gaige if he tried to help her. All he could do was listen in to the fight over the ECHO.

Gaige was having a hard time determining if she was winning or not. Envy's health bar on her HUD depleted when she "killed" him, only to have it refill for the next life. Problem was; she had no idea how many lives he had. The monster charged again, so she threw another grenade to stop him. They were effective, but she only had three left now. And whenever she used one, Envy did that flesh punch thing. Her assault rifle ran dry. She reached for more ammo only to get a reserves depleted message.

"Shit!" She switched over to her plasma caster. The anarchy count was up to 75 and climbing, but it wasn't enough. The rounds chipped away at the life bar too slowly for her liking. But she was noticing something, when electrocuted he seemed to regenerate slower than when burned. No idea why, something to look into later. For now, she kept running as the monster chased her. Taking a hit from that thing would put her down fairly quickly.

"What's the matter red? Afraid of the big bad homunculus?"

"I just don't like how your breath stinks!"

"Shut up!" Flesh arms grew from his back and tried to squish the anarchist. Dodging with a roll, she got back up and ran, spraying the SMG behind her without aiming. But she was getting tired, and couldn't run forever.

"DT! I got you a new chew toy! Go FETCH!" The robot appeared and beelined for the monstrosity, welcoming him with an explosive clap to the face.

Envy's snout was blown clean off, and crashed to earth. It dissolved into black particles after being detached, and a new one grew on envy's face. When it had reformed enough, Envy screamed.

Gaige reloaded. With one hand she fired, the other she puppeted DT to run his claws down the length of Envy's side. Instead of entrails, human torsos spilled out.

"God damn you are weird!"

Envy replied with action, not words, and batted the floating armor away with his tail. DT lost half his health and flew 30 feet before he stabilized again. Gaige ordered him to keep his distance, and set him to automatic mode. The robot complied with a barrage of lasers and shock beams.

"Shit. I'm taking too much damage with two of them. I'll get rid of the armor first!" Envy thought to himself.

He feigned attacking the Mechromancer. Predictably, she dodged as he knocked over a tree. A flesh arm grabbed the bot, and drew it to his body. The arm slammed it down, and a stomp of a foot finished it off. DT deconstructed.

"NO, DT! Damn you!" Gaige loaded a fresh mag and threw all three of her remaining nades. She got the entire mag off and reloaded again before the effect wore off, leaving her anarchy in the 150's.

"Give it up! You can shoot all you like, you can't kill me! Go home and I won't cripple you."

"Problem with that plan is I LIKE metal limbs! But I like killing you MORE! So I'm gonna have to turn down your offer." The SMG was holstered in favor of the Vladof Topneaa Rocket Launcher.

"Hey there Marian! We haven't been introduced properly. Show me your stuff!"

The trigger clicked. A series of plasma balls erupted from the barrel once a second. They impacted the target, bursting with electricity. Large chunks of flesh were blown off, and the human faces vaporized. He struggled to maintain his form in the onslaught, the regeneration noticeably slowing down. 15 shots later, the Anarchist finally had to reload.

"What… the hell is that…thing?" Envy panted after his head regrew.

"Only my new best friend in the whole wide world! Aren't you Marian!" She petted the launcher like a dog.

"Screw this, you're not worth it!" Envy started to turn around.

"Running away? Damn coward, I'm not done yet! GIVE ME MORE ANARCHY! MORE!"

Another volley of plasma rockets sent the monster crashing to the ground, tail blown clean off. As he struggled to heal, Gaige loaded the last half full magazine into the top of the weapon and fired the remaining rounds.

Envy gave up on that form, and collapsed back into a human. He ran off into the woods.

"Get back here!" Gaige unloaded the last of the SMG ammo. Plasma balls pinged off the trees, and slammed into the fleeing homunculus. Both arms were blown off by different strikes, then a leg. He collapsed in the leaves, getting a mouthful of them from the sudden fall.

"Damn it… How did it turn out like this?!" Using the still regrowing arms, he dragged himself behind a tree while the leg regrew glacially compared to its normal rate.

The Mechromancer found the blood trail and drag marks. "Gotcha." She rounded the tree, pistol at the ready.

"Now Gaige, you wouldn't shoot your own Father would you?"

"No way. Dad? How are you here?!" Gaige stared the man that sired her in the face. Said man then punched her own face as hard as he could, knocking her flat on her ass.

The shield ate the blow, but by the time she got back up, Envy was gone.

She spent a few minutes searching until she got clear of the forest. Her ECHO beeped with a call from Al.

"What happened?! Are you ok? I lost contact with you 10 minutes ago!"

"Yeah, fine. Envy ran away. What's your status?"

"Download is at 85%. Can't figure out how to access the logs. And this stupid radiation alarm is driving me crazy!"

"Just hit the speaker Icon next to it and it'll shut up."

"Ah, much better. What about the logs?"

Gaige walked him though it as she went back to where Envy was captured and retrieved the Titanium grapple and scraps of cable.

"Man, now I have to get Ed to fix it."

"What's that?"

"Envy broke my grapple."

"Sorry to hear that. Ok I'm in. Looking at the dates… They don't match our calendar at all!"

"Look at the most recent one, that's you. You can figure it out from there."

"Right… Before that were you and Axton last month. Prior to that… was a week after it crashed. The entire database was downloaded then too."

"Damn it. I hate being right. Lust was probably guarding this place incase the resistance ever managed to break in. It also explains why there were no bodies."

"So the homunculi know all about the Vault Hunters then?"

"It's worse than that." Gaige streamed from Al's ECHO. "Looking at this data…. It's a Hyperion Knowledgebase. Pretty much everything about Hyperion tech and operations. With this and alchemy, you'd have a pretty good head start on recreating our technology."

Al gasped. "With that kind of firepower, No one could stop you in a war."

"But who are they targeting?"

"It could be anyone. Amestris has been increasingly militarized since Bradley took power. There are border conflicts all the time on every border but the East, and that's only because it's a desert."

"Great. We'll worry about this later, pull out and we'll start getting you cleaned up." Gaige scraped off more drool, which now was mixed with dirt. "I think I might use the shower after you."

"I'm ready to get out of here. This place gives me the creeps."

Maya approached the West City Alchemy Academy. It was a Victorian style Brick building five stories tall, with marble sculptures by the gate and on the roof corners. A brick and wrought iron fence surrounded the complex. Neatly trimmed hedges lined the path to the massive oak doors.

"This place has class. I think that's the first time I've ever said that."

Maya pulled on the large iron ring that served as door handle. With considerable effort, she drew the heavy door open. The space opened up to a large foyer, with an elegantly carved wooden staircase. A receptionist greeted her from her desk.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am. How can I help you?" She couldn't help but stare at the blue hair.

"I'm a new student here. Can you help me get acquainted?" She retrieved the scholarship and ID from her suitcase.

"Right this way. I'll take you to admissions." It was right down the hall. The receptionist's heels clacked on the polished granite floors. She knocked on the wood door with a frosted glass window marked Admissions.

"Enter."

"A new student is joining us."

"Welcome, come in and have a seat." He more politely tried not to stare at the hair or tattoos.

Maya closed the door behind her and followed instructions.

"I'm Mr. Brady. Welcome to the Academy, Ms… Pershing." He took the documents he was handed.

"Please, call me Maya."

"Sure. Well, let's give you the tour."

The first floor was a common area, with recreation rooms. Second floor was the main living area, along with cafeteria. Maya dropped her possessions off in her new dorm and was handed a key. Third and Fourth floor were class rooms. Fifth floor were laboratories. With one exception however: Part of the fourth and fifth floors was taken up by the library. Bookshelves spanned the walls of both floors, with wood rolling ladders equipped with brass handrails. Smaller shelves were crammed with yet more books, with a few tables to read them at.

Maya gasped with surprise and joy. "I think I could die in happy in here."

Brady chuckled. "If that's your attitude, you'll do very well here Maya. Now, classes don't start until next week, but there is a demonstration starting soon in the Lecture Hall."

"Lead the way."

There were only about twenty students there for the lecture, most of them still wearing civilan clothing rather than the school uniform. It was before the semester had really started, after all.

The Professor seated at the table stood and made his way over to a very tall beaker sealed with a cork.

"Welcome students. I am Professor Poliakoff, one of the head instructors here. We thank you for joining us for this preview demonstration."

He was an older man, with a shock of poofy white hair that gave Einstein's a run for its money in craziness. Deep set eyes were framed with thick brown glasses, and he waved his hands around as he talked.

"This demonstration is one of my favorites, and we do it for all the new classes. It's called the barking dog, and the name will become self evident soon."

He climbed up a chair to reach the cork of the 5 foot tube and removed it. He clamored back down.

"This is a reaction of Nitrous Oxide and Carbon Disulfide. When I transmute, it will create a blue flame and a very distinctive noise."

He pressed his hands to the transmutation circle placed around the tube. A bit of electrictiy appeared around the vessel, and the mixture ignited. Blue flame shot out the top. As the flame moved down the tube, it made a low pitched whoosh noise that gained in pitch, sounding like, well, a barking dog. A yellow residue of sulfur coated the inside of the tube.

The class jumped a bit from the noise.

"Now, the really impressive bit is that was not really alchemy. The only thing I did was create the spark for the chemical reaction. Let's show you what you can do when you do actually use alchemy..."

Maya could tell then, she'd found the perfect place to learn.

Axton yawned as he helped Ed do research in the archives. Ed taught him some of the basics of alchemy, but the level of material they were working with still didn't even sound real to the commando. His ECHO beeped at the same time as Ed's. The alchemist was lost in thought, so Ax answered first.

"Axton here."

"I need support, NOW!"

"...Lt. Hawkeye?"

That got Ed's attention, and he keyed his ECHO.

"I'm engaged at 51st and MiG Alley. Get yourself and Fullmetal over here!"

"Lady, you've got some nerve ordering me around after what you did."

"You get to shoot at homunculi."

"We're on our way!"

AN: Maya's "last name" isn't random. I used the FMA convention of naming characters after military vehicles, in this case the M26 Pershing Medium Tank.

Also, I referenced Periodic Videos in this chapter. Check them out on youtube. Seriously, go do it. They make chemistry understandable to the layperson such as myself, and do all kinds of cool practical demonstrations like the barking dog.

NEXT TIME ON TATA:

Pandora gets another visit!