How much love can one broken person give?
Between all the broken bones and arms, the broken hearts and promises..
After all the aching and pain...
How much could there be to give?
I was never really sure, but watching her gave me a pretty good idea.
She always smiled so brightly even when her eyes were so dim. There is always this illuminating light coming from her – it is the most powerful thing I have ever felt.
I don't think she ever realizes just how strong she is..
I love her more than anything on this earth..
&.&.&.&.
Tears spilled like glimmering lights of lost hope.
He was so excited.
So excited…
And now..
She could barely stand.
She was sick with herself.. Disgusted..
How could someone who healed everyone else be so damned…
Broken?
She couldn't look at him.
She felt as if she had let him down most of all.
The one person who pushed past the layers of mistrust and fear..
And she couldn't even do this one thing right for him..
"It's not your fault.." He would whisper into her pink hair..
But no matter what he said or how he said it, she couldn't hear him.
She could remember the look on his pale face after he'd been told..
Even though she was still dazed and somewhere between waves of unconsciousness.
She hated that look..
The look of loss and the fleeting look of disappointment..
Most of all, the look of concern for her..
For her..
When she couldn't even do this right..
"She'll be able to go home tomorrow.. She just needs to sleep the medicine off.." Tsunade murmured, her honey colored eyes flickering over to the sleeping pink haired medic.
"She has lost so much.. This is going to destroy her.." Came a soft wisp of a voice.. The blonde haired female sighed softly, her three most important people stood in the room with her and their tears could be felt although none let slip their sorrow..
The looks on their faces was enough.
"Is this normal?" Asked Itachi softly, his eyes watching his soon to be wife.
"Mhm, miscarriages happen all the time.. Sometimes its stress, sometimes it's just the body.. But Sakura.. she's different.." Tsunade whispered, "She can't have children, her uterus is…" the words mumbled together and Sakura couldn't hear anything anymore..
She was lost in the tides.
&.&.&.&
"One more time." Came her soft voice, viridian eyes watching closely. "Good, good. Everything looks pretty damn good." Sakura smiled brightly, "Just try not to stress them out too much for a couple more days and you should be good to go."
"Thanks, Sak!" Shisui cheered, "This means so much to me! They're really healed? My eyes are really healed?" He asked his dark orbs taking the petite woman in.
"Yes, they are." Sakura mused lightly, "Now get going, shishou doesn't like to be kept waiting." She smiled, shooing the shinobi from her office.
How can someone who heals so many people... be so broken?
"He seems excited." Laughed Ino as she entered the office.
"Pig." Sakura greeted.
"Forehead." Smiled Ino, giving Sakura a tight hug. "You have time for lunch? Hinata and Ten-Ten are down stairs and wanted to do lunch. Kagami just got back from her mission as well and is heading over. You in?" She asked, bright blue eyes watching her intently.
Sakura had not been out with the girls in a while, she'd been locking herself into her work and research – never sparing time for her mundane needs..
She and Itachi had barely spoken since...
Sakura pushed the thoughts back and gave a small smile, "I uh... No thanks.." She muttered, "I have stuff I need to do.."
"Sakura.. Please.. stop pushing everyone away.. please.." A soft sob escaped the blonde's lips before she could stop it, and Sakura couldn't take it.
"Ino.. I just can't... I can't right now.." She whispered, "I'm sorry, Ino.." She muttered before heading out the door and out of reach of the sobs that ripped from her best friend's heart.
&.&.&.&.
"You're home.." Sakura muttered, her finace sitting at the table sipping from a cup of tea. His midnight orbs glanced up to his pink haired love and his lips curled to his version of a smile.
"I am, I got back earlier this morning. I came by the hospital to see you but Tsunade-sama said you were busy, I didn't want to get in your way.." He offered, his eyes watching her form for any waiver in her.
"Oh, its okay.." She bit her lip, green eyes on the floor..
The sight before him break his heart dearly.
He couldn't stand this... In a few quick strides, he was before her, holding her to his own body and crashing his lips on hers before kissing her forehead and bringing her head to his chest. "I Love you.. I miss you.. Come back to me, please, my love.. My heart aches and my mind wonders to you every second we are away from each other. Sakura, I need you.." His words were soft and pleading, chipping away at the barracade of resolve she had built up.
"Itachi.." Sakura whispered, her voice breaking.
"My love, I don't blame you.. I'm not angry with you, I don't want to leave you.. I just need you.." Itachi whispered softly.
The damn broke and Sakura errupted into soul aching sobs..
"I'm just so tired of... everything being taken away.." She cried, "I'm tired of saying goodbye.."
Itachi closed his eyes tight as tears spilled down his own face, "I know my love.. I know.. You don't have to say goodbye alone this time.. I am here, your family... we're all here." He muttered into her hair, "Please, just come back.."
&.&.&.&.
But even with such tremendous strength..
She is still human..
And we all have things that break us.
&.&.&.&
Some days were so, so hard. She could barely breathe.. Sleep escaping her because the depression was heavy on her heart...
But, then there were actually very good days.
The days that she actually smiled and it warmed his heart..
&.&.&
"Sakura..." He whispered against her shoulder as they lie there, entangled in each others bodies.
"Itachi.."
"I love you, so damn much... I was so afraid of losing you... I can handle.. I can handle losing the baby, as much as that hurt... but I could not.. would not... ever be able to handle losing you.."He whispered, his words heavy with a sadness and pain.
Sakura tried to blink away her tears, but they came anyway. Sakura turned to Itachi and kissed him deeply, "I've lost so much.. And I don't want to lose you.. but I almost lost me.. again.. and I was scared and I'm sorry.. I am so sorry.." She whispered, Itachi holding her tightly.
"My love, I am here for you, always. And I will make sure you are taken care of.. You don't have to always carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.. You're allowed to think about yourself. The world will still keep spinning, so please.. do what you need to keep yourself alive." He whispered softly.
&.&.&.&.&
Back then:
How had things come to this? When was the last time he'd seen his ex student? He'd left with Naruto go bring Sasuke back... And even when he came back – when Naruto went to train, Sakura had been left alone. Kakashi had not sought her out, his own shame breaking him in ways he could not patch over with alcohol and sorry excuses. He had more than enough regret and guilt to carry him several life times. A sigh heaved from his lips as he made his way to her apartment. She'd moved from her family's old home and into a new home – it was understandable.. After her father had left when her mother had died, she just couldn't stay.
He had meant to see her so many times prior.. but his words were always at a stand still and he could never look her in the eyes.. into those beautiful emerald eye that stared into your soul and could see deep into your heart. She could always see past him and he didn't want that.. not now.. not after all that he'd done..
or rather, all that he had not done.
But he could not spend the rest of his life running from her – she needed to know..
And he needed to say it.
It did not take him long to get to her, not long at all. A knock on the window was all he gave after flaring his chakra as he waited. Finally, a light flickered on and there, on the other side of the window, stood a pink haired mess.
Her emerald eyes were tired with sleepless nights and over working, her shoulders were slouching – heavy from constantly holding the world's weight.
She stared at him for a long time before finally letting him in to speak with her.
"Hello.." He said softly, her green eyes watching him intently.
"Hello, Kakashi." She nodded before walking to the bed and sitting on it, "Are you hurt or something? Do you need something?"
"No.. and yes.." He murmured.
She gave him a look as if telling him to get on with it.
Pulling a sweater on, Sakura turned on her heel and headed towards the door, silently telling Kakashi to follow. He did so without complaint. He sat at her small kitchen table while she made them both tea. "I'm sure you didn't come here this late just to have me make you some tea.." She mused lightly as she put his cup near him and placed her own down.
"I came to apologize..." He murmured.
"Eh?" She asked, her eyes narrowing for a second, "What did you do this time? I swear, Kakashi, if you broke something, I am going to heal it and break it then heal it again. Why did you not just go to the hospital?" She ground out, getting from her seat to get closer to her ex sensei to see what damage he'd done to himself.
He held up his hand and shook his head, "I didn't break anything.. Well, I did... but not my body parts.."
"Kakashi, I'm really not in the mood for words games. I just had a rather long shift at work.. And I have to go back first thing in the morning. Can we get on with it." She sighed deeply as she sat back down.
Kakashi rubbed his temples for a long moment before finally answering, "I'm sorry.. for not being here when I should have been. For not teaching you as a sensei should be... For always putting you on the back burner.. For not coming to see you until now.."
Sakura's eyes narrowed for a moment before settling on him fully, "Where is all of this coming from, Kakashi?" She asked – she had no strength in her at the moment to argue or curse him.
"I've been a fool. I had the Kyuubi and a Uchiha on my team.. and all I did was skip right over the one student who .."
"Who would end up doing something for the village other than throw tantrums and seek power?" She spat, the fire in her eyes beginning to flame, "Are you ashamed for not being there for me during my mother's funeral or when my dad left – when you were the only other male figure I had?" She growled, "Or when Sasuke broke my fucking heart? Please, enlighten me as to which time you feel the shittiest about?"
He deserved this. He deserved every single sliver of her anger and hatred – she was right, where was he? He was too busy running from ghosts and chasing another failure of his. He had failed everyone of his students to the point in which they searched for help from others. Getting from his chair, he moved to her and hugged her. "I'm sorry... All I can say is.. I'm here.. I know its probably too late.. I know I don't deserve it.. but I'm here..." He whispered against her pale, pink hair.
She did not know when she had began crying.. but the tears came quick and her heart quivered.. She could not stay angry with him knowing what he'd been through – just as much devastation as she had.
After some time, they parted and Sakura wiped her eyes, "It's going to take a rather long time... but I think I can try.." She murmured, earning that infamous eye wrinkle only Kakashi was known for.
"Thank you." He said gently.
&.&.&.&.&.
Now:
They were simply talking – she was glowing that beautiful glow, and she was happy about something.. He could see it in her face that she wanted to share something wonderful with him and Kakashi could only imagine what it was. She'd told him about her and Itachi's engagement and he was more than thrilled that he was even considered important enough to be told by her directly..
But then...
Then her face went pale..
She started sweating..
Her lips went bleak and...
He caught her before she fell on the ground.
Everything inside him screamed emergency as he rushed her to the hospital.
"I need a doctor! Someone, get me a damn doctor! You!" Kakashi hissed, "Get Uchiha Itachi! He needs to get here now!"
&.&.&.&.&.
It did not take long for Tsunade, Itachi and Ino to show up. Ino had been the one to bring Sakura into the OR and Tsunade personally saw to taking care of the pinkett. Itachi showed up not too long after, he'd been in a meeting with the clan when Sasuke came rushing in to tell him Sakura was in the hospital. Itachi got from his place and rushed out without a thought. Seeing Kakashi there, Sasuke and Itachi traded looks for a long moment.
"What's happened?" Sasuke asked, speaking Itachi's mind.
"I... I don't know.. Sakura had asked me to join her for lunch. She was happy to tell me something, I have no idea.. And when she was about to she just.." Kakashi breathed deeply, " I have no idea what happened.. No one has been out to say a damn thing."
Itachi and Sasuke looked to one another once more, only to be interrupted by Tsunade.
"What happened?" Itachi asked, finally finding his voice.. There was a storm raging in his stomach and no words could explain whatever it was he was feeling.
When Tsunade spoke those words, it felt as if the world around him had cracked in half.
She was pregnant?
"You didn't know.." It wasn't a question..
"I don't think anyone did.." Kakashi whispered, now fully understanding just how important she had made him once more – he was going to be the first person to know..
But why?
&.&.&.&.&.
"I wanted you to know.. I'm happy now..That you didn't fail.. Because if things had been different, I wouldn't have all that I have.." Whispered Sakura..
This was familiar.
They sat at her table, in the dead of night.
He had come to her, knocked on her window and Sakura answered. Looking between the two, Itachi knew this was a conversation they needed to have.
Kakashi's eyes widened, "And while I don't have a father... I figured My child could use a grandfather.. Yes, we have Fugaku-san.. but I figured having two grandfathers would be rather..." Sakura gave a soft smile.
"Oh, Sakura.." Kakashi whispered. "I am so sorry.."
"Don't.. don't apologize. I've done enough of that in my life, and I think maybe you have as well.. Things happen for a reason. We'll be okay.. If it happens again.. I want you to be the grandfather." She whispered softly.
Kakashi nodded, "Of course."
"And... I'd like you to walk me down the isle.." She said softly, this time, earning wide eyes from her former sensei.
"But...Sak.."
"It would mean the world to me.." Sakura cut him off, "I understand if you'd rather not.. but.."
"Of course.. Of course I will." Kakashi interrupted.
The two shinobi sat there, staring at each other..
The third smiling to himself as he heard his fiance make amends with her old sensei.
&.&.&
Author's note: FINALLY! Another chapter! I apologize for taking so damn long, but I just had to find a way to write this best. I love every single one of you guys and I hope this was worth the wait. I wanted Sakura to have some more closure in her life, and after having so much taken from her – I think it was time to give her something back.. even if it was given in the time of pain.
Anyway, much love!