Chapter 23
Disclaimer for all chapters: I do not own the Twilight Saga. SM owns it. The plot is mine. This story contains mention of physical and emotional abuse, strong language, etc. Do not read if you are uncomfortable with such topics. Thanks to all those who have added this story to their alerts and favorites. Review if you can, but it is not necessary... I will keep writing this story. Enjoy!
BPOVMy head still had a low-grade throb, but I was feeling a bit better physically. Now I felt worried. I had woken up a few minutes ago and had heard voices talking quietly. I looked around my bed for the sweatpants I always kept there and put them on. Esme had relented awhile ago to my desire to keep some spare clothes nearby. I noticed that I had a bandage on and figured that someone must have removed the IV. After putting my pants on, I transferred from the bed to my chair. I could still feel some tingling in my legs. That had to be a good thing, right? I wondered. My slight sliver of optimism was overcrowded by my feelings of concern.
What were the Cullens talking about? Years of living in chaos had honed my radar and something didn't feel right. Where they talking about me? Did they want to get rid of me? When I reached the family room, I saw that Edward was heading to the front door. He had stopped when I spoke but hadn't turned around. He was so handsome; he took my breath away.
I wheeled my chair a bit and looked at the rest of the family.
"Where is he going?" I asked quietly.
"Why are you out of bed, Bella?" Rosalie asked urgently. How did she get here without us even hearing her? She is like a ninja! Emmett thought. Edward heard his brother's thoughts and wondered the same thing.
"I was thirsty so I thought I would get a glass of water. Then, I heard voices."
Shit, I forgot to leave a glass of water on her night stand, Rosalie thought. Edward winced as he heard his sister's thoughts. He slowly turned around but stayed where he was by the door.
I was sitting in my wheelchair and looking around the room. Carlisle came over and kneeled in front of me. "Bella, what are you doing here? You should be in bed. How are you feeling?"
Carlisle's eyes were filled with concern and he seemed so genuine. Was everything okay, I wondered?
"My head hurts but less than before. My legs have stopped hurting. They feel a little tingly now." But I wasn't going to be distracted. "What are you talking about?" I sat in my chair and rubbed my hands against my legs nervously.
The Cullens didn't say anything. They sat in their respective seats in the family room in their perfect beauty. They looked at each other but no one spoke. They seemed tense. My brain was a still a little foggy. I replayed what had happened. I got drunk; for some reason, Edward took me with him on his run; it was amazing to feel the wind against my face; I felt so free; Edward dropped me when I played a simple prank on him, my legs started to hurt and he ran home with me.
Should I say something? I was prone to be silent in uncertain situations and this definitely qualified as one of those. I didn't want to aggravate matters but the silence was getting to me. I figured I better apologize.
"I'm sorry."
"What for Bella?" Carlisle asked.
"For getting drunk…for spiking my punch." I was ashamed of my behavior so as I spoke I lowered my head and stared at my knees.
"Why did you do that?" Esme asked softly.
I signed deeply. "I don't know." My voice was hollow. "The last few weeks...I just wanted to escape for a little while," I said softly. It was too difficult to talk about. I hated myself and didn't see the point in anything. Alice, Charlie, Billy, and Jake - none of them could cheer me. I also hated being so visible. My wheelchair got me noticed wherever I went when all I wanted to do was disappear, to be invisible. The only solace I experienced in the last few weeks was Edward's music. He could play the piano so beautifully, and the music he played, I had never heard it before. It made me feel better and when he played I felt peaceful. When Alice had told me about her St. Patrick's Day celebration, I decided I would try to get drunk. Jake had given me the vodka when I lied and told him it was a "thank you gift" for Carlisle. I felt bad for lying to him, but I felt that I had no choice. Alice and the rest of the family were being so nice to me that it was very hard for me to bear. I didn't understand why they bothered. I always felt Phil was hiding when he was drunk. Maybe I could hide that way too. In retrospect, it wasn't one of my brighter ideas.
"Oh sweetie," Esme replied. She reached over and squeezed my hand comforting me.
My head was still down and I wiped a stray teardrop with my free hand and had a big lump in my throat. I couldn't answer so I just nodded.
After a few minutes with the Cullen's giving me time to collect myself, I felt brave enough to ask my next question.
"Edward wasn't supposed to run with me was he?" I asked.
Carlisle seemed surprised by my question but recovered quickly. "I hope he didn't frighten you, Bella," Carlisle responded.
"No, I wasn't scared. He runs fast but he kept me safe. He's not in trouble is he? Because of me?" I still hadn't recovered my ability to look anyone in the eye so I was still staring at my knees.
"No, Bella, you didn't do anything wrong," Carlisle said gently.
"Edward didn't do anything wrong, either," I said softly but firmly. Carlisle didn't say anything. He couldn't think that Edward didn't do anything wrong, could he? I couldn't help it. I blurted out, "I've known every since I moved in here. Your secret is safe with me."
I heard dead silence around me. I could imagine the look on their faces. Mustering my courage, I finally looked up. Everyone was staring at me. I looked over at the door and Edward had a pained expression on his face. I don't know what I was expecting his reaction to be, but his grimace stung.
"What do you know?" I was surprised to hear Alice ask me that. God, how did I get into this? I didn't mean to bring this topic up, I just wanted to protect Edward. God, I am ridiculous. I rubbed my hand through my hair. Where to start?
"I didn't mean to find out," I started. "I just notice things." I was nervous and as a result was rambling. "I don't know exactly how I figured it out. But really, I've known you were special since I first met Carlisle. I didn't mean to find out," I said again in earnest.
"What things did you notice, Bella?" Carlisle asked calmly.
"People stand slightly away from you. I noticed in the hospital. I mean all of you are incredibly beautiful and that can be off-putting but it seems more than that. You are cold to the touch. Your eyes are also so unique. All of you. None of you sleep; you are incredibly strong and fast. No human can run or jump like you can. One night very late I heard you come back to the house. I heard you talking. I know you drink blood from animals instead of people. I figured out that you must be vampires."
My anxiety was propelling my word vomit. I couldn't seem to stop talking. "It doesn't bother me. I mean, I have tons of questions but I don't believe you are monsters. I am not scared being with you. You all have been so wonderful to me. Carlisle, I would be dead if you hadn't been my doctor that first night and since I woke up from my coma, you all have protected and taken care of me. I really don't understand why."
I started to tear up, but I couldn't help it. "And I know what it is like to live with secrets. I mean, I know, you know? So, your secret is safe with me. I wouldn't tell anyone because you all are more important to me than anything." I ran out of breath, and I wiped the tears drops that had fallen on my cheeks.
If I had looked up, I would have seen all the Cullens looking at me in amazement. After what felt like an eternity, Alice came over. "Can I hug you Bella?"
I looked up hesitantly but all I saw was Alice with a huge smile on her face. A small grin broke out on mine. I nodded and then she was hugging me.
"Damn you are a smart human," Emmett teased. As I peered out, I saw that Carlisle and Esme had also big smiles on their faces, and Rosalie and Jasper were looking at each other shaking their heads at the exuberance of their mates.
"You are quite perceptive, Bella," Jasper added.
I couldn't help it. I looked over near the front door where Edward had been standing. But he wasn't there.
"So everything's okay?" I asked timidly? "You're not mad?"
"Bella, there is a lot that we need to talk about, but not tonight. I think you should go back to bed and get your rest. We will be here in the morning."
"Where'd Edward go?"
"He, uh, he needs some time to think things over Bella," Alice replied. "He went upstairs to his room."
"Okay," I replied. I wish he had stayed with us, but I knew he could still hear us talking. I didn't know what his deal was. Maybe he felt bad for taking me running. Or did he feel bad for dropping me? It had been so nice to be with him. Running with him was amazing! I could remember the sensation of the wind on my face and the feeling of freedom. The speed, everything. Also, if I were honest with myself, I enjoyed being that close to Edward. He smelled so good and his breath was so sweet. I loved it when he held me close in the woods, at least before he dropped me, I thought wryly. The details were fuzzy for me but I had felt safe and curious about why his normally beautiful golden eyes had turned black as onyx. And whenever he touched me or I touched him, there was something. I don't know what it was; it was kind of like static electricity at first but now it, it seemed different or more. It felt right when he touched me. He was the only one. I hated being touched.
Rosalie's standing up caught my attention. She was coming over to help me go back to bed.
"I don't want to go to sleep right now. I would like to talk. I have a lot of questions," I added.
Carlisle seemed to debate my request and then I saw his shoulders shrug as if to say "what the hell."
"What do you want to know?"
The atmosphere seemed lighter somehow in the Cullen household. The family was much more relaxed around me since I told them that I knew what they were.
They swore me to secrecy and explained some about vampire rules. There was a ruling class called the Volturi. They were the oldest vampires who lived in Italy and ruled for centuries. Once mankind went through the industrial age, the Volturi decreed that humans must never know of the existence of vampires because humans now had weapons that could easily destroy vampires. If the Volturi found out that the Cullens were taking care of a human, they would punish the Cullens and probably kill her, Carlisle had explained, to ensure the secret and set an example for other vampires.
"I would die before I told anyone Carlisle," I affirmed solemnly.
Alice shared that the family fed off animals because they didn't feel right killing humans. I wanted to ask if any of them had ever fed on humans, but I didn't. It seemed too personal and I wasn't sure it mattered to me anyway. Clearly, it was in their past.
I didn't see Edward the next day at all. I didn't really have a reason to I guess. I wanted to thank him for taking me running and to let him know that I enjoyed it. But I was too shy to ask to see him. The tingling in my legs was growing stronger, and Rosalie and Carlisle spent the day with me asking me questions. We decided not to do any therapy until I saw the specialist. Later that night, he didn't come down and play the piano, so I retired to my room early. In a few minutes, I was sitting outside on the porch in the cold looking at the stars.
*******
Early on Monday morning Carlisle and Esme took me to see the spine injury specialist. The tingling was steady and even seemed a bit stronger than yesterday. The specialist did some tests and seemed excited. "Bella, I think you may be regaining feeling in your legs. I'll coordinate with Riley as we'll need to calibrate your therapy regime. The healing may come in spurts so be patient. What I mean is that if the tingling goes away don't worry; I expect that it will come back."
"What changed?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Well, you said you fell this weekend and landed on your butt, right?"
"Yes."
"It's possible that the fall helped somehow. I really can't say for sure but before your nerves were silent; they weren't communicating with the rest of your nervous system and now they are starting to again."
"What does that mean? Will I be able to walk again?"
"It's more likely now than it was before, that's for sure. You've made great progress in your therapy, and if you keep it up and if the nerves keep recovering, it could happen."
I exhaled loudly. I didn't realize that I had been holding my breath waiting for his answer. I might be able to walk again. I might be able to get rid of this damn chair. I clenched my fists together to hold in my joy. I merely nodded and said, "Okay, thanks."
I had asked Carlisle to accompany me and he and the specialist started talking about next steps. I tuned them out. I rubbed my thighs and could feel my hands on them. I stared at my shoes. I was trying to wiggle my toes but so far nothing. Patience, I told myself. Patience.Later that day, when the mail came, I received a notice from the court. The date for my hearing was set.
EPOV
How could she think that we weren't monsters? She was a stupid, stupid human. She had known we were vampires almost from the first and she had decided to move in with us anyway? Had she no sense of self-preservation? I was furious.
I heard the happy thoughts of my family as the continued to talk with Bella. She was perceptive. They loved Bella and were delighted that they wouldn't have to hide anymore. They trusted her to keep the secret and were looking forward to helping her continue to heal. Agh! I couldn't stand it. I jumped out of my window and decided to run to my meadow. I wasn't ready to go to Denali. I needed to think.
It was a dark and clear night. Once in my meadow, I ran over to some trees. I put my arms around the trunk of one, pulled it out of the ground and threw it. I picked up and threw some boulders. This was fruitless. I wouldn't tire but I was too worked up to do what I normally do in the meadow which is lay down and think. After awhile, I stopped throwing trees and rocks. I was on my feet bent over with my hands on my knees. I breathed deeply in and out even though I didn't need to. Human habits die hard.
This is my fault. I should have told Carlisle about my reaction that night with Felix. If I had told him or the rest of my family, we wouldn't have put Bella in this dangerous position. I didn't like to be controlled by my impulses. It's one of many things that I hated as a vampire. Carlisle's lifestyle was a lifeline. I didn't have to kill humans to survive. There were alternatives. She was an innocent. I had almost killed her tonight! It had been years since I had killed a human and it had never been an innocent one. When Carlisle first turned me and Esme, he had hidden us from humans and brought us blood. The world was less heavily populated then and it was easier to live isolated. He made us hunt animals when we were not having cravings and eventually we learned control. When the lifestyle got to be too much for me, I let go. I decided to immerse myself fully and live like a vampire. But the people I had killed were people like Bella's father, Phil. I used my gift to select murderers, rapists, batterers: men who hurt anyone, other men, women and children, without remorse. I was supposed to protect humans like Bella. But her scent.
*************************************************Monday at school was the usual. I sat in classes and listened to the teachers drone on about subjects that I could teach at this point and did everything I could to block out the inane thoughts of the teenagers around me. At lunch, Alice was distracted. She was thinking about Bella's appointment with the specialist. We all wanted to know what the tingling in her legs meant.
"She may be able to walk again," Alice stated triumphantly. "Seems you dropping her on her butt might be the reason," she added with a smirk on her elfin features.
"What?" I couldn't hide my incredulity.
"Carlisle is going to talk to you about it tonight at home. It seems that the fall may have jarred something back in place. Her nervous system is now talking to her legs and that is why her legs feel tingly. It's a very good sign. He'll talk to you tonight Rosalie about changes in her physical therapy routine," Alice noted for Rosalie who just nodded in response. Rosalie was looking in a small hand mirror, touching up her lipstick.
"Well good, I guess," I said in an unsure tone.
"Hey, why did you drop her anyway, man?" Emmett asked. "Yea, I was wondering that too," Jasper added.
If I were human, I would be blushing with embarrassment now. "Uh, I got distracted."
"You got distracted?" Emmett asked with his eyebrow raised. "How?"
"I really don't want to talk about it."
"No go, Edward. Spill."
"Leave it alone, Emmett." I couldn't help the growl in my tone.
Surprised, Emmett threw his hands up in the air gesturing surrender. "Okay, okay. But you better watch that territorial side, man. Tanya is not going to like that," he added knowingly.
"What do you mean?"
"Dude, Bella is your singer, yours alone. Now granted she smells good when we can smell her, but that's all for us. You ran down those stairs and grabbed what was yours man and took off. Ah, ah, before you interrupt, you know that I am right. I really like Bella. I think she is cool. But you are going to have to deal with this and not just pretend that nothing is changed. Point of fact, you just growled at me. You could end up hurting a lot of people" Emmett concluded.
"Are you going to tell Tanya?" Jasper asked.
"We talk every day. But I did not and I am not going to tell Tanya that Bella is my "singer. Bella is a part of our family; she is a human whom we are helping, but in order to protect her, we cannot let other vampires know that Bella knows our secret. You know that which means that none of you can tell her or our cousins either."
"We know; I was just wondering," Jas replied.
"Uh oh," Alice interrupted.
"What?" Rosalie asked watching Alice intently.
"I saw Esme getting the mail today and there is a letter from the court for Bella in it. Damn, I wish I could see Bella. I guess we'll find out more about the letter when we get home."