Chapter 21:
The Interviews Part Six:
Even in Death
My heart stops for a moment.
Dead? Is she really dead?
The second he says it, I think he's kidding.
But the grim look on his face tells me different.
And my world is shattering around me.
Wade's grip on my hand tightens, as if to reassure me.
But I'm not. I can't feel it.
"W-w-what?" I stutter. "You're… You're not serious are you? Is this some sick joke?"
"I'm so sorry, Briar. Your grandmother is dead," Cronin says sadly, moving his hand forward to console, but I shrink away.
"What the hell?" I scream, suddenly furious. The audience gasps in shock and I snarl at them. "Why the hell would you do that? Tell me that my grandmother is dead, here, on live television?"
Cronin stares at me in surprise. I'm sure the producers and runners of the show urged him to say it: he probably doesn't have a brain large enough to comprehend what the results of that would bring.
"Briar, calm down," Wade whispers to me. "He just wanted to let you know."
"Why? Why not wait until I'm not on the freaking stage?" I yell.
I'm devastated right now. I'm furious right now.
I'm all emotions.
My chin is trembling.
My eyes are stinging.
My throat is clenching.
I feel a huge sob in my throat, waiting to burst out.
The only person who ever loved me, the woman who raised me, and the woman who protested as a teenager. The strongest person I know.
Dead.
I wonder what my mom is doing. If she is even alive, too. Would she kill herself after Grandmama died?
She is most likely alive, though. That ass of a man Cronin would have announced that, too, if it were the case.
I take in a shuddery breath.
I shouldn't blame Cronin. He probably didn't have a choice in saying that. The managers probably just wanted views and reviews.
And then I realize something: with his saying of that, I can show that sweet and innocent side of myself.
So I do something I never expected myself to do in front of millions of people.
I cry.
I let the tears pour out of my eyes, and I let Wade hold me, and I even let Cronin touch my hand.
And you know what?
It felt pretty damn good to do that.
I cry and cry, because the sadness of everything adds up, and it hurts if you bottle it in like I do.
We have two minutes left in our interview. I feel like I've portrayed myself perfectly. I have showed the witty, mean side, and the soft side that everyone has somewhere.
"Briar and Wade, what are some of your fondest memories from being children?" Cronin asks, actually speaking of a bright side.
Wade speaks first, after some hesitation. "I remember when I was five years old, my mom took me down to the river in our district, and she showed me some flowers that I still remember. They were white and pink, with beautiful and soft petals, but the stems were prickly and tough. I kept poking myself when I tried to pick it, but then she stopped me, and told me, 'If you pick it just right, you will not poke yourself, and it will stay beautiful.' I have remembered her advice to this day, and I have even applied it."
"What flower was it?" Cronin asks curiously.
I smile and roll my eyes. I know exactly what the flower was. I wonder, though, if he made the story up, or if it did happen.
"I'll give you a hint," I say. I stand up, and gesture to my dress. The audience seems confused at first, but then start to speak up excitedly. I think they get what I mean.
"That's a lovely story! And a lovely dress, I might add!" Cronin says, motioning for me to sit back down. I sit in Wade's lap playfully, and he smiles hugely.
He twirls my hair around his fingers, his face close to mine. I really want to kiss him, right then and there, but that might be 'socially unacceptable'.
"And, what a lovely couple!" Cronin says happily. The crowd goes wild, and I lean in and kiss Wade, just for the hell of it.
The buzzer goes off as we kiss, and we don't stop immediately. He holds me tighter, and I smile.
"That's all the time we have, you two, but it was truly a wonderful time. Thank you for coming!" Cronin says excitedly. The cheering is loud and overwhelming, but we manage to get off of the stage in one piece.
"You guys!" Beck says excitedly when Wade and I get off of the stage. "You were just awesome! It was so fun to watch! But I swear, Briar, I thought you were gonna rip Cronin's throat out!"
I smile at him. "And I'll rip yours out too, if you don't watch out! Just wait for tomorrow!"
His grin is erased. I went too far. The games are a too serious subject, especially this close to them.
"I'm so sorry, Beck. I didn't mean-"
He stops me. "It's fine, Briar. Seriously. Anyway, we all know that I'm not making it past the bloodbath."
That stops me cold. "Don't you think like that, Beck. You know as well as I do to not underestimate people. You can't say that kind of thing!"
"Face it, Briar. You're going to go far, and none of the rest of the alliance will, except maybe Sagitarria. You can't be this optimistic right now," Beck says coldly.
I am at a loss of words. I can't believe that he just said those things, so harshly.
"I can't believe you," I say as he leaves me standing there.
"People take the games really roughly, Bri. Let him go and mope," Wade says, leading me away.
We stand and watch the rest of the interviews go by, nobody standing out. Skene acts like a typical Career, and Winnow is quiet and thoughtful. Cronin gets a huge amount of applause, and then they're over. Finally, the interviews are over.
As soon as the mentors and stylists can come pick us all up, Dill and Basil and Volumnia rush in, squealing happily.
"Briar! That was perfect! Just what I wanted from you! Although, I'm so, so sorry about your grandmother," Dill says excitedly, but adds the last part in a hushed tone.
I smile and thank him.
"Are you two hungry?" Volumnia squeals. Wade and I look to each other and nod. "We had a celebration meal prepared, because we knew you two would do well!"
Come to think of it, I am pretty hungry.
"Thanks, guys!" I say, trying to be happy. It is all crashing down on me. The Interviews, the conversation with Beck. Everything that's happened recently is leading up to this. The Hunger Games. My grandmother is dead, and I have to compete in the Hunger Games, to top it all off. I will have to see my boyfriend die. My friends die.
Myself die. The thought of that is what scares me the most. I will die in a week's time at best. Tomorrow at worst.
Do I really want to even live? And take the chance away from the 23 others who have more lives than I do? I don't have Grandmama to return to, anymore. Mother might still be functioning on her own, but how can I have any clue? That's right: I can't.
I feel sick. I don't want to be here anymore, not that I ever did. But I just want to go home, now. I don't want to die, I don't want to witness death. I'm tired of it all. The Capitolites, the Games, every stupid little thing in this damn place!
"Briar? What's wrong?" Wade asks me as we walk to the elevator leading away from the Interview area.
"Everything, Wade. Everything here is so screwed up! We're going to die in a week! We'll be dead, and people won't remember us. We won't grow up and marry, we won't have children, we won't live!" I say, feeling hopeless.
"Woah, Briar!" he says, stopping us. Dill, Basil, and Volumnia just keep going and get into the elevator. "Slow it down, live now. What's right now? We're here together, right? We've got each other to be with. We have tonight to do what we want. And who knows: you might win! I know you are able to. You're the strongest person I know."
I don't say anything. I just wrap my arms around him, and hug him until time stops. "Why can't you win?" I whisper in his ear. "Why is it always about me?"
"Because I promised you that you would win. And because you are the most important thing to me in the whole world. You promise that you will win, right?" Wade says into my ear.
I am about to speak, when I stop. I bring my hand up to his hair, and touch it. I want to memorize him. I want to never forget what it feels like to hug him.
"Briar?" he prompts.
I lie. "Of course. But you have to promise me that you will try to win, if I die. Do you?"
"I promise you, Briar. I will do anything for you. I love you," he says with a waver in his voice. "I love you," he murmurs into my hair.
"I know. I love you, too, and I always will," I say.
"We'll be together, someday. If not in life, then in death," he says to me. "Forever."
"I guess that sappy love isn't half bad," I whisper with a smile.
"I told you so," he replies, kissing me on the forehead and then leading me to the elevator.
"So," I begin. "Was that story you told Cronin true? Because that would truly be the sappiest thing in the world."
"What do you think?" he replies with a grin.
"Well, it could go either way: you said it with such precision and perfectness that leads me to believe that it's true, but then I think that the actuality and possibility of that happening with a briar rose is so crazy, that it could never be true," I reason. "But I hope it's true, because that would be the most sweet and beautiful story of fate that I've ever heard."
"That's that, then: it's true," he says, smiling.
"Hmm. I will believe that for now," I say.
It was a perfect and cute little story. The thorn part was just… It made me smile so much, now that I think about it. It sounds exactly like me.
We get to our room within seconds. Once we're on the seventh level, we go into the group eating room and find Dill, Basil, and Volumnia gathered at the long dining room table, watching the television screen mounted on the far wall. I see Cronin Flickerman with his friend Griffin Rollo. They are talking to each other about the tributes' interviews. Behind them is a picture of Killani, scowling.
Dill looks up and sees Wade and me, and smiles. "Ah, there you are! Cronin gave you two a wonderful review on your Interview!"
"Oh, good!" Wade says, and we come and sit next to the group.
Volumnia sees us next. "Oh, you two! They loved you! So here's the feast!"
And it truly is a feast. There is a large bird of some kind sitting in the middle of the table surrounded and covered by a bunch of herbs and some seasoning type ingredients. Then there are pitchers of blue liquids and green ones, and some normal looking dishes, like fruits that are common, but there are also some bizarre looking dishes, too. I am so hungry that I grab my gigantic plate and pile foods that look interesting onto it.
Once I fill my plate up with food, I sit back down and dig in.
…
I really underestimated the cooks here. I ate nearly five plates of just food, and still don't feel too sick.
Okay, I do feel pretty sick, but I just want to keep eating.
And that's freaking me out.
"Why am I still so hungry?" I ask, feeling gigantic, but still hungry.
"Oh, there's an additive in your food that makes you want to keep eating long after you are physically full. They always give it to the underweight tributes," Volumnia says.
"That's disgusting!" I exclaim. I can't believe that I ate five plates of just additive making me hungry. It sickens me.
"I know, but we don't want any tributes starving themselves," Dill says.
"What, so they are able to die a bloody death in the games?" I spit.
"No, not in that way," Basil says politely.
"Whatever. Is there anything here that doesn't have that chemical in it?" I ask.
"The water doesn't, but only the kind from the tap," Basil replies.
I grab my glass and fill it up with the tap water. I return to my seat and gulp the whole glass down. I don't feel as hungry at all. In fact, I feel so sick that I don't think I will ever want to eat again.
"I'm done, and it's pretty late now. I think I'm going to bed now. After all, I have a big day tomorrow!" I say with fake enthusiasm.
"Good night, Briar," they all say.
"I think I'll go, too. Goodnight," Wade says, too.
"Well, goodbye," they say to us both.
Wade grabs my hand and leads me to my room.
"Of course it's my room," I mutter with a smirk.
"Does it matter? Love making can go on anywhere," Wade says, cornering me and bringing me closer.
"Love making, huh?" I ask. His face is so close now, I can feel his breaths on my neck. He dips his head down and kisses my neck. It feels so good, and I want us to be in this position forever. I grab his neck, and bring him closer. He continues to kiss around my collarbone, and I am in heaven.
I've never been kissed by a boy before Wade, and we've never gone further than a simple kiss, so I'm a little nervous, but he guides me. He grabs my hips, and tilts me up onto him so I wrap my legs around him.
"Why so passionate of a sudden?" I question, a smirk on my lips as I kiss him.
"Because I am suddenly reminded of how much I love you and how much I don't want to let you go," he says between kisses.
"Wade," I murmur. "Where did you learn to kiss like this?"
"It's quite a strange thing, a brother," he replies. His kisses are more aggressive now.
"Whoa, buddy, what, are we playing war here?" I ask with a grin. "'Cause if it's a fight for dominance, we both know who's winning that."
"Oh, yeah?" He stops for a moment, looking at me with his head tilted like a curious puppy.
I attack his mouth with mine, my hands grabbing the nape of his neck. "Oh, yeah."
He attacks back, his teeth slightly scraping onto my lips.
He stumbles backward, bringing me away from the wall. Wade keeps stepping back until he reaches the bed, and then he falls back onto it.
We fall off of each other awkwardly, and I laugh as we both try to get back on top of each other.
"Sweet fall," I say, taunting him. "You know, you pretty much ruined the moment. I was getting pretty into it, and I knew you were."
"Who's to say I'm not still?" he says with a grin.
"I am," I reply with a dirty smirk.
"Let's see then," he replies.
I jump on him and am on top of him. I lean down and kiss him on the lips, just barely. He reaches to grab my neck, but I jump back up before he can. He shakes his head, smiling, but frustrated.
"You are evil, Briar," he says.
I jump away. "I know."
He sits up and reaches for me.
"I guess I was wrong," I pout. "You are still, aren't you?"
"Hell yes, I am."
"You want to go all the way, don't you?" I ask, realization dawning over me.
He stops. "I figured that if it was our last night together…" He trails off. I know what he means, and the gesture is sweet, but I am pretty tired.
"I understand, Wade. I totally get it. But, honestly, I don't know if I'm ready for it," I say.
"Of course," he says.
"And, I'm still in this dress, so it would be even more awkward than just newbie sex," I add, smiling.
"You're right. At least we kissed," he says happily.
I get up from the bed, and slide the dress off. I put on some pajama shorts and keep my tank top on.
I return to the bed and slide under the covers next to Wade.
"Wade, do you remember our first night here?" I ask.
"Of course I do, Briar. It was only four days ago," he says.
"Okay, okay. But do you remember the Thorns and Roses game I taught you?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says with a soft smile.
"What were yours for today?"
"Hmm… My Rose was kissing you, and getting to spend another beautiful day with you. The Thorn of today would have to be our fight, and seeing Killani say those stupid things about us. Yours?" Wade says thoughtfully.
"I would say the exact same thing. Another Thorn of mine would be that Grandmama is dead," I say quietly.
"Of course, sweetheart," Wade says. "I'm so sorry."
Even though he gave me a nickname, my heart melts. The thought and love in that sappy little name is so sweet. Hence the name.
"I'm so glad I have you, Wade," I say. "I love you, so much."
He wraps his warm arms around me. "I love you, too, Briar."
"Thank you for being here for me. You were strong for me when I couldn't be strong," I continue.
He just smiles, weaving his fingers through my hair.
"Wade, do you ever worry about death?" I ask.
"I guess," he says, letting me talk.
"Do you ever worry about being forgotten?" I say.
"No, not really."
"Like, if you die, and people just forget about you? Like what if the Hunger Games just keep going on, and everyone that ever competed is eventually forgotten?"
"I've never thought of it that way, but I guess you're right," he replies, still playing with my hair.
"It scares me. I really don't want to be forgotten. Not that I have done anything worthy of remembering, but I just don't want to be forgotten. Like everyone that knew me will eventually die, and nobody will even know that I existed," I say sadly.
"I won't forget you. Even in death."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
A/N: Look how close we are to The Games, guys! Probably one more chapter until the actual games start, but I think I will do the huge shoutout tonight! Yay!
Also, did you guys like how long this one was? I felt like I owed you a longish chapter.
Also again: Briar and Wade were getting pretty steamy there! That was hot. But the end was sweet and happy.
Here's a huge thank you to every reviewer! I love you all:
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Thank you all so, so much! I love you guys!
There were maybe two other reviewers that were guests. Thank you guys too!
This story is 96 pages long, and over 40,000 words long. That's a lot!
I love you all, and can't wait to start the Games! I have so much planned!