By the time she arrived back at the Navy Lodge Ziva felt better, but she still changed into workout clothes for the second time that day and went for another run around the city block to purge any lingering emotion. When she was running, the wind in her hair and the intense beat of music in her ears (her iPod from Abby had been in her desk at work when her apartment exploded, and Gibbs had returned everything the week before), Ziva didn't have time to think about Somalia, or the confusing feelings that attacked her when Tony was around. All she could do was focus on her breathing and the rhythm her feet pounded out on the sidewalk.
When she returned to her room, sweaty and out of breath, Ziva smiled, because for a moment the stress and burdens she carried were lifted and she could breathe again. Stretching deeply and relaxing her muscles into the old familiar motions from her ballet days, Ziva let go of everything - the despair she'd given into after her time with Dr. Andrews, the embarrassment that flooded her after breaking down in front of Tony, and for how much she wanted him to hold her, the dark, lonely moment when she wondered if life, if she, would ever be normal again. Ziva shook it all off and went to take a long hot shower, something that still felt like such a luxury after months in the desert. It was good to be back.
Afterwards, Ziva took time to brush and blow dry her hair, her mind going back to her time with Tony in the stairwell. He was just trying to be a good friend, that is all, she argued with herself, trying to both reassure and calm her racing heart, as well as crush any hope that tried to convince her they could be more. But no matter what she though, Ziva recognized that all her excuses were just a lie. She could not handle anything else right now, and deep down she had a feeling Tony knew that too. And just with any kind of doubt, it stuck in the back of her mind, wondering what Tony would do if she ever gave them permission to be something more than just friends. He was only waiting on her.
Finished with her hair, Ziva forcefully shoved the unsettling thoughts away and went down to the cafeteria. She got salad for a late lunch and ate it at a picnic table outside. It was another way of asserting her independence, proving to herself and anyone watching that she wasn't chained to that room.
It was mid-afternoon before Ziva was ready to try looking at apartments again. Armed with the classifieds and a red pen, she began her usual routine of circling anything that sounded even close to what she wanted, and where she wanted. Then she started making calls. She managed to book three appointments spread out over the next few hours. The last thing she did was purchase a strip of bus tickets and find the right bus to take her to her starting destination.
The first apartment Ziva looked at was "too" everything. Too expensive, too large, too far away from NCIS. Feeling a bit discouraged because she'd seen so many wrong places this week, Ziva dropped into the first empty seat on the next bus and headed for apartment number two. She was beginning to wonder if she would ever find a place that was right for her, but until then, the search had to continue. And after all, it had barely been a week.
Putting on a smile. Ziva greeted the superintendent of the second building and quickly surveyed the outside. Trees surrounded it and the minimalist landscaping worked with the structure, rather than against it. It was plain but nice, even comfortable looking. Hope began to bloom in Ziva once more.
The apartment she was looking at was on the second floor, #218. When the man unlocked the door, Ziva took one look around and knew this was the one. It was small, the price quoted one she could afford, and the open concept design - with the bathroom and bedrooms as the only closed in rooms - gave her the sense of safety she desired. The location was the best part, ten minutes from work and only six minutes from Tony. Not that Ziva would admit to herself that being near Tony had been a factor in her apartment selection, but it was the truth all the same.
It is just a coincidence, she reassured herself, until Gibbs' voice growled in her head that there was no such thing as coincidences, and if there were, they still didn't believe in them. Ziva frowned and blocked out the words.
"Well?" Mr. Johns asked.
"It is perfect," Ziva said, turning in a circle slowly before facing him gain. "I am almost afraid to ask - when might it be available?"
Mr. Johns chuckled and rubbed his stubbly chin. "Well, you've come at the right time young lady. It's available now, today if you can pay. The former tenant moved out more than a week ago and the owner needs the rent. You'll have to fill out an application, but that's just a formality, so we have everything on paper. It's yours if you want it. What do you say?"
"Yes please," Ziva smiled. "I can move in tomorrow."
"Done," Mr. Johns agreed, liking something about this young woman. He shook her hand and gestured to the hall. "If you'll come with me to the office, we'll get the paperwork sorted out and the lease signed and I'll give you the keys. You'll pay a pro-rated amount for moving in partway through the month, and you can pay the last month's rent when you come tomorrow. How's that sound?"
"It sounds like I have an apartment."
"Alright then," the man nodded. "Let's go take care of the details."
NCIS
Ziva left Harmon House, the name of her new building, in the happiest mood she could remember recently. She was elated to have found an apartment so quickly, and glad to be moving out of the Navy Lodge. It was impersonal and inadequate and she would not miss it.
She passed an ice cream stand on the way to the bus stop, and reached for the change in her pocket. Good news deserved a celebration, yes? Ziva walked away with a strawberry cone in her hand and a smile on her face. For the first time since Somalia, she felt...free. It was wonderful.
A short bus ride later Ziva was back in her Navy Lodge room and she took time to meticulously clean it, removing all signs that anyone had ever been in the room. Then she used another bus ticket and sat quietly for the ride to a house she hadn't been to in almost a month, since the day she left Abby's apartment and dared to ask Gibbs for his blessing to return to the team.
After a slow walk down the block, Ziva entered through the unlocked door and smiled. It was good to know some things never changed. Quietly she made her way down to the basement and sat on the stool, remembering another time she was here alone, on the run and desperate for the number of the one man she knew would be able to save her.
How long she spent lost in memories before she heard his footsteps on the stairs Ziva didn't know, but immediately she stood, hands clasped behind her back, and waited. Gibbs didn't notice her until he was halfway across the basement. He stopped short and looked at her, one eyebrow lifted.
"Never know if it's good news or bad when you're in my basement Ziva," he said gruffly, his expression looking for an explanation.
Ziva put on a bright smile and folded her hands in front of her, an unconscious gesture that meant she was not a threat. "It is good news tonight," she informed him. "I found an apartment this afternoon. It is perfect, just what I was looking for, and close to NCIS. I can move in tomorrow." Holding up the keys, she jingled them a little. "I wanted you to know first."
A rare smile found Gibbs' mouth and his eyes softened. "Good job."
Those two words meant more to Ziva than a million congratulations combined. Then he opened his arms and Ziva hesitated only a moment before accepting the invitation and stepping close for a hug. Even from the first moment she'd arrived home and Gibbs had gotten her out of the first flashback, she had trusted him and felt safe with him. This man was her father, better in every way than the man whose DNA she shared.
Gibbs held Ziva carefully, still so glad every time he saw her standing in front of him, alive and slowly healing from that long summer. Finally she stood back and he looked into her eyes for a long time, until she shifted uncomfortably, not liking his scrutiny. He sighed and crossed his arms.
"How are the psyche evals going?" Gibbs asked. It was telling when Ziva's gaze dropped and her shoulders sagged. There was a moment when he thought she might share details, but then she just shrugged.
"I will be glad to have them over with," Ziva admitted. "I do not like..." she frowned. "Why do they have to ask so many questions? Why do they have to know everything?" Frustration coloured her expression and Ziva pressed her lips together tightly, as if afraid she had already given too much away.
Gibbs pointed to the stool and she sat reluctantly, while he moved a sawhorse over for himself. "It's never easy to talk about the stuff that gives you nightmares," he noted from experience, and a flash of fear flickered in her eyes before she could hide it. Gibbs narrowed his gaze. "How bad are they?"
She glanced around the room, refusing eye contact. "They are just dreams," Ziva said stubbornly. "They are not real." Convincing Gibbs that her nightmares were not something to worry about was even harder than convincing Tony and herself. "I am relieved that tomorrow is the last session, I want to go back to work."
He let her change the subject, knowing she'd talk if and when she was ready, but accepted that it might not be him Ziva chose to tell. "It will be good to have you back on the team Ziver." He barked a laugh. "I need you around to keep the boys in line."
She smiled slightly, not ready to get her hopes up yet. "If Vance approves," she reminded him.
Gibbs touched her cheek gently and she didn't shy away. "We went to the desert to get you back. Think we're going to let one federal agency director mess that up?"
Though she knew there was nothing Gibbs could do about it if Vance rejected her application, it was still nice to know he was willing to fight for her. Before Ziva could reply, her phone rang and she gave Gibbs an apologetic look before glancing at the caller ID.
"Hello Tony."
"Hey Ziva." She could hear the smile in his voice. "We still on for tonight?"
Ziva nodded once. "Yes."
"Great," the word almost sounded like a sigh of relief and she realized he was afraid she would cancel on him. "What do you want on your half of the pizza?"
"Pepperoni, extra cheese, and spinach," she rattled the list off automatically. It was what she always got on movie nights, though Ziva had almost forgotten until that moment, it had been so long since the last real one, when they weren't staying in the same apartment.
Tony laughed, loving that he'd found another thing that hadn't changed. "I'll call it in. Need a ride?"
"No thank you. I will see you in twenty minutes."
"Okay, bye Zi."
"Goodbye."
Gibbs raised one eyebrow. "DiNozzo?"
Ziva shrugged. "Movie night," she said, as if that explained everything.
He nodded approvingly and reached for his keys. "Come on," Gibbs jerked his head towards the stairs, "I'll give you a lift."
Ziva shook her head. "No need Gibbs. I will just walk."
Gibbs didn't bother pointing out that it was almost a fifteen minute drive to her partner's place. He settled for a mild glare instead. "Wasn't a question."
Rolling her eyes, Ziva gave up and slipped past him up the stairs. The ride over to Tony's was a little awkward and she didn't know what to say. But then, Gibbs never was one for much conversation in the car. When he pulled into the parking lot of Tony's building, Ziva murmured a thank you and reached for the door handle, but Gibbs' hand on her arm stopped her.
His eyes were gently as he offered her some advice. "Let him be your friend Ziva. He needs it as much as you do."
Ziva stared at Gibbs for a long moment before nodding slowly. There was an understanding between her and her boss, ever since Ari, that did not require a lot of words. He cared, he was trying to help, and he was rarely wrong. Ziva appreciated what he was doing. Getting out, she watched Gibbs drive away and then walked in the front door of the familiar building and pressed the button for apartment #504.