AN: as promised, here's the new chapter! This chapter is pretty much a huge ball of emotion. Warnings are strong language and suicidal thoughts. This is probably the last chapter but the epilogue will be posted sometime this week. My new Malec story will also be posted within the next couple of weeks as well. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, and reviews make me a happy writer. Please enjoy.

I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care

But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere

I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder

Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over

You can say we're done the way you always do

It's easier to lie to me than to yourself

Forget about your friends, you know they're gonna say

We're bad for each other, but we ain't good for anyone else

Come over - Kenny Chesney

Magnus POV:

Alec's words are still ringing in my ears even as I hang up the phone with Robert. He had made it clear that I need to give Alec space, and I need to give their family time to grieve. But I don't know if I can do that.

My mind wanders back to after Allie's funeral. It wasn't even a few hours later that Alec was attempting suicide. And this... this is even worse. Robert said that Alec's door is unlocked, that he has no weapons, that he can't get a hold of pills. But I still don't think those things can stop Alec. If he wants to hurt himself then he will. If he wants to die...

Who am I kidding, of course he wants to hurt himself! He blames himself for Max's death. I need to talk to him, but since I'm banned from going over there I'll do the next best thing.

My fingers fly across my phones screen to get to Jace's number. But when I press the phone to my ear I'm disappointed, it doesn't ring, it just goes straight to voicemail. Frustration fills me, damnit Jace. I hang up and call Isabelle. The phone rings six times and I'm about to hang up when the phone clicks.

"Magnus?" Her voice is soft, and it's obvious that she was crying.

"I'm sorry to bother you but I need to know that Alec's okay." Please tell me that he's okay...

It takes her a few moments before she speaks, "mom and dad are in his room with him now I think. Wait, hold on."

"Hold on for what?" I start to panic. What's happening over there?

She sighs, "dad just took mom back to Max's room. And now he's walking back to Alec's room, I'm going out into the hall."

I can suddenly hear a deep, muffled voice that I recognise as Robert but I can't tell what he's saying. "Isabelle, what's going on?"

She doesn't respond. "Fuck you."

My eyes widen, that... that was Alec. I can't believe that he said that. "I... I won't lock it." I hear a door shut and Isabelle's feet on the floor. Her door shuts softly.

"Magnus?"

I don't know what to say... "What?"

"Why aren't you here right now?"

There's a lump in my throat and I can't swallow it. I should be there, I should have ignored Robert. "Your... your dad told me not to come over."

Her voice gets deeper and I can tell that she's angry, "fuck him. You need to be here, right now. Just let yourself in." My phone beeps and I realize she's hung up on me. But I don't care.

I'm on my feet and out of my bedroom within seconds of her hanging up. As I burst outside I realize that my suit coat is on my bedroom floor and I'm only in my shirt, fuck it. Snow is falling rapidly and my fingers start shaking as I unlock the door to my car. And then I'm off.

As my car speeds in the direction of Alec's house my body continues to shake. Maybe from the cold, maybe from the adrenaline. But what I do know is this, I made this journey once. Last year I had a horrible feeling about Alec and ended up finding him nearly dead in a bathtub. I will never get over that moment when he opened those eyes and looked up at me as I rushed into the bathroom.

My car fishtails and I try to right it. I can't wreck, if I do it will push him over the edge completely. I need to focus on getting to Alec, not what happened in the past.

I probably break about fifty laws but I finally pull into Alec's driveway and park. Every second feels like an hour as the storm kicks up and I have to force my way through the snow to his front door. It better not be locked, please don't be.

My hand, pale white and numb, grips the door handle and pushes in. Thankfully it opens and I shut the door behind me. My lips immediately start quivering and I glance down. My shirt is soaking wet from the snow and I can see my tanned skin through it.

Footsteps land on the top steps above me and I look up. Robert is staring down at me in shock, "I told you not to come here!"

Before I can answer I hear a crash, "where is it?! Where the hell is it?!"

Alec... My feet launch me up the stairs and I reach Alec's door almost as soon as Robert does. He's beating on Alec's door. "Alexander Lightwood! Open this door right now or I swear to the Angel that I will kick it down!"

I glance to the right and see Jace and Isabelle standing in her doorway, his arms around her. Maryse is standing next to them with tears in her eyes and her hand over her open mouth.

There's more crashes from inside of Alec's room and Robert pushes me back. His leg comes up and smashes into Alec's door, successfully knocking it down. If I wasn't so upset I would probably be admiring the older man's strength but instead I dash into Alec's room before stopping.

The room looks like hurricane Alec came through and destroyed the place. His dresser drawers are on the floor with their contents half emptied. Everything he owns is strewn all over the floor and there's a kicked over chair next to his closet door. Alec is standing in the middle of the room, turned away from me. I can tell his chest is heaving and I can hear the sobs trying to force their way out of him.

It's breaking my heart.

Alec finally turns and barely looks at me before glaring at his father. "You had no right to take it. No fucking right!"

And it registers. His pocket knife. When I found out that he keeps a pocket knife in his closet I told Robert and Maryse. Alec was sent to the hospital and I told them to get rid of it, I wasn't positive if they did but obviously they had.

Alec steps towards Robert but my arm shoots out and I gently push him back. "Alec, we just want you to stay safe." My eyes drift to Robert, "he and I need to talk. And I really don't care if you like it or not. I'm the only one who can help him right now." The words feel right even as I say them. He needs me to save him. And if I have to save him a million times for the rest of my life then I will gladly do it.

Surprisingly Robert nods and walks towards the rest of the family. I can hear them talking but not what they're saying, eventually I hear a door shut. Good, they love Alec but they know that he needs me now more than ever.

My eyes come back to rest on Alec. He's gritting his teeth and his chest is still rising and falling rapidly. His hands are gripped into fists. My mouth opens but nothing comes out. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Did you tell them about my knife?" His words are harsh and I flinch.

"Yes. I wanted them to get rid of it so that... so that something like this could never happen. If you had it you would be dead right now!" My hands reach out for him and he smacks one of them away.

"That's my choice!" Tears are streaming down his face and he trys to rub them off but more come. "It's the only thing that I can control. I want to die."

My hands come up and grip his arms, "Max wouldn't want that! It will kill your family to lose both of you. It will kill me to lose you."

His hands come up and he hits my chest. And then he does it again, and again, and then I lose count I just let him hit me while he cries. "It's not fair that he's dead. It should have been me. It should have been me! He was good and sweet and kind and the most amazing brother in the world. He was-" he chokes on his tears, "it's not fair!"

One of his hands comes up and just barely grazes my chest as his legs collapse out from under him. I try to keep him upright but I fall with him and we sit in a big mess of his clothes. Alec's fingers clench onto my shirt and his face is buried into my neck. My arms keep him pressed tightly against me and my lips search out one of his ears.

"Max loved you. He loved you, and I love you. Jace and Isabelle love you. Your mother and father love you. It's not fair that he died. And you will relive that moment the truck smashed into your car for the rest of your life. But I will always be there to keep you safe. I will never let you down. I love you Alexander. I fucking love you so much. After my mom committed suicide I told myself that I would never love anyone again but I love you. I can't lose you like I lost her. I can't lose both of you that way. I... I can't. I can't baby."

He hiccups and his arms wrap around my neck, pulling me against him as much as he can. His lips move against my neck and I have to struggle to hear them. "How can I live like this? Without him, alone."

One of my hands slide through his hair and grips it gently. My voice is hoarse when I open my mouth, "you are not alone. You are with me, and I will always be with you. I will always be yours. You saved me from being a person that I didn't want to be, you saved me from my father's shadow that has lingered on me since I did what I did. And I will save you. I will save you from even yourself if I have to."

He cries against my neck and I can feel his tears against my skin, hot tears that warm me up inside. "I don't want to be alone. I'm losing everyone I love."

I pull away from him slightly and I look into his blue eyes that I fell in love with the first time I met him, "you will never lose me. I love you."

His face moves closer to mine and our lips meet. I can taste the salt from his tears on my lips but I don't care. I grip his hair in one hand and cup his face with the other and we just kiss. His fingers slide up into my hair and I pull away slightly, pressing soft kisses against his lips.

Alec's eyes are shut and I hear footsteps in the door. I look up and see Maryse looking at us. Her eyes meet mine and she gives me a small smile before walking away. My eyes drift back down to Alec.

I may have saved you today Alec, but the real hero in this piece is you. You saved me.