To Bec, when Shaun has his rant I want you to read closely. I love you.
Andy's P.O.V
"Okay almost there and yay! Now lay down on the bottom bunk and take off that jacket," he chuckled slightly at my demands,
"Don't try and sound any more like a rapist," he muttered and we both laughed, he began to hiss in pain as the fabric dragged over his cut, holy shit, it was the worst I'd ever seen on him, "Don't cry Andy," it only registered to me that tears were settling in my eyes when he said that, I breathed deeply and went into the bathroom grabbing some bandages and a wet towel,
"This will sting, I have a really good feeling it will," he nodded and I started wiping away the dried blood; he let out a tiny yelp and bit down on his lip, "I'm so sorry," he shook his head,
"I should be sorry, I was an idiot to do it, I just… it felt right," he hunched over as the towel went over the cut, "Fuck," he whimpered and I took a hold of his hand,
"I won't leave you all night, I don't care what people think," he nodded keeping his eyes on the floor, "Bradie!" I heard him come up the stairs relatively quick, "Get me some scissors so I can cut the bandages," I didn't turn to face him but I sensed he was there like I sensed he went to get them for me. He walked back into the room and passed them to me, "Is Beau still down there?" I questioned as I began to cut the bandage into strips for Shaun's arm,
"Uh yeah, I asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner, it's the least we can do, he pretty much saved Shaun for us," I nodded and saw a brief smile appear on Shaun's face, it was hard to tell; I was always too damn lazy to turn the lights on.
"Yeah true, except we already ate dipshit," he nodded once in embarrassment and walked back out of the room, "Almost done I promise," Shaun smiled weakly as I put the last strip onto his arm, "Better?" he scoffed and shrugged,
"It still hurts a little," I joined him on the bed and kissed his cheek lightly,
"Want me to make you feel better?" a genuine smile braced his lips,
"Last time you tried did I let you?" I blinked into the darkness,
"Point taken,"
Shaun's P.O.V
I tried my best not to pick at the bandage as Andy sat beside me, I tilted his face to look directly at me and lightly pressed my lips to his,
"Maybe you can help a little bit, just a little," his teeth reflected the light from outside as he cheekily grinned and pinned me down onto the bed, "You're a bit too excited I think," he shook his head and began to rock back and forth,
"Am not, you might be a little though," my brow creased and I looked down, bastard,
"I'm feeling shit okay, obviously I'm easily turned on when I'm feeling shit," he bent down and his lips attacked my neck, a brief sigh escaping my lips,
"You're funny," I lifted my knee up to hit him in the crotch, "Ah fuck, what was that for!" I chuckled and rolled my eyes,
"For being a bitch," he frowned and I saw Bradie appear in the doorway, his eyes widening at the sight of us,
"Do you want me to—"
"No, much to Andy's distaste; we were just finishing up," Bradie nodded awkwardly,
"Well Mum and Dad said they're getting Chinese, Beau's allowed to stay so yeah, see you two soon then…" I nodded and Andy was still looking down at me, his legs either side of my waist,
"Bye Bradie," I looked back to Andy as he went down the stairs.
"You feeling okay Shaun?" Bradie's Dad queried and I nodded, Andy placed his hand on my leg and smiled at me, Bradie shuffled awkwardly in his seat, I don't think he was all that comfortable after the Beau encounter,
"We really need to thank Beau though," Andrew began quietly, "I-I don't know what I'd do without him honestly," his parents smiled at his comment as did I, "Shaun, I need to talk to you, alone,"he stuttered out; I nodded at him and he got up going upstairs,
"What do you reckon it's about?" Bradie queried across the table,
"No idea, I'm a little worried though," Bradie shrugged,
"He probably won't yell, he doesn't seem in the usual mood to yell," I nodded and sighed,
"Be back soon," I pushed open the door and turned on the light; Andy was sitting on the bottom bunk,
"Sh-Shaun, I… I don't want you to ever scare me like that okay, ever again, I'm tired of seeing you hurt yourself; it hurts me too you know, it hurts me because I'm always at a loss of words to say and I just… I feel like I fail you and it's a terrible feeling. Please, just, don't ever do it again, I'm begging you," he looked up and his eyes were red and teary, a sickening feeling in my gut had started to develop,
"I won't do it a lot anymore, just one or two more times," his face contorted in confusion,
"W-why?" he croaked out and I shrugged,
"Once on my stomach and then on my leg, that's generally were people do it, I want to see what it feels like there," he scoffed at the carpet,
"It's like a game to you is it? Don't you see how you're hurting those around you from it?" I nodded,
"Yes I do, it's almost as if I can feel them all slipping away, hence why I still do it, I don't know why if it just causes them to slip away further. It's becoming a game to me though, to the sick twisted part of my mind it's a game, can I make it bleed? How can I make the pain worse? Will people notice if I do it here? It's terrible though, I can't kick the habit, whenever I feel shit it seems the easiest way to ease all my troubles; trust me I wish it wasn't. I look at myself and I'm disgusted, all I see is this monster, scarred from battle and it makes me just hate myself even more, I hate it Andrew, I absolutely hate it, but at the same time I love it, I don't know why. I guess it gives me an adrenaline rush, I used to have panic attacks but they weren't like this. This is somewhat fun as sick as it sounds, the panic attacks weren't. I haven't had one for about a year but they were hideous, I'd start shaking, my chest would go tight, I'd have trouble breathing and I'd be terrified of myself, I wouldn't be able to keep my head on straight. You say you don't help me Andrew but you do, you help so fucking much it's not funny anymore. If it weren't for meeting you I can guarantee I would be dead, guarantee it; dead and gone for sure. But I'm not, and you know why? Because of you; sure you might not be there everytime I absolutely need you, but you do help me still, why? Because I know that at the end of the day I have you still here, you won't abandon me no matter how bad I get or how bad I'm hurt. You're always there, and I guess that's what lead me to love you in the first place, you never leave, and I honestly need you in my life and I'm sorry more than anything, I'm so sorry for doing this to you, I want to stop though. I want to so bad." By the end of my 'speech' he was staring at me still with tears running down his face, I would admit some had started to run down mine too, I'd never said that to him before, but it all came out; and I was glad it did, I truly was.
"Shaun… I… I love you too and you know that, I'll… I'll never leave you, I promise you." I went and sat on the bed next to him; resting my head on his shoulder, I just began crying; I couldn't stop. I hadn't cried that much in so long, not since I'd tried to kill myself for the first time, I'd forgotten how good it felt to let it all out.