Despicable Fixit

(plus Minions!)

Steve woke up, and immediately realized it wasn't going to be a good day.

Why, you ask?

Well, because he was painted bright yellow with blue coveralls, black boots, and accessories in the form of goggles over his optics.

He let his helm fall back to his berth with a loud clang. "Fixit strikes again…" he groaned, throwing an arm over his goggles.

"Does anyone have any idea what our outfits are referencing?" Greg whined, fiddling with his goggle. For whatever reason, some Roombas had monocle goggles instead of a proper pair of goggles.

"Probably some human thing," Kevin vented resignedly. At least the painted outfits didn't hinder their movement or transformation sequences…

"I think we all realized that, Kevin," Steve rolled his optics. "But unless we can figure out the specifics, we're not going to have any idea what to expect today-"

The door behind the Roomba Assembly was thrown open dramatically.

"MY MINIONS! COME TO ME!"

Fixit pranced in cheerfully, wearing a black leather jacket and a long grey and black scarf. She planted herself in front of them, propped a servo on her hip, and pointed dramatically.

"WE ARE GOING…TO STEAL THE MOON!"

J0N-34 groaned suddenly in realization. "Oh…it's Despicable Me…great."

The Roo- er, Minions- all looked blankly at him. "…granted, that does describe Fixit perfectly, but…what?"

The Eradicon face-palmed. "Seriously? Jonah's the only one who knows what this is?"

They shared glances with each other…before turning back to her and shrugging sheepishly. "Yep."

"Well then…first we're going to remedy that, THEN we're going to steal the moon. Except for you, Jonah."

Jonah froze from where he had been trooping after the rest of the obedient Minions.

"It was nice knowing you, Jonah!" Kevin called as he disappeared with the rest of the herd.

Fixit clapped a servo on her vict- er, chosen's shoulder, ignoring his reflexive cringe. "Now then, my recently-promoted Dr. Nefario…"

He blinked at that. Wait…really?

"…it is time for us to prepare our transportation and weapons!"

Jonah gave the Eradicon's back a strange look. Why would they need weapons?

"Please tell me Fixit didn't make a shrink ray," Steve whimpered after the movie was over.

"Worse," Jonah called from behind them. He was no longer yellow, and was now wearing a white lab coat, black rubber gloves, and goggles.

"…do we want to know?" a random Roomba-Minion asked.

"For the sake of survival…yes," he answered flatly, dumping a load of weapons out of his subspace and onto the ground.

"…I really shouldn't have gotten up today," Steve despaired, hanging his helm in resignation. Greg patted his shoulder in commiseration.

Armed and ready, the Minions stood in the spacebridge control room.

"My Minions…" Fixit began, standing by the control console dramatically. Soundwave shook his helm slightly in amusement behind her. Hey, someone had to man the controls since the Eradicon was going along too!

…and to pull them all out if they had to retreat. Which they probably would.

After all…

"When I said we were going to steal the moon, I was being misleading-"

"No, really?" Steve muttered. Then he ducked instinctively, causing the wrench to hit another Minion right behind him.

Who then stumbled backwards and tripped, bringing seven others down with him in a domino effect.

"Fraggit, Bob!"

"Sorry!"

Fixit carried on as if nothing had happened. "-what I meant was: we are going to seize the moon. Which is actually an enemy base."

"WHAT!?"

"Just FYI."

A/N: I have been sitting on this Primus-forsaken oneshot for MONTHS. It still isn't finished, but I figured I've left you all without any form of updates for far too long. Hence me chopping it up into pieces so I can give you at least three before I run out of pre-written material.

Enjoy the Minions' suffering!