She fought with all her will to keep herself awake but her exhaustion was too much for her to overcome and the darkness, once again, stole her from the waking world.

--

Chapter Twenty:

"Auntie Freak?"

Elphaba's eyelids fluttered opened at the small voice and she turned her head to see pale hands clutched onto the side of her bed and bright blue eyes looking up at her. "Mirelle?" she asked quietly and the child cocked her head slightly.

"Auntie Freak?" the child repeated. "Green, green, green! Green as sin! Auntie Freak!"

"Where did you learn such words as that?" Elphaba questioned as she slowly sat up, her head throbbing. "And why are you alone in my room? Who is supposed to be watching you?"

The child did not respond. "Auntie Freak!" she said again, giggling afterwards as if it was some secret joke. She tried to climb up onto the bed but she became tangled in the sheets and almost tumbled to the ground. Elphaba shot out her hand and grabbed the child's arm, keeping her steady.

"You want to come up here?" Elphaba asked as she leaned forward and helped the child to claw her way onto the bed. "You shouldn't be here, I'm a horrible mother. I can't be trusted with children for I was never a child myself."

"Green!" Mirelle poked Elphaba's hand, laughed. "Green!"

"I had a son once," Elphaba whispered as she laid back down. Mirelle settled herself against Elphaba's chest and the green woman instinctively put her arm around the child to keep her safe. "Never was a good mother," she muttered. "I wonder where he is now?"

"Auntie Freak!"

"He would have been your half-brother. You'd have the same father you know. Pity, isn't it? You could have had a big brother had I not failed so."

"Green freak!" Mirelle laughed hysterically as she looked up at Elphaba. Blue eyes stared into brown ones and the child seemed to lose her voice as she saw the pain swirling in Elphaba's eyes. "Auntie Freak?" she questioned. It was almost as if the child was asking the Witch if she was okay.

Elphaba opened her mouth and began to sing, in soft, soothing tones, a song her mother had often sent her to sleep with:

Hush my child
Tiny and sleeping
Take to bed
Sweet dreamings
Hush my child
Broken and crying
Take to bed
Sweet dreamings
Hush my child
Green and wicked
Cast aside
For you are sickened
Hush my child
Sinful and ugly
Take to bed
For you are deadly
Hush my child
Quiet your crying
Hush my child
For you are dying
Hush my child
Go to bed
Hush my child
Why aren't you dead?

Her voice faltered and she fell silent. The words were morbid but the tune comforting. As a child she had never really listened to the lyrics of the soft lullaby but it seemed they were ingrained in her mind for she still, after decades of life, could sing them. There had been more though, she knew that, she just could not remember them. It wasn't as if it was a real lullaby anyways. It was not a song that was passed down from generation to generation. It had been a song Melena had created herself to try and quiet her restless green daughter but the words had come out harsher then she had intended them to be. Nevertheless, she continued to sing the lullaby night after night and its soothing tune had lulled Elphaba to sleep and the hurtful words had been the beginning of the green woman's lack of self-worth.

Now she sung them to little Mirelle because it was the only song she could remember from her childhood and it seemed the right thing to do – to sing to her.

"That's not a very nice song."

Elphaba sat up, gently so as not to wake the now sleeping Mirelle, and looked over her shoulder to face Glinda. "It's the only one I know," she replied with a shrug.

"So you have her."

"She came to me. She called me 'Auntie Freak' and 'green as sin'. You might want to find out where she is learning such words from."

"I shall put an end to it."

"I don't particularly mind much. It's not the worst names I've been called."

"Still, I don't want her to grow up hating you."

"Don't worry, I'll be dead long before she can have the time to remember me."

Glinda looked hurt. "You know I don't like it when you talk like that."

Elphaba shrugged and turned her attention back to the child sleeping beside her. "You should take her from me," she said as she ran a hand through Mirelle's short brown hair. "I shouldn't be trusted with her alone."

"The doctors say you should try moving about more. After all, you've been huddled here in your quarters for almost five months now."

"I don't have much desire to face the world again. Everyone hates me, what's the point?"

"Mirelle turns two next week, I'd like it if you could be there."

"I'm not one for celebrations."

"Elphie… please… it would mean a lot to me."

"I'll think about it."

Glinda sighed. "Are you being distant because of Fiyero?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Just take your daughter and go," Elphaba said and her words came out harsher than she intended them to.

"So you're really going to waste the rest of your life hiding behind these walls? The world needs you Elphie. Oz needs you. The Animals need you."

"I'm tired of playing the hero. Don't you know Glinda? Heroes always fail. Always."

"That's not true."

"It's true for me."

Glinda shook her head in frustration and went to the bed. She scooped Mirelle up in her arms and looked at Elphaba sadly. "I just want you to be happy," the blonde whispered. "Tell me how to help you."

"Leave me be," Elphaba spat out. "That will help me."

"No it won't."

"Don't tell me what will help me!"

Glinda frowned but relented as she was too tired to fight with Elphaba for Elphaba always won. So she left then, carrying Mirelle with her, and the Witch found herself alone. The silence was suddenly overwhelming and very discomforting. Her will, however, was not strong enough to venture out of the room and her soul was still far too shattered for her to attempt to live again. She stayed in the bed, curled up under the sheets to try and stay warm, and fell into a restless sleep full of half-formed and terrifying dreams.