Chapter 21 – Remorse
Edward and I spent the entire summer in complete bliss. He took me to plays, movies, shopping and drives along the coast. Renesmee and I had taken to spending our weekends at the Cullen's house. Jacob was more than welcomed in the house, though he was hesitant about it at first. Jacob was so used to being around me and Renesmee, being near a larger coven made him uncomfortable. "Momma, do I have to go back? I already have seven high school diplomas." I smiled; we were at home and the new school year began in two weeks, "It's completely up to you. It's just that I may be charged with educational neglect." She scowled, "Fine, one more year, then I stay out of high school for 50 years." I shrugged, "Again, it's completely up to you. Honey, you're not a child, you don't have to ask me permission. If you'd like, next time, we go back to college and you can taunt all the boys." She smiled, "No, I'll leave that to you. Besides, I think I want to go this year. I want to see the look on Edward's face when the boys think about you." I groaned, "This is going to be a long year. But, at least, he's living out every boy's fantasy."
We walked out the backdoor into our back yard. Renesmee sat on her swing, "Which is?" I began pushing her, "Making out with his hot teacher." "Well, at least I'm the only one who will be." Renesmee and I looked behind us and he was walking out of the trees. Renesmee smiled, "Yea, but some may try," she taunted. I sighed, "Ness, don't you have school supplies to buy?" She looked up at me, "Typical," she got off her swing and walked toward the house, "Mother gets a new boyfriend and the child is pushed aside." I growled as she ran into the house, "Bye. Be good," she called. Edward chuckled while I shook my head, "She is so sarcastic." We wrapped his arms around me, "She gets it from you." He chuckled as I folded my arms, "But she had a point. This won't be an easy year. I don't think I can deal with all this inappropriate thoughts." I shrugged, "Well, you can take an accelerated schedule and graduate in one semester. That's what Alice is going to do." "Fine."
As the school year began; it typically the same. The freshman boys gawking at me and the senior boys thinking this was their year to getting my phone number. In my advance Calculus class, the Cullen's and Renesmee were in it, no surprise there. I'd also taken to teaching advance chemistry and they were there too. Edward thought I looked adorable in my lab coat. The first semester flew by. On Halloween, Renesmee and I coordinated our costumes again. This year she was a candy stripper and I was a nurse. Her costume consisted of a traditional candy stripper's uniform, but she shortened the skirt, made the dress tighter and lowered the neckline. My costume a white dress, with a short hemline, white sheer mid thigh dress socks, a nurse's had and clipboard. The both of us wore red pumps. As she and I walked through the parking lot, we wore long black coats. Edward eyed us, but composed himself. He couldn't walk with me like we did when we were students here. As I walked into class in my costume, I saw his eyes pop open. Conducting my lesson, I walked through the aisles and whispered to him, "I wore this for you. Suffer," I winked at him.
For thanksgiving, Renesmee and I made a huge dinner for Jacob and his pack. For Christmas, the Cullen's invited us to go skiing in Colorado. Jacob was invited as well. Renesmee pleaded with him and he agreed to come. When we flew to Colorado, the family bought out the first class cabin on the plane. Jacob and Renesmee whispered the whole flight; Jake had flown in first class. When we arrived in Colorado, several cars were rented to drive out to the cabin. It was breath-taking. The cabin was amazing; it was secluded in the mountains and trees, like in Forks. The snow was about three and a half feet deep. Esme showed everyone their rooms; mine and Edward's were across the hall from Renesmee and Jacob's. That night, Edward and I went walking in the woods, "I think Renesmee is having a great time. Thank you so much for doing this for us." I really appreciated everything the Cullen's had done for me and Renesmee. I hadn't noticed that Edward stopped walking. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to where he stood. I looked up at him; he was pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb.
We stood silent for a long time, while he was breathing deeply. He finally looked at me, "Bella, how many times do I have to tell you this? You think we're doing this to make up for leaving you. We're not. Believe it or not, we love both you and Renesmee. We're doing this because we think of you two as family." I looked away, "Edward, this is one of those rare moments where I wish you could read my mind. Is that what you believe? You think that I believe you and your family is doing this out of guilt. No, I was just genuinely thanking you. In the years Ness and I were together, I've never seen her so completely happy. First she finds Jacob, and he cares for her in ways I can't. Then all of you return, and she finds best friends in Alice and Rosalie. Because of all of you, you're giving her the things I dreamed she could have. So don't think for one moment that I believe you're doing this out of guilt. Edward thanks for thinking so much of me." I walked off toward the house.
He grabbed my wrist, "Bella, I'm…" I jerked my hand out of his grip. He sighed, "You're right. I am sorry." I sighed, "Fine. I need to go hunt." I ran past the house, where Renesmee and Jacob were sitting on the front porch. She looked up at me as I ran past them. "Momma?" I kept running up the mountain. I knew she would have questions for when I came back.
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I could read her like a book; she was mad. "Do you want to go to bed?" Jacob asked, fighting a yawn. I was beyond sleepy now. I saw Edward heading towards the house and was looking to the ground. "Jake, I'll be there in a few minutes." He kissed me as I waited for Edward. As he got closer, I stood and folded my arms, "Edward?" He looked up, "Yes Renesmee?" "I need to talk to you." He sighed, "Yes, what is it?" I glared at him, "I just saw my mom. She was really upset? What happened?" He sighed, "We were talking and I said something that offended her." I bit my lip, "Ok. What did you say?" He turned away from me, "I'd rather not say. I've already offended your mother; I don't want to do it to you." I nodded, "Fine. I'll respect your privacy. But Edward, in many ways, it's not only my mother who is learning to trust you." He looked back at me, "I know." "Edward, I love my mom and she is loves you. But I am trusting you with her. I will not tolerate anyone hurting my mother. I hope you can understand that." Edward stepped closer to me, "Renesmee, I am trying very hard to make your mother happy. I understand you feel protective over your mother, especially when it comes to me. Honestly, I knew that when she and I started our relationship, if she was hurt, I knew I would have to answer to you. Renesmee, trust me, I will make things right with your mother. I swear to you I will never hurt your mother again."
I looked at him, then in the direction she ran in, "Ok, I believe you. She went into the mountains, so, umm; just give her an hour or two." He must have seen in my mind where she went, "Thank you. I'll wait for her." Maybe I should wait for her myself. "No, that is alright. I will wait for her. She is upset with me." I nodded and went into the house. I hated seeing my mom hurting. If Edward hurt her in anyway….. I trailed off from that thought. I couldn't think like that. They just had an argument. Jacob and I have them. I just don't want to see my mom fall back into her depression. I hated see my mom like that and I would do anything to keep her away from that depression.
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Renesmee reminded me of me. When it came to Bella, she would do anything to protect her. I saw in her mind that she wanted to rip me apart just because she knew we had an argument. I smiled at the thought. The hybrid wanted to rip me apart. I had the feeling Jacob would have helped her. Thinking about our discussion, I made a confession to her. I literally didn't want to face her if I ever hurt Bella again. Looking at Renesmee glare at me reminded me of Bella when she was mad. They looked exactly alike when they were mad, only Renesmee had the eyes that completed the stare. How could I think of Bella like that? Why would I assume she felt our family was doing what we did because of guilt? Bella knew better than that. She was appreciative of what we did for her and her daughter. Bella, please come back. I want to apologize and hold her in my arms. I hated having Bella away from me and being mad at me. As I waited for her return, I kept thinking to myself what I could do, what I could say to make her feel better? "Edward?" I turned and saw Alice standing in the doorway. "Yes?"
"She's going to be back in an hour. Come inside." I shook my head, "No. I told Renesmee I would wait for Bella out here." Alice came to sit next to me, "It's funny. Renesmee is just like Bella, with some of your traits. When it comes to her mother, Ness is nurturing and caring, like Bella. But she is also protective, like you." I half-smiled, "Yea, I see that too. It's still amazing. When I first saw Renesmee, I honestly thought she was a relative of Bella, except her heart beat, it was too fast. I thought she was running, but she called her 'Momma.' I can't believe that we could have children with human women." Alice sighed and rubbed my arm, "Edward, don't beat yourself up. You two still have some things to work out. Trust me, I've seen it. She'll be part of our family, mostly due to the fact that you never letting her go again." I kissed her forehead, "I won't Alice. I know it was painful for you too when we left." She leaned her head on my shoulder, "It was, but now we have her back and we got Renesmee. Edward, I love Bella like my sister and Renesmee…," she smiled, "like my niece." I looked down at her and she smiled brightly, "Yes, that's what I saw. Good night." She kissed my hair and went into the house. I watched after her and I saw the vision play back in her mind. The thought made me smile. That is what I will do. I am never letting her go again.