21

Helpless Human

Rosalie's request surprised me so much my mouth fell open. I looked at Emmett; his eyes expressed so much pain. He was losing his love and there was nothing he could do about it. Alice fell into Jasper's arms and hid her face in his chest.

I was tearing apart a family. They had accepted me so completely and I was the cause of their destruction. I moved away from Rose without speaking and returned to Edward. I climbed up next to him and tried to open the yogurt with my good hand.

Carlisle finally reached out to help me. I put a small amount on the spoon and offered it to Edward. He looked at it with revulsion and wouldn't open his mouth. "You have to eat something Edward, and Puma is not an option anymore."

He looked at Carlisle and received a nod of approval. He parted his lips and tasted the yogurt. His stomach immediately recoiled and he gagged on the small amount of food. "I'm so sorry Edward, it will take time to get used to it, but you have to start trying."

Tears began to fall down his face again and my heart broke a little more. "Can you remember being human?" I asked him.

He thought for a moment and then shook his head up and down. "Can you remember anything you liked to eat?"

"Eggs," he finally said, "I used to like scrambled eggs."

I smiled in appreciation. "I'll make you some eggs if you promise to at least try to eat them."

"Can we wait a bit?" he pleaded.

"Sure," I handed Carlisle the yogurt and snuggled up close to Edward as he left the room.

Edward looked at the sling and raised his eyebrows. I wasn't about to tell him he had pulled my arm out of the socket. "You know how clumsy I can be."

He put his arm around me gently and closed his eyes. "Everything feels so different."

"You don't have to be careful anymore Edward. You can hold me tightly if you want."

His grip increased and I cried out. "Well, maybe you will have to be careful for a little bit longer."

We remained tangled in each other's arms and legs quietly for awhile. "What happened?" he finally asked. "I don't remember anything."

I took a deep breath. "I made you bite me and it didn't turn out the way I expected."

"Let me see," he asked, so I sat up and turned my bruised neck to show him.

He noticed it was the same side as my shoulder injury. He lightly ran his fingers from my neck to my shoulder. "I did this didn't I?"

"Not on purpose, and it was my entire fault. I pushed you to do something you didn't want to do."

He closed his eyes trying to shut out the pain. I leaned in close and put my lips on his. I kissed him gently, but it was the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. His lips weren't hard like stone, they weren't cold and unfeeling. He didn't have to measure the pressure he used. He could simply feel it, experience my mouth against his for the first time.

I pulled back to look at him. His hands moved into my hair and he held my face above his.

"Do you still love me, Edward? I asked. "After doing this to you, can you still love me?"

"Yes, I still love you. I'm having a hard time processing what is happening to me. I can't smell you and I can't hear anything. I feel lost."

"You're not lost, you're here with me. We're together and we can work this out."

Carlisle returned and pulled up a chair to sit close to the bed. "We need to discuss the ramifications of what happened."

One by one the others filed into the bedroom. Rosalie climbed up and sat right next to me while the others surrounded the bed.

Carlisle sat for a moment gathering his thoughts. "Well," he began. "I need to get blood samples from both of you. Obviously Edward's venom had no effect on you. We need to see if his blood is now impervious to venom also."

"You mean we can't change him back?" Alice asked in shock.

"Change him back?" Rose screamed. "Are you insane, of course we wouldn't change him back."

"You don't know what Edward wants Rosalie. Don't speak for him," Alice seethed.

Carlisle ignored their exchange. "I won't know the answer to that until I look at his blood. I also need to find out how much blood is necessary to begin the process. We don't know if this is permanent either."

"Experiment on me," Rose offered. Emmett moved closer to where Rosalie was sitting and looked at her lovingly. I reached out and touched her arm causing her to look at me.

"Don't leave Emmett out of this conversation Rosalie. He loves you very much."

She looked over at him and dropped her eyes. He scooted next to her on the bed and she leaned her back against his large chest.

"We have to look at what this means in the long term." Carlisle's forehead was creased, deep in thought. "First of all we have to worry about the Volturi; they are expecting to hear about Bella's change."

Alice gasped as she stared at nothing. "They will kill Edward if they find out. They won't allow him to live knowing what he knows. I can't see Bella but I can see Edward won't survive if we tell them."

"Why can she see Edward, if he has my blood in him?" I asked.

"Your ability to block our gifts was long before you spoke to Elizabeth," Carlisle explained. "It was something you were born with, not something acquired."

"Carlisle, we have to change him back or the Volturi will kill him," Alice demanded.

"Can't we explain about Elizabeth?" I interrupted. "It wasn't Edward's fault, can't they see that?"

The tension suddenly became very palpable. Alice was practically bouncing off the walls and Rosalie was growing angrier. Carlisle finally spoke. "We have a year. I will call Aro and tell him the change has been made and we need to keep Bella here for a year until she can control her thirst."

"I want to be changed, Carlisle," Rose spoke up. "I didn't get to choose before, I want to choose now, you owe me that much."

She turned to Emmett and pulled his face to hers. "Will you change with me? Will you become human with me?"

"I go where you go babe," he answered matter-of-factly.

Alice huffed. "That puts your life at risk too. The Volturi will not stand for this. Tell them Carlisle." Alice was becoming hysterical.

"We need to go slowly." He attempted to be the voice of reason. "First let's see what happens with Edward. Maybe this was unique just to him." I saw Rosalie's head fall in disappointment.

Carlisle asked them to leave so he could draw blood from both of us. When he was finished Edward reached out for Carlisle's hand. "My stomach hurts very badly. I keep having stabbing pains and I feel very uncomfortable." Carlisle began pushing carefully on Edward's stomach. When he pushed on his bladder Edward grimaced.

Carlisle smiled and I turned my head to hide my amusement. "I think you'll be just fine, son. Okay, I'll head back to the main house and let Bella take care of you. I'll come again and check on you before nightfall."

"Can you stand?" I asked realizing I wouldn't be able to assist him.

"I'm not sure, I feel so light, so weak."

"Okay, we'll use a jar." I began climbing off the bed.

"A jar for what?" He looked so confused.

"You need to urinate, Edward. Your bladder is full and it is causing you pain."

His eyes went wide and his face turned bright red.

"Hallelujah," I yelled into the air. "It is about time I am not the only one constantly humiliated."

His eyes filled with tears and I felt a stab of guilt for teasing him when he was obviously having a hard time dealing. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"This is too much," he cried out. "And I am finding all of this so…disgusting."

"Peeing you find disgusting but drinking the blood of a polar bear is fine." I walked out to retrieve a jar while shaking my head.

When I returned Edward was standing and holding on to the bed frame with one hand and the I.V. bag with the other. "Where do you think you are going?" I asked.

"I used a toilet for sixteen years of my life; I think I can figure it out again."

"Fine." I crossed my arms. "Who's going to hold the I.V.? You're not steady enough to stand unassisted and you are going to need one hand to hold….you know." I could feel my face redden.

He reached up and did the same thing I had done hours earlier; he pulled the needle from his arm and dropped the bag onto the floor. Holding onto furniture and walls he slowly walked across the house to the bathroom.

I decided to push the eggs if he was going to do without the fluids and electrolytes. I was just about finished cooking them when he emerged from the bathroom. "Feel better?"

He rolled his eyes and didn't answer but he was walking a lot steadier. "Sit at the table. I have your eggs ready and I'll eat with you."

I poured him a glass of juice and a glass of milk, not knowing which he would prefer. I salted and peppered the eggs and silently prayed he would be able to tolerate them. I stuck a small mound of eggs with his fork and put it to his mouth. He slowly opened and made a face while he chewed, but kept them down.

He tried the juice but it was too sweet and he instantly pushed it away; he tolerated the milk much better. I was happy with his progress although he ate very little and only drank a fourth of his milk.

We moved to the couch and sat on opposite ends so we could each lean back on the armrests, but our feet were contently touching. We both fell sound asleep.

I awoke to the sound of Edward snoring. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. I wished I had a tape recorder to capture the soft rumbling.

My arm was aching and I began hoping Carlisle would show up soon with more pain medication. I carefully rose from the couch and made my way to the bathroom. I stared at the large tub and decided a relaxing bath would be perfect.

It took longer than I thought to get the arm sling off of me and I had to support my arm with my other hand. I stared at the tub and had no idea how I would manage to step into it without a hand to steady myself. I was just about to give up when the door opened and Edward stepped into the room.

He wasn't wearing anything and we both turned red and dropped our eyes. "Can I help you with the bath?" he offered.

I nodded so he held onto my elbow to balance me as I stepped into the wonderful water. He followed and moaned loudly as the water swirled around his body. He reached up and steadied my hips as I sat in front of him. Slowly, I leaned back into him. He kept his arms on the rim of the tub so he wouldn't hurt my shoulder.

After soaking for a while he took a wash cloth and began squeezing water into my hair. When it was sufficiently wet he put some shampoo in his hand. "Ahhh," he sighed. "This smells familiar."

It was heaven the way he worked the shampoo into lather. He kept stopping to take a deep whiff of my hair. When he finished rinsing the soap out I moved back against his chest. "I wish I could do that for you. Do you know how long my shoulder will be out of commission?"

"Everyone heals differently, but around 4 weeks is the average. Of course, you can begin doing simple things when you feel up to doing them."

"Simple things like what?"

"Like shampooing your hair or holding your husband."

"Mmm, that's pretty good incentive. But of course, you have to get your strength up, too."

"For what?" he said with his lips against my hair.

"For things like, taking walks and pleasuring your wife."

"Yes," he said softly, "That is going to take an awful lot of strength."

"Not a very good honeymoon is it?" I laughed.

"I'm not complaining," he whispered as he bent down to softly kiss my good shoulder.

We finally pulled ourselves from the bliss of the bathtub and Edward helped me put on one of his sleeveless t-shirts and some shorts. He threw on a simple pair of shorts and kept staring at his own chest.

"A little vain there, aren't you Cullen?" I teased.

"No, I'm actually very worried about how I'm going to maintain this physique. It looks like a lot of work."

"I'll love you no matter how fat and out of shape you get." I kissed his chest lightly.

"At least have a little faith in me," he laughed.

"Are you offering me the same leeway? When I get fat from having k….." I stopped instantly. I looked at Edward and he was staring in disbelief back at me.

I put my hand over my mouth and tears sprang to my eyes. Edward had the same reaction as his tears spilled over and down his cheeks.

"I'm going to have your children," I said in astonishment.

A slow grin grew on his face until he was laughing hysterically. I instantly thought of Rosalie. Now, I understood why she wanted to be changed so desperately.

He placed his hand on the back of my head and pulled me in tenderly for a kiss. When he pulled back he looked sad. "I miss the sound of your heart racing when I kiss you."

I put my hand on his heart and could feel it lightly beating. "This makes it all worth it."

I ran my hand up his chest and around his neck pulling him back to my lips. My pain disappeared and the only thing I could think about was Edward's body against mine.

A soft knock was heard on the door.

Edward laughed as I sighed in anger. They really did have a knack for showing up at the most inopportune times.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett came in. They were surprised to see Edward up and around. I informed Carlisle of his success at eating as we all sat down and began the difficult conversation we were dreading.

"We need to consider a few things," Carlisle began, "Edward would you want to change back if it was at all possible?

"My life is with Bella now." I noticed how he didn't directly answer the question.

Carlisle nodded and continued. "Since Bella's blood cannot be affected we now have to assume yours can't either. That makes you extremely dangerous in the eyes of the Volturi."

"Why?" I interjected.

"If anyone were to bite you they would change. Or if anyone gained access to your blood they could wipe out the vampire world."

"Can't we just disappear; I mean, go off on our own where they couldn't find us?"

Edward reached over and took my hand. "No, Bella, they would go after my family if I ran."

I looked at Rosalie and Emmett and back to Carlisle and Esme. "Do you guys want to change?"

"Yes," Rose quickly answered, "I do and Emmett agreed to do whatever I've decided."

I looked at Carlisle. He held Esme's hand and lifted his shoulders. "We're not sure. I have been able to help a lot of people by using my heightened senses in my medical practice. But I must admit part of my indecision is due to fear. I have lived this way so long and it is all I know."

"But you would never have to move. You could develop relationships with other people. You would never have to hide in the bright sun."

"And if I don't, I will lose my family," Carlisle added.

"Never," Edward insisted, "I won't let that happen."

Carlisle smiled at him and continued. "Edward, you will age. You will be a father and grandfather and you will center your life around your family….exactly as it should be."

"That doesn't mean you can't be part of it." I noticed Edward's hand begin to shake.

"Son," he said gently, "how would you explain us to your posterity? It would just put them in danger."

"Then we all change," Rosalie kneeled in front of Carlisle. "Please father, don't let us move on without you."

Carlisle held her face in his hands, "My beautiful Rosalie, someone has to protect you. I won't let the Volturi guard come after you. I must remain to fight them."

"No," I screamed. "No, there has to be another way. There has to be something we could offer them for our freedom. Something they would find more valuable."

Esme gasped and jumped to her feet. They all looked at each other and Emmett growled as they ran from the room. Edward jumped up but didn't attempt to run with them.

"What's wrong Edward? What happened?"

"Alice," he groaned. "The Volturi will want Alice."