Ashleys POV

It's been three days since the last time I talked with Spencer. I tried to go over her place right after I left the hospital that night when Nikki woke up but she wasn't there. Spencer has been a huge part of my life since I came out but everything that happened between Nikki, things have been a mess.

Were we friends?

Would we ever be something more?

I guess that would have to depend on whether or not Spencer would forgive me for being the bitch that I was.

xoxo

"What's going on with you and Spencer?" I was walking into the kitchen and Aiden was there making something to eat before he went to the cafe. I however did not go to school because Nikki had asked me to come over to her place because she wanted to spend some time with me.

Ya I know you must be thinking that I'm making a big mistake and I'm sure that I am but for some reason I feel that I have to be there for her right now. I don't want her to go and try to pull any more of her shit like before. Than I would know that it was all of my fault and I would hate myself even more.

"Nothing's going on. Why?" I asked him as I was grabbing a drink from the fridge.

"I haven't seen her ever since the Nikki incident. In fact all you've been doing is spending all your time with Nikki. Don't you think that her family should be spending their time with her instead of you?"

Good idea but for some reason I haven't seen them around the apartment since the first night she came back home. Talk about love. One minute they were surrounded around her like she was never going to open her eyes and the next they stayed clear of her. I wonder why that was?

"I just don't want to leave her alone." I looked at him and Aiden just turned away from me and went walking over to the couch to eat his food.

"Why aren't you saying anything? I'm sure that there's tons on your mind right now but you seem to be keeping it to yourself. That's so not you Aiden."

"Your right, it's not me. I think it's great that you want to be there for Nikki but I also think that there is something wrong with her and the more you spend time with her she is going to expect you to be there all the time. You guys broke up. Don't you think that you should be spending your time on someone that is more sane?"

That was harsh of him to say that about Nikki. Yeah I know that she is having problems but I don't see where that makes her crazy.

"Aiden you don't know what you are talking about." I started to walk towards the front door so I could leave because I was not wanting to get into a argument with him over all of this. Just before I walked out the door he stops my heart wit a few words.

"You're going to lose her if you don't go to her."

He didn't have to say names. I knew exactly who he was talking about with just the way he said it to me. I would lose Spencer if I didn't do something about. If I didn't get my head out of my ass and try to talk with her. Try to make things better in some way or another.

How could I just leave Nikki at the state that she was in though?

How could I give up on the first girl that fell in love with me?

I guess the biggest question was if I was ever in love with her?

Spencers POV

I stayed busy. I tried my hardest not to think of a word that she has ever said to me before. I knew that if I did that than it wouldn't hurt as much in my heart. I'm so completely in love with her but she doesn't see that one bit. She doesn't see how I would stop everything just to share these feelings with her.

All I want is for her to have the same feelings as I do. To share her heart with me just like the way she shared with Nikki. Even though I don't think Nikki deserved her love. Listen to me, all this hate in me is what got Ashley mad at me in the beginning. It's what got us arguring and than yelling all because Nikki was selffish and tried to take her life. The girl could never do good alone that was for sure.

Nikki hadn't had a stable relationship since almost two years ago and that lasted maybe about a year. Nikki took it hard and I was there for her but after that all she did was hop from relationship to relationship. Maybe I shouldn't have introduced them. Ashley came off being a great person and at the time I was thinking that she would be good for Nikki. Of course that was before I started talking to her more and getting to know everything about her. Before I totally feel in love with her.

Now here I am wishing that I took opportunity to be wit we aren't even talking with eachother. That's whats hurting the most right now.

Not seeing her.

Not talking to her.

Not being able to love her the way I want to love her.

xoxo

Ring. Ring. Ring.

I was sitting in my bed watching TV not really paying attention to anything when my phone starts to go off.

I looked at the time.

9:55 P.M.

I glanced at my cell phone and it read Aiden. What was he doing calling me at this time of night? Should I answer it? Maybe it's Ashley calling me on his phone? Maybe there was something wrong with Ashley?

Damn it Spencer just answer the damn phone and see what's going on.

"Hello." I waited to hear the voice on the other line.

"Spencer?"

Uhhh I was so wishing that Ashley was calling me from his phone. So much for that.

"Yeah. What's going on Aiden?" I sat up waiting to hear what he had to say to me.

"Ashley need's you." Did he just say that, Ashley needed me? Why did she need me for? What was going on that she would need my help with?

"Why does she need my help Aiden? Doesn't she have her girlfriend to help her out?" I was tired of this. If Ashley and I weren't going to be anything than I didn't want to be friends with her either because it's just to hard to be friends with her. I can't do it anymore. I know that I am the reason for pushing her away but now I was also going to be the person to tell her that I didn't want to be in her life if we weren't together.

Is that bad of me?

"Everything that is going on with Nikki is bringing her down and I know that she want's to do something about it but she doesn't want to hurt Nikki again. She need's you. No matter what you guy's have been through I know that when she comes home from work or being with Nikki she is killing herself. She doesn't want to be with her. She want's you."

I closed my eyes thinking of Ashley in my head. I knew exactly how she felt because I needed her in my life to but something was telling me that she wasn't going to just let Nikki go like that. There is going to be trouble with me being with Ashley. Nikki won't have it. I know she won't. Right now she has Ashley right where she wants her and won't give her up without making Ashley feel like it's her fault again when in reality there's just something really wrong with her.

I just wish that Ashley would see that.

"If she want's to talk to me Aiden than she knows where I'm at. I'm not going to force her to talk to me because apparetly the last time I did that I got bitched at and I'm not ready to feel like shit again. Thank's for calling Aiden. I have to go."

I clicked the phone off before he had a chance to say anything else to me. I love Ashley, I do but wit Nikki in the way I didn't know where anything was going to go with us.

xoxo

That following morning I made my way to classes and didn't think of anything other than getting everything done for school. I was so glad that Nikki had stopped coming to classes because I don't know how much I was going to be able not to go up to her and tell her how much of bitch she was acting.

Harsh I know but shit I hated what she was doing to Ashley. Of course I'm sure that I could jump in there and tell her but for some odd reason I didn't think that the girl would handle something like and than try to kill herself again.

That girl need's more help than Ashley or her family can give her.

Talk about professional help.

So after classes were done I made my way over to the bookstore to grab the book that I had on hold. It's been a few days since I've been here only because I didn't want to run into Ashley just in case she was hanging out here when she wasn't with Nikki. I know that sounds wrong but truth be told if I had saw her I would want to just hold her and not worry about anything was going on around us. I wanted her to forget everything and be with me with no hesitation.

It could happen.

Right?

Not likely, I know.

xoxo

"Hey Spencer how are you doing? It's been awhile." Erica had greeted me when I walked threw the door. I walked over to the counter with a smile on my face trying to be as cheerful as I possibly could.

"Ya I know. Thing's have been weird lately and I've just bein keeping to myself. But anyways."

"Your book's in." I looked up at her and she had a smile on her face knowing that I would probably see that she was trying to cheer me up with her smile and to be honest it was really good to be talking with someone who was in a up beat mood.

Erica grabbed my book and than came back to me while I stood there looking around the store. Don't ask me why but I couldn't stop thinking of Ashley. Man I needed to get out of there.

"Here you go." I paid for my book and said bye to Erica. i made my way out of the store and just right then. There she was walking into the store just as I was walking out of it.

We both froze and it was like when I first saw her and couldn't breathe. She was so beautiful and for that one moment I felt like I could never stay mad her.

(A/N: Soooo yes its been forever and I'm not sure if anyone will respond to this and if you do than I will be totally shocked out of my mind LOL...but hey if you don't than I understand that also. This chpt kinda failed for me and I jus needed to get this out because its been sitting here for the longest time and I've wanted to write for a long time now. Soo yeah well if you've read my stories before than you know exactly wat to do next.

Much luv to all the reviewers out there!!! If I still have any that is :)