AN: before proceeding google the term 'Andy Samberg Glasses'. If a picture of Andy Samberg wearing glasses pops up, that's all you'll need for future reference in this chapter, and I promise you won't regret it.

"Oh my god, how has your eyesight gotten so much worse since I last tried on your glasses? Is there something you're not telling me? Damn, girl. Your vision's worse than mine ever was. Are you legally blind now?"

The glasses in question were ones that Jake had picked up off the table and were currently placed on his head. Amy hadn't felt like wearing contacts that day (and was comfortable doing so since they were stuck inside their apartment from the rain) so she just wore her glasses. She only placed them on the coffee table a few seconds ago along with the book she was in the middle of to get a cup of water, but she should have known that a few seconds was too long for Jake to not try and wear her glasses.

"They're my reading glasses, dummy," Amy scoffed before she snatched them off his head. "And I wouldn't even need to have them out if you stopped touching my regular ones. And my back up ones. Jake, you always pick them up and walk off and set them down without realizing it. I don't know how you lost 5 pairs of glasses so well that I still can't find them. So it's all your fault that I have to use these," Amy pointed to the glasses she was wearing with the same hand that was still holding the ones she had just reclaimed from him.

These were part of her last resort emergency plan, at least until she moved in with Jake. She had to switch between the two pairs whenever she went from reading to walking around that day because the only 2 pairs she had left were the ones meant solely for reading and the other meant solely for seeing the world around you. The other 5 pairs he had lost were the ones that helped her see everything. Amy had only lost a single pair of glasses in her life, and it was when she was 12 years old and to this day she still suspected her one of her brothers stole them (though none of them had confessed yet).

She would have guessed that Jake set them down somewhere outside of their apartment since she had searched high and low, but for 4 of the 5 pairs she hadn't been gone long enough for him to have time to even get out the door, or she was situated where she would have noticed him leaving. She didn't know how he did it.

After the second time she actually patted him down (even though he volunteered for a strip search).

She would have thought it was intentional if she hadn't made him help her look for them over and hour each time one disappeared. He would have given them back within 10 minutes of being forced to find them, and he would never have done it again since he knew it would happen afterward.

"And since when do you have bad vision?" She asked when she finally noticed that little comment he snuck in. If there was one thing she knew about Jake, it was that he didn't have bad vision. Only people who could see perfectly fine their whole life ever had the urge to try on someone else's glasses. Still, it was weird that he would even try to lie about it, because there was absolutely no way he could have tricked her into believing him for a moment after all of these years as his partner. And after almost a year of being his girlfriend.

"Since always," he replied, despite her doubtful look. "Seriously. I had those little baby goggles cause I would always pull off the regular kind and smash 'em. This scar right here," he pointed to a faded, barely there dent on his forehead that he'd had as long as she'd known him. "Ran straight into a coffee table when I was 3. I couldn't see shit."

"This is an elaborate fib, even for you."

"Amy, I'm not pulling your leg. Why would I? That would be the lamest lie I ever told you. Wait, Wait, I've got proof," Jake promised before rushing down the hall.

"Please tell me you didn't get someone's help to photoshop a picture of you as a kid. Or grab a stock photo off the internet. I'm not that stupid."

"Where's that box of stuff before the move that I told you was really important and not to throw out? The one I made clear was actually important and not like the other stuff that I say is important when it's really not?" He shouted from their bedroom after opening their closet door that had a very distinctive and loud creak every time it was touched.

"I'm not falling for it!"

"Ammmmyyy!" He whined, and clearly he wasn't going to let it go until the whole joke played itself out, so Amy decided she might as well play along to get it over with quicker.

"Which one? The one that where you wrote 'Amy- hands off' in big black letters? Or the one that said 'move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the-"

"The Ludacris one!" He interrupted her ASAP since he always hated when she said the lyrics to rap songs like a normal sentence instead of to the right rhythm.

"In the closet!"

"I'm looking in the closet. It's not here," Jake complained like she knew he would. He didn't just suck at finding glasses. He sucked at finding anything.

"Both of the boxes are on the shelf 6 inches above your head," Amy called helpfully. She really only asked for clarification on which 'actually important' box he told her about so she could say the lyrics out loud and annoy the hell out of him. She was just about to tell him not to dump it out on the bed 0.5 seconds before she heard all the junk tumble out into a pile that probably had so much dust in it she would have to change the bed spread.

Moments later Jake came out carrying these big ass nerd glasses and walked back over to her before putting them on and crossing his eyes while sticking out his tongue. He looked so ridiculous she almost laughed. But she caught herself.

"There's no way. I would have noticed by now if you needed glasses," she told him, but she still held out her hand for closer inspection. When she looked through them she could tell there was at least a little bit of magnification so they weren't fake. And they were covered in dust except the spots that had just been smudged clean by his fingers. The dust that was now all over their bed spread.

She could tell the dust wasn't planted because even she couldn't have faked it this good, much less Jake. So he'd had the glasses in that box for god knows how long, but there were still a lot of holes in his story.

"I would have seen you put in contacts. I would have seen if you wore these. You can't expect me-"

"You would have seen it if I ever needed to wear them lately, which I haven't. I wore glasses as a kid and switched to contacts in like 4th grade and Gina never let me live it down even though I literally threw out my only pair because I refused to wear them. And then I got that surgery thingy like the week after I turned 18 because they wouldn't let me do it when I was a minor even with my mom's consent. And the only time I ever need to use these anymore is if I read for hours all day and wanted to do stuff on my phone later. And the only times I've ever read for more than an hour straight in years were if you were off for some presentation or something and I was so bored at work that I actually did work. And that hasn't happened lately because now I get to text you instead of working when you're gone. And even though I never got swept into the kwazy kupcakes addiction that infected like half of the whole building before it burnt out- I look at my phone like 50% less than I did 2 years ago. And like 50% of the time that I do still look at it is because I'm texting you. It's actually kinda impressive, with everyone worrying about technology taking over our lives that-"

"If this isn't just a practical joke- which I'm not convinced of yet- why would you let yourself wear these? They're huge and clunky and so nerdy. I can't ever see you buying these for yourself."

"That's cause you can't see anything," Jake quipped and she slapped him on the arm for it. "C'mon, that was the perfect set up!" He protested and rubbed where she hit him under her glare. "It was a while back and I was at the store with less than 10 dollars in coins when I went to go get them. And they had the candy bar section right at the check out and I realized I really wanted some candy so I put back whatever not nerdy pair I had grabbed and got these. They were cheap for a reason. And it wasn't that big of a deal because just now you were the first person to see me in a pair of glasses that were actually mine in years."

Amy stared daggers at him and waited for him to flinch and show some sign of deception, but it never came. She was left with no choice to believe him.

"You're such a hypocrite! How come you've been making fun of me for wearing glasses for years when you wore them too?!"

"Cause it was fun," he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Dammit Jake! I thought we already did the whole secret thing weeks ago with my mom and the glitter bomb! Why didn't you tell me this before?!"

"I am honestly surprised that Gina hasn't told you after all this time. She was such a bully, and gave me hell all through school for it, even though I really did stop wearing glasses after Elementary school. I thought you knew. Cross my heart and hope to die," Jake swore with the appropriate hand motions.

"If I knew about it why wouldn't I have said anything about it?"

"Same reason you don't complain about my sex tape jokes anymore," he shrugged and Amy just pushed up her glasses and rubbed her eyes. She didn't want to admit that she could see his thought pattern and it wasn't the most illogical leap if he was comparing his glasses teasing with his sex tape teasing. She really had stopped complaining about the latter. It wasn't that she approved or even liked the sex tape comments, but now they were just met with a shake of the head and a sigh.

"Anything else you haven't told me?" Amy sighed and shook her head. Before he could object to the vagueness of her question she clarified so there could be absolutely no misinterpretation. "And assume that if I have not directly spoken to you about it that means I don't know about it. And you know exactly the kind of things I'm talking about. So don't leave anything out or there will be hell to pay when I do find out, and you know I will."

She could see Jake was taking her threat to heart and actually taking the past into consideration to avoid a future punishment that was sure to be unpleasant. And she could also tell when he landed on something that fit her criteria.

"Okay, so there may be something off the top of my head that may count, but I really don't want to tell you. Cause it was a big win for you and you're gonna be crushed. And the only reason I'm bring it up is because I'm genuinely frightened of you. But trust me, you don't actually want to-"

"I already know you threw the last Jimmy Jab game."

"You do?" Jake asked and it was clear that was exactly what he was thinking of (though really, what else was a 'big win' for her that he could have had any part in). "How'd you find out? When did you find out?"

"Do you really think we drink in silence whenever Rosa, Gina, and I go to the bar together? I've got so much dirt on you now that I wouldn't even know where to begin if I chose to blackmail you. Jimmy Jabs came up last week and I was still working out if I should get you in trouble for not telling me back when we did the first round of secrets. I'm sure a glasses story would've come up sooner or later."

"I knew nothing good was going to come of it when you 3 started your little pow-wows. I think I liked it better when my childhood friend and my girlfriend weren't drinking buddies. You know, keep my secrets separate," He explained and split his hands like he was parting the red sea. "What have you heard? What have they told you? What have you told them?" Jake gasped when he realized the gossiping was a 2 way street.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

AN:

You guys remember when I said that Finally was coming to an end in 2-5 chapters in the AN of ch 16?
Cause I sure as hell don't.

My goodness, I just needed to put something in forever about Jake needing glasses at least at some point in his life because Andy Samberg in his big ass nerd glasses are what squeals are made of.

I started wearing reading glasses a while back. I had perfect vision all of my life, and like 6 months after I turn 17 I realize I can't focus on word stuff anymore and had my eyes checked.

The optometrist said it was quite 'normal' for 'college age' students to need reading glasses when they increased their work load, and never need them again after the graduate since they don't stress their eyes as much.

The real reason was that I had only ever owned a pay as you go phone before that so it wasn't even worth it to attempt to use the shoddy internet connection. And before my eyes started going all wonky I got my first ever smart phone and discovered that all of the Sherlock Holmes books (and short stories) were in the public domain and could be accessed online. Through my smart phone.

And after I finished SH I just started doing all my usual interneting on my phone. And even though I have to use reading glasses I haven't stopped.

I legit have a problem.