Cause and Effect
Chapter 21
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"Ino Nara." Ino held up her hand, tilting her head and watching her reflection critically. "Hello, I'm Mrs. Nara. Yes, this is my husband. No, he doesn't have a job as such, he's really very—" she cut herself off as the door opened and Shikamaru came back into the room. Ino felt her cheeks suffuse with blood and she couldn't stop herself bursting into giggles. "I can't believe this! We're really married."
"Yep." He nodded, grinning contentedly and embracing her. "Look, if you want to like, get that ring re-set or whatever, it's not a big deal, I just thought—"
"No, no, I want to leave it like this. But it's a bit large, we'll need to re-size it." She admitted as the ring twisted loosely on her left hand. "Maybe we should take it in today. I'll probably lose it on accident and have a total mental breakdown."
"Hey, we're all allowed one." His smile widened. "How's Aki?"
"Not hungry." Ino indicated the bottle on the table. "Ten bucks Naruto heard her fussing while we were gone and fed her."
"Good for her, now I'm hungry." He kissed her nose, yawning and peering out the window. "What time is it?"
"Ten, lazy." She teased him. "We weren't out that late. You got plenty of sleep."
"Like we went to sleep right away." He snorted, looking around for his shoes and pulling them on while she pulled her hair back and patted it in place primly.
"Well, there are certain traditions associated with a girl's wedding night, you know." Ino waited until he was turned and grabbed his butt, laughing as he jumped slightly. "I hope everyone's up. I want to tell them."
"Come on," Shikamaru laced his fingers through hers, and they went downstairs together. He was surprised at how simple this was, how much this was just like every other day but somehow…more. He had been afraid something horrifying would happen when he married Ino, but it seemed like for now, at least, he would be able to understand what was meant by wedded bliss. "Will Sakura be annoyed?"
"That I'm stealing her thunder?" Ino shrugged. "I already had a kid and like a complete flip out break with reality, honestly, nothing we do is going to surprise our friends. I'm sure she'll be happy for us."
"No, dammit, you need milk for omelets, you idiot, not water!" Temari's voice reached them as they entered the kitchen, where most of the household seemed to be gathered, some of them spilling into the dining room. Most notably, Kiba and Tenten seemed to be slumped over the table with only the barest signs of consciousness. "Besides that, how do you plan to feed sixteen people omelets when you have three eggs?"
"Duh, if you just put like lots of cheese and stuff in, it'll spread out." Kankurou was explaining to her. Naruto was riffling through the cupboards, and Sasuke was disconsolately clutching a box of cocoa puffs and a spoon, scowling at the milk that Temari was clutching in her hand and thrusting in her brother's face.
"Well, we're low on bread, too. I mean, even if I thinned out the French bread batter really far, I wouldn't have enough here to feed everyone." Naruto frowned, not noticing that his boyfriend seemed to be suffering silently. "And we don't have any bacon. I'm pretty sure when you're hung over you need like bacon or sausage or something."
"I just want a bowl of cereal." Sasuke grumbled.
"Tenten needs something, she doesn't look well." Shino was standing in a corner of the kitchen looking rather out of his depth.
"Well, you're the one that let your girlfriend stay over." Ino pointed out as she observed the argument. "What did you expect her to do, toast your future?"
"She isn't my—"
"Maybe we should go shopping." Naruto cut in, crossing his arms and frowning as he gave up on the contents of the kitchen.
"Why don't we all go out to breakfast?" Ino suggested, her eyes lighting up at the idea. "That would be fun, wouldn't it? Plus, we have to celebrate! It's a new year together!"
"I don't think everyone feels like celebrating." Temari eyed Kiba and Tenten warily, then turned back to Ino. This was the happiest she'd seen the young mother in ages…she hated to do anything to spoil her newfound cheer. "But…I mean, it would be good to get out, and we are all together…that would be nice."
"Suri!" Kankurou crossed the kitchen and peered into the dining room, where his girlfriend was happily sipping tea. "We're going out to breakfast. Wanna come?"
"If…well, I wouldn't want to intrude." The young professor flushed slightly with pleasure at the invitation, and Kankurou turned a look of pleading to his sister, who capitulated at once.
"No, we'd love to have you, Suri! Come along." Temari encouraged, turning aside and sighing slightly, her brow furrowing. "We'll have to figure out who's going with who…Shikamaru, the car seat's still in your car, right? Can you drive some people?"
"Why don't we just take the van?" Kankurou asked, and Temari raised a hand slowly to her own forehead, her face a mask of disbelief. "What?"
"Hinata's van?" Temari clarified.
"Yeah, you can fit like…oh…oh wait." Kankurou furrowed his brow. "She's like…in exile or something, right?"
"Kankurou, why don't you go put your shoes on." Temari shooed him, doing her very best not to say anything further.
"Was he dropped on his head as a child?" Neji asked as the eldest Sabaku sibling left the room.
"I assume." Gaara answered briefly. "Where are we going?"
"There's a nice place just up the road, you know the one that's just past the post office?" Naruto suggested, "Sasuke and I went there once when—"
"Okay, that sounds great, I think I know the place you're talking about." Temari nodded sharply. "If we squeeze, I think between Shikamaru, Sakura, and I, we can get everyone into cars and…" she trailed off as Neji and Gaara exited and she heard the jangle of keys. "Well, I guess we won't be squeezing so tightly, they're going in Neji's jaguar."
"That's his?" Suri spoke up. "I wondered how a college student could afford a car like that. I mean, even though you and Kankurou come from such a rich family, you still have sensible cars."
"You should have seen the ones Kankurou destroyed." Temari grinned evilly, but before she could elaborate, Kankurou returned. "And Gaara's got a sports car too, but Neji's a Hyuuga, so he's well off as well."
"Oh, I see," Suri nodded brightly. "I thought it might be Sasuke's, I know his family is very rich also."
"I think your professor girlfriend is a gold-digger." Sasuke told Kankurou as he successfully got the milk from Temari, who had finally put it back now that they were leaving. He pulled out a bowl as well, looking pleased that the morning was finally going his way.
"Sasuke, if you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself." Sakura chided him, and Naruto pulled the bowl away from him.
"What are you doing? We're going out!" he exclaimed, and Sasuke's shoulders sagged in defeat. It seemed his plot of avoiding family breakfast had been discovered and completely subverted. "Sakura, can we ride with you?" Naruto asked, and when she nodded, he knew that his escape route had been cut off completely.
After a rather chaotic rush, everyone managed to get into various vehicles, and all of those cars made it to the restaurant down the road, where the staff looked extremely overwhelmed to have their nearly empty establishment suddenly full. Tables were shoved together, and it wasn't long before everyone was sitting with menus, in various states of excitement ranging from Kiba, who was wearing a stocking cap pulled so low it covered his eyes, his head slumped over the table, to Naruto, who was begging Ino to let him hold Aki when she got tired, to Suri, who was pleased that she was being welcomed by this group, but extremely nervous of doing something foolish.
"Kiba, that is my coffee." Sai politely told the man next to him. "If you would like a refill, I can ask the waiter."
"Take pity on him, he's half-dead." Sakura patted Sai's arm, and he turned to her, smiling and they paused to just look at each other before kissing.
"Okay, even though I can't see, I know what you're doing, so stop." Kiba grumbled, helping himself to more of Sai's coffee. "I'm pissed at love right now."
"I think you should be more pissed at that bottle of gin." Kankurou pointed out from down across the table. "You were so fucking wasted last night."
"And here I thought that you'd be on your best behavior if we just kept Suri around." Temari was seated at the end of the table, feeling very matriarchal.
"No, not really." Suri shook her head and shrugged. "He's like this in class, too, you know."
"Why do you date him again?" Temari arched a golden brow. "I mean, you seem smart and sophisticated, and in case you haven't noticed…Kankurou isn't really—"
"Hey! You said you'd be nice!" Kankurou reminded her.
"It's a valid point." Sasuke opined, still annoyed he'd been forced to go out for breakfast with all these people. "Professor Namida didn't strike me as an idiot when I took her course."
"Thank you, Sasuke." Suri laughed. "You can just call me Suri, please. It's weird to have my boyfriend's friends call me professor."
"Then don't date your students." Sasuke suggested. Temari shot him a look so caustic it might have melted his face if he'd noticed it, but he just shrugged and turned back to his menu.
"Honestly, like you're one to talk." Tenten pointed out, looking slightly better than Kiba, but still clearly miserable. Shino was next to her, trying to offer his own coffee in addition to hers, but she had been pointedly ignoring him all morning. She felt he was almost entirely to blame for her current state, and she didn't really want to talk to him, no matter how sad his face looked. "At least she isn't head of the department."
"What?" Suri frowned and turned to Kankurou for clarification as Naruto reddened and became extremely interested in his own menu. Kankurou whispered something in her ear, her eyes went wide, and turned her head all the way on its side as she considered what she'd just learned. "With…whoa."
"And Sasuke was still dating—"
"We were on a break!" Naruto snapped, then coughed self-consciously. "Um…is everyone pretty much ready to order?"
"Shikamaru and I have some news," Ino thought it might be a good time to intervene, as she was rather sure that Naruto didn't want any of the attention he was currently receiving, and she was only too happy to take the spotlight from him. Before she could stand up to explain, the waiter swept over, and by the time everyone's order was taken, she had almost forgotten what she'd been about to say.
"What's your news, Ino?" Sakura prompted her, and the blonde flushed, standing with Aki in her arms, held artfully so that her left hand was on display cupping the child's head.
"Well, last night, we were—"
"Who the hell are you?" Kankurou cut in, and everyone turned to see a girl pulling up a chair at the other end of their makeshift table.
"What are you doing here?" Ino shook her head in disbelief. This was her moment! And this weird girl was stealing it!
"Oh, this is the girl from last night," Suri volunteered, pleased she remembered. "You know, you said she was engaged to…um…Shino?" she guessed, not sure she was remembering all the details.
"Himeko, what are you doing here?" Temari asked. She had been polite before, but honestly, because of this girl, she'd had to stay up nursing an ill Tenten all night, and she had quite worn out her welcome at this point.
"I saw you all in here, and thought I would come join you." She beamed and nodded at Suri who was on one side of her, then actually patted Neji's arm. The Hyuuga looked as though he had never quite seen something like her before. "Pleased to see you all, I am sure."
"What, did you call her?" Tenten had recovered from the initial surprise and now had turned on Shino, promptly forgetting that she was ignoring his existence. "Invite her to join us?"
"I don't…I didn't," Shino shook his head, and glanced warily between the girl at the other end of the table and the girl sitting right next to him. "Here, have your coffee, you will feel better if—"
"Fuck you!" Tenten shoved the coffee back, and it spilled, splashing them both, but he barely felt the scorch of liquid as he felt his universe focusing on the tears in her eyes, the pain in her expression. "I'm supposed to believe she just decided to spend all night at our place, so that you didn't even notice I was gone until Temari told you, and then she shows up again at breakfast, and you have nothing to do with it at all?"
"Please, Tenten," Himeko rose a hand in a conciliatory gesture, her tone and expression soothing. "There is no need for such strife. I understand how this must be for you, but it has nothing to do with you. There is no need to become so upset. This was decided years ago by our parents, and it is not in any way a reflection of any flaws in your own person. I am sure that you are a lovely young woman, and if you feel jealous of my association with Shino, I can understand that and offer you only my deepest sympathies. I truly hope we can become friends."
"Dude, she's a fucking robot!" Kankurou was the first to break the shocked silence that covered the entire table as Himeko finished her speech. "Dude, you're marrying a fucking robot!"
"Wait, is this even for real?" Ino shook her head. "I thought this fiancé thing was a joke."
"It is nothing." Shino insisted. "She has been told—"
"Our parents arranged it when we were children." Himeko explained, beaming at Ino and speaking over Shino as though she could not even hear him. "His parents are hoping that we can be married as soon as he graduates college, and we all felt it would be best if I could be closer to him again so that we wouldn't feel like we were strangers when we became husband and wife."
"She's a total fucking robot!" Kankurou was laughing so hard he choked on his juice, and Suri had to help him get his breathing back under control. "Oh man, oh man, you know what, Tenten, you and her should just make out." Suri let out a long-suffering sigh.
"How would that help?" Gaara asked his brother, and Temari clicked her tongue.
"Don't encourage him." Temari warned.
"So…I'm sorry, this whole time we've known you, you've been secretly engaged to Manner-tron 6000?" Ino was still shaking her head in disbelief. "You think you know someone. I can't believe you! Tenten, why haven't you cut his balls off yet?"
"Should we really be discussing that in front of the baby?" Sakura hazarded, and Ino laughed.
"Aki agrees with me." Ino assured her. "She knows what you do to men leading double lives, promising you one thing, secretly engaged to some other girl. Is Shino even your real name?" she turned back to the object of her question and narrowed her eyes as he blinked at her in surprise.
"Excuse me, could I say something?" Tenten held up her hands for attention. "I just want to know why it's considered ridiculous that I should want to know if you're like, engaged to anyone. Do you secretly have a wife and two kids in another country? What the hell, Shino?"
"I've told you, and I've told Himeko." Shino answered, a twinge of impatience finally entering his calm voice. "I do not consider this to be a valid engagement. My parents ask me to do many things, and I have told them at this point that I will be living my own life, and that they can consider their demands rejected. I did not think it was worth telling you, and I made a mistake in that, I realize, but I assumed that Himeko would want to be released from the obligation as well."
"Shino, you are not thinking," Himeko smiled and shook her head at him. "Do you wish to be disinherited? Do you really find me so unappealing?"
"You know what I say," Kankurou suggested as the breakfast orders began to arrive, and he continued, despite the look of alarm on Temari's face. "I say just drink a fifth of tequila and whoever wakes up next to who, that's how it was meant to be."
"Ugh…don't mention liquor, please." Kiba looked vaguely green where the lower half of his face was visible. "I'm never drinking ever again."
"Yeah, I bet that'll last." Temari snorted. "Kankurou, would you mind not suggesting drunken orgies in front of the staff?" she indicated the waiter, who had fled to the kitchen. Kankurou shrugged.
"I'm just trying to help." He explained.
"Okay, so Shino, if you're not interested in her, maybe you should tell her to leave." Ino suggested. "Cause she's clearly not making Tenten happy, and she's not part of our household, so I don't see how she belongs here."
"This is a public restaurant." Himeko told her loftily.
"Well…I'm not really part of the—" Suri began, but Ino waved a dismissive hand at her shifting Aki and handing her over to Naruto so she could access her food.
"Honestly, you sleep with Kankurou and put up with his crap." Ino pointed out. "You deserve way more reward than just hanging out with us. He should be paying you."
"He probably is." Sasuke grumbled between bites, and was shocked when Naruto smacked him in the back of the head with his child-free hand.
"Honestly, can't you just be happy for them?" Naruto hissed at his lover, annoyed. "I know it's not like the most traditional relationship, but neither is ours."
"Seriously, just tell her to leave, I've been trying it since last night, she won't listen to me." Ino told Shino, who Tenten was watching rather warily.
"Do not attempt to control him. Even if he asks me to go, I will stay, because it is no longer his choice." Himeko explained. Ino shook her head in exasperation.
"Okay…I don't know who the hell that is…but stop talking…my head hurts, and you're making it worse." Kiba spoke up, and Sai leaned over.
"That is Shino's secret fiancé Himeko." He explained. "Did I tell you Sakura and I are engaged? It is not a secret."
"You have a secret fiancé?" Kiba pulled his hat back enough to aim a bloodshot glare at Shino.
"Did you sleep through this whole conversation?" Ino shook her head in disbelief. "Seriously, we went through this already."
"I think the gin did irreparable damage." Temari offered, cutting into her waffle neatly. "Himeko, I appreciate that you're trying to please your parents, and I understand the sort of pressure you're feeling from them, but it's obvious that you're being freed from this engagement without any worry of repercussions. You can see, Shino is willing to take full responsibility. Go live your life for yourself. People like you don't experience much freedom, so you should enjoy it."
"You can hardly hope to understand my position, and I can care less what your opinion of the matter is." Himeko shook her head sweetly. "I am not here for you, I care only about Shino."
"I see." Temari nodded slowly, sipped her orange juice, stood up, walked around the table, and upended the rest of the glass over her head. "Now leave."
"You…you…" Himeko stood up, looking affronted, and clearly waiting for someone to rush to her defense. When no one did, she rushed out, dripping orange juice. Ino clapped, as did Kankurou, and Temari walked back to her seat, sighing heavily.
"She's rather persistent." She finally spoke when she reached her seat again, returning her attention to her waffle. "I think it's pretty obvious that Shino was not lying when he said he's turned her down before. She doesn't seem to take no for an answer."
"I guess…well, just make sure we lock the door." Sakura shrugged and shook her head in slight disbelief at what had just taken place. Tenten was still looking rather unsure about it all, but Shino took it as a good sign that she at least hadn't stormed out. "Shino, you should get a restraining order."
"She isn't psychotic." Naruto offered. "Maybe if we just talked to her parents and explained, they'd understand."
"Parents like that…don't want to understand." Temari explained to Naruto gently. "I don't know how well that would work."
"But she's totally stalking you." Kankurou pointed out.
"Hey, I know, how about Kankurou, you call Sasuke's brother, and together you should be able to figure out a way to royally mess up anything she's got going with Shino, and that'll be the end of it." Ino suggested.
"Okay, what I did was nothing like—"
"We could have her killed." Gaara suggested. Temari sighed heavily and shook her head again.
"Ino…didn't you have something you wanted to tell us?" she decided that the Himeko situation could be put on the back burner for now. It was too…
"Oh!" Ino popped up to her feet and stuck out her left hand proudly. "Last night, Shikamaru and I eloped!"
"What?!"
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To be Continued…