A/N: I have not abandoned you all! I hope you haven't given up on me! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter out, but as usual, RL has been nuts… 25 page papers, finals, mega math tests, holidays and of course family, but I'm back now and will hopefully have some time to finish the story over the next couple of weeks. It is almost done 1 or 2 chapters, maybe 3. Also, some kind anonymous reviewer let me know I forgot the condom last chapter! That was my bad, not theirs… no, Bella will not be getting pregnant. I will address the issue in the chapter – I think I found a decent way to work in. I hope you like it!

Self Esteem Ch. 21: After…

Edward:

I wake to feel Bella's body wrapped around mine causing my heart to beat heavily and my body to react to her heat. I want her, but I don't want to wake her up. She looks like an angel lying with her head on my chest, one leg thrown over both of mine, and one arm wrapped tightly around my torso, so soft and beautiful. Her nose wrinkles and she sighs softly, her hot, moist breath flows over my chest making me shiver. Which reminds me of the bliss of slipping inside her - hot, warm, my skin… wait, skin? Fuck, no condom! All of a sudden, I'm really fucking nervous. I mean, I love her, I even want to spend forever with her, but I am not ready to be a father at 17 – shit.

I look at her sleeping form and silently wish will her to wake up… funny just a few seconds ago I was content to just dream of my hands on her body and watch her sleep, but now, I'm feeling a bit panicky and I really, really want her to wake-up. I begin running my hands through her silken hair and clear my throat; she stirs, but settles right back down with a contented sigh. I don't want to be an asshole and wake her up just to tell her I'm freaking out about not using birth control – especially since we just got back together – at least I think that's what we did. I don't want her to think that I didn't mean what I said last night about never letting her go. If she gets pregnant, we'll deal with it, together.

I find myself wondering what our children will look like – someday, hopefully in the far off future. Will they have her beautiful hair and those devastatingly serious big, brown eyes? Or maybe they would be stuck with my hair, poor things. I think about teaching our son how to play baseball and helping him learn martial arts. I'll teach him to play guitar and piano – and how to write music. Wait? What if we have a girl? What then? If she looks anything like Bella, she won't be allowed to leave the house until she's 30. We can home school her… wait what the fuck am I doing? When did I become such a fucking girl? I already have us married with kids and we aren't even out of high school yet! Stop you pussy whipped motherfucker! Stop!

"What'cha thinkin about so hard up there?" I feel a soft tap against my forehead and then Bella's sleepy voice pulls me from my schizophrenic reverie.

She's awake; thank God, "Bella. Um… I um… well we… um" I stutter out while she looks at me like I'm crazy and then stiffens in my arms, pulling away so she has a better angle to look at my face.

"Is this the part where you say you didn't mean it? That this was a joke… or revenge? Because if that's the case, then get the fuck out…"

Shit! She thinks I'm backing out. "NO, no, no, not that. I swear!" I rush out before she can say another word, but she looks at me disbelievingly. Just man up and say it already! So I close my eyes and say, "Bellawedidn'tuseacondom." Deep breath "and you know it only takes one time to um, you know be, um… with child… and it's not like I don't want a future with you I do I just want to wait until we're older to have children, actually that is what I was thinking about when you woke up, what our kids will look like, I hope they get your hair and maybe my eyes- people say they're piercing, so um if you do get pregnant now I'm not going anywhere but I'd rather wait." I gasp for air as I said that whole mess in one breath "so what do we do now?" I ask and open my eyes to see her looking at me with a half-amused expression. That's a good sign, right?

She opens her mouth and then closes it again. She repositions herself so more of her body is on the bed and opens her mouth again before a breathtaking smile breaks across her face. I smile back automatically, momentarily forgetting the birth control issue. "Edward that was quite the mouthful; how long have you been laying here freaking out over the possibility of me being with child" She snickers, presumably at my terminology… another good sign, right?

"A little while now. I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so beautiful, peaceful." I shrug.

"First, it's OK about the condom. I've been on the pill for years, for cramps and regulation, but it is good to know you would stick around if I did get pregnant. Second, I want nothing more than a future with you, one that includes kids – in the future, a loooong time from now. I want to go to college and establish a career before having kids" She pauses looking thoughtful before continuing, "Except, I want them to have your hair. It's the most gorgeous and unique color I've ever seen, even if it is a little hard to tame." She smiles again.

Relief, elation, and passion all flare once she stops speaking. I kiss her hard on the mouth and pull her body back on top of me before realizing something, "If you've been on the pill, why have we been using condoms all this time?"

"We never discussed it, you always just used them, I figured it made you more comfortable and I thought what could it hurt? Double the protection and all that, plus I didn't think it really made any difference in how it feels." She looks at me disappointed, "Shows you what I know. I vote no more condoms." She says with a growl leaning down to kiss me. I revel in the feel of her body on mine, her lips caressing mine until she shoots up, jolting me out of my wonderful Bella high, "Unless, you know, you slept with Maggie or anyone else while we weren't together. I haven't even looked at another guy, let alone had one touch me, but things were different for you. You got pretty close to Maggie." She says and then lowers her eyes and her voice, "You seemed pretty cozy together last night."

Right, she doesn't know about the whole Alice set-up catastrophe… at least not who all was involved and the length and depth of my dear sister's idiotic plan. I'll make sure to tell her before I leave, but I need to address the Maggie issue first. "Maggie is just a friend. I never slept with her or anyone else. Just you, Bella, only ever you."

She smiles and her eyes brighten as she attacks me. Her lips are everywhere, my mouth, my neck, my chest and it feels so good, but when I role my head to the side, I see the time. Fuck, it's later than I thought. When her father coming home from work? Her heavily armed, highly protective father? "Bella, oh God, Bella, baby, mmm so good, Bella, when is your dad going to be home. I want you, but I would prefer this not to be our last time because your father shoots me for corrupting his only daughter in his house." I finally manage.

"He's working 12-hour shifts this week to get all next weekend off to go fishing with Billy. Won't be home until 2am. We have a lot of time… maybe even time for a shower… after." She whispers in my ear before biting down where my jaw meets my neck.

"Really? After? After what?" I say playfully as I suck and nip my way down her neck to her collarbone, gently kissing the scratches and teeth marks from that punk-ass-mother-fucker.

"Hmmmm, let's see: after I make you come so hard you see stars; after you make me scream your name from the ecstasy of feeling you inside of me." And with those words, everything else is forgotten.

"Oh, God, Bella, yes." I growl no longer playful. I want to feel every inch of her. I need to feel her wrapped around me. She throws one leg over my hip and I can feel her hot, wet center right above my aching hard-on, the sensitive head making contact with her swollen clit. Her hips move fluidly gliding up and down my length. Slowly she leans down without breaking eye contact to kiss me slowly, languorously, passionately as she moves her hips and lines her opening up with my cock. With one last slow lick to my bottom lip, she leans back engulfing me slowly into her hot, wet, center.

"Mmmmm…" she moans, closing her eyes and allowing her head to fall back. I can feel the ends of her silky hair brush my thighs as she moves in a slow sensual rhythm above me. She bites her bottom lip and starts to fondle her breasts. She's never been so free with me before. I love it. "Mmmmm, Edward" another moan.

I wrap my hands around her hips to help steady her as she quickens the pace. I thrust upwards to reach as deep inside as possible. Her little mewls and sexy groans make me crazy and I know I won't last too much longer, so I move my thumbs to make circles over her clit, making her body tense and causing us both to moan from pleasure. "Yes, Edward, yes. Oh, so good."

"Bella… so beautiful, so perfect. Mmmmm, Bella, God."

I feel her body clench around me as her legs begin to shake and she screams my name as her orgasm overtakes her. "Edward!" the look of pure ecstasy on her face mixed and the feel of her body coming around mine triggers my own orgasm.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, mmmmm, Bella" I chant as I spill inside her. We lay there for an indeterminable amount of time just basking in the residual waves of passion and heat between us.

Eventually, she carefully moves to free me and lays her body over mine, her head returns to my chest, her fingers play with the hair at the nape of my neck, and she looks up at me through her lashes with a brilliant smile. I can't help but give her, what must be a goofily happy grin back.

"You distracted me again… weren't we supposed to have a serious talk about everything?" I tease.

"I'll take full responsibility for the first time, but this time I believe it was you doing the distracting. She giggles and moves up to plant a soft kiss on my lips. God I missed that sound.

"Oh, I don't think so. I seem to recall someone mention seeing stars and hearing you scream my name." I nip playfully at her earlobe. "I don't think I should be held accountable for anything after a statement like that." I smile at her.

"Well, OK, then, just call me the queen of diversion techniques then." She sighs with a smile and puts her head back down on my chest.

For a few minutes we lay there in comfortable, contented silence, the only sounds our heartbeats and steady breathing. Finally, Bella takes a deep breath and says, barely above a whisper, "I guess we should talk, huh?" I nod, but don't say anything.

"So what are we doing? What is 'this'?" She asks still quiet.

"THIS is us. The way it should have been all along. This is you and I beginning our lives together. You've had my heart and soul my entire life and this is us finally, finally, recognizing what we mean to each other and accepting that we truly belong together. I'm yours – I've always been yours. I love you." I say, my voice sounding low and gravelly as I try to keep my emotions at bay – apparently, I'm still acting like a fucking girl.

Bella doesn't look at me, but I feel her tears on my chest, so I hold her a little closer to my body. "You are right. I gave you my own heart and soul a very long time ago – maybe that was why I was able to be such a bitch until I finally let you back into my life. I'm yours and always have been. I wish things had been different. I wish I had been different, but we can't change that now, so let's just move forward – I love you too, more than I ever thought possible."

Bella:

I am content to lie on Edward's chest with his arms around me until forced to move. Now that things are OK between us, I know we need to talk about last night. He thinks Maggie is satisfied to just be his friend, but that isn't the case. He needs to know that what I said about Maggie last night was true. I maneuver myself so I can see his face, making sure my body is still as close as possible to his. He smiles crookedly at me and his eyes shine with happiness. I sigh, hating to dim that light even a little bit.

"What's with the big sigh?" he questions.

"I want you to know that I was not on a date with Jacob last night. Alice sort of set it up to get you away from Maggie. I meant what I said last night. Maggie has been using you. She just wants to turn you into one of the popular-stepford-teens and use you to boost her own popularity. I'm sorry; I know you think she's your friend." I watch as his beautiful face morphs into a scowl.

"I know you were unknowingly roped into it. Damn, Alice." He mutters scrubbing his hand across his face.

"Alice was just trying to help. She is the one who told me that Maggie was jerking you around… she set up the Jacob thing last night in hopes of pulling you away from her. I went along with it against my better judgment because she convinced me it would help you. That failed miserably, but you shouldn't be too upset with Alice, she was only trying to help."

He snorts wryly and rolls his eyes, "You don't know the half of it. Alice orchestrated the whole damn thing. Alice set me up with Maggie too; ALICE convinced Maggie to flirt with me for weeks and even ask me out. Then ALICE persuaded you to "help" and set you up with Jacob in the name of trying to "help." Fucking little pixie! If she wasn't my sister…" he trails off and I have to smile because he can't even pretend to threaten his sister even when he's obviously furious at her "then Maggie and Jacob made a game out of it. Jake kissing your hand, Maggie feeding me bites of her dinner." My smile falters and I scrunch up my face in confusion.

"Wait, what? I didn't even know they knew each other let alone knew one another well enough to make a game out of flirting?"

Edward snorts derisively again. "Yeah, turns out they're dating- Alice. They were in on it with my tiny-evil-sister. She went all out on this one."

"Dating? What? When?" I stammer starting to get pissed as I realize the depths of manipulation I suffered at the hands of not only Alice by my supposed best friend as well. Maggie must be the girl he 'really likes' that he didn't want to talk about last night. No wonder, she was sitting 20 feet away from us! "Damn, Jake! Damn, Alice!" I start to get huffy thinking about all the crap that could have been avoided if they had kept themselves out of our business.

Edward smiles and runs his hand down my still naked back, "I know what you're thinking. I thought the same thing last night, but now, after this afternoon, I have to admit I'm a little grateful. If they hadn't stuck their noses in where they didn't belong we most likely wouldn't be here, now." He hugs me tighter and kisses me on the top of my head. I snuggle closer taking in his wonderful Edward smell. "Don't get me wrong. I'm still fucking pissed and I'm not ready to let them off the hook yet. They need to squirm a little don't you think?" He says with a smile "but I know they did it out of love and/or concern." He shrugs.

"I know you're right, but you've had more time to process the information. Let me dream about kicking Jake's ass for awhile."

Edward laughs, "You can do that any time, for as long as you'd like. As a matter of fact, would you like help?" I playfully smack his chest and flip my hair to one side of my neck to get a better look at him.

Edward frowns and reaches out to trace his fingers over the marks James left on me last night. "I'm so sorry." he says sincerely, the air suddenly serious again.

I run my hands over his and give them a squeeze. "It's not your fault. It was all a misunderstanding. I don't blame you for what you said in the heat of the moment… I've done the same thing and I understand. I don't blame you for what happened to me either. Besides, you saved me- again. How did you know where to find me?"

"Honestly? I chose a direction and took off without thinking it through… I just knew I needed to catch up to you- apologize for being such an ass. When I saw him pulling you down into the alley… after seeing James's hands on you, I just lost it. As much as I hate to admit it, it's a good thing Jacob showed up when he did or I don't know if I would have been able to stop myself. I've never been so infuriated in all my life." I shiver at the thought of Edward getting in serious trouble injuring James just to protect me. Edward pulls the blanket tighter around our naked bodies.

"I'm worried you will get in trouble. What happens if he decides to press assault charges? You did put him in the hospital." I admit my concern finally allowing my fear to bubble to the surface.

"I'll face whatever I have to, but I will not regret smashing that fucker's face in – at all." He looks at me then, his eyes intense and burning with ire, but whatever he sees in my face, causes him to soften. "Don't worry about it, Bella. Your dad said he would help if need be and I know my father will do everything possible once he hears the whole story. Who do you think I get my knight in shining armor instincts from?" He smiles.

I can't help but smile back at him. Knight in shining armor is a good description… but then my mind turns reflexively back to the dragon at hand, "I don't want to worry about a court case with James, Edward. I just want to forget he ever existed. Can't we just make it go away? Pretend nothing happened?" I beg.

He re-traces the fine cuts and teeth marks on my neck and collarbone and kisses them reverently before answering, "Not this time. But whatever happens, I'll be right beside you- the whole time. I promise. I'm never letting you go again. Got it?" he kisses my lips gently.

"OK." I return when his lips leave mine. "What are we going to do about school? I've been in exiled by Lauren and the rest of the vultures, no one – except Alice and surprisingly Jessica- has spoken to me in weeks, and you've only just begun to be more comfortable at school. I don't want you to become a target again because you are with me. I would understand if you wanted to keep this to ourselves. I actually think it might be better for you if we don't publicize it at school." I know he hated it when he was the one I was keeping him secret, but I really don't mind. I just want the rest of his high school experience to be positive, even if it means watching him from the shadows. It could be my penance for how I treated everyone.

"Bella, I don't want that. I'm proud to be with you. I don't care what your social status is." He looks at me and sighs before continuing, "You don't need to be punished. You made mistakes. I made mistakes. We all make mistakes. I'm willing to let it go and so should you." I look at him curiously. How did he manage to pluck my thoughts from my head so easily?

"So, how do we handle school, then?" I ask

"I think we should just be ourselves. We don't need to make a big production out of it, but I fully intend to hold your hand, walk you to class, and maybe even steal a kiss or two. I don't care if everyone knows you're mine and I'm yours. Actually, I think I'd prefer it."

"But what will people think? I mean I don't have the best reputation… and this thing with James will probably make it worse. I…"

"I don't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. Only you and me. Got it?" He says rolling me over so his body is on top of mine and punctuating his statements with kisses along my jaw line. "I love you, Bella." He says hoarsely.

I can't help but smile as his hands caress my breasts causing my nipples to harden. "Are you trying to distract me? I thought we needed to talk about everything?" I say biting down on his ear.

"I think we've done enough talking for tonight… look at the time, we only have a few hours left before the Chief comes home and I seem to remember someone promising me a shower… after." He bends down and pulls one of rapidly hardening nipples into his mouth and bites down hard enough to cause a pleasurable pain. My back arches into him reflexively.

"Oh. Right. Shower. Mhm." I nod my head and mumble wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling gently on his hair. He makes a low, sexy growling sound from deep in his chest before standing quickly, pulling me into his arms, and walking pointedly across the hall to the bathroom. "I love you too, Edward."

One hot shower, 2 incredible orgasms and 3 hours later, Edward reluctantly kisses me goodbye saying he will call me in the morning. I walk him to the door and watch as he gets into his car and drives away. Once I can no longer see his car, I shut the door and run upstairs, hoping I'll fall asleep quickly and dream of him until I can talk to him in the morning.

E/N: As always, I love to hear what you think, please review. The next chapter is half written, so hopefully, it won't be too long! Thanks for reading.