Scene 25: Cheeleading camp, Hell, is there a difference?
(Okay, soooooooooo sorry I haven't updated. I'm just a lazy bum who is too busy reading the fanfiction to actually write it! And did I mention that I'm just plain lazy?)
(Also, I want you to know that I spent an hour looking up the song lyrics to How Lovely to Be a Woman. Sadly, no success. You'll see why as you read why I wanted them. Had to listen to the song on video in order to get them right!)
(Courtney has just conducted the spell. Suddenlly, she and Tammy are at a huge cheerleading camp in Wisconsin. They are standing right outside its doors. The cheerbus is parked right next to them)
Courtney: (Talking to Tammy) Ahhhh, the sounds of cheers in the morning. It's almost as comforting as the sounds of screams…
(A very loud scream comes out of the pink cheerbus)
Spike: (Terrified beyond belief) Nooo, nooo, anything but the sparkles!!!!
Courtney: (Chuckles) Notice how I stressed the word "almost"?
Tammy: (Mutters to herself) No shit, sherlock. (Thinks for a second) Wait, how could that guy scream if the spell silenced him?
Courtney: (Completely unaware of what Tammy just said) Say, do me a favor. Go to the main office and let them know that their leader is here. Tell them to set up a banquet in my honor. PRONTO!
Tammy: (Stutters) Ye, yes, Cou, Cour, Courtney.
(She opens the doors [which are quite heavy, I may add] and runs into the camp However, as soon as she's out of Courtney's sight, she takes the beer from her bag and sits down on one of the benches)
Meanwhile…
(Courtney knocks on the cheerbus doors and comes on the bus. Everyone drops what they are doing and bows) [They literally drop what they are doing! The ladies holding Spike let go of him and there is a loud thump on the floor]
Spike: (Very grumpily) Oh, bloody hell, that hurt!
(Courtney ignores his complaining)
Courtney: (VERY ANGRILY) LADIES, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
WIB: (Very nervous) Of what, your Absolute Greatness?
Courtney: WHY IS MY CHEERLEADING CAMP AND RULING GROUND IN WISCONSIN?!?!? I WANTED IT TO BE IN FLORIDA OR CALIFORNIA OR THE CARRIBEAN!
(The WIB looks directly at the WIM)
WIB: I told you we made the wrong turn!
WIM: (Shocked) Me? I didn't even say a word this entire trip!
WIB: Excuses, excuses!
Angel: (Thinks to himself) If she wanted it to be in California, why the hell didn't she just leave us tied up at Spike's crypt? Or left us tied up on the cheerbus right in front of the crypt?
(However, Spike is not for keeping his opinions to himself)
Spike: You stupid bint! What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't even take over the world properly! And as for your (makes quotation signs with his fingers) cheercamp, how the hell did you think it was going to get to the Carribean? Hello, ocean!
Courtney: (VERY ANGRILY) YOU SHUT UP!
Spike: Even your spells don't work properly! One minute I can't talk, the next I can. One minute everything is glowy, the next everything is black.G- d, you're an insult to all that is evil!
(Courtney is red with rage. She looks almost like a tomato)
Angel: Sorry Courtney, but the moron's right.
Spike: Yeah! (Realizes Angel just called him a moron) Hey!
Courtney: (FURIOUSLY) THAT'S IT! I'M SO SICK OF TAKING THIS CRAP FROM YOU TWO! ESPECIALLY FROM YOU!!!!!
(She points at Spike and continues to babble)
DO YOU THINK I LIKE DOING THIS SPELL CRAP? HELL NO! I WAS A FREAKING GOD! THESE SPELLS TAKE FOREVER, DAMMIT! WHEN I HAD MY GOD POWERS, I COULD HAVE TAKEN OVER THIS PLANET WITH THE FLICK OF MY WRIST. BUT NO, YOU AND YOUR STUPID SLAYER HAD TO RUIN THAT FOR ME, DIDN'T YOU? HAD TO GO KILL MY ALTER EGO BEN, DIDN'T YOU? AND OH MY G-D, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS SPELL CRAP IS? NONE OF MY SPELLS SEEM TO LAST! IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT TAMMY GIRL, MY SPELL TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WOULD HAVE BEEN SCREWED. AND LET ME JUST SAY, THAT'S MORE CREDIT THAN I CARE TO SHARE WITH A HUMAN!
(By now, all the women are staring at her in shock)
(Courtney takes a deep breath and continues)
Courtney: I'm calm, I'm calm. Ladies, sorry about that. Must have been the lack of air.
WIC: The magnificent Courtney must have air!
WIB: Should we leave, oh great one, that way you will have more air and space?
WIM: And don't blame me if anything goes wrong!
(Courtney and the WIB stare at her blankly)
WIM: (Embarrassed, she mutters to herself) Never mind.
Courtney: Anyway, I want all of you to make sure that the decorations for my banquet are set up. Oh, and make sure that the cheerleaders are all there. We must create the laws of this new world.
WIB: Yes, oh fantastic one.
(She and the rest of the others open the doors and exit the bus. It happenes to be sunny out, and one of the sun's rays happens to hit Spike and he begins to sizzle)
Spike: Hey, watch it! Close that door!
(They ignore his comments as they exit one by one)
Angel: Wait, don't you guys realize she's controling you? Doesn't the fact that she used to be an evil hell god disturb you?
Spike: Not to mention that she's molding the world and everyone's minds to her wants and needs! Come on, think if there's something in your heads that can do that!
(One of the women looks at him with a dazed out expression on her face)
Anonymous woman: (No expression in her voice) Courtney is our leader. She is the greatest. All hail Courtney. We all bow down before her. We are cheerleaders. We rule the world. She rules us all.
(All of the women leave the bus and slam the door shut)
Courtney: They're under MY power, as you can see. Actually, the whole world is under my spell, except for you two guys and Tammy. And believe me, Tammy wouldn't dream of double crossing me.
9However, Spike and Angel have been ignoring her)
Spike: Peaches, do you hear something?
Angel: Not a thing my childe, do you?
Courtney: OKAY, THAT'S IT! YOU GUYS HAVE GOTTEN ON MY LAST NERVES! I WAS GOING TO MAKE YOU GUYS MASCOTS, BUT…
Angel: Gee, what a shame. Guess you'll just have to mindlessly torture us instead.
Spike: (Enthusisatically lifs his fist in the air) Yes! Holy water and sunlight, here I come!
Courtney: (A wicked smile forms on her face) BUT, SINCE YOU TWO DIKEY LOSERS HAVE BEEN SUCH PAINS IN THE ASS, I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU SUFFER EVEN FURTHER!
Angel: What are you going to do, yell at us until we go deaf?
Courtney: (Talks in a very haughty tone) It just so happens that I happen to have your friends under a spell that could get them killed.
Spike: (In a very innocent voice) Friends, what friends?
Courtney: Oh, don't act like you don't know!
Spike: Wow, she actually figured that one out, Peaches. Shock, faint, gasp.
Angel: Hey Spike?
Spike: Yeah?
Angel: Stop calling me Peaches.
Courntey: THAT ENOUGH!
Spike: Oooooh, now she's mad. Help, ah, help!
Courtney: It just so happens that your precious little slayer is, oh how shall we say, torn apart.
(Spike suddenly stops laughing and hatefully glares at her)
Spike: What the hell did you do to her?
(She ignores Spike and begins talking to Angel)
Courntey: MPD Angel, real good guess. Actually, I brought out all of her alto egos, all of her faults, and they're slowly driving her insane. Not that she isn't already a psyco…
(Before she can even finish her sentence Spike jumps up and pushes Courtney to the floor. The chip doesn't activate, and punches her in the nose, breaking it once more. He goes to punch her in the jaw, but this time she is ready for him and grabs his arm. She realizes that she's strong again and she pushes Spike really hard across the room.)
Courtney: (Overly excited) Yes, yes! They're back, they're back!
Angel: What the hell are you talking about?
Spike: Maybe her brain cells. (A pause) Nah.
Courtney: (Talks to them as if they're idiots for not knowing what she means) My god powers are back, you dikey loser! The spell, it gave me world domination, including my god powers!
(A very worrie dexpression comes over Angel's face. However, Spike is a little more…..blunt)
Spike: Oh crap!
(Courtney grins evily)
Courtney: So, looks like the cards have turned. I no longer have to use this stupid spell book!
Courtney: (Thinks to herself) Wait, I better not underestimate them. I'll keep the spell book for now, I guess. Besides, with the spell book, I can turn them into frogs, or furry puppies!
Courtney: I tell you what. I won't hurt your precious little slayer and your friends if…
Angel: If what?
(Courtney grins evily once more)
Courtney: If you agree to do whatever I say.
Angel: That would be?
Spike: Oh crap!
Courtney: You guys aren't going to be mascots. Nope, you're going to be cheerleaders!
Spike: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angel: Cheerleading? You mean, that thing Cordelia used to be? ME?!? In THAT cult?
Courtney: It just so happens that it is NOT a cult, it is a way of life for the popular and beautiful. Besides, don't you have a thing for ex. cheerleaders?
(Angel glares at her hatefully)
Courtney: Speaking of which, you should have seen the spells I did to your friends. Oh, Buffy gets all of her faults and problems, but with the others, I made them one sided. (Speaks tauntingly to Angel) Poor Cordelia, now she's a cheerleading bitch once again. No other side to her. Just a shallow, self absorbed, daddy gir…
(Angel changes into game face and goes to hit her, but she uses her powers and pushes him forcefully into the wall)
Courtney: I love my powers!
Spike: Listen here blondy, if you don't take that spell off of Buffy, I WILL rip your freaking throat out. I will tear you apart from limb to limb and then tie up your entails until they're one big knot!
Angel: Uh yeah, same here!
(Courtney laughs)
Courtney: Oh I highly doubt that. With my powers, you can't touch me! I'll play your game, though. Now, I said I wouldn't kill your friends and precious slayer if you stayed and did whatever I said. I never mentined removal of the spell. But I'm willing to negotiate, for a price…
Angel: Name it.
Courtney: (Huge grin forms on her face) Well, in order to become a cheerleader, you have to get in touch with your feminim side.
Spike: Don't have one.
Courtney: Well you'd better find one, for you guys are going to be cheering here for a LONG time.
Angel: Say, aren't there males who do cheer?
Courtney: Yes, if that's what you want to call them.
Spike: Oh G-d, you're not going to put me in a room with gay cheerleading boys, are you?
Courtney: Didn't even think of that, thanks for the idea.
(Angel elbows Spike in the ribs)
Spike: Ow, what did you do that for?
Angel: Thanks a lot, William!
Courtney: Ok guys, settle down. Now, here's the first step to your cheerleading program. You're going to have to prove to me right now that you're in touch with your feminim side.
Spike: No bloody way!
Spike: (Thinks to himself) Even now, I can't stop saying it!
(All of a sudden, Courtney pulls on a string and a movie screen appears. She puts it on, showing them Buffy and her friends in the car)
(Angel lifts one of his eyebrows)
Angel: Where did that come from, and how did you manage to get a camera there when you conducted the spell at Spike's crypt?
Courtney: Because this is fanfiction! How else do you think you guys can all of a sudden speak, I suddenly got my god powers back, I didn't even mention my nose that was broken again, you know that I was in Spike's crypt performing the spell, we're in Wisconsin, for christ sake, and you're in a cheerleading camp from the cheerleaders of Bring It On!
Angel: Not to mention that my character is way too lame in this story.
(Spike and Courtney roll their eyes)
Spike: Yeah sure poof, whatever you say.
Courtney: Also, Buffy and her bratty little sister are nothing like the way they're portrayed in this story.
Spike: Oh, and don't forget that I look like a complete weakling and idiot in this story.
(The three of them laugh for about a minute)
Courtney: Okay, that's enough of that!
(The laughter stops)
Spike: Yep.
Angel: Where were we?
Courtney: We were up to the part where you forgo horrible humilation to save your girlfriends.
Angel: Oh yeah.
Spike: So, what do we have to do?
Courtney: Sing about how wonderful it is to be a woman. Oh, and use plenty of emotion. Dancing doesn't hurt either.
Angel: NO BLOODY WAY!
Angel: Oh bloody hell, now I'm talking like him! Oh, bloody hell, I mean, oh bloody hell, I mean noooo!!!!!!!!
Spike: Thanks mate, I think I'm cured now!
Angel: But I'm bloody not! Nooooooo!
Courtney: Okay, if I don't hear singing in the next five minutes, I'll have Buffy relive her mother's death!
(All of a sudden, music conveniently plays in the background and Spike begins to sing)
Spike: I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and oh bloody hell, do I have to say it! (The music abruptly stops)
Courtney: (Very airheady) Um, yeah!
Spike: Oh bloody hell! Oh great, now I'm saying it again!
Angel: Did I mention that I hate you?
Spike: Just wait until it's your turn to sing Angel, just wait…
Courtney: Hop to it!
(Music stars all over, and so does his song)
Spike:
I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and gay,
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me today.
I feel charming,
Oh so charming,
It's alarming how charming I feel,
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!
I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!
(All of a sudden, he has back up voices singing along with him)
Girls:
Have you met my good friend Spike,
The craziest girl on the block?
You'll know her the minute you see her,
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock.
She thinks she's in love.
She thinks she's in Spain.
She isn't in love,
She's merely insane.
It must be the heat
Or some rare disease,
Or too much to eat
Or maybe it's weed.
Keep away from her,
Send for Angel!
This is not the Spike we know!
Modest and pure,
Polite and refined,
Well-bred and mature,
And out of her mind!
Miss America! Speech! Speech!
Maria:
I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty
That the city should give me its key.
A committee
Should be organized to honor me.
I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny,
I feel fizzy and funny and fine,
And so pretty,
Miss America can just resign!
Girls:
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
What mirror where?
Who can that attractive girl be?
(Which? What? Where? Whom?)
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
(Whommm? Whommm? )
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!
(Whommm?)
I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!
[sorry if the name Maria is still in there, but I don't feel like rechecking, so aw well.]
(He begins to twirl like a ballerina, but it doesn't work out to well and he falls flat on his ass)
Spike: Not even going to say it! I'm going to think of another curse word to mutter. "Oh, dammit!"
(By now, Angel and Courtney are hysterically laughing. Especially Angel. He actually turns red and gasps for air, even though he obviously doesn't need to.
(Spike is pissed, and a dead serious expression comes across his face)
Okay Peaches, it's your turn!
Angel: I thought I told not to call me that!
Spike: Yeah, like I'd listen to you. Come on Peaches, you know you want to.
Courtney: Unless you'd like Cordelia to stay a bitch permanetly.
(Angel growls at her)
Angel: Oh, what the hell.
Spike: Now you're talking
(Angel ignores himand sings the most girly song her can think of)
When you're a skinny child of 15
Wired with braces from ear to ear
You doubt that you will ever be appealing
Then hallelujah, you are 16
And the braces dissapear
And your skin is smoothe and clear
And you have that happy grownup female feeling
How lovely to be a woman
The wait was well worth while
How lovely to wear mascara
And smile awoman's smile
How lovely to have a figure that's round instead of flat
Whenever you hear boys whistle, you're what they're whistling at
It's wondeful to feel, the way a woman feels
It gives you such a glow, just to know
That you're wearing lipstick and heels
How lovely to be a woman
And have one job to do
To pick out a boy and train him
And then when you are through
You've made him the man you want him to be
How lovely to be a woman like me
How wonderful to know
The things a woman knows
How marvelous to wait for a date
In simply beautiful clothes
How lovely to be a woman
And change from boys to men
To go to a fancy nightclub
And stay out till after 10
How lovely to be so grown up and free
Life's lovely when you're a woman like me!
Spike: Okay, that was a priceless moment!
Angel: Shut up, boy!
Spike: Aw, looks like someone's a little insecure about his sexuality!
Angel: Hey, at least I didn't enjoy it!
Spike: Hey, I wasn't enjoying it! It was, um…(tries to think of an excuse) it was the magic in the song, that's all.
Courtney: I think we're going to have a lot of fun here at cheercamp!
Angel: Can we just walk outside right now and be killed by sunlight instead?
Spike: And go to hell? Yeah, hell would be okay.
Angel: Come on Courtney, show some mercy!
Courtney: Hmmm, I'll think about it…no!
Spike: Damn!
Courtney: Now, I'm getting bored with this scene. We're going to go to the banquet hall. No funny stuff, or the spell stays on your friends forever.
Angel: How can we trust you?
Courtney: What choice do you have?
Angel: Okay, just double checking.
Courtney: Oh, and don't worry about the sunlight, boys. I wouldn't want to kill you. You'll only be cheering at night games.
(Spike and Angel sigh in relief)
Courtney: In front of 1000's and 1000's including vampires. Oh, and we'll focus all the lights on you.
(Spike and Angel moan)
Courtney: (Overly cheerful) And look, it's almost sundown. The fun's about to begin!
(Next chapter will either be about them or Cliff and Xander. Haven't decided)
(Okay, soooooooooo sorry I haven't updated. I'm just a lazy bum who is too busy reading the fanfiction to actually write it! And did I mention that I'm just plain lazy?)
(Also, I want you to know that I spent an hour looking up the song lyrics to How Lovely to Be a Woman. Sadly, no success. You'll see why as you read why I wanted them. Had to listen to the song on video in order to get them right!)
(Courtney has just conducted the spell. Suddenlly, she and Tammy are at a huge cheerleading camp in Wisconsin. They are standing right outside its doors. The cheerbus is parked right next to them)
Courtney: (Talking to Tammy) Ahhhh, the sounds of cheers in the morning. It's almost as comforting as the sounds of screams…
(A very loud scream comes out of the pink cheerbus)
Spike: (Terrified beyond belief) Nooo, nooo, anything but the sparkles!!!!
Courtney: (Chuckles) Notice how I stressed the word "almost"?
Tammy: (Mutters to herself) No shit, sherlock. (Thinks for a second) Wait, how could that guy scream if the spell silenced him?
Courtney: (Completely unaware of what Tammy just said) Say, do me a favor. Go to the main office and let them know that their leader is here. Tell them to set up a banquet in my honor. PRONTO!
Tammy: (Stutters) Ye, yes, Cou, Cour, Courtney.
(She opens the doors [which are quite heavy, I may add] and runs into the camp However, as soon as she's out of Courtney's sight, she takes the beer from her bag and sits down on one of the benches)
Meanwhile…
(Courtney knocks on the cheerbus doors and comes on the bus. Everyone drops what they are doing and bows) [They literally drop what they are doing! The ladies holding Spike let go of him and there is a loud thump on the floor]
Spike: (Very grumpily) Oh, bloody hell, that hurt!
(Courtney ignores his complaining)
Courtney: (VERY ANGRILY) LADIES, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
WIB: (Very nervous) Of what, your Absolute Greatness?
Courtney: WHY IS MY CHEERLEADING CAMP AND RULING GROUND IN WISCONSIN?!?!? I WANTED IT TO BE IN FLORIDA OR CALIFORNIA OR THE CARRIBEAN!
(The WIB looks directly at the WIM)
WIB: I told you we made the wrong turn!
WIM: (Shocked) Me? I didn't even say a word this entire trip!
WIB: Excuses, excuses!
Angel: (Thinks to himself) If she wanted it to be in California, why the hell didn't she just leave us tied up at Spike's crypt? Or left us tied up on the cheerbus right in front of the crypt?
(However, Spike is not for keeping his opinions to himself)
Spike: You stupid bint! What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't even take over the world properly! And as for your (makes quotation signs with his fingers) cheercamp, how the hell did you think it was going to get to the Carribean? Hello, ocean!
Courtney: (VERY ANGRILY) YOU SHUT UP!
Spike: Even your spells don't work properly! One minute I can't talk, the next I can. One minute everything is glowy, the next everything is black.G- d, you're an insult to all that is evil!
(Courtney is red with rage. She looks almost like a tomato)
Angel: Sorry Courtney, but the moron's right.
Spike: Yeah! (Realizes Angel just called him a moron) Hey!
Courtney: (FURIOUSLY) THAT'S IT! I'M SO SICK OF TAKING THIS CRAP FROM YOU TWO! ESPECIALLY FROM YOU!!!!!
(She points at Spike and continues to babble)
DO YOU THINK I LIKE DOING THIS SPELL CRAP? HELL NO! I WAS A FREAKING GOD! THESE SPELLS TAKE FOREVER, DAMMIT! WHEN I HAD MY GOD POWERS, I COULD HAVE TAKEN OVER THIS PLANET WITH THE FLICK OF MY WRIST. BUT NO, YOU AND YOUR STUPID SLAYER HAD TO RUIN THAT FOR ME, DIDN'T YOU? HAD TO GO KILL MY ALTER EGO BEN, DIDN'T YOU? AND OH MY G-D, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS SPELL CRAP IS? NONE OF MY SPELLS SEEM TO LAST! IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT TAMMY GIRL, MY SPELL TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WOULD HAVE BEEN SCREWED. AND LET ME JUST SAY, THAT'S MORE CREDIT THAN I CARE TO SHARE WITH A HUMAN!
(By now, all the women are staring at her in shock)
(Courtney takes a deep breath and continues)
Courtney: I'm calm, I'm calm. Ladies, sorry about that. Must have been the lack of air.
WIC: The magnificent Courtney must have air!
WIB: Should we leave, oh great one, that way you will have more air and space?
WIM: And don't blame me if anything goes wrong!
(Courtney and the WIB stare at her blankly)
WIM: (Embarrassed, she mutters to herself) Never mind.
Courtney: Anyway, I want all of you to make sure that the decorations for my banquet are set up. Oh, and make sure that the cheerleaders are all there. We must create the laws of this new world.
WIB: Yes, oh fantastic one.
(She and the rest of the others open the doors and exit the bus. It happenes to be sunny out, and one of the sun's rays happens to hit Spike and he begins to sizzle)
Spike: Hey, watch it! Close that door!
(They ignore his comments as they exit one by one)
Angel: Wait, don't you guys realize she's controling you? Doesn't the fact that she used to be an evil hell god disturb you?
Spike: Not to mention that she's molding the world and everyone's minds to her wants and needs! Come on, think if there's something in your heads that can do that!
(One of the women looks at him with a dazed out expression on her face)
Anonymous woman: (No expression in her voice) Courtney is our leader. She is the greatest. All hail Courtney. We all bow down before her. We are cheerleaders. We rule the world. She rules us all.
(All of the women leave the bus and slam the door shut)
Courtney: They're under MY power, as you can see. Actually, the whole world is under my spell, except for you two guys and Tammy. And believe me, Tammy wouldn't dream of double crossing me.
9However, Spike and Angel have been ignoring her)
Spike: Peaches, do you hear something?
Angel: Not a thing my childe, do you?
Courtney: OKAY, THAT'S IT! YOU GUYS HAVE GOTTEN ON MY LAST NERVES! I WAS GOING TO MAKE YOU GUYS MASCOTS, BUT…
Angel: Gee, what a shame. Guess you'll just have to mindlessly torture us instead.
Spike: (Enthusisatically lifs his fist in the air) Yes! Holy water and sunlight, here I come!
Courtney: (A wicked smile forms on her face) BUT, SINCE YOU TWO DIKEY LOSERS HAVE BEEN SUCH PAINS IN THE ASS, I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU SUFFER EVEN FURTHER!
Angel: What are you going to do, yell at us until we go deaf?
Courtney: (Talks in a very haughty tone) It just so happens that I happen to have your friends under a spell that could get them killed.
Spike: (In a very innocent voice) Friends, what friends?
Courtney: Oh, don't act like you don't know!
Spike: Wow, she actually figured that one out, Peaches. Shock, faint, gasp.
Angel: Hey Spike?
Spike: Yeah?
Angel: Stop calling me Peaches.
Courntey: THAT ENOUGH!
Spike: Oooooh, now she's mad. Help, ah, help!
Courtney: It just so happens that your precious little slayer is, oh how shall we say, torn apart.
(Spike suddenly stops laughing and hatefully glares at her)
Spike: What the hell did you do to her?
(She ignores Spike and begins talking to Angel)
Courntey: MPD Angel, real good guess. Actually, I brought out all of her alto egos, all of her faults, and they're slowly driving her insane. Not that she isn't already a psyco…
(Before she can even finish her sentence Spike jumps up and pushes Courtney to the floor. The chip doesn't activate, and punches her in the nose, breaking it once more. He goes to punch her in the jaw, but this time she is ready for him and grabs his arm. She realizes that she's strong again and she pushes Spike really hard across the room.)
Courtney: (Overly excited) Yes, yes! They're back, they're back!
Angel: What the hell are you talking about?
Spike: Maybe her brain cells. (A pause) Nah.
Courtney: (Talks to them as if they're idiots for not knowing what she means) My god powers are back, you dikey loser! The spell, it gave me world domination, including my god powers!
(A very worrie dexpression comes over Angel's face. However, Spike is a little more…..blunt)
Spike: Oh crap!
(Courtney grins evily)
Courtney: So, looks like the cards have turned. I no longer have to use this stupid spell book!
Courtney: (Thinks to herself) Wait, I better not underestimate them. I'll keep the spell book for now, I guess. Besides, with the spell book, I can turn them into frogs, or furry puppies!
Courtney: I tell you what. I won't hurt your precious little slayer and your friends if…
Angel: If what?
(Courtney grins evily once more)
Courtney: If you agree to do whatever I say.
Angel: That would be?
Spike: Oh crap!
Courtney: You guys aren't going to be mascots. Nope, you're going to be cheerleaders!
Spike: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angel: Cheerleading? You mean, that thing Cordelia used to be? ME?!? In THAT cult?
Courtney: It just so happens that it is NOT a cult, it is a way of life for the popular and beautiful. Besides, don't you have a thing for ex. cheerleaders?
(Angel glares at her hatefully)
Courtney: Speaking of which, you should have seen the spells I did to your friends. Oh, Buffy gets all of her faults and problems, but with the others, I made them one sided. (Speaks tauntingly to Angel) Poor Cordelia, now she's a cheerleading bitch once again. No other side to her. Just a shallow, self absorbed, daddy gir…
(Angel changes into game face and goes to hit her, but she uses her powers and pushes him forcefully into the wall)
Courtney: I love my powers!
Spike: Listen here blondy, if you don't take that spell off of Buffy, I WILL rip your freaking throat out. I will tear you apart from limb to limb and then tie up your entails until they're one big knot!
Angel: Uh yeah, same here!
(Courtney laughs)
Courtney: Oh I highly doubt that. With my powers, you can't touch me! I'll play your game, though. Now, I said I wouldn't kill your friends and precious slayer if you stayed and did whatever I said. I never mentined removal of the spell. But I'm willing to negotiate, for a price…
Angel: Name it.
Courtney: (Huge grin forms on her face) Well, in order to become a cheerleader, you have to get in touch with your feminim side.
Spike: Don't have one.
Courtney: Well you'd better find one, for you guys are going to be cheering here for a LONG time.
Angel: Say, aren't there males who do cheer?
Courtney: Yes, if that's what you want to call them.
Spike: Oh G-d, you're not going to put me in a room with gay cheerleading boys, are you?
Courtney: Didn't even think of that, thanks for the idea.
(Angel elbows Spike in the ribs)
Spike: Ow, what did you do that for?
Angel: Thanks a lot, William!
Courtney: Ok guys, settle down. Now, here's the first step to your cheerleading program. You're going to have to prove to me right now that you're in touch with your feminim side.
Spike: No bloody way!
Spike: (Thinks to himself) Even now, I can't stop saying it!
(All of a sudden, Courtney pulls on a string and a movie screen appears. She puts it on, showing them Buffy and her friends in the car)
(Angel lifts one of his eyebrows)
Angel: Where did that come from, and how did you manage to get a camera there when you conducted the spell at Spike's crypt?
Courtney: Because this is fanfiction! How else do you think you guys can all of a sudden speak, I suddenly got my god powers back, I didn't even mention my nose that was broken again, you know that I was in Spike's crypt performing the spell, we're in Wisconsin, for christ sake, and you're in a cheerleading camp from the cheerleaders of Bring It On!
Angel: Not to mention that my character is way too lame in this story.
(Spike and Courtney roll their eyes)
Spike: Yeah sure poof, whatever you say.
Courtney: Also, Buffy and her bratty little sister are nothing like the way they're portrayed in this story.
Spike: Oh, and don't forget that I look like a complete weakling and idiot in this story.
(The three of them laugh for about a minute)
Courtney: Okay, that's enough of that!
(The laughter stops)
Spike: Yep.
Angel: Where were we?
Courtney: We were up to the part where you forgo horrible humilation to save your girlfriends.
Angel: Oh yeah.
Spike: So, what do we have to do?
Courtney: Sing about how wonderful it is to be a woman. Oh, and use plenty of emotion. Dancing doesn't hurt either.
Angel: NO BLOODY WAY!
Angel: Oh bloody hell, now I'm talking like him! Oh, bloody hell, I mean, oh bloody hell, I mean noooo!!!!!!!!
Spike: Thanks mate, I think I'm cured now!
Angel: But I'm bloody not! Nooooooo!
Courtney: Okay, if I don't hear singing in the next five minutes, I'll have Buffy relive her mother's death!
(All of a sudden, music conveniently plays in the background and Spike begins to sing)
Spike: I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and oh bloody hell, do I have to say it! (The music abruptly stops)
Courtney: (Very airheady) Um, yeah!
Spike: Oh bloody hell! Oh great, now I'm saying it again!
Angel: Did I mention that I hate you?
Spike: Just wait until it's your turn to sing Angel, just wait…
Courtney: Hop to it!
(Music stars all over, and so does his song)
Spike:
I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and gay,
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me today.
I feel charming,
Oh so charming,
It's alarming how charming I feel,
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!
I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!
(All of a sudden, he has back up voices singing along with him)
Girls:
Have you met my good friend Spike,
The craziest girl on the block?
You'll know her the minute you see her,
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock.
She thinks she's in love.
She thinks she's in Spain.
She isn't in love,
She's merely insane.
It must be the heat
Or some rare disease,
Or too much to eat
Or maybe it's weed.
Keep away from her,
Send for Angel!
This is not the Spike we know!
Modest and pure,
Polite and refined,
Well-bred and mature,
And out of her mind!
Miss America! Speech! Speech!
Maria:
I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty
That the city should give me its key.
A committee
Should be organized to honor me.
I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny,
I feel fizzy and funny and fine,
And so pretty,
Miss America can just resign!
Girls:
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
What mirror where?
Who can that attractive girl be?
(Which? What? Where? Whom?)
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
(Whommm? Whommm? )
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!
(Whommm?)
I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!
[sorry if the name Maria is still in there, but I don't feel like rechecking, so aw well.]
(He begins to twirl like a ballerina, but it doesn't work out to well and he falls flat on his ass)
Spike: Not even going to say it! I'm going to think of another curse word to mutter. "Oh, dammit!"
(By now, Angel and Courtney are hysterically laughing. Especially Angel. He actually turns red and gasps for air, even though he obviously doesn't need to.
(Spike is pissed, and a dead serious expression comes across his face)
Okay Peaches, it's your turn!
Angel: I thought I told not to call me that!
Spike: Yeah, like I'd listen to you. Come on Peaches, you know you want to.
Courtney: Unless you'd like Cordelia to stay a bitch permanetly.
(Angel growls at her)
Angel: Oh, what the hell.
Spike: Now you're talking
(Angel ignores himand sings the most girly song her can think of)
When you're a skinny child of 15
Wired with braces from ear to ear
You doubt that you will ever be appealing
Then hallelujah, you are 16
And the braces dissapear
And your skin is smoothe and clear
And you have that happy grownup female feeling
How lovely to be a woman
The wait was well worth while
How lovely to wear mascara
And smile awoman's smile
How lovely to have a figure that's round instead of flat
Whenever you hear boys whistle, you're what they're whistling at
It's wondeful to feel, the way a woman feels
It gives you such a glow, just to know
That you're wearing lipstick and heels
How lovely to be a woman
And have one job to do
To pick out a boy and train him
And then when you are through
You've made him the man you want him to be
How lovely to be a woman like me
How wonderful to know
The things a woman knows
How marvelous to wait for a date
In simply beautiful clothes
How lovely to be a woman
And change from boys to men
To go to a fancy nightclub
And stay out till after 10
How lovely to be so grown up and free
Life's lovely when you're a woman like me!
Spike: Okay, that was a priceless moment!
Angel: Shut up, boy!
Spike: Aw, looks like someone's a little insecure about his sexuality!
Angel: Hey, at least I didn't enjoy it!
Spike: Hey, I wasn't enjoying it! It was, um…(tries to think of an excuse) it was the magic in the song, that's all.
Courtney: I think we're going to have a lot of fun here at cheercamp!
Angel: Can we just walk outside right now and be killed by sunlight instead?
Spike: And go to hell? Yeah, hell would be okay.
Angel: Come on Courtney, show some mercy!
Courtney: Hmmm, I'll think about it…no!
Spike: Damn!
Courtney: Now, I'm getting bored with this scene. We're going to go to the banquet hall. No funny stuff, or the spell stays on your friends forever.
Angel: How can we trust you?
Courtney: What choice do you have?
Angel: Okay, just double checking.
Courtney: Oh, and don't worry about the sunlight, boys. I wouldn't want to kill you. You'll only be cheering at night games.
(Spike and Angel sigh in relief)
Courtney: In front of 1000's and 1000's including vampires. Oh, and we'll focus all the lights on you.
(Spike and Angel moan)
Courtney: (Overly cheerful) And look, it's almost sundown. The fun's about to begin!
(Next chapter will either be about them or Cliff and Xander. Haven't decided)