LOL Bad wit personal deadlines. Moving on!
So, we've reached a chapter full of character development, and fun times and no fighting. Well, every story needs a few of these for storytelling, right? Right. Besides, the SDM and its inhabitants are always a fan-favorite! More adorableness with Flandre, bonding with a partially sadistic librarian, and Remilia not being accountable for anything is to be had!
Disclaimer: "Yes, I am ZUN. ZOMG I've been found out," he lied.
Chapter 21: Of Pleasant Evenings and Vampire Tomfoolery
Tmp!
Okuu lowers to the grass, letting me down onto the soft blades and opting to observe this place, which is foreign to her. Cirno has managed to stop having freakout sessions, instead begging me -oh, I'm sorry- threatening me if I let her get run through by one of Sakuya's knives. Honestly though, if it's going to happen then it's going to happen. That, and I can have something to laugh at during what is going to undoubtedly be an awkward reunion.
"Ooh, this place looks fancy~!" Okuu cheers, flying in loops overhead. "That's such a pretty shade of red!"
"Don't get used to it." Cirno huffed, doing her best to fold her arms. "I'm the strongest, and even I can't stand being here. You'll be running away before the night is through."
"Oh, come on, Cirno!" Okuu teases, pinching the fairy's cheek resulting in more furious thrashing. "It can't be that bad when it's soooo pretty!"
Hmph. Now that I'm at the door… I'm not too sure I want to go in. I'm positive Remilia's going to be close on the other side. Yukari said she can feel guilt, but… Will she address me as an enemy or a nuisance to cover for her own scheme's failure? Maybe she knows I'm here and just won't open the door?
Well, hell. If that's the case, I'll blast an entrance in next to the door. Incident Resolution Specialist privileges, and all.
Yes, CS, they exist. They exist because I decree it to be so.
"…Huh. Weird." Come's Cirno's voice, now cooled off from Okuu's taunting. "That nice guard lady is nowhere around here!"
Huh? Oh. …Oh, I see! Playing at another sneak attack, are we? Well, I shall have none of it, my lofty squire! Still, "A" for effort.
"H-Hey!" Cirno yelped, noticing me unsheathing my sword. "Don't get in a fight while I'm like this, you dumbah…dumboh…d-dumb pass!"
"You mean 'dumbass', and yes you are." I mutter, holding my weapon one-handedly in a defensive position. Now, clear the ol' throat, and…! "HEY CHI-NAAAAAA…!"
…
…Eh? Where's the wrist-snapping karate kick?
Okuu took the opportunity to get higher up and scout the area.
"I think she's right." Okuu said, narrowing her eyes to look at further places. "I don't see anyone out here…"
What? You mean Meiling's not here? Aw, lame! And here I wanted a friendly tussle!
Creeeaaak!
What was that?
"Ooh!" Okuu grinned, pointing to one of the higher levels. "Someone's at the window!"
Up above, a figure I couldn't make out in this light was peering down at us, scratching the side of its head. Okuu smiled and waved eagerly, not really getting why I wouldn't be too gung-ho on coming back. Still, don't want to be rude, so I wave lightly as well.
"Uh… Ahem." I drone, coughing nervously. "Hey there?"
The figure leans further out the window before rearing back. -Are they shocked? Oh great, it is Remilia isn't it?- She, I'm assuming, then leans even further to grab at something.
Click!
A light…?
-! Hey, that's-
"Mr. Randa?" Koakuma calls down, eyes squinted. "Is that you down there?"
Koakuma! Boy, am I glad to see someone whose mere presence makes me an idiot!
"Hey Koa!" I yell, cupping my hands over my mouth. "Long time no see! Hey, where's Mei gotten too?"
Koakuma makes to answer, but then a pale hand emerges from the inside, pulling her back a bit. The face that pops out with those violet bangs, nightcap and the ever-present unamused face… Patchouli, too! Great, maybe I won't even have to see the vampire!
"Well, this is a shock. I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon, especially after Remi's little stunt. Not a bad surprise, mind you…" She pauses to turn away, coughing heavily with an audible "mukyuu!". "Ugh… Oh, and who are those two with you?"
Of course, Okuu just launches herself up to the window, scaring the living bejesus out of Patchy and Koa both.
"Hiiii~!" The raven calls in her ever-cheerful way.
"GYAH!" Comes the response, as I see the distant shapes of the library's staff fall over backwards in shock. "D-Don't do that!" They cry simultaneously, fists clenched.
"Oh. Sorry!" Okuu grins,waving it off. "My name's Utsuho, but my friends call me Okuu! And since Ryan is a friend and you're his friends, you can call me that too, I think!"
"Hey!" Chimes in an angry Cirno still slung over my shoulder. "Don't you dare ignore me! I'm not a rice sack, I'm the-"
"Potato sack." I finish. "No worries, Cirno. I'll make sure nobody gets the two mixed up."
Patchouli manages to recover, panting some as she catches her breath.
"Ah…hah… Well, now." She states, regaining her composure. "Quite the traveling companions you have, Ryan. A mad raven and an idiot fairy."
"They make for good conversation." I give for an excuse. "Anyway, can we come inside? We need to crash someplace, and since I know you guys…"
"Oh. -Mukyuu!- Guh…O-Of course." She turns away from the window. "Koakuma, see them in! This outside air isn't doing me much good…"
"Right away!" Koakuma responds, giving us a smile from the window. "Be there in a flash! …Oh, one more thing!"
Wink!
Gih! The wink…head cloudy. She did that on purpose…!
"Ah! H-Hey!" Cirno wiggles frantically. "Stop wobbling so much! You're gonna fall on me!"
"Calm down!" Utsuho calls from her place up above. "Ryan's really smart. There's no way he'd-"
WHUMP.
"Coming!" Koakuma calls, hurrying down the stairs, giggling to herself. "Hee-hee! I'm so glad Miss Patchouli taught me how to do that!"
From the farthest end of the hall, a large, half-oval crimson door creaks open, revealing the colorless face of the mansion's mistress peering out, who has no idea why her librarian's assistant is so excited.
Marisa, maybe…? Remilia ponders. No, no - too few explosions.
"Oh, Remi, old friend?" Comes the voice of Patchouli, elegantly gliding towards the door. "You might want to come out of there, we have a guest."
"A guest?" Remilia frowned. She didn't like having guests while her maid and assassin was away. "Is she a gohei-swinging terror, by any chance?"
"No, no." Patchouli responded with a crooked smirk. "I didn't see him holding anything of the sort."
Reimilia nodded some in understanding. Then she adopted a puzzled expression. Finally, the reality of her friend's word choice was abundantly clear, the vampire's jaw dropping hard.
"Oh, Tepes below." Remilia swore, covering her face with her hand. "Him-him? Are you sure it wasn't just that half-blood?"
"Ignoring the fact that this was a human with facial hair?" The librarian questioned, an eyebrow raised. "Sorry, Remi, but you know it wouldn't be right to stay holed up in there. Besides, Flandre's going to come out when she smells him, and she'll wonder why her big sister isn't there to greet her 'tasty new friend', as she put it?"
"Methinks the librarian doth protest to her employer too much." Remilia snapped in a low growl. "…Oh, but you're right. I suppose if I don't want to get any trouble from that blonde hag later…"
Remilia slowly hovered out of the thin crack in the door, heaving a deep sigh to express her vast level of "I-can't-believe-I'm-doing-this", and made for the stairs. Patchouli just watched her with a thin smile.
Oh, poor Remilia. She thought with a stifled chuckle. If only you could fool others as easily as you fool yourself…
"Koa, that was just low." I say for the third time, holding my face.
Okuu follows close behind, taking in the majestic décor of the mansion with wide eyes, occasionally letting off an "why don't we have one of these?" or a "this would look so great in…" among other comments. Looking to my left, I notice a couple of fairy maids flying out the door, then coming back in carrying a dazed and still-restrained Cirno by the legs and back. The poor idiot herself is drooling with swirling eyes.
"I know." Koakuma grins in response to my comment.
"Not just low-low," I emphasize, "but really low."
"I'd like to think it deserved for your little 'danmaku-tag', wouldn't you?"
What? Oh, right.
Setting the…back of her pants…on…fire.
"…Sorry."
"Good boy." She responds.
Clang-clang-clang!
"W-Wah!" Koakuma suddenly jumped a bit, her eyes swiveling towards the source of the sound.
What's with the banging? Is it coming from-
CLANG-CLANG-CLANG!
Ah, the basement door! Flandre must be down there!
"Goodness, Mistress Flandre!" Koakuma sighed, holding a hand over her chest. He turned to me. "It's not like her to get so agitated, honestly."
I raise an eyebrow, conveying all that needs to be.
"Right, you two have met… I'd forgotten." Straightening herself out, she approached the door. "I'm getting the key, now just hold on."
"Wait, hold on!"
Okuu swoops down next to me, standing partially between me and the basement door, causing Koakuma to stop what she was doing. Koa glances between Okuu and the key, perhaps wondering if she was attracted to the shiny object. Although it would be adorable and in my partner's character, I doubt that's the case. And now I'm imagining a wide-eyed Okuu as I jingle a set of keys in front of her.
…I swear, my imagination goes to so many weird places, sometimes.
"Flandre? Flandre Scarlet?" Okuu asked for clarification, to which me and Koa nodded dumbly. "Um…I don't know. Maybe she shouldn't come out…"
What the-? Okuu, not wanting to meet new people? Shock, amazement!
"It's just that… Miss Yukari sent my master a message. Y'know, to say why you were gone that one time." She explained, twiddling her thumbs. "Flandre's the one who hurt you real bad in a fight, right? I-I'm not really okay with this…"
Ah, that Yukari, skimping on the details yet again!
"Let her out, Koakuma." I call to the librarian with a nod. "It's all good." I turn to Okuu, who is still eyeing the door as if she expects something to jump us the moment it opens. "Don't worry, we ended things on a pretty good note. I don't think she'll give us any trouble."
Meh, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. It's not like Flandre's going to jump at me because she thinks I'm okay with her drinking my blood, right? I mean she's only an insane vampire shut-in. What's the worst…that could…
Oh! Y'know, I've never taken the time to admire the stitching in the back of Okuu's cape! I think I'll conveniently do that riiiiiiight now.
Creeeaaak…
"There!" Koa announces with a smile. "You see, miss Flandre? All it takes is a bit of understanding and-"
FWACK.
Ooh, that sounded nasty!
"…patience." Koakuma finishes in a long groan as the small blonde jumps up onto her faces and literally runs over her to get over to where we are, holding her arms out in an "I'm an airplane!" fashion with a wide smile on her face.
"Yay, Randa-kun came baaaack~!" She sings happily, stopping two feet away and jumping up and down. "I was really worried you weren't going to, 'cuz that hole-lady didn't act like it, and you were all bloody, and nee-sama had something to do with it and-and-and…!" She stops, holding a hand over her mouth and gasping when she sees Utsuho. "Ooh, who is this~? Did she come here with you, Randa-kun? What's with those pretty clothes? Why's one of your arms a long stick?"
Okuu sits there with a blank stare, mouth slightly agape. She slowly turns her head towards me and points a hesitant finger at Flandre.
"…This cute little girl?" She asks in a flat tone of voice. "This is Flandre?"
"Don't let her looks fool you. She can make literally make things explode by looking at them funny." I warn quietly, before stepping forward and leaning down t pat Flandre on the head. "Hey, kiddo, how have you been?"
Chomp!
Gh-!
"Imf mmf mff!" Flandre says in a muffled voice, her mouth currently clamped onto my hand and draining blood from the space behind my knuckles. Well, I walked right into that one, considering the last time I showed her my hand.
"I think she said 'I've been fine'." Utsuho explains with a wise finger raised.
"I gathered that." I respond in a weak whimper. Flandre make a sound of contentment before releasing my hand, now considerably pale with two holes in the back.
"Aah! Coming back and letting me drink again right away! You're so thoughtful, Randa-kun!" Flandre beams. She then stops herself, looking towards the stairs. "Oh, oh, I know! I'll get nee-sama! we'll all have a nice dinner again!"
"Er, actually," I quickly butt in, "could I maybe just see Patchouli instead? After all, I'm sure your big sis is really busy, and-"
"Not at all, really."
…Crap baskets. It's great how the exact thing I don't want to happen, happens.
"Like I told you before, we don't get many guests around here." Remilia says, looking down on us from the railing above. "Besides, with Sakuya and Meiling out, it's been awfully dull around here today, and I'm sure you and…your friend there…have had a long day?"
Alright, Ryan, man up! You can't back down just because she owns the place! Actually, that's the perfect reason to back down. J-Just don't think about it!
"That sounds good." I says, looking her in the eye and folding my arms defiantly. "Besides, it's been a while. I'd like the chance to talk, wouldn't you?"
Remilia clearly gets my meaning from how one fang peeks out, biting onto her lower lip, and her eyes narrow slightly.
"…But of course." She says smoothly. "I'll have the maids get everything prepared."
"Yay! Thanks, Remi!" Flandre calls to her big sister before grabbing mine and Okuu's hand. "C'mon! I'll take you guys to the dining hall!"
"But," I say weakly, "I already know where it is…"
"Goddammit, Yukari!" Remilia hisses, leaning against the fall and slapping and angry fist against it. "Miserable hag! She told him everything!"
"You should have expected that. Yukari doesn't keep secrets involving other youkai from her subordinates." Patchouli explains, leaning on the opposite wall.
"You don't get it, Patchy. It's not Yukari that worries me, it's someone who could beat Flandre that worries me!" Remilia glowered, pacing back and forth. "What if he's come back to cause damage to the mansion in some act of retribution? I mean, he brought the Hell Raven for crying out loud! What other intent could there be?"
Remilia stops when Patchouli's hand lands on her shoulder.
"First off, calm down. I'm not going to be your confidant anymore if you let everything out on me. You usually never get like this. Second," Patchouli continues, raising a finger, "I'm the one who told him about the similarities between his and Utsuho's powers. It's likely he looked into the matter and they hit it off. Thirdly, and this is the big one, he's still intimidated by you. He said outside that they needed someplace to stay the night, but he's refusing to act submissive because of what you pulled."
"…Ah…" Remilia droned, slowly smirking. "So, in the thick of things, I have the upper hand here…"
"No." Patchouli quickly interrupted, looking the vampire in the eyes. "Remilia, if you manipulate their need for shelter, you'll just feel more guil-"
A glare from Remilia cut off the magician in her tracks.
"…Ah, fine. You'll feel more like you took cowardly steps to assert your self-proclaimed position, does that phrasing work better for you?" Patchouli corrected herself. "Either way, for Flandre's sake and to keep Okuu from reacting violently, just consent to this dinner and whatever conversation you need to have with him, have it afterwards. Alright, is that acceptable?"
"Hmph. Not really, but for the sake of avoiding unnecessary chaos…" Remilia trailed off, glaring to the side. "Fine. But if he tries to make any demands, he and Reiuji both can go sleep where China usually does."
"Fair enough." Patchouli smiled. "Like I said, he's still intimidated."
"Pull!"
On Flandre's command, the shaking fairy maid chucked the plate as far and hard as she could before diving for cover. Flandre grinned, squeezing her fist in the direction of the flying plate.
"Kyuu!"
Kaboom!
Me and Koakuma clapped at Flandre's showmanship, her fifth plate destroyed. Okuu just yawned and readied her control rod.
"Pull!" Koakuma yelled this time, another maid tossing a plate before diving away.
"Hyaah!" Okuu shouted, shooting a thin orange beam. The point of the beam hit the plate, engulfed it in an orange outline, then disintegrated it.
"Wooooooow…!" Flandre gasped with wide eyes. "You can kyuu things and make them disappear! That's so great!"
"Hee, you really think so?" Okuu smiled. "Thanks!"
Me and Koakuma hung in the back on the opposite end of the table, subtly exchanging a high-five. Through danmaku, of course. I hadn't forgotten the five-foot rule.
"Wow, Mr. Randa, you were right!" The assistant whispered. "Give them some targets to blast, and you can't tell the difference!"
"What'd I tell you?" I retorted in a hushed tone. "Now pay up, seven hundred yen."
"Oh, well… I didn't think I'd lose…" Kokauma responded with an embarrassed blush. "I-I'll ask Miss Patchouli for a loan later."
"You'd better."
The door to the dining hall suddenly opened, revealing Remilia in a light pink gown, followed closely by Patchouli in her usual attire.
"Well, I see you are bonding." Remilia said with a yawn, luckily not noticing the remains of plates that the maids quietly gather from the corners of the room before leaving. "In any case, I, for one, could use some nourishment."
With a snap of her fingers, the fairies all stop what they're doing and rush into the kitchen, noises of hurried preparation able to be heard.
…Oh, that's right! "Fairies"!
"Hey, Koakuma," I call over to the succubus, who responds with a head tilt, "you had the maids take Cirno, right? Do you know how she's coming along?"
"She's fine. Not very hurt at all, really." Koa shrugs. "Aside from some bruising, she's just bellyaching over her loss."
Meh, I should have figured. Okuu shares my sentiment by sighing heavily.
"Well, it was still rather considerate of you, bringing someone who went out of their way to bother you here to recover." Patchouli addressed us. "Ryan, good to see you again. Utsuho Reiuji, a pleasure."
"Oh, hello, Miss Patchouli!" Okuu said with a wave. "Ryan told me you helped him make a Spell Card. You sound like a really nice lady!"
"Oh? Well, it's good to know that what you say behind my back is positive." Patchouli smiled with a raised brow, causing me to rub the back of my neck sheepishly. "Though we will need to have a talk about that…perhaps with another electric game of catch?"
"Maybe you could settle for ripping another Spell Card out of me?" I say with hands held up defensively. "I've got another one prepped for extraction."
"Oh, really?" Koakuma asked. "Well, that's always good! Where'd this one come from?"
There was a coughing noise from the far end of the table. Ignoring it, I went on to elaborate.
"Alright, alright. Get this." I grin and raise my hand, before motioning them towards Flandre twice, who was kicking her feet around and humming happily to herself. Everybody was dumbfounded.
"…A Spell Card from Flandre. As in our Flandre?" Patchouli asked for clarification. "Should we move the extraction process to the basement so the whole house doesn't come down?"
"Ooh, that's a good plan!" Flandre cheered. "I can show Ryan and Okuu my new dolls that nee-sama had Sakuya get for me!"
Another cough could be heard, followed by a muttering sound.
"Nah, it's cool. It's just a ripoff of "Four of a Kind"." I say. "Still though, Flan, maybe Okuu would-"
"AHEM."
The person who had been coughing, now revealed to be Remilia, abruptly stands from her chair, her left eye twitching slightly.
"I must say that the maids are taking a very long time." She wrung her hands some, then whirled around towards the kitchen door. "I'm just going to go make sure they speed things up a little, okay? Okay."
Whack!
We all sit in silence for a few seconds following Remilia's leave through the hallway door, rather than the kitchen door.
"…Well, now." Koa says finally. "That was…um."
"Somebody ought to go talk to her." Patchouli added. "Preferably the one with the most obvious difference from the rest of us."
All eyes fell in me. What, do I have something on my face? …Wait.
"Is it because I'm male or because I'm human?"
"Yes." Was Patchouli's answer.
Groaning with a face palm to accompany it, I halfheartedly raise from my chair and sluggishly make for the hallway door.
"What, am I being deliberately ignored? Trying to get friendly with my sister and best friend so they take his side?" Remilia growls to herself. "I ought to have him and the bird leave this minute, this isn't going to work!"
"Hi."
"Kyah!" Remilia shouts, jumping at my sudden presence. "H-How long were you standing there?"
Eyebrow-raising seems to be the theme of the night, one I have no qualms with continuing.
"…Hmph. Fine, let's not beat around the bush." Remilia resigns herself, folding her arms over her chest. "Yukari told you the real reason my sister ended up attacking you. What, are you expecting a heartfelt apology? A request for forgiveness?"
"Nope. I know better than to get my hopes up." I respond, putting my hands in my pocket. "I'd just like for you to come out and say it yourself. What you did, I mean."
Remilia taps her foot impatiently.
"…Oh. And, um," I hesitate here, trying to hide my embarrassment, "to crash here for the night. Y'know, um. If it's…not too much trouble."
"…I see what your game is." Remilia smirks diabolically. "You think I won't be able to outright confess what I had done because my guilt, or shame, or whatever you humans call it will hold my tongue. Am I right so far?"
Damn. Guess I'm not that clever, but then she has lived for five hundred years. Maybe I should just-
"Hold it. I've yet to humor your little plea." Remilia snaps, keeping me from going anywhere. "Here it is: I used you, Randa. When you told me that you were in Yukari's favor, I planned to sacrifice you to get back at the Border Youkai for heavily limiting my feeding possibilities, and to get out of taking my sister to where I might acquire blood. Well, is that satisfactory?"
At first, I thought that perhaps my idea had been a lost cause. However, when I turn around, the frustrated pout on Remilia's face tells me that perhaps this was a good idea after all. It was a bad idea, however, to adopt a triumphant air when she's still looking right at me.
"Don't you dare get smug. The only reason I can view my actions as regrettable now is because of how you responded towards my sister." Remilia huffed. "If you had showed her any grudge, rest assured, I would have had you thrown out of here in an instant."
Heh. It doesn't look like she's lying. …I guess that means now I have to take back my prior thoughts. Damn, I was really hoping I'd get the upper hand. Oh well, can't win 'em all!
"Well, in that case, I'm sorry." I say. The corner of Remilia's mouth turns up slightly.
"Oh, how surprising!" She says with a light cackle. "Have you understood the folly of trying to undermine a vampire's great intellect?"
"Actually, no." I say, nearly causing her to facefall. "Truth is, I was pretty livid when I saw just how many years Flandre had been left without blood while you indulged yourself. I thought you must be one terrible older sibling. But, seeing as how I would have treated her was your deciding factor, I guess I was wrong in some part."
We stand there for some time before Remilia turns away from me.
"…You know, I never would have known that she's been practicing her technique." Remilia says quietly. "If you hadn't allowed her to drink of your blood, I wouldn't have known how much she has matured on her own. It's not by much, but the proof is there regardless."
I see. Best to be gracious from here on out, because that was a "thank you".
"I appreciate it." I allow myself a smile. "…Soooooo, how about that food, huh?"
"We just made amends and you're demanding food." Remilia deapans, looking over her shoulder.
"Ah, that's not-" I stammer, "no, really, I was-"
"Good! It seems Patchy was right!" Remilia grins, pulling a heel face-turn and making for the kitchen door. "Come on, stop acting so cowardly and let's get back to the table!"
…I think I just got punked. Oh well, at least there's still-
"Ah~! That was refreshing!" Comes Okuu's voice.
Me and Remilia stand there with our mouths hanging open. Seems like we got back just in time to see the others finish dinner.
"Hi Miss Remilia!" Okuu giggles. "Thanks so much for the dinner!"
"M-My lady!" Koakuma yelps, jumping up in her chair and nearly knocking herself over. "This isn't what it looks like, we were going to wait for you! Honest!"
"Hey, Remi. Hey, Ryan." Patchouli yawns. "Sorry, but we had been waiting for quite some time. I'm sure it's not that big of a deal, right?"
Me and Remilia exchange an extremely dissatisfied glance. We then turn back to the table.
"Flandre, dear," Remilia croons sweetly, "could you please go into the other room, maybe show Miss Utsuho your toys?"
"Yeah, Okuu! And you can tell Flan all about the reactor." I say through a forced grin. "Please, take your time."
Flandre giggles eagerly, latching onto Okuu's arm and dragging her from the table. The two destructive youkai leave the room, leaving Patchouli and Koakuma with me and Remilia. The vampire raises a hand to the air while I reach into my pocket.
"N-Now hold on!" Koakuma cries. "It was just a dinner, right?"
"Remi, Ryan, let's just…be reasonable." Patchouli starts, hands raised defensively. "I know I had a hand in your absence, but-"
"Critical "Heart Break" !"
"Plasma Sign "Energy Volley" !"
"Lady Patchouli, pass the ice bag, please…"
"Not now, Koakuma. I'm busy finishing up here."
I laid pinned up to a large board adorned with magical seals on it in the library, awaiting my Spell Card extraction. Koakuma was nursing a black eye while Patchouli held a purple, swollen cheek. Suffice to say me and Remilia got the point across pret-ty good.
"You know," Patchouli began, stopping to hold the throbbing skin of her face, "I really shouldn't even be doing this after what you pulled."
"You chose to permit the meal to go on without us." Remilia sang with an air of superiority. "If you don't want a repeat performance, I'd advise you to be gracious and help the boy with his card-forming, hm?"
On one hand, they pretty much deserved that. On the other hand, I can't imagine Patchouli explaining this to Sakuya and Mei by saying she fell down some stairs.
"If it's any consolation, that shade goes great with your wardrobe!" I call over the humming of magical energies forming in Patchouli's hands.
"Stop that talk or we'll go back to extracting it the painful way-" She stopped, talking a moment to mull over something. "…Does it, really?"
Remilia cupped her mouth with both hands. I really hope she doesn't lose her cool while I'm pinned against a plank, the kind of place where one would be subject to arcane tortures. No sir, so I'll just roll with this before Patchy gets any funny ideas.
"Uh, yeah! Positive." I continue, giving a thumbs-up. "A bit of blush of that color would go great with your complexion!"
Remilia falls out of her chair at this point, her wings flapping and some choked sounds escaping her hands while Koakuma looks on, severely unamused.
"…Huh. I'll have to keep that in mind." She says, taking up a mirror to examine the hue and jotting down a few notes. To be fair, what I said was only half a lie. Given her whole "violet" thing, a bit of color in her face would go a long way. Plus, I wouldn't have to classify her as "Magical Pajama Zombie" anymore. "At any rate, hold still."
Fzzzzzzzt!
"Wh-Wooooaaah…" I drone, my senses temporarily knocked out by a surge of energy linking her hands to my chest. This feels so trippy…like being underwater, but not, if that makes any sense. …I'm sure it doesn't, but that's what I have CS for. "How'd you say you altered this again?"
"It was a simple process of altering the wave's density into thinner particles that could pass into your body with greater ease. The numbness was the result of me adding a compound that would create a slight euphoric effect." Patchouli explained, beginning to "pull" on the beam. "I'm not sure when I'll ever use this besides in this situation, but it sates my curiosity to know it's working."
"Heh…y-yeah…" I add with a dopey smile. "That euphoric compound…what'd you say it was?"
"No." Patchouli immediately frowned. "I'm not going to be responsible for an enhanced human's addiction."
Well, damn. I mean, I was never a hophead, mind you, but… Curiosity! That's all it is.
"Oh come on, Patchy." Remilia smiled. "With how Yakumo is so party-prone, a little distribution here and there might be welcomed!"
Patchouli just rolled her eyes at Remilia's sudden interest before yanking her hands backwards. A bright light began to shine from the mark in my chest, creating a bullseye on the wall. The light in the cross part's center began to reshape itself, forming a rectangular edge. In my painkiller-induced carelessness, I reach up and grab at it. It's solid and flat. Throwing caution to the wind, I gently tug on it, feeling something begin to slip out of my upper body. I pull on it more firmly and roughly, until…
Fwip!
Huh. Just like that, like pulling a card from a deck, I'm holding a rectangle of white light in my hand. The light dims and begins to take color, gradually creating the final product. Soon enough, I'm holding a card showing an image of two masculine silhouettes, one holding a gun while the other holds a sword. The text reads "Taboo Incarnate "Mirrored Catastrophe" ".
"Well?" Patchouli calls, snapping me from my slight trance.
"Uh, yeah! This is the one!" I hold up the card to show her.
"Wonderful." Patchouli descends from the air, making for her desk. "Koakuma, drop him."
The assistant motions her hand towards the board, which glows with a green light. …Hang on, is she going to-?
WHUMP.
"Agh!" I yelp as gravity suddenly takes notice, and propels me to the floor. "Ouch. I thought you said this version was painless?"
"Cheer up!" Koakuma shouts over to me. "If nothing else, that shade of red on your face goes great with your complexion!"
The door to the library swings open, revealing Flandre running in in her airplane-fashion with a doll in one hand, followed closely by a starry-eyed Utsuho.
"Hiiiii, nee-sama!" Flan shouts, taking a flying leap and glomping her sibling.
"Ah~, Ryan you've got to see some of the stuff they have here!" Okuu squeals, screeching to a halt next to my crumpled form. "They've got a clock tower, and a huuuuuge backyard, and comfy beds, and-and-" She stammered, waving her arms. "So many bathrooms! When we get back, you have to help me convince Master Satori to get some of these things!"
"Totally. I'll put that on the to-do list." I groan with a weak thumbs up. "I'm sure we can get you all the bathrooms you'd like."
"Yaaaaay~!" The raven cries, scooping me up from the floor and hopping up and down with her arms around my shoulders. "Thanks, partner!"
With how adorable Okuu is sometimes, all she would have to do is look at Satori like she was going to cry. Hell, I bet that three-eyed mother bear would go to war with the surface to get her a new toy. Speaking of acting violently over small things…
"Hey!" I call over the commotion. "Where's Cirno at right now, anyways?"
"Eye keep telling you!" Cirno screamed, freezing another maid, "I don't work here! I'm the strongest!"
The generic, nameless fairies that continued chasing her down the halls exchanged a look of disbelief. This other fairy was such an idiot. Why couldn't she understand that fairies naturally worked for small vampires and that individuality was an old wives tale that older fairies told young ones to help them sleep at night? Honestly, the nerve of some people.
Cirno whirled around, gathering ice over her head to form a massive ball.
"Get away from me!" She yelled, heaving the gigantic frozen obstacle over her head, crushing the two fairies who had been tailing her. "Ah…ha…"
She clenched her fists tightly in front of her chest before pointing towards the ceiling.
"Curse you, Randa! This was your plan all along! You were so afraid of me you had to team up with that monster bird and imprison me here! Well, It won't work!" She placed her fists on her hips and thrust her chest outwards. "Nothing can stop me, the great traveling warrior Cirno! I will punish all those who would stand in my way, including you! Foolish archrival, you don't know who you're messing with! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-"
"Excuse me?"
Cirno practically choked on her own laughter when she realized that a troupe of fairy maids were watching her, and had been for a few minutes.
"Uh, yes, hello." The maid who had spoken repeated. "Exactly…who…did you think you were talking to?"
The maids and Cirno stared each other down for some time.
"…Kyyyyyaaaaaah~!" Cirno cried, bashing the maid who had spoken over the head with a block of ice. "How dare you sneak up on me, spiiieees!"
"Enough of this." One of the others growled, picking her friend up off the floor. "Restrain that nut job. And for crying out loud, get her back in uniform, she's going to get us all in trouble!"
"H-Hey! Get away from me! Let go!" Cirno fought against the fairies who, three to a limb, began to drag her back in the direction from which she came. "You fiends can't hold me! Hey, are you listening? Do you know who I am? EYE'M THE STRONGEST…!"
The maid holding her friend just scoffed at Cirno's outrage.
"New recruits, I swear." She hefted her friend over her shoulder. "Let's get you patched up."
"Ah-HA! So, it would seem that I was right after all!" Came the voice from a figure hidden in the bushes outside the mansion's main gate. "The Commander's intel was excellent! Even more clever of her to hide it in the vault, forcing me to break in and prove my readiness for this mission! They must have the utmost faith in my power!"
The figure rolled out of the bushes…clear into the bushes on the opposite side of the entry. In short, he went absolutely nowhere.
"The raven and her human minion have come here…they must intend to collaborate with the vampire of this mansion!" The figure lurking the in the bushes clenched his fists, bunching up his gloves. "The cowardly fools! They've led me straight to their meeting place, and that shall be their undoing!"
The person finally jumped from the bushed, floating in the air and striking a cheesy heroic pose.
"The time has come! Reiuji shall rue the day she thought she could get the best of Chino, lieutenant first-class of-"
Twang!
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"Chino cried, soaring through the air and into the lake. The swarm of bees that had stung him in the seat of his pants retuned to Wriggle Nightbug, who was glaring out of a hole in the ground on the lake's edge with bags under her eyes.
"I just got walloped by Hakurei this afternoon, I do not need this kind of nuisance!" She bellowed, spitting at the dirt. "Now shut up already! It's the middle of the night, and we all can freaking hear you!"
Chino bobbed up to the lake's surface, muttering angrily and glaring at the insect youkai.
"Foolish youkai!" He spat, shaking his fist. "Enjoy your tomfoolery while it lasts! Soon, you shall all bow before-"
"I said," Wriggle began, heaving a rock over her head, "Shut up!"
The large stone crashed into the water dangerously close to Chino's head with a sizable splash, prompting the sparrow to get the hell out of dodge.
"EEP! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He cried, covering her head with one hand as he made his way back towards the mansion.
D'AWWWW, isn't that precious, how a psychotic vampire child and a schizophrenic god-bird can get along when blowing things up? So wonderful.
Remilia can be nice, I swear she can! She just needs to be in a good mood and have complete advantage over the situation beforehand. After that she's a peach. Especially when hurting and/or making fun of people.
Chino's back, and apparently he stole the Commander's intel thinking himself entitled to it. That kid's just going to end up getting hurt so many times…and I'm going to enjoy conducting it. Surprise-surprise, Cirno's not the punching bag of the story! She's just the comic relief who can't catch a break.
Next chapter, we shall have- oh, enough of this. Let's not even pretend it's going to be a fair fight, it's just going to be Chino trying to survive this dumb, dumb decision on his part.
This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!